Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa

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All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games >> Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa

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Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 11:33:23 AM

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This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another
Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!

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I see polyamory as being more about relationships and intimacy, while others might see it just about sex, and sex without intimacy is just not where I'm at right now.

RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 11:34:43 AM

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LOL

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 11:40:28 AM

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Attention Passengers: It has been brought to my attention that my Co-Pilot and Best Friend has been having sex with my wife and may be the father of my 3 year old son. Until they both appoliogize I have decided to disconnect the auto Pilot and you should all know that Jeremy only passed flight school by copying off of me. May the both realize the errors of their ways before you realize the error of getting on this flight.

**In the Back Ground** Jonathan you are being rediculous and I am not going to appologize for something that was so natural between two consenting adults, she just isn't in love with you anymore man and hasn't been for some time.

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 11:47:58 AM

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Attention Passengers: Would anyone happen to have some duct tape with them. We need to seal up some cracks in the cockpit windshield.

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 11:50:34 AM

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Voice #1: CLICK ... This the British Secret Service. We're about to be in for a rough ride - please hold on.
Voice #2: James did you have to do that ...
Voice #1: Didn't your mother tell you to tell the ... CLICK

Plane suddenly veers in a unexpected direction ...

< Message edited by MstrPBK -- 8/22/2009 11:54:49 AM >

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 11:52:06 AM

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"Attention passengers, the only toilet on this craft is no longer operational and the flight crew cannot find the plunger. Are there any plumbers on board?"

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So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 12:09:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

Attention Passengers: Would anyone happen to have some duct tape with them. We need to seal up some cracks in the cockpit windshield.

LOL. That must be the same captain that hit the deer on the runway last week here in Alabama

_____________________________

I see polyamory as being more about relationships and intimacy, while others might see it just about sex, and sex without intimacy is just not where I'm at right now.

(in reply to ElectraGlide)

RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 12:12:09 PM

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Can you fly this plane, and land it?
Surely you can't be serious.
I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

The Force is strong with this one.

Stand up! Hook up! Get in the door!

For the love of God, man! Those are innocent civilians down there!

Mr. Crusher, set course for Deep Space Nine. Warp 5. Oh, and did your mother ask about me?

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Do you have any idea how many bones you have left for me to break? - Batman

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 12:25:40 PM

MissBeautiful2U

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Do you think we have enough gas to get there?

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 12:35:05 PM

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whats that red light on the dash mean?

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 2:47:30 PM

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Captain to co-pilot: What? You mean this plane isn't designed to do barrel rolls?
Co-pilot: Seriously. You only hold a pilot's license in aerobatics, right?
Captain to co-pilot: What's the difference?

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 9:22:12 PM

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"Does anyone know where we are and why several fighter jets are surrounding us?"

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I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
-- Dr. Seuss

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/22/2009 10:38:06 PM

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Attention Passengers: I think it only fair to inform you that I am a Really an Actor Researching a part for a Movie and I have no idea how to fly this plane we got off the ground with shear luck because the plane was already running and I just did what I have seen done on Every Airplane movie I researched before agreeing to the part. In an attempt to get deeper into character I came to the Airport in full costume and was just put in this plane, I figured I could get away with it and just let the co-pilot do all the work but I looked over and just realized the person to my right is none other than Leslie Nielson who is doing the same thing I am and he figured the same thing. We will most likely all die but imagine the Head lines on the papers folks. We'll all die Famous.

Steel

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 6:17:18 AM

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I would pay triple my ticket price if I ever hard this one (while boarding):

"This is a 3 hour flight. So far during boarding, you have spent 45 minutes of that standing in the aisles looking for books, food, a sweater, talking on your cell phone, laughing about your trip with the person 4 behind you in the aisle. Amazingly, when we land, those of you who have spent 20 minutes doing what any trained ape could do in 9 seconds will be the very first ones out of your seats, even before I hit the parking brake.

It constantly amazes me how you suddenly decide just inches from getting into your seat, after having been at the gate for almost 2 hours having had inordinate time to prepare for this flight, that you suddenly need something from the very furthest reaches within your luggage, and after having put your luggage away (finally), it suddenly occurs to you you may need another....all while the remaining 67% of the passengers are behind you, in the aisle, while you tell the person whom you're speaking with on your cell phone...."just a second....hold on....I need to set you down for a second ("Here" ... you say to a passenger you've never met before... "can you hold this for a second?")'

As to finding your seat...here's how it works on most airplanes in the world: As you walk in, on your right is 'A', then moving left is B, then in the aisle is C. D would be the next one on your left, then E, then F for your left window seat. Exceptions to this would be first class and commuter planes. First class...eliminate the 2 middle seats (B and E) and you have AC and DF....commuter planes have A, then an aisle, then DF.

Now GET IN YOUR FUCKING SEAT!!!!!!"

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 8/23/2009 6:18:48 AM >

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 7:31:44 AM

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Frank, PLEASE tell me you didn't have the pork on that last leg too! OMG the cramps are terrible!!!

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 9:27:49 AM

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"I can see my house from here. Hey, is that Franks car in my driveway? That some of a bitch is screwing my wife, well EAT HOT FLAMING 747 DEATH FRANK!!!!!"

_____________________________

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
-- Dr. Seuss

(in reply to Saratov)

RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 9:35:39 AM

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Sucks that I have to work when drunk. Goddamn airline is too cheap to hire more pilots.

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 9:41:43 AM

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Well, that fuckin' tears it, I just got my pink slip over the radio, and just last month I lost my postal job...........

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 9:58:44 AM

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The landing gear is not coming down, we're almost out of gas, so we're going to land anyway.

I actually had this happen to me on a flight into Seattle a few years back.

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Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 11:26:00 AM

SomethingCatchy

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I was on a flight that tried landing on a runway that was under construction once. After the plane suddenly went into full throttle a banked up and hard right the pilot came on, chuckled a bit and said

"Oops, how about we try that one again?"

At least it was smooth once he found the right runway...

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