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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 10:09:42 PM

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OP, I just looked at your profile. You're attractive and seem intelligent.

So why waste time with someone who is not what you want? You should be able to find someone who matches you. I know it'll hurt like hell when things break off, but it's better than a lifetime of dull ache.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/10/2010 11:10:33 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I don't particularly think anyone was nasty. The truth is that you are actively doing something is going to hurt someone very badly and because of that, it's hard to have feeling for your complainment of not getting enough of him.

I'm sure that what I said came across as nasty. I wasn't trying to be; but then, I wasn't really making an effort not to be, either.

OP, I didn't say what I said for the sake of being nasty, but AquaticSub nails it here. I was feeling a hell of a lot more sympathy for the man's wife than I was for you. No offense; that's just where my opinion was coming from. Good luck going forward with this issue; I sincerely hope it works out for the best for everyone involved. With the possible exception of him, because he's a shit.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
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(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 12:23:25 AM

elleX

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Joined: 10/24/2009
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Hi , Th OneYouDesire
have you measured also the fact that you will never be quenched that you will alway be hungry for Him ,, but all you will have is crumbs ,,,, is that a life ??

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 1:46:39 AM

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
However, no man who has to lie about who/what he is to his wife/SO is a Dom. A Dom is someone you can always count on; someone who knows who and what He is and lives up to the respect, love and belief that others have in Him.

They are a rare breed, few and far between, although many will attempt to imitate them.

Drop the poseur, and take your time finding yourself One who is Yours. He will make you feel like you are coming home when you are with Him. He won't be perfect, but He will be responsible, truthful, and willing to admit when He is wrong. You will be able to trust Him. And He will be able to trust you, because you learned from your mistakes, you took your time, and waited for someone like Him.

What she said.

Also, I can't say as I really feel sorry for you. You went into this with your eyes wide open. You knew what you were getting into. I didn't. I found out my first Dom was married & had been lying to me about it all along. I dropped His ass like a hot potato. I was married twice to 'nilla philanderers, and I know how the wife feels when she accidentally finds out. I reamed her ass AND his each time I found out about my husband's philandering. Once I even chased both their naked carcasses out of my home & locked the doors when I came home from the store & found them doing the nasty in our bed.

Unless you dearly love being Someone's dirty little secret, you should move on and find Someone Who's not a sneaky, lying cheater, Someone you can call your own. If you stay, you will always & forever be having holidays and special days alone, because He will be spending them with His wife/the mother of His children/the woman who has His name/the woman who He publicly professed His love to before multiple witnesses. You, on the other hand, will have to keep sneaking around to be with Him, you'll continue to sit waiting by the telephone that is not ringing because He can't sneak away and call you, He won't want your family to meet Him because what if they know Him and know He's married.....the list goes on and on.

Well, I've said enough. I'm sure you get the drift......

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 2:10:20 AM

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Joined: 1/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2

AquaticSub
No she does not know and will not know about U/us or me or His secret Lifestyle.

Yes it sucks and Yes i know what i got into...

This man with whom you are involved is not a true dominant. A true dominant understands the value of truth, honor and trust. How can you engage in BDSM play with this liar? How can trust this liar enough to allow yourself to be bound and made completely helpless and vulnerable to him? What happens to you if he ever fears that your knowledge of your relationship with him could threaten his marriage? Do you REALLY want to allow yourself to be bound by a man who does not value truth if the thought EVER crosses his mind that his situation would be better were you to no longer exist?

I tell my submissives that I must die before I will allow any real harm intentionally come to them, and that is a responsibility that I take very seriously. For instance, I will burn to death before I give up freeing a bound submissive in the event of a house fire. When I accept someone's submission, I also assume the responsibility for their safety. You cannot trust this man to do that because there are circumstances where it will not be in his best interest to do so, and he has already told you that his family's interests will always come before yours.

It is your life, so I will not tell you what to do, but you already know.

< Message edited by nakedthinker -- 1/11/2010 2:14:52 AM >

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 2:21:52 AM

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Joined: 1/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
In that case... I really don't have any feeling for you at all. You are helping a man cheat on his wife and are probably deluding yourself into thinking he'll never lie to your or betray you.

While not the worst thing in the world, you've chosen to help someone betray someone else and then have the nerve to complain that you aren't getting enough attention. Either enjoy what you are getting or stop messing around with married men.

It is not MARRIED men that are the problem, it is married, CHEATING men. I am married to a dominant woman, and she is quite aware of my relationships with submissive women. PLEASE do not group honorable poly men with cheating, lying, dishonorable men.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 2:26:30 AM

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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nakedthinker

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
In that case... I really don't have any feeling for you at all. You are helping a man cheat on his wife and are probably deluding yourself into thinking he'll never lie to your or betray you.

While not the worst thing in the world, you've chosen to help someone betray someone else and then have the nerve to complain that you aren't getting enough attention. Either enjoy what you are getting or stop messing around with married men.

It is not MARRIED men that are the problem, it is married, CHEATING men. I am married to a dominant woman, and she is quite aware of my relationships with submissive women. PLEASE do not group honorable poly men with cheating, lying, dishonorable men.

there is nothing in Aqua's posts that indicate she is speaking of poly men. Aqua is addressing the topic of the thread, which was the OP's relationship with a man cheating on his wife.

_____________________________

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(in reply to nakedthinker)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 3:59:33 AM

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Joined: 10/14/2009
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I would never be with a married Dom. I was with a married man once in my 'nilla life and that sucked and ended badly. I learned my lesson.

Now, no married men, no poly men. Nothing wrong with either but I would like to see my potential Dom more than once a week/month etc.

You said you went into it with your eyes open, but perhaps not wide enough because now your doubts are surfacing. Do yourself a favor and drop him. It will be better for you and those involved in the long run.

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 4:26:23 AM

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I'm going to be with a married Dom very soon....We have it all planned out... It's going to be very hot...

The thing is.... I'm also going to be the one who's going to be married to him..

Kali

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“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 6:02:40 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
I have no sympathy for you, as you have chosen your path. I just hope you realize you possess the courage to change this situation because you deserve so much more.

I don't disagree with you often, but I sure disagree with this. She deserves exactly what she's getting, fucking around with a married man behind his wife's back.

I have absolutely no sympathy for her at all. If she's miserable, tough shit. It's exactly what she's got coming.

Yea, I would have to agree with you also. And I would like to add, I also won't feel bad when the dom in question dumps this one for a newer model. After all, if he can't be honest with the women he made vows with, why would he be honest with anyone else.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 6:21:09 AM

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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
I have no sympathy for you, as you have chosen your path. I just hope you realize you possess the courage to change this situation because you deserve so much more.

I don't disagree with you often, but I sure disagree with this. She deserves exactly what she's getting, fucking around with a married man behind his wife's back.

I have absolutely no sympathy for her at all. If she's miserable, tough shit. It's exactly what she's got coming.

Yea, I would have to agree with you also. And I would like to add, I also won't feel bad when the dom in question dumps this one for a newer model. After all, if he can't be honest with the women he made vows with, why would he be honest with anyone else.

actually...i doubt he would dump her. It is a safe bet she is his flavor of the month and it is a matter of time until he loses interest, but he is not going to outrightly burn his bridges. Rather, the phone calls will be even less than they are now, and all she will hear are many different excuses as to how hectic his life is, evoking her sympathy. The sad truth is...he really IS busy. Between his wife, kids, and the other self-centered women he is screwing, he has almost no down time.

I just have to wonder how many of them have whined here in the past? I hope the OP realizes she is one of many...

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to thishereboi)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 6:29:29 AM

DarlingSlutpuppy

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Joined: 8/31/2009
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I was with a married Dom for several months a few years ago. As time passed, it didn't work out because of his marriage. I know not to make that mistake again.

I'm going to tell you something that might hurt, but it is for the best that you know now before you get in too deep:

He is never going to leave her for you. Never. You're just a toy for him, nothing more. He wants a release from his boring vanilla life and you provide that outlet for him. But when its all said and done he will always choose her over you. You may not think you want him all to yourself now, but as time passes and you get in over your head, you'll want to leave her. And as I said before, he won't. I've been there, baby. But you're lucky in that you can walk away from this now with only minor bruising. If you let it keep going, you might not be so lucky.

I know a few of you think that it has happened before, so why not now? There ARE men who leave their wives for the other woman. But, think about this: Is that the kind of man you really want? One that will leave his wife (and possibly children?) for someone else? If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 6:39:10 AM

TheOneYouDesire2

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ok Everyone... I get the picture and as I have said in my last post...

This sub will find someone deserving of ME!

(in reply to DarlingSlutpuppy)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 7:37:43 AM

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He's lying to the most important person in his life. The person that he stood up with in front of friends, family and God and made a promise to. He has said that his family life will not change, which means your level of importance is lower than hers.

So, if he would lie to the most important person in his life and you're not the most important person in his life.......he won't hesitate to lie to you.

Men outnumber women 10:1 in theD/s BDSM realm. You have a lot of choices. Don't settle.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 7:44:05 AM

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That is the one mistake I have not made; no married men ever. I don't care how much they beg. :)

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 7:45:36 AM

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quote:

No she does not know and will not know about U/us or me or His secret Lifestyle.

So he is cheating on her with you and lying to living a secret lifestyle, not a very admirable traits in anyone, let alone a Dom. This may bring up trust issues eventually because you know the old saying, if he will cheat on her, he will do it to you too. But you knew this getting involved with him so it must not bother you.

My advice is pretty simple, find someone who is not in a relationship that can be in one with you. Otherwise your going to be the dirty little secret until his wife finds out (and she will eventually) or until he gets tired of you and moves onto someone else. Either way it does not look like a good situation to be in. Do yourself a favor, move on.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 8:00:22 AM

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She said that is what she is going to do.

Will she?

Only she can answer that question!

Good luck op!!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Lashra)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 8:04:53 AM

Posts: 11766
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quote:

...my problem is how to deal with the time apart, how do i deal with all the holidays without Him, how do i deal with the times He cannot contact me...

maybe you could take up a crafty endeavor to pass the idle/down time. perhaps knitting--you could make his wife some lovely sweaters, or you can learn to sew simple lingerie that he could give to her as a gift.
it might help for you to feel more connected to them, when you and he aren't spending time together, to know that you are putting your energy and creativity into what she will be wearing...handcrafted lingerie and gorgeous hand-knight sweaters, lovingly created by you. it should appeal to his caring and sensual side, don't you agree?
it will also keep your focus on the elephant in the room...not speaking about her weight, now, since you don't know her...but the actual source of your discomfort and angst....mmmmmmyummy self-inflicted masochism!!!

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 8:18:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Awww thanks, lucielucie (*lol* typing that name twice is fun!) I hope things are going better for you. I've been keeping up with your thread in general bdsm.

Things are good.

Thanks for thinking of me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2

ok Everyone... I get the picture and as I have said in my last post...

This sub will find someone deserving of ME!

First of all, I'm mighty glad you've decided to find someone who can give you what you need and deserve.

Second, get used to people not reading an entire thread and posting advice and judgment long after you want it. It's the nature of an online discussion board. Take a look at my thread "what versus why" in General BDSM Discussion to see a lovely example of this. It's not personal--it's just people having something to say and happy to have a forum in which to say it.

Good luck!

< Message edited by lucylucy -- 1/11/2010 8:19:24 AM >

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 8:29:16 AM

Posts: 783
Joined: 7/14/2007
From: Vegas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2
No she does not know and will not know about U/us or me or His secret Lifestyle.

Arrgghhh! He's lying to her....he's probably lied to others who love & rely on him! HOW do you build trust on that? How could hope live through that?

RUN! Run as fast as you can!!Run NOW!!

_____________________________

"You get what you accept."

"It is always wise to examine the facts from all angles before one renders a summary judgement."~_Marcus_

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

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