kyraofMists
Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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The question was asked, “what if [alandra] felt threatened by you kyra? soooo... poof divorced...”
After discussing this with my Lord, I have decided to answer with exactly what would happen and my own experience when it happened with me when I felt threatened by denika. This is not something I would typically share outside of the house, but I think those who truly wish to understand will gain a greater depth and insight into our house and how it works.
First, there is a big difference between saying “my Lord, I feel threatened by your relationship with kyra” and saying, “my Lord no, you cannot have a relationship with kyra” I keep repeating this concept, but it is a very important to distinguish between the two.
Shortly after my Lord and I entered an M/s relationship, he met denika and soon after that he began playing and being intimate with her. For many reasons, I felt threatened by her and their relationship. There was a lot of pain, negative thoughts and doubts in my mind about my relationship with him and my ability to be in it. I asked permission to discuss my thoughts, feelings and opinions on this subject and I shared it all with him. To say that the conversations were wonderful and cleared it all up would be highly inaccurate. They were painful, heart-wrenching and many mistakes in communication were made on both sides that caused unnecessary hurt.
First, he looked at his behavior in his direct interactions with me and we both agreed that it was not the cause. He looked at denika’s behavior in her direct interactions with me and we agreed that was not the cause. The root of the issue was my own insecurities and my own negative thoughts and perceptions. I had to ask myself a couple of extremely simple but life altering questions:
Can I accept him for who he is; not who I want him to be or perceive him to be, but who he actually is?
Does who he is negatively or positively impact my well-being?
The first was easy; I love him so I can accept who he is and I don’t want him to try and be something he is not because that will only cause him pain in the long run. The second was not so easy and it took weeks/months of introspection and examining my own thoughts and feelings. See it is my belief that when a person feels threatened by someone else, the cause is most often their own insecurities and negative thinking and rarely a result of the other person’s behavior. This is what I had to work on, my own thoughts, feelings and perceptions. I didn’t concentrate on my Lord or denika’s behavior, because the solution was within me.
It took months of painful conversations and growth on my part to overcome my insecurities and change the negative thought patterns. Through it all, my Lord and alandra supported me and helped me in anyway they could. denika supported me by doing one simple thing… not changing her behavior with my Lord. If either denika or my Lord had changed their behavior with each other it would have cheated me and the relationships out of all the positive growth that has happened over the last year.
So if alandra had felt threatened by me, he would have made sure that neither my behavior nor his was the cause and then we both would have supported her in dealing with her own insecurities and thoughts that was causing the feeling. Divorce or ending the M/s relationship is not the consequence of feeling threatened. Those are the consequences of saying no to the commitments and vows made in the relationship and what it stands for.
Knight's kyra
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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus
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RE: Collars when married to others - 
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