RE: Not quite sure how to continue...

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Not quite sure how to continue...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Not quite sure how to continue...

Page: << < prev 5 6 7 [8] 9 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 7:24:56 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...Not all people are Doms and subs...

and there's nothing WRONG, lazy, lacking in testosterone, fright-filled or uncaring about it, either. it just IS.

if the OP doesn't get anything else out of this thread it is hoped he at least gets that.

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

Profile

Post #: 141

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 8:54:15 AM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

For that I'm truly sorry you never had the chance or opportunity to meet us.

That would make 2 of us.

(in reply to sappatoti)

Profile

Post #: 142

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 8:55:17 AM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

I'm hopeful to meet better men in the future, though.

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Profile

Post #: 143

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 9:05:58 AM

hisdarlinsweetie

Posts: 55
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

...Not all people are Doms and subs...

and there's nothing WRONG, lazy, lacking in testosterone, fright-filled or uncaring about it, either. it just IS.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Thank you for saying it! If I had to be Dom, it would be a lot of work and pretending and I'd get nothing pleasurable out of it! I am who I am. I can't imagine having to pretend to be a Dom just to get sex.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 144

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 10:10:12 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

...Not all people are Doms and subs...

and there's nothing WRONG, lazy, lacking in testosterone, fright-filled or uncaring about it, either. it just IS.

if the OP doesn't get anything else out of this thread it is hoped he at least gets that.

That might well just BE and not wrong...
the problem is though that his wife obviously has some special needs... maybe only occasionally and maybe only after she reads certain books, but it seems enough of a problem between them for him to come here for advice...

so he can chose to ignore her and her books and her 'needs'
or he can make a bit of an effort to meet her
i am all for making a bit of effort

but then... i think sex is fun...

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 145

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 10:25:40 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

the problem is though that his wife obviously has some special needs...

special needs, my ass. she is selfish and demanding and could care less that she is putting the man she claims to love in a difficult and un-natural position---FOR HIM. since when is it ok to force, manipulate or coerce anyone into a role of sexual orientation they are uncomfortable with? nevermind the gender, role or orientation. if he is ok with her dominating the relationship with her special needs for an effective top, then groovy, but he isn't...and he also claims he doesn't have a submissive or dominant leaning, either...which is why he came here for advice.

sometimes, it IS good advice to counsel someone NOT to play act as if they are something they are not...because pretending and submitting to things you are uncomfortable with can lead to resentment and insecurity, among others.

if this slave all of a sudden had a "special need" to take Master's ass with a strap on, she doubts seriously He would acquiesce to such a thing...and why should HE if it is something that He has no interest in? this slave isn't the slave in an M/s relationship to have her needs met subjugating an otherwise vanilla man into BDSM activites...and if she did, she certainly wouldn't call herself submissive.

perhaps better counsel would be to help this man with his submission to his wife's controlling "special needs", instead of attempts to cure his "laziness" by suggesting he play act as a dominant?

quote:

but then... i think sex is fun...

(in reply to ranja)

Profile

Post #: 146

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 10:36:22 AM

intenze

Posts: 2176
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Pull her hair, throw her up against the wall, fuck her til she cries.....and i think youll be okay.

I know it was a couple of days ago, but that is hawt!

_____________________________

Namaste, bitches!

(in reply to persephonee)

Profile

Post #: 147

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 10:37:06 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Works for me, true dat.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to intenze)

Profile

Post #: 148

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 2:41:08 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
special needs, my ass. she is selfish and demanding and could care less that she is putting the man she claims to love in a difficult and un-natural position---FOR HIM. since when is it ok to force, manipulate or coerce anyone into a role of sexual orientation they are uncomfortable with? nevermind the gender, role or orientation. if he is ok with her dominating the relationship with her special needs for an effective top, then groovy, but he isn't...and he also claims he doesn't have a submissive or dominant leaning, either...which is why he came here for advice.
yes, he came here for advice... and saying there is nothing wrong with him is just dandy, i don't really think there is either, but that does not really help him, i mean his wife still likes a bit of rough... after she has read certain books... and i have to say i don't really think there is anything wrong with that either.

And i don't know about him, but i would sure give it a shot if the one i love wants me to do a certain thing... i would much prefer to put in some extra effort than call in another...

sometimes, it IS good advice to counsel someone NOT to play act as if they are something they are not...because pretending and submitting to things you are uncomfortable with can lead to resentment and insecurity, among others.

Not to give things a fair shot or try a bit more can lead to losing a partner...

if this slave all of a sudden had a "special need" to take Master's ass with a strap on, she doubts seriously He would acquiesce to such a thing...and why should HE if it is something that He has no interest in? this slave isn't the slave in an M/s relationship to have her needs met subjugating an otherwise vanilla man into BDSM activites...and if she did, she certainly wouldn't call herself submissive.
They are a young couple, some 'tastes' need to be acquired, maybe she could be more patient and he could be a bit more adventurous... to me it sounds like she is only discovering aswell... reading books and that...
i am not saying he should immediately bend over if she wants to fuck him with a strap on... and most vanilla and dominant men would probably not even consider that idea ever... but i think it is a pity they don't though...
i would be interested in such an adventure... if my man would come to me with an idea like that and then would find out He actually likes it... i would ride His high too...

perhaps better counsel would be to help this man with his submission to his wife's controlling "special needs", instead of attempts to cure his "laziness" by suggesting he play act as a dominant?
He himself said that he simply does not care to pay too much attention, that SOUNDS somewhat lazy to me, but he might not be and if he is not...and his wife wants more than he can- or is prepared- to give and it all becomes too much effort because she is too demanding wanting 'unspeakable' things then indeed they might aswell split up... because their relationship will become endless nagging and blocking, but maybe they will live like that...

quote:

but then... i think sex is fun...

so does this slave...but not as a top, or with women...does that make this slave "lazy" for not pursuing a topping relationship with women when neither is attractive to her in the first place?

I do not think you have a lazy bone in your body Beth and if your man would be interested in watching you top a lady, well... as a self proclaimed limitless slave... i am sure you would at least consider it... and who knows you might even get to like it...

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 149

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 4:03:07 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

Thats cool that you have had that experience. In my experience what DarlingSavage said is true.

Perhaps if you would define what you consider a man treating you with respect and like a princess... I certainly haven't been showered with tiaras or jewels - unless you count by my real Daddy and those were usually plastic.

AquaticSub, i didn't mean to imply anything about how you have been treated by the men in your life. i was simply agreeing with the post DarlingSavage made. i'm sorry if it came acrossed as anything different.

i hope you and your family had a good New Years.

You didn't. I'm simply curious how you define being treated with respect and like a princess.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to breatheasone)

Profile

Post #: 150

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 4:58:34 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Ok, my definition of being treated with respect: Being valued and listened to, And having that demonstrated.

my take on being treated like a princess: Being coddled, being pampered with things, and/or attention. Having extra care, and consideration given to you. Being treated like you are REALLY "The Shit"

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 151

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 5:10:11 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Ok, my definition of being treated with respect: Being valued and listened to, And having that demonstrated.

my take on being treated like a princess: Being coddled, being pampered with things, and/or attention. Having extra care, and consideration given to you. Being treated like you are REALLY "The Shit"

Yeah... I've gotten that from plenty of guys. I insist on respect - if they don't respect me, they aren't in my life. As for being coddled or pampered... I'm very open about the fact that I need a lot of attention in my romantic relationships so I only get men who are willing to provide that. In terms of care and consideration... I suppose that depends on how you define it.

My ex used to *always* show up with something for me. It wasn't about the money, sometimes it was as simple as a four dollar mini-bottle of a liquor that he knew I wanted to try. Val doesn't do things like that but he does things like agree to cosplay with me even though it isn't his thing. He just knows how much it means to me.

My male friends also treat me with respect and consideration. I guess to me the idea of being respected and treated with consideration aren't anything special but things that make people the sort of person I want to surround myself with. So I don't worry about the others because they aren't in my life. I also try to treat others this way, doing things like making sure I grab a blanket when I'm going to pick up a friend who I know has been waiting outside in the cold.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/7/2010 5:59:38 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to breatheasone)

Profile

Post #: 152

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 6:10:15 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Yes, i can relate to how you think. i also like to be considerate of what others may need, even before they know they need it LOL....i love the look on their face when i hand them something AS they go to ask for it LOL....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 153

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 6:31:55 PM

Valyraen

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

God, does it drive me crazy when Kitten does that! I just want to scream at her to get out of my head.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to breatheasone)

Profile

Post #: 154

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 7:03:05 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

i would much prefer to put in some extra effort than call in another...

but if it is out of one's area of comfort...like gay sex when one isn't gay...or D/s when one isn't D/s...then coercing or forcing or manipulaitng is wrong, in this slave's opinion.

quote:

I do not think you have a lazy bone in your body Beth and if your man would be interested in watching you top a lady, well... as a self proclaimed limitless slave... i am sure you would at least consider it... and who knows you might even get to like it...

indeed...but this slave isn't coming from a vanilla foundation like the OP, where it would be even MORE of a stretch to go against everything in one's nature for the exhiliration of His pure unadulterated joy...THAT is a "role" this slave could step into with relish...but only because she is submissive from the get-go...not because she needs to be coerced or cajoled into it. HIS pleasure is paramount. she would dance on the head of a pin if it was His ultimate desire.

and for the record...this slave has been with women and topped before...and it was boring and uncomfortable and as against this slave's nature as hell. it made the relationships she had with these people beforehand unbearable..and broken...and irreperable.

which is one of the reasons she counsels the OP not to be drawn into it.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 1/7/2010 7:17:12 PM >

(in reply to ranja)

Profile

Post #: 155

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/7/2010 11:52:37 PM

MargueriteV

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/5/2009
Status: offline

OP maybe you should have your partner read parts of the thread so she can see the conflict if you haven't been able to express it yet.

On another note maybe you should tell her to do it herself...

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 156

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/8/2010 2:56:20 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

if it is out of one's area of comfort...like gay sex when one isn't gay...or D/s when one isn't D/s...then coercing or forcing or manipulaitng is wrong, in this slave's opinion.

Of course if it is something you do not like at all there is a problem...
but i think it is not as serious as him having to change his sexuality... He has on his profile that he is a Dominant not switch... but maybe he is mistaken indeed.
i think it is more a case of him opening up to the idea of having a bit more adventurous sex at times...
she is reading some books and has some ideas...
i do not think she is asking him to fuck another bloke or that she wants to fuck him up the ass or even if he would consider micro managing her and keeping her as a naked slave...24/7
i think she simply wants a bit more oomph (after she has read a sexy book) and he is a bit at a loss and maybe insecure and maybe feels critisized that he is not good enough.
in my experience men can feel extremely critized if a woman states certain sexual desires...

i think there is nothing wrong with manipulating people... the art is though to go about it in such away that they do not really know... so it would be more like seduction... and if you know your partner you know how to manipulate them... how to make them feel good... how to turn them away from a looming 'bad mood'...
i think her problem might be indeed that she is impatient and that she is pushing rather than seducing... that she is manipulating him all wrong... and he is not getting into it because really he feels critized for not being good enough without the 'extra' effort.

this slave isn't coming from a vanilla foundation like the OP, where it would be even MORE of a stretch to go against everything in one's nature for the exhiliration of His pure unadulterated joy...THAT is a "role" this slave could step into with relish...but only because she is submissive from the get-go...not because she needs to be coerced or cajoled into it. HIS pleasure is paramount. she would dance on the head of a pin if it was His ultimate desire.
Like i said i think she is just exploring aswell, they are only young, some people actually aquire a taste for kink, are not necessarily born one way or the other (though i understand opinions differ on this)... sex like anything is a skill you might learn and be good or crappy at... like or dislike...
i think considering the fact that they are married they should indeed try and give it their best shot.

and for the record...this slave has been with women and topped before...and it was boring and uncomfortable and as against this slave's nature as hell. it made the relationships she had with these people beforehand unbearable..and broken...and irreperable.
Sorry to hear that... i am personally not into women so much either... never gave it a proper try though, so i have no real experience with it, just some childhood games... i have been with men who i did not like anymore after i had sex with them though...

which is one of the reasons she counsels the OP not to be drawn into it.
luckily i did not marry any of the men i did not like anymore after i had sex with them

my counsel to the man is that he should give it a good go

maybe they could both read the vanilla book
'the joy of sex' by alex comfort... (did i have that right?)
it is very sexy... they might both like it a lot

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 157

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/8/2010 7:59:33 AM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

Yeah... I've gotten that from plenty of guys. I insist on respect - if they don't respect me, they aren't in my life. As for being coddled or pampered... I'm very open about the fact that I need a lot of attention in my romantic relationships so I only get men who are willing to provide that. In terms of care and consideration... I suppose that depends on how you define it.

What do you do, though, when they're all sweet and nice at first? After you've fallen in love with them, then they start changing and they let you believe that it's your fault that they're different now? That's what I used to always think, that once they started being mean, it was my fault. I did something to them to change them. I want to have your experience!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 158

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/8/2010 9:29:48 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Well, look at it this way.

I didn't get to be 55 years old and alone by being good at relationships, and you probably are in the same boat. So we need to change something....and it aint like I am ever gonna be just NICE alla time, that is a right up front given from me to all comers.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Profile

Post #: 159

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... - 1/14/2010 1:56:39 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

So Op... (or your woman...as she is about here too) hows things diddling, have you made up your mind on how to continue yet, are things hot or bothered?

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 160