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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/19/2010 10:35:47 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Again, because anyone entering into an affair with someone who is married has the primary concern that they want to get laid. They are not looking for a relationship, just sex. As long as they are getting the sex they want, it doesn't matter who may or may not get hurt by their actions. It's all about good sex.

That's not the case. It's a blanket statement that holds no water unless you know each and every person that has been susceptable to to a relationship outside of their marriage.

Thank you for saying that, and I wholeheartedly agree. When I found myself involved with someone who was though not married in a relationship lasting over a decade with children I damn well was not in it for sex, indeed it would be a million times easier to get your sex somewhere else.

Affairs actually are not easy, and in my limited experience not fun.

It is very simple to throw scorn on people but unless you have walked a mile in their shoes I think keep value judgment to a minimum.

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(in reply to agirl)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/19/2010 10:46:35 PM

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From: Nova Scotia, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

However, no man who has to lie about who/what he is to his wife/SO is a Dom. A Dom is someone you can always count on; someone who knows who and what He is and lives up to the respect, love and belief that others have in Him.

I second that. and I would like to say forget him being a Dom. No MAN has any right to call himself a man if he would do something like that. The simple fact is he is screwing his wife and family over to be with you - and isn't really with you either. If hes going to do this to his own family then don't expect him to treat you well at all. Its sad but its reality.

and at least consider what this would do to her if she found out. This isn't all about you.

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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/20/2010 12:42:27 AM

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quote:

In each and every case, lack of sex wasn't what made them susceptable......emotional loneliness was. In almost every case, they were not people driven by their loins to leap between the first available legs.

Most of them had spent years trying to find ways of getting back in touch with the partner they loved, and had endured years of indifference.

OK, where were you peeking from when my marriage went south? This is, nearly word for word, my story.

Years of forced celibacy, emotional abandonment/ abuse, and countless attempts by me to change things or discuss the situation went nowhere. Did I cheat? Yes, I did... one time shortly before we separated, and sex was pretty much last on the list of reasons why.
If folks here want to flame me for my actions, they can go for it.

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(in reply to agirl)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/20/2010 3:58:25 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

In each and every case, lack of sex wasn't what made them susceptable......emotional loneliness was. In almost every case, they were not people driven by their loins to leap between the first available legs.

Most of them had spent years trying to find ways of getting back in touch with the partner they loved, and had endured years of indifference.

OK, where were you peeking from when my marriage went south? This is, nearly word for word, my story.

Years of forced celibacy, emotional abandonment/ abuse, and countless attempts by me to change things or discuss the situation went nowhere. Did I cheat? Yes, I did... one time shortly before we separated, and sex was pretty much last on the list of reasons why.
If folks here want to flame me for my actions, they can go for it.

No peeking needed WyldHrt.......I've had a window seat in other people's lives and seen decent, nice, thoughtful and caring people struggling. There's no point and nothing to be gained from the *blame game*. They are just sad, difficult and often, complicated situations.

agirl

(in reply to WyldHrt)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/20/2010 7:04:43 AM

ranja

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Original xxblushesxx

As to something else said by Ranja: an "available married person" is a bit of an oxymoron isn't it?
That is why i put available between these '' thingies... it was meant to read like available but not

I must say your english is superb, and you express yourself very well. thank you
However, to liken a murder victim to an active participant in marital infidelity, is disingenuous AT BEST.
i merely tried to explain that i do not understand women who get angry at the girl who their man cheats on them with, rather than with the man himself...
If i found out i was cheated on: He would get my anger, not her, i would not care about her at all, i understand for some people it is easier to get angry at- and blame the third person, but that is not my style.

You know it's wrong, and you know you hurt others with your actions, but as long as you can put your fingers in your ears, and your hands over your eyes, it doesn't bother you. Like the little girl singing "lalala I can't hear you..."
When i had an affair with a 'taken' guy i did not have my fingers in my ears, i simply did not spend any time at all thinking about whether it was right or wrong, it just was; it suited us for the time being, it was very nice...
He pursued me and i never felt i was the keeper of his soul, i felt his relationships besides seeing me were his business.

If i would have ever known her, i would have broken it off,
and if i would have seen her out and about, i would have been wary incase she would be one of these misdirected anger people...
Luckily i am not exactly a push over and can stand my ground.

I feel very much like people make their own choices and most people have quite reasonable motives for the way they behave. Generally people are not just going about their business to willy nilly hurt other people, and most people like to be close to another and get some human warmth at times.
It is not my place to judge other people and the way i operate is not without any morals or feeling for others either.

You don't want to admit it. Because to do so you would have to hold yourself accountable, and you would have to come to a realisation that you're just not ready for.
i still do not feel responsible at all... he lived his life and i lived mine, we only spend some fine moments together, i have some very good memories and no regrets and when i bumped into him years later it felt good to see him and he seemed happy, he was still with his woman and he told me they had a child, he said he loved being a father ... maybe he is still cheating, i do not know, i did not ask.

I hope someday that you can be that honest with yourself. It takes a lot of courage, I know.
i do not feel like i have sinned, i am happy to have had my time with him.
and yes, i would do it all again, mmm

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/21/2010 5:43:17 PM

Firebirdseeking

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I have read all seven laborious pages of this post. It seems to me that there are 2 camps; those who think involvement with a married individual is "OK", or "that person's business"; and those who think married is married, committed, and that getting involved with a married man is wrong. Neither camp is going to switch sides.

Maybe it's time to give it up. If you believe its wrong to be involved with a married person, dont do it. If you feel its ok, quit trying to justify it.

(in reply to ranja)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/21/2010 8:48:19 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

I understand very well what you mean, i simply do not agree with you, i think the guys marriage is his responsebility... hell, with your attitude you might start blaming the girl at the checkout with the big boobies for drawing the married guys eyes...

As usual, you are reaching to justify your thoughts. The key point in this whole thing is if the person KNOWS the other person is married and does not care.

quote:

I personally think my English is very acceptable and understandable... for most anyway, maybe you need more... education... or manners... or both?

It isn't that your english is not typically understandable, it is more a matter of it seeming like you either didn't read everything that came before or don't understand what you read. As for me needing more "education," well I tutored college level english, so I do have a very good grasp of the language.

quote:

I do not only think of myself, you only think that i think only of myself and you are totally wrong about that, other than my ramblings on these boards you do not know a thing about me, nor i about you, so stop talking as if you know who i am because good lady, you don't.

And your "ramblings" on this board typically amount to the "if it feels good, then go ahead an do it." As long as you are enjoying yourself, the concept of consequences doesn't exist.

quote:

Yes i have a need for sex, most people do and most will find it somewhere, and the situation is not always ideal, and you are right that sometimes people should have more self control and not do the deed, i never denied that, but
then again, some people should put more effort in and enjoy it more when their partner comes to them for comfort...

Again, you want to place the blame on the partner who is being cheated on, rather than the cheater accepting responsibility. As for the situation not always being "ideal," nothing ever really is, but then again, when talking about those who will cheat on their partner, "ideal" is not typically what they are concerned about. As for the person they are doing the cheating with, again, if that person is aware of that person already being in what is supposed to be a commited relationship, well, yes that makes them just as wrong as the cheater.

quote:

Because i do not think it is any of her business, his marriage is his business, and i do think we simply differ in opinion about that.

Actually when you knowingly get involved with a married person, it becomes your business. Then again, it would seem that the difference of opinion, is that you aren't expecting them to be honest and up front with you either, so I guess you just choose to have low expectations of the people you are involved with.

quote:

I never understood when the cheated-on woman starts blaming the other woman... or the cheated-on man who blames the other guy... usually people get so aggressive they want to start beating on the other party too... i mean i know about emotions but that scenario has always baffled me...

Now THIS we almost totally agree on. It is the cheater who should receive the wrath of their partner. Because, yes, it is that person that violated the commitment, not the person they cheated with. But that doesn't leave the person they cheated with looking like a shining paragon of virtue.

quote:

Actually we are not talking about me... i responded to the op.. and i understand how a person can get involved with an 'available' married person if their cards are dealt that way... ships passing in the night and all that... just try not to fall in love...

As someone already pointed out "available" married person is an oxymoron. Putting it quotes to try to point out that they aren't is meaningless. The only people who think the married person is "available" is you and that person.

quote:

As i stated in the other thread; i went for very long periods without sex, it drove me nearly round the bend, so apparently i have proven that i can control my insatiable need for sex... my point is that some people choose not to and i am not here to judge them.

Actually if I remember correctly that was when you "discovered" cyber sex, so you weren't really "going without." The fact that going without "drove you nearly round the bend" just proves further that you really don't have control over that need.

quote:

I do not know what your sexdrive is like at all and i don't care either, but if it is indeed low it would explain howcome you are so judgemental though.

Talk about the need for more education! Low sex drive makes people judgemental? Where in the world would you have learned that interesting little myth of information?

quote:

It is not that it does not matter to me, it is more that it is not my business

Again, because you don't seem to care whether or not the man is being honest with you either.

quote:

f i would have ever known her, i would have broken it off,
and if i would have seen her out and about, i would have been wary incase she would be one of these misdirected anger people...
Luckily i am not exactly a push over and can stand my ground.

So there are some married men that you consider to not be "fair game." I'm sure your female friends would be thrilled to know that you would never have sex with their husbands. But if you don't know them, or have any concern about seeing them out and about, then it doesn't matter.

You know, lots of people would like to have a really nice car. If you met someone who had a really nice car, would you think it was ok for you to just take it out for a spin now and then? Because it really isn't much different. You are "using" someone else's property without permission. The cheater is of course typically worse, but when you knowingly just think it is ok, justify it as saying they aren't getting the needs met at home and it's none of your business, you are essentially saying that it is ok to "steal" something if that is what you choose to do at that moment.

This isn't about the cheater. Yes there are all kinds of reasons why someone would cheat. But it doesn't happen "by accident." And there are many who have become involved with someone who was married but didn't know they were married at the time (or otherwise committed). But when someone says "I'm married, no my spouse doesn't know that I'm actively seeking other parters, my spouse just doesn't understand me, or meet my needs...." and the person they are saying that to says "that's ok, I don't care about your spouse who you are deceiving, I don't know them, so even though my being involved with you is going to hurt them, it doesn't matter" there is no way to make that sound like an "ok" thing to do.

(in reply to ranja)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/21/2010 11:21:23 PM

Posts: 3939
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2

ok Everyone... I get the picture and as I have said in my last post...

This sub will find someone deserving of ME!

Honey, that man IS the type of man deserving of you. At least who you are right now.

If you're going to knowingly sleep with a married man who is lying to his wife, that's the type of person you are, and he's the type of person you'll get. It's not about him not being good enough for you, it's about both of you making bad decisions.

I hope that you start to realize that compared to knowingly being 'the other woman,' and the stain on your morals that it leaves, the issue of not getting enough attention is a small one indeed.

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/22/2010 2:22:48 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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LafayetteLady, one more time:

"you are essentially saying that it is ok to "steal" something if that is what you choose to do at that moment"

If the nice shiny car is parked infront of my house, door ajar and keys dangling in the ignition and a sign saying "drive me" on the bonnet and i happen to want to go some place....
depending on the urgency to get where i need to get to and my sense of adventure or even weakness at the time
chances are that i might indeed take the car

i am human that way and honest to myself about it... i might just be tempted enough to take the fun and comfort and deal with the consequences later
i am indeed no shining paragon of virtue...

stealing never Lady Lafayet, borrowing in certain cases however, yes i see that as an option.

< Message edited by ranja -- 1/22/2010 2:54:46 AM >

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/22/2010 4:47:35 AM

Firebirdseeking

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Joined: 9/3/2006
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I dont really understand why you continue to post and post and post. If you believe that your morals and values are justified, why are you continuing this diatribe? It should be obvious that you are not changing anyone else's mind, nor is anyone changing yours.

(in reply to ranja)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/22/2010 5:21:22 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

I dont really understand why you continue to post and post and post. If you believe that your morals and values are justified, why are you continuing this diatribe? It should be obvious that you are not changing anyone else's mind, nor is anyone changing yours.

Well, obviously because i feel like it... i am not aiming to change anybodies mind at all, i am merely explaning how i feel about things... to a person who apparently thinks that i am wrong and that i should change my mind, well i don't think i am wrong, i don't think she is wrong for living her life the way she does either, i do think she is wrong in telling me that i am wrong though.
Why on earth do you read it all and then post that wishy washy unimportant bit of static?

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/22/2010 5:51:32 AM

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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

His children will always come before you, as they should. In all probability he will not include you in his time with them if he divorces his wife, and with good reason. The kids need time to adjust to their parents separation, and bringing you into the picture will confuse them and make him appear a villain in their eyes.

When you are with someone that has kids, you will never have him to yourself.

I take exception to this ... If you think about ..you raise your kids to leave you ..start a life.
So your partner is the "most important" kids come after that. Not that is has any bearing... but yes I have 2 kids that are grown and gone that I have a wonderful relationship with.

BadOne

i take exception to your taking of acceptation (huh?)

My response was about children, as opposed to adult offspring.

It is awesome that you have a good relationship with your kids, BadOne. But how good would it be if, when they were young, you put your most recent booty-call above them?

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(in reply to SailingBum)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/22/2010 10:03:49 AM

Firebirdseeking

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There is such a thing as making a point or two, responding to others, and leaving it be. I dont think the boards should be a scorecard, used to make the same points over and over and over - it gets old, and blatant disrespect surfaces. Some people think there is a right and a wrong on this issue, black and white. Some do not. You are in the latter category. Over and out.

< Message edited by Firebirdseeking -- 1/22/2010 10:14:48 AM >

(in reply to ranja)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/22/2010 10:50:58 AM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

If the nice shiny car is parked infront of my house, door ajar and keys dangling in the ignition and a sign saying "drive me" on the bonnet and i happen to want to go some place depending on the urgency to get where i need to get to and my sense of adventure or even weakness at the time
chances are that i might indeed take the car

i am human that way and honest to myself about it... i might just be tempted enough to take the fun and comfort and deal with the consequences later
i am indeed no shining paragon of virtue...

stealing never Lady Lafayet, borrowing in certain cases however, yes i see that as an option.

You have just proven to all that you have absolutely no sense of right and wrong. "Borrowing" without permission is stealing. What a pitiful example of a human being you actually are.

(in reply to ranja)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/22/2010 5:21:52 PM

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

If the nice shiny car is parked infront of my house, door ajar and keys dangling in the ignition and a sign saying "drive me" on the bonnet and i happen to want to go some place depending on the urgency to get where i need to get to and my sense of adventure or even weakness at the time
chances are that i might indeed take the car

i am human that way and honest to myself about it... i might just be tempted enough to take the fun and comfort and deal with the consequences later
i am indeed no shining paragon of virtue...

stealing never Lady Lafayet, borrowing in certain cases however, yes i see that as an option.

If dude's wife put a big sign saying "fuck me" on her husband's head, it wouldn't be cheating.

This is a fail analogy. But I do get what you're saying...you are a hedonist, and I'd say you don't really have a strong set of morals to begin with.

And it's fine to live your life that way, if you want to.

But don't cry when the wives of the world hiss at you, slut, homewrecker, whore, all those nasty words. If you want to be that woman, and get all the "good" of it, the fun and comfort, then you do have to deal with the consequences, and you can't rationalize your way out of it by saying it was just borrowing.

Very few women are going to like you for sleeping with married men. If you're okay with that, there's not much more I can say.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/22/2010 11:09:13 PM

MistressTonya2u

Posts: 140
Joined: 12/20/2009
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sirsholly said:
When you are with someone that has kids, you will never have him to yourself.

I agree with this, and will add if he has a wife, you will never have him all to yourself.
It may hurt to hear people tell you this, but it is truth, and it is better to open your eyes, accept the pain you have now before it gets even worse and move on.
What about His wife? You obviously do not care for her feelings, or you would not be doing this. How would you feel if you were his wife? It is not only you that is being hurt in this situation. Though He is responsible for His actions and the damage He is causing..you need to accept accountiability for your actions as well. Are you really okay with what you are doing? Only you can answer that question.
I do not think that being with him makes you a terrible person.
What I do think is that you have no right to complain about his lack of attention.
you said you knew what you were getting into.
you made this choice. you have the ability to change the circumstances, if you are unhappy.
Now it is up to you, to wait it out or pick yourself up and move on to someone who will put you first.
Sometimes, love just isn't enough.
You are never going to have Him all to yourself.
Whats more why would you want Him?
If He is cheating on her, why do you think He will not cheat on you?
I am married, but My husband has full knowledge of what I do.
I am seeking a sub, but there is no lies and no secrets or games being played here.
Being married does not mean He can not also have a fulfilling relationship with you, but only *if* EVERYONE is aware (and okay with) of what is happening.

< Message edited by MistressTonya2u -- 1/22/2010 11:20:23 PM >

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/23/2010 1:33:53 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

I have read all seven laborious pages of this post. It seems to me that there are 2 camps; those who think involvement with a married individual is "OK", or "that person's business"; and those who think married is married, committed, and that getting involved with a married man is wrong. Neither camp is going to switch sides.

Maybe it's time to give it up. If you believe its wrong to be involved with a married person, dont do it. If you feel its ok, quit trying to justify it.

Nah I don't agree that it is as black and white as that, hence continuous posting.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/23/2010 7:36:59 AM

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Joined: 1/17/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2

No she does not know and will not know about U/us or me or His secret Lifestyle.

Yes it sucks and Yes i know what i got into...

This isn't a healthy relationship "Knowing what you got yourself into" doesn't negate this fact, or take away your ability to renegotiate or walk away. You still have choices. They may seem painful, but ask yourself if they're more so than living the way you are now.

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/25/2010 2:20:35 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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ORIGINAL: Elisabella

If dude's wife put a big sign saying "fuck me" on her husband's head, it wouldn't be cheating.

i do not disagree that the guy might be a weak asshole who is cheating on a virtuous lovely innocent wifey... what i am saying is that the 'other girl' does not know anything about his situation or his wife other than that he is married and fancies a bit of her too and i do not think there is a law against fucking a married person.

This is a fail analogy. But I do get what you're saying...you are a hedonist, and I'd say you don't really have a strong set of morals to begin with.

My morals are just fine: be polite to me and i am polite back, treat me right and i treat you right, if you make a mistake i might forgive you, if i make a mistake i hope you might forgive me too but i do not expect it.
I might lie about some things for various reasons and i know other people are the same.
I would NEVER steal unless i would need to do so to feed my child.

And it's fine to live your life that way, if you want to.

But don't cry when the wives of the world hiss at you, slut, homewrecker, whore, all those nasty words. If you want to be that woman, and get all the "good" of it, the fun and comfort, then you do have to deal with the consequences, and you can't rationalize your way out of it by saying it was just borrowing.

I do not care what the wives of the world cry at me. i have not much sympathy for narrow minded people who misdirect their anger and wag their moral crooked fingers. i do not like herds of sheep.
i do feel sorry for anybody going through difficulties in their marriage though, and even 'the other' if there is one; affairs of the heart can hurt awful bad for anybody suffering with it.
cheating is in a lot of cases just borrowing by the two people who get involved and hopefully it never becomes stealing... if it does; it has little chance of really working in the long run...
although i have a friend who stole a man.... it was very very awful... i love her though and understand her situation, she is still with this man, and he is a very nice guy (obviously his ex-wife would dissagree)... they might last forever together... i do not know... i personally would not like to start a relationship so difficult though.

Very few women are going to like you for sleeping with married men. If you're okay with that, there's not much more I can say.

Quite a few of my friends have gone through experiences with married men, some of my girl friends have cheated on their husbands, some of their husbands have cheated on them... i love my friends
My parents have behaved strange in their marriage... and since with others...
i love my parents too
i have seen too much desperate or promiscuous behaviour by people who i love to stand on my moral soap box and shout my little fantasy truths at other women.

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/25/2010 11:39:51 PM

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/1/2010
Status: offline

Kinda funny to me, that ranja is married. Oh Karma, where are yoooou....?

(in reply to ranja)

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