Collars when married to others

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Collars when married to others

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Collars when married to others

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 2:23:53 PM

Posts: 31
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline

The other collaring post got me thinking about the committment they represent to many. Most agree it IS a committment, though the level of it varies among the membership here, based on the other question.
So then, do you think if one or both partners are committed to others by marriage that they can FULLY commit to a lifestyle collar, and the responsibility it entails?

I don't think so, but I have never been in that position, nor would I be.

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 2:36:27 PM

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I have a slave that is married to a vanillia man and still in my collar. I, in turn, have a lifepartner/mate that I'm fully commited to. Do I have a full commitment to my slave? Yes. Does my slave have a full commitment to me? You better believe it. I also know that her commitment to my collar is stronger then her commitment to her ring.

We made this choice in our lives. She needed Mastering that she couldn't get at home. I find her most pleasing to have in my collar, doing my bidding.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to upherass)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 2:42:19 PM

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: upherass

So then, do you think if one or both partners are committed to others by marriage that they can FULLY commit to a lifestyle collar, and the responsibility it entails?

I don't think so, but I have never been in that position, nor would I be.

I emphatically disagree. I do in fact own a girl who is married "officially". Her marriage to her submissive has no bearing on the authenticity of her service to me.

Likewise, I have known of submissives (even here) who are married to their wives and would greet with strife any suggestion the submission and adoration they have for their Mistresses isn't real or a deeply moving experience.

< Message edited by amayos -- 3/20/2006 3:20:28 PM >

(in reply to upherass)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 2:48:18 PM

Posts: 104
Joined: 3/1/2004
Status: offline

I agree with these responses. I am currently involved with someone whom is married. While I am not, I love Him no less and am no less devoted to Him. We are still finding our way together, and there is no collar as yet....but I dont believe He takes His responsibility nor commitment to what we do have at this point less seriously due to His life situation.

respectfully
sarah

(in reply to amayos)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 2:50:19 PM

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: upherass

The other collaring post got me thinking about the committment they represent to many. Most agree it IS a committment, though the level of it varies among the membership here, based on the other question.
So then, do you think if one or both partners are committed to others by marriage that they can FULLY commit to a lifestyle collar, and the responsibility it entails?

I don't think so, but I have never been in that position, nor would I be.
[/qu.ote]

It is possible for 2 people, from 2 seperate marriages to carry on an affair that they are more committed to than their marriages. So yes it is possible. Offcourse in this scenario feelings may get confused and there are many pit falls but the scenario itself does exist. The morality and ethics of it are beyond the scope of this discussion but should be considered as well.

_____________________________

TheTopHat (and Cane)

Just my 2.31 cents (In Canada you see)

(in reply to upherass)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 3:00:33 PM

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Neets and I are married to each other and are totally committed to each other as well. We have a poly relationship which allows us to tottaly commit to people in our respective or house collars. The committment is different but just as strong. Having said that, the fastest deal reaker we have is if someone in our collars attempts to surplant either of us and separate Neets and I.. There would be skid marks where they crapped themselves withthe rapidity of their removal from our home.. I've commented in other threads that it is possible to love several people in different ways and totally where as Neets and I are in love... Lets just say it works for us but may not work for others.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to TheTopHat)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 3:00:44 PM

Posts: 31
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline

Seems there is a trend of if your doing it, it's okay.

I had expected more diverse replies...but all are appreciated.

(in reply to TheTopHat)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 3:11:01 PM

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: upherass

Seems there is a trend of if your doing it, it's okay.

I had expected more diverse replies...but all are appreciated.

That's the bottom line. "It all depends on the people involved."

It's not so much "if you're doing it" as "if it works."

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to upherass)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 3:15:52 PM

Sub03

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

Im not married but I am engaged to be married to a vanilla man and I still have a Dom. He gives me what my vanilla fiance can't. But it dosen't take away any feelings I have for my fiance. And I take my responsibility and commitement to my Dom very seriously, me having a fiance dosen't take anything away from my Dom.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 3:18:06 PM

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: upherass

Seems there is a trend of if your doing it, it's okay.

I had expected more diverse replies...but all are appreciated.

Probably because this is the way a number of people feel and believe. Would you prefer us to say that we have a collared slave and are married to some oe else which for some is evil and morally wrong?.... Hell no! I do what I believe to be right and acceptable to my beliefs and code of conduct as any Gorean would do. My Wife and Free Companion happens to agree and believes this as strongly as I do. I am not Christian so there is never any thought of falling in line with the Judeo/Christian Morality and will not allow others to impose it upon us. "An it harm none do what you will" is one way of looking at things. There is also a strong argument vthat the male species is not naturally monogomous which the Old Testiment tend to support as do the social habbits of many tribal and so called "Primative" people. I'm guessing that you are probably looking for a diversity of reasons for and against rather than seeking moral justifications.....<<Grins>> But then I'm neither moral or imoral, I'm just A-Moral and make my own morality.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to upherass)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 3:55:52 PM

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I'm a monogamous type of person, I cant get my head around multiple partners. This person for this and that person for that seems too separating to me, like my life would be divided into different boxes, I would feel split.

As far as the choices other people make for their lives, to each their own. The only niggle I would have is if someone was betraying a partner with another....once a promise of commitment is made to one it doesnt say much for the persons character if they break that promise, its just not very honorable.

(in reply to IronBear)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 4:00:50 PM

Posts: 67
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline

So then, do you think if one or both partners are committed to others by marriage that they can FULLY commit to a lifestyle collar, and the responsibility it entails?

I don't think so, but I have never been in that position, nor would I be.

--------------------

i not only believe it but have witnessed it.

Judgement of others is often frowned upon here on the boards, keep an open mind and many things may be learned.

jenna

(in reply to upherass)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 4:10:41 PM

Posts: 31
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline

jenna
I gave my opinion in response to the question I posed here..
It wasn't a judgement...just said I wouldn't do it. I have no experience in this.
So I needed others to tell me if it can work, or doesn't work for them.

I really thought more people would say " It's hard but can or can't be done,"and explain why. (in their opinion). It's all going to be opinion, based on feelings or experience...theres no right or wrong answer here.

And actually, what you said to me was a judgement in itself ( "Judgement of others is often frowned upon here on the boards, keep an open mind and many things may be learned." )

(in reply to jennalynn)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 4:14:08 PM

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: upherass

The other collaring post got me thinking about the committment they represent to many. Most agree it IS a committment, though the level of it varies among the membership here, based on the other question.
So then, do you think if one or both partners are committed to others by marriage that they can FULLY commit to a lifestyle collar, and the responsibility it entails?

I don't think so, but I have never been in that position, nor would I be.

I am fully commited to my partner, Tim. My sub e, is married for 10 years to a wonderful woman. While I respect their marriage and would never ask something of him that would jeopardize it, I know without a doubt that I have control of his mind and body when he is with me, and when he is not.

quote:

Seems there is a trend of if your doing it, it's okay.

I had expected more diverse replies...but all are appreciated.

If you want to hear from the people that agree with you, you should have phrased your inital question differently. That's not to say that those of us who are in disagreement wouldn't have answered.

< Message edited by yourMissTress -- 3/20/2006 4:52:41 PM >

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to upherass)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 4:19:12 PM

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

So then, do you think if one or both partners are committed to others by marriage that they can FULLY commit to a lifestyle collar, and the responsibility it entails?

I'm in agreement with amayos on this one. Collars mean different things to different people. Monogamy isn't necessarily implied and if it is not a part of someone's collaring it does not make their experiences with their tops less valuable. A collar symbolises many things, it need not denote a set standard of action.

Edited to add: In response to your other post, I believe it can be done. I've seen it work. My best friend is in such a relationship right now. It might make things a little more difficult, but it can be worked out beneficially for all parties.

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 3/20/2006 4:26:02 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to upherass)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 4:21:28 PM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Mr Discipline: She needed Mastering that she couldn't get at home.

I'd have a difficult time if my slave considered anyplace other than where I lived "home". Or wasn't sleeping naked next to me every night for that matter. I'm selfish and don't like sharing. I attribute it to growing up as an only child.

But your relationship is yours and you are obviously happy with it. As long as all parties are aware and have full knowledge of the others, integrity and trust is not compromised. I couldn't do it. Just knowing there was a part of my slave I didn't own, represented by a wedding ring would make me crazy, but I respect your confident affirmation of success.

I'm curious how far you have defined the boundaries. For example, considering this statement :

quote:

Mr Discipline: Does my slave have a full commitment to me? You better believe it. I also know that her commitment to my collar is stronger then her commitment to her ring.

Her husband is hospitalized, does she come to a play party with you if it was scheduled and you really wanted to go?

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 4:32:29 PM

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

<quote>Her husband is hospitalized, does she come to a play party with you if it was scheduled and you really wanted to go? </quote>

Thats one of the reasons I couldnt be in a multiple relationship, who takes priority? Who gets part of you and which part? And if the situation were reversed, say I was the single one and my partner had other people he was committed too...would I be happy accepting a part of him? Would I be happy knowing I was second on the priority list? Like if I really needed him but he had to go on a barbeque with his wife and kids...ugh..fuck that *grin* Its just too confusing and entirely too ....split.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 4:37:07 PM

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think that other relationships will always complicate individual relationships. I don't think this is specific to BDSM or collars or anything other than multiple partners = complications.

Complications can be positive or negative. Which they are depends on the people involved.

For us, my owning Fox and Fox living with us is a positive complication to Tom and my life, one we are pleased to have and would sorely miss.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to upherass)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 4:43:00 PM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: upherass

The other collaring post got me thinking about the committment they represent to many. Most agree it IS a committment, though the level of it varies among the membership here, based on the other question.
So then, do you think if one or both partners are committed to others by marriage that they can FULLY commit to a lifestyle collar, and the responsibility it entails?

I don't think so, but I have never been in that position, nor would I be.

Let's just say I hope like hell it's possible. How about this one, me being in a collar to someone in a collar to somebody else? That is where I hope to find myself someday. My Domme/Switch is looking for a Dom. She assures me she will find somebody accepting of "that" side of her. Does that stop me from worring? Hell no. But what's a good sub to do but help her and hope for the best.

(in reply to upherass)

RE: Collars when married to others - 3/20/2006 4:43:47 PM

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

Of course it comes down to what you want and what works for you and your relationship.

My Sir and I were both in unhappy marriages when we met online. We decided for our own sakes to get divorces and to be together in real life before I wore his collar. We wanted that commitment of togetherness. I am very happy to wear his collar and except for having it shortened at the jewelers, where it was away for three days, it hasn't come off my neck since March 5th.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Collars when married to others

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

4.738