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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:34:34 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Blech. I'll do without "opinions". The most useless word in the English language.



This tells me all I need to know.  Thank you for responding.


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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:38:00 PM   
CalifChick


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Status: offline 		I usually agree with NZ as well.  Is this a pet peeve that has been hit or something?  I know there was a point hit with me, in that my exhusband used to (hell, still does) accuse me of designing and planning things when that just wasn't true. I sigh and tell him I'm too fuckin' old and tired to scheme and manipulate.  Just don't have the enregy for it.


Cali


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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:39:33 PM   
CalifChick


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

I'll say her presentation was disingenuous and intentionally painted pretty for effect, though.



Dammit, NZ, stop hitting that button.  You do NOT know what her intentions were. 

Cali


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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:40:00 PM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Throwing in the "I am not sure of this" really doesn't negate the fact that you've declared her to be manipulating, scheming, and plotting out the turns the thread is going to take.

I didn't paint it with quite that flair of exaggeration. I made a deduction based on her presentation.

I mean, really...is it that hard to tell from the OP?

quote:

You have a strong, intelligent submissive you have been with for over a year.  She has never hesitated or questioned you when asked to do anything, sexual or non-sexual.  She trusts you so much, you have never needed a safe word.  She adores you and shows it with every fiber of her being.  You must play at hotels because you both have ums at home.  She always arrives first, pays for the room and makes sure everything is in order before you arrive.


That's almost the type of flowery build up that sports announcers give to legendary players at exhibition games!

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Sometimes more details are needed to really get an answer, when in the beginning you thought what you said was enough to get some clarity, but it wasn't.  Not everything is by design.  And when someone declares what someone else has intentionally done based on so few words, my vote is "not by design."

So...she is not in control of her fingers as she types the OP or was just not aware of how she was trying to butter up the audience before the punch line? Sirely we aren't arguing that the words do precisely that, but only as to whether she realized that's what she was doing...right?


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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:40:13 PM   
PrimalConsonance


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quote:

ORIGINAL: chicagoswitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrimalConsonance

I agree with osf, and sounds like things were taken for granted and some communication is in order to adapt and if needed re-negotiate.  Change is on the horizon.... 


Thank you, I wonder what changes.....
I was scolded harshly, told I am not really submissive and now have been shut out completely.



Cutting off communication stalls progress but forces change.  That sort of closed-mindedness and judgmental harshness doesn't do anything to promote a positive change in anyone on either side of the coin.  Nobody needs or wants that sort of behavior.  It may be their opinion that you not acting submissive in their opinion at the moment, but if you're submissive, then you're submissive.  And if this person's view of submission is this poor creature that wilts away from some issue and hasn't a will or opinion of their own...well it's time to wake up and smell the reality.  Submissives can be a whole lot of things this particular dominant hasn't dreamed about.  Sometimes views on closed-minded behaviors is like milking a cow:  you can pull on those teats all day...BUT if you're doing it wrong, then you're just going to get frustrated, no one's happy in the end, and no reward will come of it. 

 


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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:41:21 PM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Dammit, NZ, stop hitting that button.  You do NOT know what her intentions were. 

I'm not claiming absolute certainty, no.

But if a guy grabs your ass in a club and then says "I just tripped. I wasn't trying to cop a feel.", what's your initial instinct?


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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:42:31 PM   
NuevaVida


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Status: offline 		Cali:  I suspect a lot of dominants, after a relationship ends, hear what an asshole they apparently were all that time, as a submissive (or slave) starts hurling stuff out of the blue at them, as suddenly "abusive" or "wrong" or...whatever else.  I can understand being sensitized to that.  As for me, I preferred to just close the door on the past relationships and keep moving forward, but I know not everyone does that.

I didn't get that the OP was doing that, either, but others may have different (gasp) opinions about that.


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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:43:14 PM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I usually agree with NZ as well.  Is this a pet peeve that has been hit or something?  I know there was a point hit with me, in that my exhusband used to (hell, still does) accuse me of designing and planning things when that just wasn't true. I sigh and tell him I'm too fuckin' old and tired to scheme and manipulate.  Just don't have the enregy for it.

I've been a long-time proponent of the "manipulation is bunk" view, so I wouldn't be siding with him in that case.

Besides, in those situations, "manipulation" is like "cheating": its existence is wrought from the construct of the people in the relationship.


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"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:43:34 PM   
CalifChick


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

But if a guy grabs your ass in a club and then says "I just tripped. I wasn't trying to cop a feel.", what's your initial instinct?



To respond, "if you can't be honest about what you want, you'll never get me to suck your cock."

Ummm... that WAS the answer you were expecting, right?

Cali


_____________________________

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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:45:20 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

To respond, "if you can't be honest about what you want, you'll never get me to suck your cock."

Ummm... that WAS the answer you were expecting, right?

Cali



LOL god I love you, Cali. 


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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:46:16 PM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Cali:  I suspect a lot of dominants, after a relationship ends, hear what an asshole they apparently were all that time, as a submissive (or slave) starts hurling stuff out of the blue at them, as suddenly "abusive" or "wrong" or...whatever else.  I can understand being sensitized to that.  As for me, I preferred to just close the door on the past relationships and keep moving forward, but I know not everyone does that.

I didn't get that the OP was doing that, either, but others may have different (gasp) opinions about that.


Actually, I'm not saying the OP was declaring "manipulation" about her ex. That's a side issue that would involve even more of the disfavorable "deductions".

What is clear is that her OP builds up the reader to view her favorably before asking a question that has no need of the relevance of the prologue she included. And, again, I'm only using an educated guess to presume it was intentional. Maybe she just used words unintentionally that have such a flavor. And even if just that is the case, it could shed some light as to how her situation became what it is.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/22/2010 9:49:38 PM >

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I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:47:36 PM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

This tells me all I need to know.  Thank you for responding.

You have a particular fondness of opinions? Points of argument that, simply to exist, need to be dreamed up without concern for their factuality or congruence to reality?


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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:48:45 PM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

To respond, "if you can't be honest about what you want, you'll never get me to suck your cock."

Ummm... that WAS the answer you were expecting, right?

I'd be even more impressed to see that retort in action, but kudos just for the wit to think it up. 


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:49:19 PM   
WyldHrt


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quote:

Maybe she just used words unintentionally that have such a flavor. And even if just that is the case, it could shed some light as to how her situation became what it is.

And maybe, having been left to stir in her own juices by her Dom, she was upset and confused when she made the OP?
Nah, that couldn't be it.

Sorry NZ, I'm with NV and Cali on this one.


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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:49:38 PM   
Focus50


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

 (but not in the good way)

There is no "good way". There is either the mutually agreed consensual way or there is the non-consensually enforced way (Edit: or there is the deception way or the "manipulation" way, which is bunk anyhow).

At the risk of buying into your tiresome word games, all I'm seeing is you contradicting your own absolute initial statement....

Are you stating that the "mutually agreed consensual way" is also "not in the good way"?

Focus.

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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:51:07 PM   
WyldHrt


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quote:

I'd be even more impressed to see that retort in action, but kudos just for the wit to think it up. 

I've met Cali in real, and can tell you that is exactly the kind of thing she would say in that situation, LOL!


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:51:13 PM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

And maybe, having been left to stir in her own juices by her Dom, she was upset and confused when she made the OP?
Nah, that couldn't be it.

Sorry NZ, I'm with NV and Cali on this one.

Well, see that's at least an interesting point. But, what you're saying is that what she did was at least more justifiable or that it makes sense in her emotional state.

It doesn't change the fact that she did it and, actually, requires that it be the case in order to address this way.


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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:53:39 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

This tells me all I need to know.  Thank you for responding.

You have a particular fondness of opinions? Points of argument that, simply to exist, need to be dreamed up without concern for their factuality or congruence to reality?



Differences of opinions are simply differences of thoughts that could constructively be shared.  Absent of knowing an absolute reality, opinions occur.  It is your opinion that they are simply dreamed up without concern for congruence to reality.  Maybe there IS concern.  How is what you are saying above factual, if you do not know with certainy?

But I have no interest in derailing this thread further.  If you wish to discuss opinions, you can start a thread in Off Topics.


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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:54:23 PM   
WyldHrt


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quote:

Well, see that's at least an interesting point. But, what you're saying is that what she did was at least more justifiable or that it makes sense in her emotional state.
It doesn't change the fact that she did it and, actually, requires that it be the case in order to address this way.

I don't know, nor am I making assumptions, about what she did or didn't do. I was just putting another possibility out there.


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"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

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Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

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RE: How would you react? - 1/22/2010 9:54:57 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

I'd be even more impressed to see that retort in action, but kudos just for the wit to think it up. 

I've met Cali in real, and can tell you that is exactly the kind of thing she would say in that situation, LOL!



LOL I so totally second that!!  (remembering the guy in the cafe who she was prompting me to flirt with)


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