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RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 9:40:04 AM

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

condensed:
Dear Op, this is none of my business but you are a filthy home wrecker slavering over a cheating bastard cunt.
i really feel so very sorry for you...

is this what is considered passive aggression then?

Not sure what you mean about p/a, but I would add to your letter, "I feel sorry you are choosing this and hope you want more for yourself". I dont know if you are a filthy homewrecker, maybe you are ignorant and maybe you also bathe on the regular. I like the cheating bastard. I would leave off 'cun't because that is a women's body part and he does not deserve to have that attributed to his name. Personally I am seriously trying to move away from name calling.

Your condensed version is a little more vile which I was not going for, nor trying to hide. I was trying to convey, "Hey wake up!, you deserve more dontcha?"

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

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Every single line means something.
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(in reply to ranja)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 10:05:22 AM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

it is very messy if an extra marital love interest gets involved in a marital problem... i do not wish the hurt and anguish that comes with this on anybody... especially not the children (if there are any)
If the wife would find out i would advise the mistress to walk away and leave the couple to sort their problems, as an outsider she has no business in that.

But you seem to have no concept that she is already involved in the marital problem by having the affair to begin with.

quote:

i did not dismiss the wife as a bitch... i said she might be one, then again she might be the sweetest girl ever, i do not know why he cheats on her, it is not my business, and i personally would not dwell on it.
i would not be much interested in his home-life at all ... i would not want to feel like his therapist or something.

I don't know if there is some kind of language barrier that makes it come out in a way you don't want it to or what. But there is no way around the fact that the way you express it always translates to "I don't care about anything he has going on as long as I get the sex I want, nothing else matters.

quote:

... if he was not cheating with the op, he probably would be cheating with an other (if he is not already)... i remain of the opinion it is NOT the op's responsibility, it is his

it is however the op's responsibility NOT to fall in love with the man, he belongs to another, she has to be realistic about that.
and again, if she does fall in love with the man, the best thing she can do is walk away and nurse her broken heart.

Again, because anyone entering into an affair with someone who is married has the primary concern that they want to get laid. They are not looking for a relationship, just sex. As long as they are getting the sex they want, it doesn't matter who may or may not get hurt by their actions. It's all about good sex.

(in reply to ranja)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 1:40:27 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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LafayetteLady, i know we do not agree on this subject at all,
i'll humor you with an answer though.

you said: But you seem to have no concept that she is already involved in the marital problem by having the affair to begin with.

I say: No, i do not think the op is involved in the marital problem unless she goes around to the house because she wants him to divorce his wife or something,
but until then i think the marital problem is his and how he goes about his marriage is his business.
and that is indeed my concept of the situation, do you understand that dear little lady?

you said: I don't know if there is some kind of language barrier that makes it come out in a way you don't want it to or what. But there is no way around the fact that the way you express it always translates to "I don't care about anything he has going on as long as I get the sex I want, nothing else matters.

I say: I do not think there is a language barrier, but maybe you simply can not understand me because you are too narrow minded and judgemental?

I do indeed think sex is very important and i can understand it when people who are not getting it from the one they love (if there is one special one they love) look for second best options and take a lover or fuck about in the hope of meeting Mr right or cheat or watch an overload of porn or what ever...
Some people (maybe you too?) have a very low sex-drive and refuse to understand the people who very much like a regular bit of sex.
It is not that i don't care about anything else at all, but i care about sex a whole lot too!! comprende?

and finally
you say: Again, because anyone entering into an affair with someone who is married has the primary concern that they want to get laid. They are not looking for a relationship, just sex. As long as they are getting the sex they want, it doesn't matter who may or may not get hurt by their actions. It's all about good sex.

I say: Yes, taraaa this you seem to finally understand; it is indeed all about the sex.
some single people look for 'available' marrieds for sex... they are considered safe in the department of never wanting to be too demanding... usually it is men praying on married women, but obviously it happens the other way around too, hence my advice to the op that she should not fall in love with the man.

and about the hurt... the man is already hurting i think, otherwise he would not be cheating on his wife... and the op might be hurting a bit too, she is obviously a bit lonely and has to make do with this married geezer instead of the elusive Mr right
maybe only the wife is blisfully happy in ingnorance and maybe she will never know of this affair... or maybe she does and does not care.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 1:52:03 PM

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Joined: 11/26/2008
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Late in the game. This is one of those touchy topics that there will just never be agreement on, but to me it seems silly that there isn't agreement. Isn't having a relationship with a married man just plain old wrong? Of course it is. But everybody does things sometimes that normally they wouldn't do. I never cheated on my husband when I was married. But I came very, very close. I can see how it happens. I try not to judge and I hope that whatever is causing one to make decisions such as that will blow over soon.

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"Silly bitch."

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 4:42:37 PM

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

I breezed thru the fist page of replies... seems like the dom is getting a bad rap..Didn't read thru the pages to see if it changed. But what about the OP. She gets zero sympathy from me and she is crass enuff to whine and complain about it. Who knows maybe the wife with find out and extract revenge on both of them while there are doing the deed.

Here is hoping. BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 4:52:06 PM

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

His children will always come before you, as they should. In all probability he will not include you in his time with them if he divorces his wife, and with good reason. The kids need time to adjust to their parents separation, and bringing you into the picture will confuse them and make him appear a villain in their eyes.

When you are with someone that has kids, you will never have him to yourself.

I take exception to this ... If you think about ..you raise your kids to leave you ..start a life.
So your partner is the "most important" kids come after that. Not that is has any bearing... but yes I have 2 kids that are grown and gone that I have a wonderful relationship with.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 4:55:05 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

I say: No, i do not think the op is involved in the marital problem unless she goes around to the house because she wants him to divorce his wife or something,
but until then i think the marital problem is his and how he goes about his marriage is his business.
and that is indeed my concept of the situation, do you understand that dear little lady?

Your attempts to be condescending are amusing. Once you become involved with the married guy, you can claim it is none of your business, but you are also becoming part of the problem. You will never understand that, because apparently as long as you got to spread your legs and get some action, that was all that matters.

quote:

I say: I do not think there is a language barrier, but maybe you simply can not understand me because you are too narrow minded and judgemental?

Actually I say I think there is a language barrier based on you lack of ability to usually write with proper english/grammar.

I'm not narrow minded and judgemental. I just have some morals and think about how my actions might affect others. You choose to think only of yourself. No language barrier there.

quote:

I do indeed think sex is very important and i can understand it when people who are not getting it from the one they love (if there is one special one they love) look for second best options and take a lover or fuck about in the hope of meeting Mr right or cheat or watch an overload of porn or what ever...
Some people (maybe you too?) have a very low sex-drive and refuse to understand the people who very much like a regular bit of sex.
It is not that i don't care about anything else at all, but i care about sex a whole lot too!! comprende?

Again, your *need* for sex trumps being what most would deem acting in a respectable manner.

quote:

I say: Yes, taraaa this you seem to finally understand; it is indeed all about the sex.
some single people look for 'available' marrieds for sex... they are considered safe in the department of never wanting to be too demanding... usually it is men praying on married women, but obviously it happens the other way around too, hence my advice to the op that she should not fall in love with the man.

It isn't simply that our opinions on this matter differ. It is the fact that you openly state that it doesn't matter what is going on in the primary relationship. You only care about getting your need for sex met. You can think I am narrow minded, have a low sex drive and am judgemental. It doesn't change the fact that your apparent insatiable need for sex will trump everything else. It doesn't matter to you whether the guy is cheating on his wife, it doesn't matter that the guy is likely being dishonest to everyone all around. There are many people like you who are amoralistic and selfishly are only interested in what they want at any given moment. You can attempt to justify your lack of integrity until the world stops turning, but it won't suddenly make anyone believe that you behave in a manner that is respectable.

(in reply to ranja)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 4:58:11 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I take exception to this ... If you think about ..you raise your kids to leave you ..start a life.
So your partner is the "most important" kids come after that. Not that is has any bearing... but yes I have 2 kids that are grown and gone that I have a wonderful relationship with.

BadOne

Yes, but they are now grown. When they were still young, did you put your wants before theirs? Missing their ball games so you could get laid? I have a feeling that you didn't and that's one of probably many reasons you have a wonderful relationship with them now.

(in reply to SailingBum)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 5:00:24 PM

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Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Who knows maybe the wife with find out and extract revenge on both of them while there are doing the deed.

Hey! I did that when I was married. You shoulda seen 'em run. Right out the door naked.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to SailingBum)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 6:06:29 PM

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Well LL life is all about balance. Sometimes my needs trumped my kids. I did my best that's all i can say.

sweetsub hopefully it was 20 below out and you locked the door behind em ... Great visual ....

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/18/2010 11:01:46 PM

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

I was in a similar relationship. We started out saying that it would be online only and that if I found someone local as my Dom then he would step aside. Well things progressed and it went from online only to real life, when he could find the time. It's hard and frustrating and it makes me hurt inside because I want to share special things with him like Christmas and I never can. I finally did some hard thinking and asked for release almost a year after he collared me. I just couldn't do it knowing that he'd never leave her and that I'd never have his full attention. There were other factors in there as well, but him being married was one of the big ones.

(in reply to TheOneYouDesire2)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/19/2010 2:53:25 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Your attempts to be condescending are amusing.
I am glad you are amused, your condescending attitude goes down here exactly the same, so i take it you got my point on that; it is totally childish.
Once you become involved with the married guy, you can claim it is none of your business, but you are also becoming part of the problem. You will never understand that, because apparently as long as you got to spread your legs and get some action, that was all that matters.
I understand very well what you mean, i simply do not agree with you, i think the guys marriage is his responsebility... hell, with your attitude you might start blaming the girl at the checkout with the big boobies for drawing the married guys eyes...

Actually I say I think there is a language barrier based on you lack of ability to usually write with proper English/grammar.
Ah you are one of the grammar police as well, i should have known... My first language is Dutch, we could have conducted our correspondence in that language if that would have made matters easier to understand for you?
I personally think my English is very acceptable and understandable... for most anyway, maybe you need more... education... or manners... or both?

I'm not narrow minded and judgemental. i disagree I just have some morals and think about how my actions might affect others. You choose to think only of yourself.
I do not only think of myself, you only think that i think only of myself and you are totally wrong about that, other than my ramblings on these boards you do not know a thing about me, nor i about you, so stop talking as if you know who i am because good lady, you don't.

Again, your *need* for sex trumps being what most would deem acting in a respectable manner.
Yes i have a need for sex, most people do and most will find it somewhere, and the situation is not always ideal, and you are right that sometimes people should have more self control and not do the deed, i never denied that, but
then again, some people should put more effort in and enjoy it more when their partner comes to them for comfort...
i do not know all peoples private reasons to do certain things
and unlike you i am not here to wag my finger at people
what i am saying is that all situations are different and all people are different and there is NOT one holy rule we all live by no matter how much you want that to be so and no matter how much you like to condemn people who might be less than squeaky clean in your eyes.

It isn't simply that our opinions on this matter differ. It is the fact that you openly state that it doesn't matter what is going on in the primary relationship.
Because i do not think it is any of her business, his marriage is his business, and i do think we simply differ in opinion about that.
Maybe his cheating somehow relieves the strain in the marriage, i do not know and it is not my business, it is also not what the op was about.

I never understood when the cheated-on woman starts blaming the other woman... or the cheated-on man who blames the other guy... usually people get so aggressive they want to start beating on the other party too... i mean i know about emotions but that scenario has always baffled me...
Isn't that like finding out your partner has killed somebody and then blaming the dead victim? ...like a case of totally misdirected putting of blame and anger?
I personally think it is a matter between the spouses, i know people have different opinions on this, but for me it is quite clear that way.

You only care about getting your need for sex met. You can think I am narrow minded, have a low sex drive and am judgemental. It doesn't change the fact that your apparent insatiable need for sex will trump everything else.
Actually we are not talking about me... i responded to the op.. and i understand how a person can get involved with an 'available' married person if their cards are dealt that way... ships passing in the night and all that... just try not to fall in love...
You are making this all a bit over the top personal don't cha?

As i stated in the other thread; i went for very long periods without sex, it drove me nearly round the bend, so apparently i have proven that i can control my insatiable need for sex... my point is that some people choose not to and i am not here to judge them.

I do not know what your sexdrive is like at all and i don't care either, but if it is indeed low it would explain howcome you are so judgemental though.

It doesn't matter to you whether the guy is cheating on his wife, it doesn't matter that the guy is likely being dishonest to everyone all around.
It is not that it does not matter to me, it is more that it is not my business

There are many people like you who are amoralistic and selfishly are only interested in what they want at any given moment. You can attempt to justify your lack of integrity until the world stops turning, but it won't suddenly make anyone believe that you behave in a manner that is respectable.
You do not know how i behave at all, you only know that i am not as judgemental as you when it comes to cheating and your tone to me is anything but respectable so what does that make you? ... if you can not even converse in a dignified manner should i believe that your general behaviour is any better?

and i am done discussing this topic with you now.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/19/2010 4:31:20 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Again, because anyone entering into an affair with someone who is married has the primary concern that they want to get laid. They are not looking for a relationship, just sex. As long as they are getting the sex they want, it doesn't matter who may or may not get hurt by their actions. It's all about good sex.

That's not the case. It's a blanket statement that holds no water unless you know each and every person that has been susceptable to to a relationship outside of their marriage.

As I mentioned in another thread, I know a few people, male and female, that were not *looking to get laid*. Some of them never had sex with the other person. In each and every case, lack of sex wasn't what made them susceptable......emotional loneliness was. In almost every case, they were not people driven by their loins to leap between the first available legs.

Most of them had spent years trying to find ways of getting back in touch with the partner they loved, and had endured years of indifference. In other cases, they were both just *lost* to each other for a time and *found* each other again when the extent of the chasm was faced.

I have no doubt that there are people that *cheat* simply for a bit of fresh sex. I just prefer not to assume that *anyone entering into an affair with someone who is married has the primary concern that they want to get laid.* ....or that... * It's all about good sex.*...because it's not * always and anyone*.

agirl

< Message edited by agirl -- 1/19/2010 4:33:29 AM >

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/19/2010 8:04:37 AM

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Joined: 1/19/2010
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havent been on here long, but long enough to see some of you people are just shitty, rotten people. i hope you all confess your sins on sunday so you can feel better on monday. i cant believe the things you "adults" are saying to one another.

(in reply to agirl)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/19/2010 8:23:45 AM

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dorrmatt

havent been on here long, but long enough to see some of you people are just shitty, rotten people. i hope you all confess your sins on sunday so you can feel better on monday. i cant believe the things you "adults" are saying to one another.

Wow. All those words and nothing said.

As to something else said by Ranja: an "available married person" is a bit of an oxymoron isn't it?

I must say your english is superb, and you express yourself very well. However, to liken a murder victim to an active participant in marital infidelity, is disingenuous AT BEST. You know it's wrong, and you know you hurt others with your actions, but as long as you can put your fingers in your ears, and your hands over your eyes, it doesn't bother you. Like the little girl singing "lalala I can't hear you..."

You don't want to admit it. Because to do so you would have to hold yourself accountable, and you would have to come to a realization that you're just not ready for.

I hope someday that you can be that honest with yourself. It takes a lot of courage, I know.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to dorrmatt)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/19/2010 8:27:31 AM

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Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

what do i care about marriage? i am gay i am not allowed to marry my partner!.

if i have no god, then i have no need to repent now do i?

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/19/2010 8:34:19 AM

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dorrmatt

what do i care about marriage? i am gay i am not allowed to marry my partner!.

if i have no god, then i have no need to repent now do i?

What?

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to dorrmatt)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/19/2010 8:57:37 AM

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

what? huh? what i said was pretty clear.

calling this woman a cunt, homewrecker,etc. really good stuff.

i believe in what i have learned more than i believe in what i have been told.

in other words, your morals on marriage mean very little to me compared to the way you so easily condemn. that is going out to all who have condemned these people.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/19/2010 9:19:45 AM

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dorrmatt

what? huh? what i said was pretty clear.

calling this woman a cunt, homewrecker,etc. really good stuff.

i believe in what i have learned more than i believe in what i have been told.

in other words, your morals on marriage mean very little to me compared to the way you so easily condemn. that is going out to all who have condemned these people.

Actually, it wasn't clear. It was like....all the adults were having a grownup conversation, and you wandered into the room and inserted some random stuff and then left.
Hence my "huh?"
I'd be more than happy though to debate this if you care to contribute. If you'd read from the beginning, you would know that I did not condemn. (or call those names) I did, however, contribute my thoughts regarding infidelity, lies, cheating and calling someone who does those things "master".

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to dorrmatt)

RE: anyone else with a married Dom? - 1/19/2010 9:21:08 AM

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
sweetsub hopefully it was 20 below out and you locked the door behind em ... Great visual ....

BadOne

It wasn't 20 below, but there was snow on the ground and a cold COLD Northeast wind blowing.....some call it the Siberian Express because it swoops down from Siberia through Canada and to the Pacific Northwest. I laughed my ass off after I locked the doors and windows.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to SailingBum)

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