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RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 11:12:24 AM

Posts: 3939
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

-fr-

No I would not date a man who was bisexual. I don't think bisexuality would make him less dominant (unless he was the 'receiving' partner with his male partners) but I don't find male-male sex appealing and I would be turned off if I knew he was into that. I don't think that's prejudiced or homophobic, I'd never date a guy who was really into having a "puppy slave" either.

As to why, there are several reasons I can think of, I'm sure there are more reasons that are subconscious:

- I would feel threatened/less special as a woman if he were also attracted to men.
- I would wonder if he would be able to go the rest of his life without any sexual contact/flirting with men, as I am the type of person who is interested solely in monogamous relationships with the potential for marriage.
- Watching my guy flirt with women is kind of hot, but I would be utterly turned off if I saw him flirt with a man, and it would be unfair of me to ask him to repress this part of his personality.
- My partner's sexual past does matter to me. Past sexual experiences with men (aside from the whole boarding-school-experimentation that happens but nobody admits to it) would be a deal-breaker. Again, not homophobic, because sleeping with 100 women would also be a deal breaker. And honestly, if there was some random casual prepubescent experimentation, I would not want to know. I don't think it's appropriate to tell your girlfriend that you fooled around with a guy once a long time ago if she thinks its squicky..."honesty" has a limit, and I wouldn't want to hear about the time you got diarrhea on the train either. Bottom line: if it's something I would find distasteful, and it isn't terribly important, why tell me?

The prejudice and hypocrisy drips from your post. You thinking you are neither has nothing to do with this. Once again: one can not dictate others who to consider hypocrite.

1. I fully admit I'm prejudiced in who I will have a relationship with. I am prejudiced based on gender, sexual orientation, age, and a whole buncha other things that would be illegal if I were looking for a job applicant or tenant rather than a life partner. However I'm not homophobic, any more than the fact that I wouldn't date a 70 year old means I hate the elderly, or that I wouldn't commit to a woman means that I hate women.

2. Hypocrisy is defined as saying one thing but doing another. How am I a hypocrite?

(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 11:19:44 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Not at all. I would be a fool to think that my fiance will never flirt with another woman for the rest of his life. In fact we like to joke about the woman at the coffee shop who has the hots for him, I know he flirts back with her. I flirt with guys. I do draw a distinction between flirting and cheating, and I don't think that a bi male would be any more likely to cheat than a straight one. Hell, I don't think a bi male would be more likely to flirt than a straight one, the only difference is that my fiance flirting with women turns me on, whereas my fiance flirting with a man would turn me off.

Like I said, I get personal preference - we all have them be it het, bi, monogamous, poly blah. But initially, the sentance you wrote and just the general vibe I get in general doesn't indicate preference, which is why I pulled it out. Obviously, that's not the case and you have cleared that up for me. But it does seem that there is a idea that - beyond personal preference - that bisexuality has the assumption of issues attatched.

the.dark.

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RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 11:23:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Not at all. I would be a fool to think that my fiance will never flirt with another woman for the rest of his life. In fact we like to joke about the woman at the coffee shop who has the hots for him, I know he flirts back with her. I flirt with guys. I do draw a distinction between flirting and cheating, and I don't think that a bi male would be any more likely to cheat than a straight one. Hell, I don't think a bi male would be more likely to flirt than a straight one, the only difference is that my fiance flirting with women turns me on, whereas my fiance flirting with a man would turn me off.

Like I said, I get personal preference - we all have them be it het, bi, monogamous, poly blah. But initially, the sentance you wrote and just the general vibe I get in general doesn't indicate preference, which is why I pulled it out. Obviously, that's not the case and you have cleared that up for me. But it does seem that there is a idea that - beyond personal preference - that bisexuality has the assumption of issues attatched.

the.dark.

That's true. And the more I think about it the more I realize I do have a prejudice in thinking that bisexuals would prefer a partner of each gender. For me at least, that's because I see it the way I see myself - I'm attracted to men and I would be unhappy if I went the rest of my life without a male partner. So I imagine that if someone is attracted to men and women, they have sexual needs that each gender embodies, and that without having one of those needs met, they might be happy but there is still a lack.

I think that's because the common thought of bisexuals is "attracted to men and women" rather than "can be attracted to either men or women." The "and" rather than "either" makes it seem like both is needed.

Thanks for the check, the.dark, it gave me something to think about.

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 11:27:39 AM

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Joined: 9/5/2009
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Hmm... at first, my first reaction wanted to say "of course," because I'd like to think of myself as open and tolerant.

But actually, my gut is telling me, no, I can't take a bi-master. Sorry, I'm probably just the jealous, insecure type. I want to be to be the delicate one and the cherished one. And while I would be able to mostly feel comfortable comparing myself with other girls, girls and guys are fundamentally different. I truly believe that a Dominant would have a different power dynamic with a male sub and a female sub, and unless I can give him something that a male sub cannot, I would always feel insecure in the relationship. And what if he honest prefers the dynamics with a male sub over the dynamics with a female sub? I'd probably break if off right away.

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 11:29:41 AM

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Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: krosiema

Hmm... at first, my first reaction wanted to say "of course," because I'd like to think of myself as open and tolerant.

But actually, my gut is telling me, no, I can't take a bi-master. Sorry, I'm probably just the jealous, insecure type. I want to be to be the delicate one and the cherished one. And while I would be able to mostly feel comfortable comparing myself with other girls, girls and guys are fundamentally different. I truly believe that a Dominant would have a different power dynamic with a male sub and a female sub, and unless I can give him something that a male sub cannot, I would always feel insecure in the relationship. And what if he honest prefers the dynamics with a male sub over the dynamics with a female sub? I'd probably break if off right away.

o.0

Whats wanting to be the delicate and cherished one have anything to do with dating a bi-sexual person?

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(in reply to krosiema)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 11:31:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: krosiema

Hmm... at first, my first reaction wanted to say "of course," because I'd like to think of myself as open and tolerant.

But actually, my gut is telling me, no, I can't take a bi-master. Sorry, I'm probably just the jealous, insecure type. I want to be to be the delicate one and the cherished one. And while I would be able to mostly feel comfortable comparing myself with other girls, girls and guys are fundamentally different. I truly believe that a Dominant would have a different power dynamic with a male sub and a female sub, and unless I can give him something that a male sub cannot, I would always feel insecure in the relationship. And what if he honest prefers the dynamics with a male sub over the dynamics with a female sub? I'd probably break if off right away.

I totally get this. I'm one of those "totally proud to be a girly girl woman" types and there'd always be this nagging insecurity in my mind if my guy were attracted to other guys - do I look like a guy? Is it because I'm so tall? I kind of have a low voice...is he with me because he thinks I'm *masculine*??

(in reply to krosiema)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 11:31:14 AM

BKSir

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Well, technically speaking, you'd be hard pressed not to. According to Kinsey's research, most people are, in fact, bisexual to one degree or another.

But, that aside, I would not. Mainly because I'm not a sub. However, were I a sub, I would most likely say yes. Why not? Different people like to put different things in different holes. Plain and simple. Variety, it is the spice of life.

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(in reply to krosiema)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 11:32:28 AM

Posts: 352
Joined: 5/3/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

-fr-

No I would not date a man who was bisexual. I don't think bisexuality would make him less dominant (unless he was the 'receiving' partner with his male partners) but I don't find male-male sex appealing and I would be turned off if I knew he was into that. I don't think that's prejudiced or homophobic, I'd never date a guy who was really into having a "puppy slave" either.

As to why, there are several reasons I can think of, I'm sure there are more reasons that are subconscious:

- I would feel threatened/less special as a woman if he were also attracted to men.
- I would wonder if he would be able to go the rest of his life without any sexual contact/flirting with men, as I am the type of person who is interested solely in monogamous relationships with the potential for marriage.
- Watching my guy flirt with women is kind of hot, but I would be utterly turned off if I saw him flirt with a man, and it would be unfair of me to ask him to repress this part of his personality.
- My partner's sexual past does matter to me. Past sexual experiences with men (aside from the whole boarding-school-experimentation that happens but nobody admits to it) would be a deal-breaker. Again, not homophobic, because sleeping with 100 women would also be a deal breaker. And honestly, if there was some random casual prepubescent experimentation, I would not want to know. I don't think it's appropriate to tell your girlfriend that you fooled around with a guy once a long time ago if she thinks its squicky..."honesty" has a limit, and I wouldn't want to hear about the time you got diarrhea on the train either. Bottom line: if it's something I would find distasteful, and it isn't terribly important, why tell me?

The prejudice and hypocrisy drips from your post. You thinking you are neither has nothing to do with this. Once again: one can not dictate others who to consider hypocrite.

1. I fully admit I'm prejudiced in who I will have a relationship with. I am prejudiced based on gender, sexual orientation, age, and a whole buncha other things that would be illegal if I were looking for a job applicant or tenant rather than a life partner. However I'm not homophobic, any more than the fact that I wouldn't date a 70 year old means I hate the elderly, or that I wouldn't commit to a woman means that I hate women.

2. Hypocrisy is defined as saying one thing but doing another. How am I a hypocrite?

Hypocrisy is not simply defined as saying one thing but doing another. Assuming a bisexual partner would be a threat in relation to marriage because of the fact he would be interested in men while you condone him flirting with females is also hypocryte next to biased and makes no sense furthermore. This is one example of the hypocrisy in your post.

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 11:36:29 AM

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Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
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Just wondering...and this is MY opinion only....

As a bi-sexual person, I am not attracted to men because they are manly, I am not attracted to women because they are girly, I'm attracted to them because of their PERSONALITY........

So along those lines of thinking, I'm not understanding why people are assuming that the majority of Bi-sexual men are in anyway girlish or effeminate.

someone like to explain please?

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(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 11:39:31 AM

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From: Belfast, NI
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I'm bi myself, and would have no problem with a bi Dom. I don't feel the need to have both male and female partners in my life at all times so I don't see why he would either. Although to be honest I think I have kind of a poly mindset, and I don't get jealous that easily, so even if he did want both it might work out ok, depending on the guy.

(in reply to BKSir)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 11:46:39 AM

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

-fr-

No I would not date a man who was bisexual. I don't think bisexuality would make him less dominant (unless he was the 'receiving' partner with his male partners) but I don't find male-male sex appealing and I would be turned off if I knew he was into that. I don't think that's prejudiced or homophobic, I'd never date a guy who was really into having a "puppy slave" either.

As to why, there are several reasons I can think of, I'm sure there are more reasons that are subconscious:

- I would feel threatened/less special as a woman if he were also attracted to men.
- I would wonder if he would be able to go the rest of his life without any sexual contact/flirting with men, as I am the type of person who is interested solely in monogamous relationships with the potential for marriage.
- Watching my guy flirt with women is kind of hot, but I would be utterly turned off if I saw him flirt with a man, and it would be unfair of me to ask him to repress this part of his personality.
- My partner's sexual past does matter to me. Past sexual experiences with men (aside from the whole boarding-school-experimentation that happens but nobody admits to it) would be a deal-breaker. Again, not homophobic, because sleeping with 100 women would also be a deal breaker. And honestly, if there was some random casual prepubescent experimentation, I would not want to know. I don't think it's appropriate to tell your girlfriend that you fooled around with a guy once a long time ago if she thinks its squicky..."honesty" has a limit, and I wouldn't want to hear about the time you got diarrhea on the train either. Bottom line: if it's something I would find distasteful, and it isn't terribly important, why tell me?

The prejudice and hypocrisy drips from your post. You thinking you are neither has nothing to do with this. Once again: one can not dictate others who to consider hypocrite.

1. I fully admit I'm prejudiced in who I will have a relationship with. I am prejudiced based on gender, sexual orientation, age, and a whole buncha other things that would be illegal if I were looking for a job applicant or tenant rather than a life partner. However I'm not homophobic, any more than the fact that I wouldn't date a 70 year old means I hate the elderly, or that I wouldn't commit to a woman means that I hate women.

2. Hypocrisy is defined as saying one thing but doing another. How am I a hypocrite?

Hypocrisy is not simply defined as saying one thing but doing another. Assuming a bisexual partner would be a threat in relation to marriage because of the fact he would be interested in men while you condone him flirting with females is also hypocryte next to biased and makes no sense furthermore. This is one example of the hypocrisy in your post.

I think you misunderstood me. I'm not saying him flirting with men would threaten our marriage because I think he'd cheat, but rather it would threaten our marriage because of how I would respond to it. IE whether it would turn me on or turn me off.

To give a parallel - my fiance initiating a rape fantasy with me would turn me on. My fiance tying me up would turn me on. Both of those fall under the general umbrella of "bdsm" the same way you can give the general umbrella of "flirting with others" - but the devil's in the details.

If my partner were to ask me to eat naked out of a dog bowl on the floor, it would threaten our relationship. I would be turned off and disgusted and I would find it hard if not impossible to be with someone who had that sexual preference. That doesn't make me a hypocrite because I enjoy other forms of bdsm but not this one, just like it doesn't make me a hypocrite to enjoy my fiance fliritng with some people but not others. TBH if he started flirting with a genuinely butt ugly woman (ugly's in the eye of the beholder, in this case me) I would be turned off and if he did it repeatedly I'd try to find out if he were attracted to her and if so, I think that would affect how I saw him.

Once you take the loaded words (straight, bi, gay) out of the equation there's really nothing to get offended about. Personal preference is personal preference. It's kind of like if someone says "I've never been attracted to black men" people freak out and cry racist, but if she says "I've never been attracted to redheaded men" the response is either "oh me neither" or "oh that's weird, I love redheads, but I've never dated a blonde." But both of those statements are saying the same thing - "these physical characteristics do not attract me."

I realize certain subjects are sensitive, but presuming offense when none was intended isn't the way to increase tolerance.

< Message edited by Elisabella -- 9/15/2009 12:46:00 PM >

(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 12:06:32 PM

Posts: 352
Joined: 5/3/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
I think you misunderstood me.
To give a parallel...

I did not misunderstand you and your parallel depicts an incomparable situation.

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 12:14:12 PM

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
I think you misunderstood me.
To give a parallel...

I did not misunderstand you and your parallel depicts an incomparable situation.

How is it incomparable?

(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 12:17:30 PM

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Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Once you take the loaded words (straight, bi, gay) out of the equation there's really nothing to get offended about. Personal preference is personal preference. It's kind of like if someone says "I've never been attracted to black men" people freak out and cry racist, but if she says "I've never been attracted to redheaded men" the response is either "oh me neither" or "oh that's weird, I love redheads, but I've never dated a blonde."

I realize certain subjects are sensitive, but presuming offense when none was intended isn't the way to increase tolerance.

She has a good point here Eigenaar, and I think you are just picking on here now, or being easily offended. She's not picking on gay or bi-sexual people, she just does not want to be with or fuck one.

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RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 12:28:35 PM

Posts: 352
Joined: 5/3/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Once you take the loaded words (straight, bi, gay) out of the equation there's really nothing to get offended about. Personal preference is personal preference. It's kind of like if someone says "I've never been attracted to black men" people freak out and cry racist, but if she says "I've never been attracted to redheaded men" the response is either "oh me neither" or "oh that's weird, I love redheads, but I've never dated a blonde."

I realize certain subjects are sensitive, but presuming offense when none was intended isn't the way to increase tolerance.

She has a good point here Eigenaar, and I think you are just picking on here now, or being easily offended. She's not picking on gay or bi-sexual people, she just does not want to be with or fuck one.

I have no idea whatsoever what this is about really. I do not feel offended, I do not consider myself gay/bisexual and did not profile as such. You think all posters are bisexual because the subject is? Giving ones opinion and pointing others to shortcomings in debating is considered picking on someone? Earlier you complained about hijacking this thread, you are doing the same with your post attacking me with false arguments, if the former was a hijack at all and speaking of prejudice and hypocrisy. Using four-letter words will not impress me, by the way.

< Message edited by Eigenaar -- 9/15/2009 12:31:12 PM >

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 12:33:40 PM

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Joined: 9/5/2009
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Just to answer Elisabella and Eigenaar, there are many reasons why women would find something hot, but to make a very, very broad generalization it's like this:

Gay sex/flirting: It's safe and unattainable. As a woman, you can admire it as much as you want and still keep it "pure." Sure, it turns you on, but you'd never actually participate in it (or it wouldn't be gay anymore). So you can also never ruin this "beauty and perfection."

Sex/flirting with girls: You can project yourself into the/a girl's place. Or you know that you have what others want. When you see a girl getting it on, you can imagine how good it would feel if it were you. Or how jealous the others are of you.

See, this is two different kinds of "finding it hot." So it is not hypocritical to like one and not the other.

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 12:34:06 PM

Gwynssoftandshy

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Yes. I have.

(in reply to Eigenaar)

RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 12:44:29 PM

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From: OK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar
I have no idea whatsoever what this is about really. I do not feel offended, I do not consider myself gay/bisexual and did not profile as such. You think all posters are bisexual because the subject is? Giving ones opinion and pointing others to shortcomings in debating is considered picking on someone? Earlier you complained about hijacking this thread, you are doing the same with your post attacking me with false arguments, if the former was a hijack at all and speaking of prejudice and hypocrisy. Using four-letter words will not impress me, by the way.

I don't honestly care what impresses you or not. I never once called you gay or bi-sexual. And what false arguments are you talking about? I did not post anything close to an argument. And your making accusations by assuming that I think everyone in this thread is bi-sexual. I posted my opinion that you are unwarrantably picking on someone, instead of having a calm rational debate. And I never once complained about hijacking this thread, I simply stated I was starting a new thread so I would NOT hijack this thread. And last time I checked, continually throwing out crys of "hypocrisy" and "prejudice" is not debating anything.

But, nice way of clouding the waters. You have yet to actually address the topic of this thread.

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RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 12:48:52 PM

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quote:

I have to add that I am extremely turned on by power exchange between two bi or gay men.... though my preference is always towards the Dominant of those two men. I have had a few opportunities to watch a male Dominant with a male submissive and its hugely powerful and much more ruthless than anything I have ever witnessed with a male and female.

goes away drooling

::::::::::::THUD::::::::::::::::::::::::

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RE: Would you take on a bi Master/Dom? - 9/15/2009 12:52:10 PM

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Once you take the loaded words (straight, bi, gay) out of the equation there's really nothing to get offended about. Personal preference is personal preference. It's kind of like if someone says "I've never been attracted to black men" people freak out and cry racist, but if she says "I've never been attracted to redheaded men" the response is either "oh me neither" or "oh that's weird, I love redheads, but I've never dated a blonde."

I realize certain subjects are sensitive, but presuming offense when none was intended isn't the way to increase tolerance.

She has a good point here Eigenaar, and I think you are just picking on here now, or being easily offended. She's not picking on gay or bi-sexual people, she just does not want to be with or fuck one.

I have no idea whatsoever what this is about really. I do not feel offended, I do not consider myself gay/bisexual and did not profile as such. You think all posters are bisexual because the subject is? Giving ones opinion and pointing others to shortcomings in debating is considered picking on someone? Earlier you complained about hijacking this thread, you are doing the same with your post attacking me with false arguments, if the former was a hijack at all and speaking of prejudice and hypocrisy. Using four-letter words will not impress me, by the way.

The thing is, I'm not here to debate anything. I answered the OP's question - would I date a bisexual dominant man and why or why not - and I feel I've made clear that it's my own personal preference. I know that lots of women find bisexual men very attractive (slash, anyone?) and I don't think there's anything wrong or bad about that. And objectively speaking, I have no problem with bisexual or homosexual men. As friends, family, coworkers or a boss. But not as a lover.

And you didn't answer my question - what was wrong with the parallel I gave? They can both be summed up by "I am attracted to certain sexual scenarios, but other sexual scenarios that fall into the same broad category turn me off and are a relationship deal-breaker."

(in reply to Eigenaar)

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