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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 4:50:15 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool
Cheating is wrong... It will never be okay, if bodily fluids are being exchanged then theres a chance this asstard of a dom is spreading around all sorts of nastys most of which CANT be gotten rid of.

Another learned from experience thing, explaining to the nurse that you are there because your ex's partner emailed you advising you to get tested is really a not nice experience, even worse when it turns out she was not being vindictive and you really did need to get tested before I ended up infertile. Thank god for that email.

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(in reply to hopelessfool)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 4:57:27 PM

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I had a similar scare lilly when my first doms "Just a FRIEND" called me telling me she was hiv positive, had been, and slept with him when they were "just HANGING out...NOT sleeping with each other.." I luckily am completely clean... He however has a drug resistant strain of HIV...

this ladies and gentlemen is called karma

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 6:34:43 PM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

I had a similar scare lilly when my first doms "Just a FRIEND" called me telling me she was hiv positive, had been, and slept with him when they were "just HANGING out...NOT sleeping with each other.." I luckily am completely clean... He however has a drug resistant strain of HIV...

this ladies and gentlemen is called karma

I think it's called shitty luck.

HIV is a very serious disease and considering it a fair punishment for cheating strikes me as extremely out of line. He cheated. He lied. He didn't kill anyone, he didn't rape anyone.

That he got HIV is extremely unfortunate and I feel for him. I'm very glad you didn't catch it but enjoying that someone else has it doesn't strike me as good karma-wise either.

_____________________________

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(in reply to hopelessfool)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 7:10:20 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

The idea of not caring because you don't personally have to deal with it... There is just something about that which leaves a very bad taste in my mouth.

I would have to say that the majority of us agree that the "cheater's" lack of integrity, the ease with which the cheater violates the trust of their partner(s) is a big part, for some reason especially in BDSM, that makes it so wrong. The situation you were talking about seems to be why it is so easy for those men to find someone to cheat with. While it isn't always the case (especially when the "other" has been told there isn't a spouse or partner), it seems that often they are cheating with "like minded" people. Those who also lack integrity or trustworthiness.

Aqua, I agree that there are times when things go horribly wrong, and the married partners need to work through and fix the problem. But that is a rare thing. More often, the cheater is on the selfish side and looking out only for themselves. Obviously, in some cases they find themselves cheating with people who are just as selfish as them.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/16/2010 4:53:47 PM

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my Master is married too, with two kids and a big house which just isn't selling. Yes, He is getting a divorce but it's proven to take ages. The house has been on the market for over half a year and no one has even been to see it! Master needs to sell the house in order to get divorced.
Anyways, it's really hard having to share the time you want to spend with your Master with someone else like His kids. Those times when you just want him all for yourself... oh right... the kids have soccer... Yea... i'll talk to you later...
I really do understand you and yes, it sucks so bad. If your anything like me you basically get depressed when He's not around.
Anyways, i hope things work out for you.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/16/2010 5:02:21 PM

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

I had a similar scare lilly when my first doms "Just a FRIEND" called me telling me she was hiv positive, had been, and slept with him when they were "just HANGING out...NOT sleeping with each other.." I luckily am completely clean... He however has a drug resistant strain of HIV...

this ladies and gentlemen is called karma

I think it's called shitty luck.

HIV is a very serious disease and considering it a fair punishment for cheating strikes me as extremely out of line. He cheated. He lied. He didn't kill anyone, he didn't rape anyone.

That he got HIV is extremely unfortunate and I feel for him. I'm very glad you didn't catch it but enjoying that someone else has it doesn't strike me as good karma-wise either.

let me explain everything aqua... he knew she had hiv, he slept with her with out a condom, he then tried to sleep with me more often then usual to purposely infect me...so i would never leave him because he knew i was growing more and more unhappy with the dynamic. He also was the first person I was ever with, and he was supposed to be monogamous with me, we were allowed play partners but with the others supervision and it being completely non sexual. He also infected i think it was 4 women in the apartment complex he was in, that he was sleeping with besides me...

Yes I do believe He deserved What he got... I think its even an arrestable offense to not disclose that your hiv positive before having sex with someone.

< Message edited by hopelessfool -- 1/16/2010 5:07:51 PM >

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" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/16/2010 5:41:50 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: divine91

my Master is married too, with two kids and a big house which just isn't selling. Yes, He is getting a divorce but it's proven to take ages. The house has been on the market for over half a year and no one has even been to see it! Master needs to sell the house in order to get divorced.
Anyways, it's really hard having to share the time you want to spend with your Master with someone else like His kids. Those times when you just want him all for yourself... oh right... the kids have soccer... Yea... i'll talk to you later...
I really do understand you and yes, it sucks so bad. If your anything like me you basically get depressed when He's not around.
Anyways, i hope things work out for you.

I don't know how divorce works in Sweden, but selling the house is not something that will keep a divorce from happening in the USA, of that I can assure you.

In the meantime, are they still living together? Because while you made your choice and it's your decision, if they still live together and you are still "secret" I wouldn't believe a word of it.

As for the kids, when someone has children, you *should* always be in second place, get used to it.

(in reply to divine91)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/17/2010 9:23:47 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

Yes I do believe He deserved What he got... I think its even an arrestable offense to not disclose that your hiv positive before having sex with someone.

Yes i do believe it is illegal to have unprotected sex if you know you have HIV...
i believe people have been prosecuted succesfully for spreading HIV too...
i think it is absolutely disgusting behavior and should be punished

i do NOT believe cheating is the same as killing someone though

i also think one should ALWAYS use condoms unless you know for a FACT you can trust eachother to be the only sexual partner to do it without condoms with.

i do not believe that the person who is cheating or the person who the cheater is cheating with are per definition stupid immoral people although they might be of course

(in reply to hopelessfool)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/17/2010 9:53:44 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Fast reply:

He's just not that into you.

The solution is to become not that into him, as well.

Then you'll be like him: enjoying the times that you are together and the time you're apart.

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(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/17/2010 10:44:28 AM

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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I realize none of this was said to me, AND I realize I sound judgemental, but having been the wife of two cheating men, I'm putting in my

anyway.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65
yes, cheating is cheating, and EVERYONE does it in one form or another.

And........

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65
you never cheated on a test in school. never cheated ever? never lied? never cheated in sports?

Yes,I lied when I was ten years old and I got my ass beat for it. I never lied again. My conscience wouldn't allow it. But I never cheated. I never cheated on a test, in sports, in a card game, nothing. Again, my stinking conscience would not allow it. I'm just that way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
Would a legitimate friend allow her to waste her time in half a relationship when she could actually be meeting men who are emotionally AND physically available? Would a legitimate friend sentence their friend to a life spent living in the shadows, never having holidays together, and not being able to share in life's great pleasures and heartaches?

Doesn't sound like a very good friend to me. Would a legitimate friend of yours treat you that way. AND, would you like it???

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65
is it really cheating if his wife simply does not supply his needs at home? he is being cheated?

Oh pleeeeeeease. That is the oldest freaking excuse in the book. Yes, it's cheating if she doesn't know about it & no it's not if she does.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
maybe the way to look at it is that you are in a poly relationship

Except for..........

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Does his wife know? Do you have any interaction with her?

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2
No she does not know and will not know about U/us or me or His secret Lifestyle.

Isn't poly supposed to include being open & honest with all members? What her Master & she are doing together is lying to/cheating on the wife.

_____________________________

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"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to masterlink65)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/17/2010 1:34:33 PM

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

Anyways, it's really hard having to share the time you want to spend with your Master with someone else like His kids. Those times when you just want him all for yourself... oh right... the kids have soccer... Yea... i'll talk to you later...

I hate to tell you this, but things are not going to improve once he sells the house and gets a divorce, if in fact he IS getting a divorce.

His children will always come before you, as they should. In all probability he will not include you in his time with them if he divorces his wife, and with good reason. The kids need time to adjust to their parents separation, and bringing you into the picture will confuse them and make him appear a villain in their eyes.

When you are with someone that has kids, you will never have him to yourself.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 1/17/2010 1:35:47 PM >

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(in reply to divine91)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/17/2010 5:09:56 PM

Firebirdseeking

Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

Hmmmm. I wonder...if her "Master" had a collared sub, would she still be involved with him? I have asked before if or why being married is treated less seriously than being collared.

Aqua, in my work I see people's lives destroyed by an affair. Its my opinion that if there is trouble at home, then both parties should have integrity and bring it up, discuss it, rather than go through the red light. Im glad your parents' marriage survived, but few do.

In my experience on this site, the men who are married (or have a live in) are often not up front about it, and when they are up front about it, they may SAY the spouse knows about it - but unless you speak to the partner, how do you know that is true??

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/17/2010 10:34:01 PM

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Joined: 11/16/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

you never cheated on a test in school. never cheated ever? never lied? never cheated in sports?and you still havent been accepted for sainthood. call mother theresa.

I've tried but she's not returning my calls. Must be that whole 'deceased for over a decade' thing.

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(in reply to masterlink65)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/17/2010 11:13:51 PM

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Why would I be with a married pretend Dom when there are so many real Doms who are not marrried?

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/17/2010 11:45:46 PM

Posts: 3044
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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

Dear Op, I didnt read all the posts but I can imagine you got excellent advice, I saw some very good advice on the first few pages. I want to jump in and say, and re-say if anyone else already mentioned my sentiments.

Have you imagined how you might feel if someone you loved, were married to was going behind your back with someone unconscious enough to allow it? How would you feel? About him? Her? Yourself?

Being someone who is willing to engage in a lying relationship says loads about the person jumping in. I dont think it necessarily makes one a bad person, sometimes simply ignorant and clueless. Clues can be found, deciphered and learned from.

Honestly is this what you want for yourself, fawning like a teenager over a man who is using you, getting sex for free, lying to his lady love, decieving and stringing you along? He obviously has power over you right now and maybe step back and see the rotten, rotting bits of this relationship and do the thing that will take you where you really want to go. Please tell me you want more for yourself? Your situations is more pathetic than being a prostitute because it is like you are paying him.

I feel really sorry for you and most sorry for his wife. Hope he doesnt have kids man. What a life. What a loser you are in love with. Feck.

Look, if women would not touch other women's property behind their backs, half the battle would be won. I hope by posting this it cast some light onto what you are doing here and how uncool it is, for you, for her, for him and our society. Like you said you knew what you are getting into. Seriously? You honestly wanted to walk into someone else's relationship? You are seriously okay with this? So creepy if you really do persisit in this. None of my business but since you put it out their, yeah not a good thing you have going over there. Take care of yourself. I mean I dont mean to be preachy but how would you feel if this was your daughter, if this was the sum total of her heart's desire to be with a married man who was lying to his poor wife and treating both women (probably all women) like shit by the sound of it.

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 5:26:00 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

Dear Op, I didnt read all the posts but I can imagine you got excellent advice, I saw some very good advice on the first few pages. I want to jump in and say, and re-say if anyone else already mentioned my sentiments.

Have you imagined how you might feel if someone you loved, were married to was going behind your back with someone unconscious enough to allow it? How would you feel? About him? Her? Yourself?

Being someone who is willing to engage in a lying relationship says loads about the person jumping in. I dont think it necessarily makes one a bad person, sometimes simply ignorant and clueless. Clues can be found, deciphered and learned from.

Honestly is this what you want for yourself, fawning like a teenager over a man who is using you, getting sex for free, lying to his lady love, decieving and stringing you along? He obviously has power over you right now and maybe step back and see the rotten, rotting bits of this relationship and do the thing that will take you where you really want to go. Please tell me you want more for yourself? Your situations is more pathetic than being a prostitute because it is like you are paying him.

I feel really sorry for you and most sorry for his wife. Hope he doesnt have kids man. What a life. What a loser you are in love with. Feck.

Look, if women would not touch other women's property behind their backs, half the battle would be won. I hope by posting this it cast some light onto what you are doing here and how uncool it is, for you, for her, for him and our society. Like you said you knew what you are getting into. Seriously? You honestly wanted to walk into someone else's relationship? You are seriously okay with this? So creepy if you really do persisit in this. None of my business but since you put it out their, yeah not a good thing you have going over there. Take care of yourself. I mean I dont mean to be preachy but how would you feel if this was your daughter, if this was the sum total of her heart's desire to be with a married man who was lying to his poor wife and treating both women (probably all women) like shit by the sound of it.

condensed:
Dear Op, this is none of my business but you are a filthy home wrecker slavering over a cheating bastard cunt.
i really feel so very sorry for you...

is this what is considered passive aggression then?

(in reply to heartcream)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 6:11:23 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

Don't feel guilty about the other woman, that is entirely his business... besides, she might be an absolute bitch who is having affairs herself... or worse... denies him any sexual contact... what ever, it is his problem, not yours.
There is even a possibility that his wife knows... that they share his seedy little affair with his sexy slave... that it turns her on when he gives her all the details....
don't dwell on it, it is between him and his wife.

I completely disagree with this. Just because you don't have contact with the person you are helping to hurt doesn't mean that you shouldn't acknowledge what you are doing.

I don't think cheating or helping someone cheat is the worst thing in the world. It's usually a symptom of problems in the relationship that need to be solved. It's just as likely that she isn't a bitch and desperately trying to keep her marriage together. To completely dismiss her as "she might be a bitch" seems like just an excuse. He might have kids that are being affected by not having their Dad around cause he's boffing his mistress. Any of the situations are just as likely.

When you help someone do something wrong, the bad karma is not entirely on them. If a person is willing to accept that, than whatever. I've done it and I've been on the other side of things watching the reality of what happens when a husband and father's infidelity comes to light.

The idea of not caring because you don't personally have to deal with it... There is just something about that which leaves a very bad taste in my mouth.

I should like to address this Aqua

it is very messy if an extra marital love interest gets involved in a marital problem... i do not wish the hurt and anguish that comes with this on anybody... especially not the children (if there are any)
If the wife would find out i would advise the mistress to walk away and leave the couple to sort their problems, as an outsider she has no business in that.

i did not dismiss the wife as a bitch... i said she might be one, then again she might be the sweetest girl ever, i do not know why he cheats on her, it is not my business, and i personally would not dwell on it.
i would not be much interested in his home-life at all ... i would not want to feel like his therapist or something.

... if he was not cheating with the op, he probably would be cheating with an other (if he is not already)... i remain of the opinion it is NOT the op's responsibility, it is his

it is however the op's responsibility NOT to fall in love with the man, he belongs to another, she has to be realistic about that.
and again, if she does fall in love with the man, the best thing she can do is walk away and nurse her broken heart.

i have been on many sides of cheating too; most were heart wrenching affairs, not all though.

maybe ideally there is no sex before marriage and divorce would be banned, but i am not an idealist

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 7:08:05 AM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

it is very messy if an extra marital love interest gets involved in a marital problem... i do not wish the hurt and anguish that comes with this on anybody... especially not the children (if there are any)
If the wife would find out i would advise the mistress to walk away and leave the couple to sort their problems, as an outsider she has no business in that.

Why? It's ok for an outsider to be involved in their problems by helping him cheat. What is the difference if the wife knows? Is that when the other woman becomes real?

I'm not trying to be mean but this not logical. If it's ok for a stranger to be involved with the marriage by helping the guy cheat and the stranger shouldn't dwell on what they doing because the wife might be a bitch, then that doesn't change cause the wife knows.

quote:

i did not dismiss the wife as a bitch... i said she might be one, then again she might be the sweetest girl ever, i do not know why he cheats on her, it is not my business, and i personally would not dwell on it.

i would not be much interested in his home-life at all ... i would not want to feel like his therapist or something.

... if he was not cheating with the op, he probably would be cheating with an other (if he is not already)... i remain of the opinion it is NOT the op's responsibility, it is his

It's his responsiblity to not break his promises. However, the doesn't relieve the mistress of her share of the guilt. When you help someone break a law, you are held repsonsible. When you help someone lie, hurt others and deceive them you are also responsible.

In some cases, the situation may make it tolerable for the person involved to assist such decit. Fine, whatever. That doesn't make them a terrible person. But it doesn't make them blameless and I have a particular distaste for just not caring about how what a person is helping to do is going to affect other people.

quote:

no sex before marriage and divorce would be banned, but i am not an idealist

I don't regard myself idealist either. I don't think what you suggest are the solutions, nor did I even hint at them. I expect that cheating will continue. That it's a symptom of unhappy relationships. However, I do expect people to give a shit about others and how their actions affect others - even when they don't know them. Otherwise there isn't much point in trying to make the world better at all. After all, I don't know the how many billion people in the world? I don't know the guy who is going to get in trouble for missing stock if I steal from a store. He might be an asshole. I don't know the waitress serving me my dinner so what does it matter if I leave a tip or not. She might be a bitch.

If that makes me an idealist, I'll accept that.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ranja)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 7:14:40 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I'm a little late to this party, but to answer the OP:

Nope, I don't do married men. Unless his wife is joining in the fun.

WinD

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 7:32:20 AM

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: divine91

my Master is married too, with two kids and a big house which just isn't selling. Yes, He is getting a divorce but it's proven to take ages. The house has been on the market for over half a year and no one has even been to see it! Master needs to sell the house in order to get divorced.
Anyways, it's really hard having to share the time you want to spend with your Master with someone else like His kids. Those times when you just want him all for yourself... oh right... the kids have soccer... Yea... i'll talk to you later... I really do understand you and yes, it sucks so bad. If your anything like me you basically get depressed when He's not around.
Anyways, i hope things work out for you.

re: the blue bit.............. damn freakin right! the kids always come first and thats how it should be. if i were you id change youre mentality a bit and look at it this way. he puts his kids first because he is a decent parent and knows when to prioritise.

personally i have no time at all for people who ignore their responsibilities. kids have a right to expect that their parents stick around for them.

you have a decent man there and you ought to be proud of that instead of rolling youre eyes and resenting the kids that came well before you and always will.

personally, if anyone tried to manipulate me away from my son theyd get a swift kick to the curb and i wouldnt look back.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to divine91)

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