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ORIGINAL: TheOneYouDesire2

AquaticSub
No she does not know and will not know about U/us or me or His secret Lifestyle.

Yes it sucks and Yes i know what i got into...

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ORIGINAL: ranja

Original xxblushesxx

As to something else said by Ranja: an "available married person" is a bit of an oxymoron isn't it?
That is why i put available between these '' thingies... it was meant to read like available but not

I must say your english is superb, and you express yourself very well. thank you
However, to liken a murder victim to an active participant in marital infidelity, is disingenuous AT BEST.
i merely tried to explain that i do not understand women who get angry at the girl who their man cheats on them with, rather than with the man himself...
If i found out i was cheated on: He would get my anger, not her, i would not care about her at all, i understand for some people it is easier to get angry at- and blame the third person, but that is not my style.

You know it's wrong, and you know you hurt others with your actions, but as long as you can put your fingers in your ears, and your hands over your eyes, it doesn't bother you. Like the little girl singing "lalala I can't hear you..."
When i had an affair with a 'taken' guy i did not have my fingers in my ears, i simply did not spend any time at all thinking about whether it was right or wrong, it just was; it suited us for the time being, it was very nice...
He pursued me and i never felt i was the keeper of his soul, i felt his relationships besides seeing me were his business.
 
If i would have ever known her, i would have broken it off,
and if i would have seen her out and about, i would have been wary incase she would be one of these misdirected anger people...
Luckily i am not exactly a push over and can stand my ground.
 
I feel very much like people make their own choices and most people have quite reasonable motives for the way they behave. Generally people are not just going about their business to willy nilly hurt other people, and most people like to be close to another and get some human warmth at times.
It is not my place to judge other people and the way i operate is not without any morals or feeling for others either.

You don't want to admit it. Because to do so you would have to hold yourself accountable, and you would have to come to a realisation that you're just not ready for.
i still do not feel responsible at all... he lived his life and i lived mine, we only spend some fine moments together, i have some very good memories and no regrets and when i bumped into him years later it felt good to see him and he seemed happy, he was still with his woman and he told me they had a child, he said he loved being a father ... maybe he is still cheating, i do not know, i did not ask.

I hope someday that you can be that honest with yourself. It takes a lot of courage, I know.
i do not feel like i have sinned, i am happy to have had my time with him.
and yes, i would do it all again, mmm

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ORIGINAL: notinferior

I had an uncle who went to prison for child molestation.  He could explain it all too in terms of how it wasn't immoral. 

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ORIGINAL: ranja

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ORIGINAL: notinferior

I had an uncle who went to prison for child molestation.  He could explain it all too in terms of how it wasn't immoral. 

I am sorry but are you comparing someone having a fling with a married man to a child molestor? have you lost your senses?

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

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ORIGINAL: ranja

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ORIGINAL: notinferior

I had an uncle who went to prison for child molestation.  He could explain it all too in terms of how it wasn't immoral. 

I am sorry but are you comparing someone having a fling with a married man to a child molestor? have you lost your senses?

I believe the point was that just because a person believes something is moral doesn't mean it is.

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ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I'm not even sure she believes it is moral; more that it's not *that* bad, and that she enjoys it, he enjoys it, and if weren't her, he'd be cheating with someone else.
She looks at it in terms of "borrowing" and not stealing.
But she only looks at the physical aspect of it.
There is a lot more that gets "taken" when an affair takes place.
The things the cheating spouse would normally bring to their other spouse such as emotions, feelings, thoughts and dreams are more often "given" to the one s/he is cheating with.
If it were only physical, it wouldn't be THAT bad; it's the emotional that is the true betrayal.

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I know this isn't what you want to hear, but here goes.  To my mind, the basis of a D/s relationship is trust and respect.  How do you trust a man as a dominant who lacks the self respect or honesty to tell his wife what he is doing?  Even if he leaves her can you trust that what he says to you is truthful?  Won't he be dishonest with you if it suits his needs?

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ORIGINAL: Rhodes85
Exactly. Think of it this way: he cheated on his wife to be with you. If he is capable of doing that then he is just as likely to cheat on you with someone else. Not only will his wife get screwed over but sooner or later you will as well.

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ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx


If it were only physical, it wouldn't be THAT bad; it's the emotional that is the true betrayal.

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ORIGINAL: ranja

but for this poster to even bring the childmolesting up on this thread i think is very very weird...

*snip*
but adultery is not in our society, let alone assisting in it.
it is all too grey to make it right or wrong

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as far as i know people are no longer judged on their faithfulness

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
And by the way, you aren't entirely correct. While it's not illegal, the law does frown on it - hence why it matters in divorce cases. In my state, if Valyraen takes a mistress, I can sue her for alienation of affections.

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ORIGINAL: RCdc

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
And by the way, you aren't entirely correct. While it's not illegal, the law does frown on it - hence why it matters in divorce cases. In my state, if Valyraen takes a mistress, I can sue her for alienation of affections.

Whether the law 'frowns' on it or not, still doesn't make it illegal... it's a moral judgement by whatever court or judge you get in your state.  Underage sex is illegal - cheating isn't... at least not in this country and not in the states as you have stated.  As amanda said, in the UK it's not such a moral judgement, the only thing cheating gets you is an automatic/faster divorce and if it's refuted, then you have to prove it.

the.dark.

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

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as far as i know people are no longer judged on their faithfulness

that's pretty sad...especially if they entered into an agreement with another to actually BE faithful.

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ORIGINAL: ranja

well... what can i say... if this is actually coming down to people agreeing that it is just as immoral to molest a child as it is to have an affair with a married person... i am totally done with this discussion and think some people are entirely off the mark and reality is out of the window... i think this is unbelievable... but what's new eh...

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also if your Valyraen ever does take a mistress and you do decide to sue her...  well... good luck with that then... let us know the out come eh?

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btw... as far as i know it does not matter in divorce cases in the uk anymore... nor in Holland... as far as i know people are no longer judged on their faithfulness,
so i really do not see there being a case against the 'other' party either.... only maybe if there is a lot of money involved... yes i could see that being an issue

i am no expert in law though.

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ORIGINAL: RCdc

As you already explained earlier, just because a person believes something is moral doesn't mean it is and that is why child molestation was used as an example...  but in the same breath, just because the law thinks it's immoral, doesn't mean it is. 

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The only thing I do see is that comparing cheating to an illegal activity like child molestation though, is nothing more than a shock tactic that tries to demonize people and some of those people simply made a mistake, or the were reasons that do not make it so black and white and for me, that's uncool.