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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 6:10:16 AM

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Do people ever read through relevent parts of threads before answering? Yeah, some are like 14 pages long, but even then I *usually* try to at least skim through it before answering. [/hijack]

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~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to itsmeinLV)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 7:19:09 AM

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i read the OP and respond to it. no one gives a crap what i have to say, so i give people the same in return. i answer the OP and pay little attention to what else may be written. threads on here seem to turn into, oh hey, havent seen you on here in so long, good to see you,, blah blah blah. save that for an email seeing how no one stops the non sense on the forum i ignore people just like i get ignored.

but yeah, i think its great so many people telling this person to run and get a real situation. its hard enough to find a legitimate friend in this rotten world. but to actually find a person you can do kink with and have it be satisfying.now you are going to try to destroy what little that person has, easy to say while you sit there with your partner next to you. if it is worth keeping it is worth fighting for.

yes, cheating is cheating, and EVERYONE does it in one form or another.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 7:31:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

i read the OP and respond to it. no one gives a crap what i have to say, so i give people the same in return. i answer the OP and pay little attention to what else may be written. threads on here seem to turn into, oh hey, havent seen you on here in so long, good to see you,, blah blah blah. save that for an email seeing how no one stops the non sense on the forum i ignore people just like i get ignored.

but yeah, i think its great so many people telling this person to run and get a real situation. its hard enough to find a legitimate friend in this rotten world. but to actually find a person you can do kink with and have it be satisfying.now you are going to try to destroy what little that person has, easy to say while you sit there with your partner next to you. if it is worth keeping it is worth fighting for.

yes, cheating is cheating, and EVERYONE does it in one form or another.

No, not everyone cheats. Your post is exceedingly negative, but what else is new.

(in reply to masterlink65)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 7:42:03 AM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2

i entered this relationship with a married Dom knowing full well what i was getting into. knew that i would only see Him as He travels for work, 2 days every 2-3 weeks.
i am still in training and am not collared yet... He craves for me to call Him Master but does not push, He is understanding, sensual and a very caring Dom.
my problem is how to deal with the time apart, how do i deal with all the holidays without Him, how do i deal with the times He cannot contact me. Although He writes me at least once a day, sometimes it's just not enough. i truly care for Him and want to be a devoted slave to Him one day. i cannot complain as you all know, even in my journal i fear writing exactly how i feel. W/we have talked about my feelings, about holidays and He listens. The problem is there is no solution, i don't want to be released from Him, i don't want to be a problem.. yet i would like to find a solution to my problem... Any suggestions?

My advice for what it is worth... why would you want to put up with seconds when you can have firsts?

The above is not a rhetorical question, it is a sincere one... what are you getting out of this situation? What is it feeding you? How does it make you happy? I will tell you, from my point of view, you are setting yourself up to be in an utmost unhappy situation so before it gets more unhappy than happy, figure out what it is really giving you. In my estimation, putting up with a situation like this is something that someone who needs to heal a deep part of themselves does... knowingly getting involved with someone that cannot meet your needs and never will is all something inside you that is broken.

I wish you luck, you need it.

Edited to add, even though you are getting out of the relationship you should answer the above questions so you do not find another man that will not give you what you need in a relationship... seeking men that cannot give you what you need could be a pattern for you, and there are all sorts of "reasons" that the men you involve yourself with in the future may do the same.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/15/2010 8:00:34 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 8:39:14 AM

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From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

i read the OP and respond to it. no one gives a crap what i have to say, so i give people the same in return. i answer the OP and pay little attention to what else may be written. threads on here seem to turn into, oh hey, havent seen you on here in so long, good to see you,, blah blah blah. save that for an email seeing how no one stops the non sense on the forum i ignore people just like i get ignored.

but yeah, i think its great so many people telling this person to run and get a real situation. its hard enough to find a legitimate friend in this rotten world. but to actually find a person you can do kink with and have it be satisfying.now you are going to try to destroy what little that person has, easy to say while you sit there with your partner next to you. if it is worth keeping it is worth fighting for.

yes, cheating is cheating, and EVERYONE does it in one form or another.

A "master" who has to lie, cheat and steal (because he is stealing from one to give to another) is no master. And definitely not worth wasting her precious time over.

What makes you think he is a "legitimate friend" to her, btw? Would a legitimate friend allow her to waste her time in half a relationship when she could actually be meeting men who are emotionally AND physically available? Would a legitimate friend sentence their friend to a life spent living in the shadows, never having holidays together, and not being able to share in life's great pleasures and heartaches?

And pfffttt...I said the same thing when I didn't have a partner. In fact, I was celibate for three years before taking the bdsm plunge. But when I did, it wasn't with someone who could not possibly give me what I needed.

Just so I'm clear: If you call yourself a master, be prepared to live your life as one. That means being honest with yourself and those you would have trust you.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to masterlink65)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 8:52:11 AM

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you never cheated on a test in school. never cheated ever? never lied? never cheated in sports?and you still havent been accepted for sainthood. call mother theresa.

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 8:54:53 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

you never cheated on a test in school. never cheated ever? never lied? never cheated in sports?and you still havent been accepted for sainthood. call mother theresa.

I have lied... but I have never cheated, ever.

And yes there is a difference.

And no, I am not nearly a saint

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to masterlink65)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 8:55:26 AM

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easy to sit there and pass judgment while you are happily partnered. destroy what little they have. champion of whats right?!

whatever happened to what doesnt work for you may work for me? easy to watch someone else fail while you get to cherish your moment.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 8:57:21 AM

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is it really cheating if his wife simply does not supply his needs at home? he is being cheated?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 9:03:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

is it really cheating if his wife simply does not supply his needs at home? he is being cheated?

That depends. If his wife knows, then no, it isn't cheating. If the spouse does not know, then yes.

When you get married, you take "vows". Unless your marriage vows did not include fidelity your spouse has the expectation of that.

It is a contract. It has been broken. Not only is it cheating, it calls into question the integrity of the person.

If your needs are not being met there is a solution. It is called divorce.

Jeff

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"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to masterlink65)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 9:03:58 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

is it really cheating if his wife simply does not supply his needs at home? he is being cheated?

I am not judging here. My post simply stated that getting involved in a relationship that will never fulfill your needs or make you happy is all about the person not getting their needs filled.... and that is a serious problem that only that person can deal with. It is deeper than the situation they find themselves in at the moment, and it is something that can form into a pattern of behavior if they are not careful. I bought and wore that tshirt (not married men, but men that were emotionally unavailable).

I find judging people doesn't really help the Universe, nor make it a better place. That does not mean I do not ever judge, but it does mean that the best approach to dealing with what I think are mistakes is to look at what led to making them...

If a man isn't getting his needs met at home then he needs to figure out how he can get those needs met. If he thinks that fucking around on his spouse is going to lead him to happiness and fulfillment, he is either a complete jerk or he is sorely mistaken. People who live inauthentically are usually miserable SOBs

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to masterlink65)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 9:08:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

you never cheated on a test in school. never cheated ever? never lied? never cheated in sports?and you still havent been accepted for sainthood. call mother theresa.

It should suprise no one that stealing a pencil and stealing a car are different degrees of the crime of stealing.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to masterlink65)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 9:14:44 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

you never cheated on a test in school. never cheated ever? never lied? never cheated in sports?and you still havent been accepted for sainthood. call mother theresa.

It should suprise no one that stealing a pencil and stealing a car are different degrees of the crime of stealing.

Not according to my mother, who gave me this sage advice...

"If you are going to be a thief steal big, because whether you steal a nickle or a million dollars you are still a thief, so don't sell your morality out for chump change."

For some reason I agreed with that, and I thought if I am going to ever become a thief I want a lot of mulla for that!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 9:16:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

you never cheated on a test in school. never cheated ever? never lied? never cheated in sports?and you still havent been accepted for sainthood. call mother theresa.

now you are just being silly...of course people do. but I was responding the the OP's actual thread about cheating on a spouse who does not know. that to me is cheating and no, I have never cheated on my partners.

I am not interested in sainthood; it is more fun being bad. (which is actually good).

(in reply to masterlink65)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 12:11:11 PM

LillyoftheVally

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Joined: 7/22/2009
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FR

I have been there, I didn't go in with eyes open but I didn't stop things when I became more aware of the situation. I do not think that I have ever felt so stupid in my entire life. I always gave advice to everyone and sat on my sages stool but I completely fell for everything, I genuinely believed the things he told me, even ignoring advice from people on here who saw right through the whole thing.

The only way to make it easier is to end it, always. I spent such a long time begging this guy to tell his partner, he told me whatever he could to make me leave it alone, I worked out the extent of his lies to both me and her when I spoke to her, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done every bone in my body shouted at me to put the phone down.

I learned a hell of a lot about myself from that situation, and to be fair am no where near healed. I can not nor ever will understand why someone would do it knowingly, start a relationship which is going to hurt someone, and I know now that as much as I may feel for someone if I could never do anything like it again. It made me see that despite my outward cynicism I was more gullible than I thought.

I know thats all a bit personal but well there we go.

To masterlink, seems twice I have disagreed with you today, if someone is unhappy with what they have at home, unhappy enough to be with someone else then they have to make a change themselves, not drag another person in, not risk hurting more people, they need to either leave or change things, simple, cheating is not the answer.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 12:39:24 PM

osf

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quote:

And no, I am not nearly a saint

i'm a dom, that makes me a saint

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i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 1:10:32 PM

ranja

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Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

FR
Before i met my Husband i had a sex relationship with a guy who had a steady partner... he was not married but i think he lived with this woman...
so we could not always get it together as we would like obviously... sometimes it was difficult to get hold of him and even then he was not always available... but then i was not for him either, i had work commitments and birthday parties to go to too.

He was absolutely great at sex and we used to have a lot of fun... he took care of my sex needs and i felt really happy with the arrangement, i never considered him to be long term material, i did not think i was his only woman on the side either.
I never had any illusions or dreams that he would leave his girlfriend and i would not have appreciated that at all either... i just liked to have sex with him, he was fun to be with.
i don't think his woman knew, i did not think it was important, i considered it his business.

If i would not have met my Husband, i might have seen the guy for sex for a lot longer.

My advise to you is: don't get hung up on him, he is not long term material, have fun with him for as long as you both want or can and ALWAYS use condoms.

Don't feel guilty about the other woman, that is entirely his business... besides, she might be an absolute bitch who is having affairs herself... or worse... denies him any sexual contact... what ever, it is his problem, not yours.
There is even a possibility that his wife knows... that they share his seedy little affair with his sexy slave... that it turns her on when he gives her all the details....
don't dwell on it, it is between him and his wife.

So, do not become exclusive to him, take the collar (if he wants to give it you) for play only.
ALWAYS remain open for new interests.

Good luck

(in reply to osf)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 1:12:42 PM

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Joined: 4/16/2009
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FR

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2

i entered this relationship with a married Dom knowing full well what i was getting into. knew that i would only see Him as He travels for work, 2 days every 2-3 weeks.
i am still in training and am not collared yet... He craves for me to call Him Master but does not push, He is understanding, sensual and a very caring Dom.
my problem is how to deal with the time apart, how do i deal with all the holidays without Him, how do i deal with the times He cannot contact me. Although He writes me at least once a day, sometimes it's just not enough. i truly care for Him and want to be a devoted slave to Him one day. i cannot complain as you all know, even in my journal i fear writing exactly how i feel. W/we have talked about my feelings, about holidays and He listens. The problem is there is no solution, i don't want to be released from Him, i don't want to be a problem.. yet i would like to find a solution to my problem... Any suggestions?

you say that you went in knowing full well what you were getting into. maybe so, but i dont think you really thought about how it would feel to be on the periphery of his married life.

maybe the way to look at it is that you are in a poly relationship where you all live apart. you get as much as youre Master can give you and because you went into it aware that he was married and you would be on the periphery and accepted it then, (in theory), you are now either going to have to accept it now, (in reality) or move on and put it down to experience.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 1/15/2010 1:14:09 PM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 4:09:23 PM

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

Don't feel guilty about the other woman, that is entirely his business... besides, she might be an absolute bitch who is having affairs herself... or worse... denies him any sexual contact... what ever, it is his problem, not yours.
There is even a possibility that his wife knows... that they share his seedy little affair with his sexy slave... that it turns her on when he gives her all the details....
don't dwell on it, it is between him and his wife.

I completely disagree with this. Just because you don't have contact with the person you are helping to hurt doesn't mean that you shouldn't acknowledge what you are doing.

I don't think cheating or helping someone cheat is the worst thing in the world. It's usually a symptom of problems in the relationship that need to be solved. It's just as likely that she isn't a bitch and desperately trying to keep her marriage together. To completely dismiss her as "she might be a bitch" seems like just an excuse. He might have kids that are being affected by not having their Dad around cause he's boffing his mistress. Any of the situations are just as likely.

When you help someone do something wrong, the bad karma is not entirely on them. If a person is willing to accept that, than whatever. I've done it and I've been on the other side of things watching the reality of what happens when a husband and father's infidelity comes to light.

The idea of not caring because you don't personally have to deal with it... There is just something about that which leaves a very bad taste in my mouth.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ranja)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/15/2010 4:46:53 PM

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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And what happens when he brings home hiv or any other nasty home to both his wife and his girl on the side Ranja.... Is it HER fucking business then...

Cheating is wrong... It will never be okay, if bodily fluids are being exchanged then theres a chance this asstard of a dom is spreading around all sorts of nastys most of which CANT be gotten rid of.

OP one question, if your Moving on, why does the profile still say Im taken?

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to AquaticSub)

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