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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 1:05:33 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2

ok Everyone... I get the picture and as I have said in my last post...

This sub will find someone deserving of ME!

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 4:17:17 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

Second, get used to people not reading an entire thread and posting advice and judgment long after you want it.

That's not surprising, considering she still doesn't seem to get it. She keeps saying she's going to go out and find herself the kind of man worthy of her. The point is, that's exactly what she's already got. If she wants to find a better man, maybe she should work on becoming the kind of person a better man would find appealing. Most people with the kind of morals and values she seems to be saying she wants are probably not going to be all that interested in someone whose values are so different. Until she figures that out, she's probably not going to find anything better than the current loser. People who want better partners usually need to do a lot more than say, "Well, I'm not going to settle for losers anymore." They usually need to actually make changes in themselves. so the people they want to attract will be attracted to them. Hopefully, she figures that out at some point.

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 4:40:27 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nakedthinker

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
In that case... I really don't have any feeling for you at all. You are helping a man cheat on his wife and are probably deluding yourself into thinking he'll never lie to your or betray you.

While not the worst thing in the world, you've chosen to help someone betray someone else and then have the nerve to complain that you aren't getting enough attention. Either enjoy what you are getting or stop messing around with married men.

It is not MARRIED men that are the problem, it is married, CHEATING men. I am married to a dominant woman, and she is quite aware of my relationships with submissive women. PLEASE do not group honorable poly men with cheating, lying, dishonorable men.

Next time check the profile to make sure you aren't talking to a poly woman who is married to a poly husband before you go off half-cocked. The phrase "messing around" tends to imply cheating in this context.

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 5:03:28 PM

winterlight

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I haven't read all of the replies but i do have a question. Has it ever happened where the wife found out about the sub and Dom and went after the sub because of some law?

In other words did she sue the sub for any type of reason involving the Dom?

I don't mean to highjack the thread but i read somewhere where a woman sued the husbands Mistress..

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 5:10:11 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

I haven't read all of the replies but i do have a question. Has it ever happened where the wife found out about the sub and Dom and went after the sub because of some law?

It's entirely possible but not BDSM related. In North Carolina, it's perfectly legal for a spouse to sue the person their spouse was cheating on them with. I forget the reason but Valyraen found article on it and pointed it out to me.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 5:29:51 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

I haven't read all of the replies but i do have a question. Has it ever happened where the wife found out about the sub and Dom and went after the sub because of some law?

It's entirely possible but not BDSM related. In North Carolina, it's perfectly legal for a spouse to sue the person their spouse was cheating on them with. I forget the reason but Valyraen found article on it and pointed it out to me.

Alienation of affection.

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 6:08:28 PM

LafayetteLady

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From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

I haven't read all of the replies but i do have a question. Has it ever happened where the wife found out about the sub and Dom and went after the sub because of some law?

In other words did she sue the sub for any type of reason involving the Dom?

I don't mean to highjack the thread but i read somewhere where a woman sued the husbands Mistress..

Yes it is possible, but it isn't based on BDSM it is based on the adultery itself. Different states have different laws and the case you are remembering I think occurred in Texas and it was an aniquated law that was never removed from the books (kind of like the ones that say a man must walk in front of his car if his wife is driving). In most states, the "other woman" would be named as a co-respondent in a divorce action. The standard of proof, however, is pretty high as regardless of how wrong it is to do, the courts are not apt to want to potentially involve someone who didn't really do something and have them openly ostrasized. Just like the number of people who claim abuse of the children just to gain an advantage, many would name an alleged mistress for vengeful reasons.

And really when you think about it, yes the other woman wasn't right, but the number of them who actually don't know the guy is married is pretty high as well. It's the spouse who is really the one who betrayed their partner (no I'm not saying the mistress is doing nothing wrong) and the case in point was not about anything more than the wife's anger and wanting revenge. Honestly the courts are backlogged enough without adding that to the docket.

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 6:42:50 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Alienation of affection.

Ahhh thank you. It was on the tip of my tongue.

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It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 7:30:27 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Alienation of affection.

Ahhh thank you. It was on the tip of my tongue.

Ah yeah i HATE that...and it happens MUCH more often the closer i get to 50....LOL

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 8:15:47 PM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

Second, get used to people not reading an entire thread and posting advice and judgment long after you want it.

That's not surprising, considering she still doesn't seem to get it. She keeps saying she's going to go out and find herself the kind of man worthy of her. The point is, that's exactly what she's already got. If she wants to find a better man, maybe she should work on becoming the kind of person a better man would find appealing. Most people with the kind of morals and values she seems to be saying she wants are probably not going to be all that interested in someone whose values are so different. Until she figures that out, she's probably not going to find anything better than the current loser. People who want better partners usually need to do a lot more than say, "Well, I'm not going to settle for losers anymore." They usually need to actually make changes in themselves. so the people they want to attract will be attracted to them. Hopefully, she figures that out at some point.

I understand what you're saying, but being imperfect myself, I TRY to refrain from judging people who post on here and seem sincere. It doesn't seem fair to me to write off the OP as having poor morals and values when 100% of what I know about her is from this thread. I'm ok with judging her relationship and her role in it, but to write her off as a person with poor morals and values seems a little extreme. Good people fuck up. It doesn't make them fuck ups.

< Message edited by lucylucy -- 1/11/2010 8:17:03 PM >

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 8:23:37 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

I understand what you're saying, but being imperfect myself, I TRY to refrain from judging people who post on here and seem sincere. It doesn't seem fair to me to write off the OP as having poor morals and values when 100% of what I know about her is from this thread. I'm ok with judging her relationship and her role in it, but to write her off as a person with poor morals and values seems a little extreme. Good people fuck up. It doesn't make them fuck ups.

Well said lucylucy. Considering I have been called a self-righteous, highly judgemental, moralistic hypocrite of late, it shocked even me to see the posts you are referring to.

Lucky for her, most of us judged the situation and told her no more than she DID something foolish. A far cry from telling her that she IS a fool.

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 8:23:38 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy
I'm ok with judging her relationship and her role in it, but to write her off as a person with poor morals and values seems a little extreme. Good people fuck up. It doesn't make them fuck ups.

Agreed. I don't know the factors at play here. I'm unwilling to write her off as having poor morals when it could be a lapse. That doesn't excuse the behavior but people just fuck up. It doesn't make them bad people who are devoid of character.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 8:25:13 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Agreed. I don't know the factors at play here. I'm unwilling to write her off as having poor morals when it could be a lapse. That doesn't excuse the behavior but people just fuck up. It doesn't make them bad people who are devoid of character.

Very true Aqua. But I dont' have much trouble calling the married guy she is dumping to be someone devoid of character.

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 8:31:15 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Agreed. I don't know the factors at play here. I'm unwilling to write her off as having poor morals when it could be a lapse. That doesn't excuse the behavior but people just fuck up. It doesn't make them bad people who are devoid of character.

Very true Aqua. But I dont' have much trouble calling the married guy she is dumping to be someone devoid of character.

I do. My Dad cheated on my Mom. Shit happened but, in the end, they got through it. It affected me negatively at the time and for a bit afterwards. But their relationship is stronger now and I got to see that love and a determination to work through it can make a relationship survive nearly anything and be better for it. I can see the factors that caused him to do what he did even if they don't excuse the behavior.

I don't know what is going on in that man's marriage. I don't know what his home life is like. I won't pretend to know. I know that I don't think it makes cheating right. Only that perhaps it's an understandable lapse in morals and that it's entirely possible he's not actually a bad guy.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/11/2010 8:32:38 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 9:43:58 PM

LafayetteLady

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I don't disagree that many marriage survive affairs and can get stronger from it. But I really get a sense that this guy has been doing this for a while and that he will continue after the OP is long gone.

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/11/2010 10:01:53 PM

AquaticSub

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It's possible. I just don't see anything in the post that lets me feel comfortable drawing any conclusions about him other than that he is cheating on his wife at the moment.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/14/2010 6:39:31 PM

masterlink65

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be a good slave and wait to be of service to your master. even though you are not calling him master, you are in his service. so be there when you are needed. i am sure he is appreciative of your patience, he should be.

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/14/2010 7:30:12 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Agreed. I don't know the factors at play here. I'm unwilling to write her off as having poor morals when it could be a lapse. That doesn't excuse the behavior but people just fuck up. It doesn't make them bad people who are devoid of character.

Very true Aqua. But I dont' have much trouble calling the married guy she is dumping to be someone devoid of character.

I'm with Aqua here. The marriage is crap but I'm not going to say which one of them made it that way... probably both.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/14/2010 7:36:16 PM

sunshinemiss

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Cheating is cheating. Putting a BDSM spin on it doesn't change that it is cheating.

You're not happy? Change it.

There is this whole attitude that s-types have to give up everything to be with a D-type. That's a crock of nonsense. What would you say to your best friend if she were in this situation?

Good luck,
sunshine

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/14/2010 7:40:59 PM

itsmeinLV

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It's hard to suggest anything else when you knew what this relationship is going into it. The only thing I can suggest (assuming breaking up with your Dom isn't an option) is to cope with it by staying busy. Pack your life enough to where you literally only have time to sleep at home. Other than that, good luck with everything.

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