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RE: Collars when married to others - 3/24/2006 11:02:19 PM

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
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i am sorry, i think it is wrong and just stupid to be married to one person and collared to someone else... It makes the life style a joke to those who truly take it to heart... i was once collared to a married man for 7 years... i knew he would never leave his wife and family, and at that time i didnt want him too... With time i grew and needed more in my life, more then he would ever be able to give...

It is like cyber, it isnt real...

~lowers her eyes in respect~
~kitten

I'm sorry but just because the experience you had was negative doesn't mean that everyone else in a simular situation will be as well. My life is as real as it gets and it's not cyber. I am Happy with both my worlds thank you very much. You mentioned that You grew and needed more.. Again that is your situation, do you really think it's necissary to lump all of us into one group?

Life is what you make it

denika

< Message edited by denika -- 3/24/2006 11:08:50 PM >

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/24/2006 11:05:06 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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To kittensmailbox...Oy Vey!...

...........sighs......Tempting

(in reply to truesub4u)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/25/2006 2:53:28 PM

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Joined: 3/22/2006
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I have been in the same situation as Sub 03 and found it to work for me.

In my opinion it is possible to be in a vanilla relationship and have a Dom as well.

(in reply to Sub03)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/25/2006 3:08:44 PM

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Joined: 2/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

<quote>Her husband is hospitalized, does she come to a play party with you if it was scheduled and you really wanted to go? </quote>

Thats one of the reasons I couldnt be in a multiple relationship, who takes priority? Who gets part of you and which part? And if the situation were reversed, say I was the single one and my partner had other people he was committed too...would I be happy accepting a part of him? Would I be happy knowing I was second on the priority list? Like if I really needed him but he had to go on a barbeque with his wife and kids...ugh..fuck that *grin* Its just too confusing and entirely too ....split.

I'm with you! *I* could NOT NOT NOT tolerate this sort of split. I failed Sharing 101 in Kindergarten.

_____________________________

~The true measure of a Man is to notice what He does when no one else is looking, when He is guided by His own sense of right and wrong.~

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/25/2006 4:41:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MontaukDaisies

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

<quote>Her husband is hospitalized, does she come to a play party with you if it was scheduled and you really wanted to go? </quote>

Thats one of the reasons I couldnt be in a multiple relationship, who takes priority? Who gets part of you and which part? And if the situation were reversed, say I was the single one and my partner had other people he was committed too...would I be happy accepting a part of him? Would I be happy knowing I was second on the priority list? Like if I really needed him but he had to go on a barbeque with his wife and kids...ugh..fuck that *grin* Its just too confusing and entirely too ....split.

I'm with you! *I* could NOT NOT NOT tolerate this sort of split. I failed Sharing 101 in Kindergarten.

The positive to what you have said is you recognize that fact that poly isn't for you and that is important and just as valid a feeling as it is for those of us that function in a poly relationship that blends two households.

I think understanding the priorities and communicating with all parties, not to mention time sharing. Alandra and kyra are Knights first priorites, after all I do have a husband (he's not really vanilla, more like caramel with chocolate sauce) so I have a primary but that doesn't lessen what I feel for Knight or for His girls, we just work around time. Some family gatherings we are all there, there is no segregation. Hmm if Rob was in the hospital and I wanted to go to a play party, I would talk to ROb about it, gauge the seriousness of why he is in the hospital and what he felt about me going, He and Knight would make the call if I went or not and I would respect the answer. I don't know if that helps any.

No one person's 'kink' is any better or worse than anyone else's as long as all parties are concenting adults and are having fun. It's about individual choices and momogomy is no less valued a choice as poly if it works for someone. It doesn't work for us, but that is our choice.

denika
Life is what we make it

(in reply to MontaukDaisies)

RE: Collars when married to others - 4/13/2006 1:59:09 PM

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Joined: 3/2/2006
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Oh yes, he know.

I made sure in the very beginning of O/our relationship that I told him exactly what I was looking for now and in the future. My sub-hub is not a jealous person at all, so this helps a lot!

(in reply to angelic)

RE: Collars when married to others - 4/13/2006 3:43:41 PM

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Disclaimer:

I haven't read the thread so I'm commenting on the thread heading from a personal view only... take it as such or leave it...

Assume that I'm married to a vanilla ladt and after long discussions she is ok with me collaring a girl, then I'll go for it.... (yep sex is there perhaps so we'll assume that my lady is perhaps bi and certainly open to either poly and/or swinging.. Open marriage...

Assume I/we meet a boy or girl who is married we will want to meet the other half and discuss things with her as well as them both.. Just to be sure that everything is ok....

As a matter of record we will not personally entain collering some one who is in a relationship untill we ate both satisfied that things will work out and even then it weighs heavily against the person when we are making decisions....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadyMedhbh)

RE: Collars when married to others - 4/13/2006 3:48:32 PM

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Joined: 1/20/2006
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Master is very married.
He is also commited to me.
I am in a vanila relationship of twenty one years.
Master is my priority.
There is no sex with my vanila.
It is only with Master.
As long as everyone's ok with this I dont feel it is a question of morality.
Was that the question?
No it was if there could be a valid commitment in collaring a married sub...same answer
Yes, I believe I am in the norm here by how most have responded..

(in reply to Sub03)

RE: Collars when married to others - 4/13/2006 3:54:47 PM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Ahhhhhh! But what is Morality? Who's Morality should you use? Who has the right to dictate if you are Moral, Immoral or (like me) Amoral?

Heare ye this! Let those who are without guilt or sin cast the first stone, which means that all ye moralists and other tight arseholes can thus bugger off for I say unto thee, ye have sined more than me!!!!

< Message edited by IronBear -- 4/13/2006 3:55:52 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to subjected2006)

RE: Collars when married to others - 4/13/2006 4:09:58 PM

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Ahhhhhh! But what is Morality? Who's Morality should you use? Who has the right to dictate if you are Moral, Immoral or (like me) Amoral?

Heare ye this! Let those who are without guilt or sin cast the first stone, which means that all ye moralists and other tight arseholes can thus bugger off for I say unto thee, ye have sined more than me!!!!

~Sends IronBear a bouquet of flowers~

(in reply to IronBear)

RE: Collars when married to others - 4/13/2006 4:39:37 PM

Sub03

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tixarah

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub03

Im not married but I am engaged to be married to a vanilla man and I still have a Dom. He gives me what my vanilla fiance can't. But it dosen't take away any feelings I have for my fiance. And I take my responsibility and commitement to my Dom very seriously, me having a fiance dosen't take anything away from my Dom.

Ok, But does your fiance Know???

If you would have read my other posts you would have seen where i said many times that my fiance and my Dom all know about one and another.

_____________________________

owned by painarranger

I am His loyal slave

(in reply to tixarah)

RE: Collars when married to others - 4/22/2006 5:59:48 PM

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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I absolutely think that you can be married and collared and be completely loyal to your Dom, My sub is with someone, not married but in a realtioship, and is totaly comited to Me and i am also married and have the same commitment to My slave. There is love and respect for all of the ppl involved, including those that are not into the lifestyle, sx. My slaves g/f.

Mistress Celest

(in reply to Littlepita)

RE: Collars when married to others - 4/22/2006 6:01:32 PM

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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Owned... quick... I'll get shovel... you get the grannysmiths... and we'll get this dead horse buried again .... LOL

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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to SirandMistress)

RE: Collars when married to others - 5/7/2008 8:26:45 PM

justaDallasgirl

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/7/2008
From: the Rock
Status: offline

my Master is married to a vanilla wife and i enjoy Him quite much...sometimes too much. Yes, i eventually hope to get married to a kinky Man ;-) but Sir knows this and W/we are supposed to talk about it. i know i'm not to have sex with anyone else while collared to Sir however i really don't want to get stuck with a vanilla guy either because the guys who i thought were Dominants were just vanilla abusers. assholes.
oh, sorry...not that i'm bitter about my past relationships. oh...not at all :-)

_____________________________

i'm just a girl enjoying her place at Master's waist ;-)

(in reply to truesub4u)

RE: Collars when married to others - 5/8/2008 2:42:57 AM

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Joined: 12/19/2007
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This thread is over two years old. I wonder how many bdsm relationships even last that long.

(in reply to justaDallasgirl)

RE: Collars when married to others - 5/8/2008 2:56:40 AM

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Status: offline

Yes, there's another one on the board that's called up from the dead. Same type of topic, so I think there's a definite interest.

Good thing about that search feature. Gives all kinds of reference points.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to Evility)

RE: Collars when married to others - 5/8/2008 3:55:56 AM

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Joined: 4/25/2008
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It's not only possible, it is relatively common. Not everyone has the benefit of understanding this side of themselves, much less what they need in life before getting married. Does that disqualify the feelings they have for the one they married? No. These relationships can and often are complicated by a myriad of issues, but they can and do exist and will exist. The degree to which the vanilla side of the triangle knows is a key element of that. It is by far better for everyone concerned if all parties are aware. That doesn't mean husband of submissive wife is going to be your submissive as well. Having seen a Top push too far and be ruthlessly beaten, it's a not so fine point that anyone who chooses to involve themselves in that manner should understand.

Then too, your question assumes a specific standard of committment. That assumption is faulty. What makes this lifestyle what it is, is not a defining set of rules that everyone follows. My standard for committment I'm sure varies greatly from a lot of folks here. Doesn't mean I ignore them or think them less. It means we are different. What holds value for them, has value. What has value for me, has value. Whether the two cross, meet or join isn't what's important. What's important to me above all else, is the one I choose to involve myself with, our relationship and its journey. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy other perspectives or other thoughts. I do. It just means that what you define as committment may or may not have a whole lot of meaning in the grander scope of things.

Boils down to the people, and what they make of it themselves. The rest of us are just signposts on their road.

(in reply to Littlepita)

RE: Collars when married to others - 5/15/2008 8:28:41 AM

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Joined: 5/11/2008
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I am married also and comitted to my relationship with my wife. But I also am as comitted if not more so to my submissive. I compartmentalize the relationships. I have a very very deep and abiding love for my submissive. We work at our relationship and enjoy every moment we share, either in play, in the bedroom or just being together. I feel as many other Dominates do in these posts that, yes, you can fully commit to a lifestyle relationship while married married.

(in reply to Littlepita)

RE: Collars when married to others - 5/15/2008 8:33:38 AM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: upherass

The other collaring post got me thinking about the committment they represent to many. Most agree it IS a committment, though the level of it varies among the membership here, based on the other question.
So then, do you think if one or both partners are committed to others by marriage that they can FULLY commit to a lifestyle collar, and the responsibility it entails?

I don't think so, but I have never been in that position, nor would I be.

Yes you can. You compartmentalize your relationship .

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to upherass)

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