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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 6:49:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveHIS

slaveHIS wishes to thank Each of You who tookYour time to address this post. It is slaveHis' feelings that a liberty was taken by the moderater of our group to call Master (Capt Craig) by his given name in the email, as did Master. Familiarity even in the email setting by subs or slaves NOT KNOWING any Master that well is improper.

slaveHIS refers to Master (Capt Craig) by Master even in the privacy of our home. It is only in events involving family members that we each refer to the other by our given names. (That, I hope, is mutually understood by all here.)

But, for THOSE slaves and subs who do NOT know any master well), they should refrain from calling that Master by His or Her given name. No matter how long the length of time they have known this particular master, even if their master is lenient and gives an okay. The master called by the given name may not like it because it shows lack of respect.

Anyway, slaveHIS thanks Each of You who have taken the time to respond. she is planning on doing a topic on slave etiquette at one of the meetings down the road.

I have to disagree. Based on the fact that *I* do not know him at all, and I am not collared, enslaved or otherwise attached to him, I don't have to call him anything other than his name.

Ettiquette is for play parties & clubs. Not for normal interaction. I do not respect a orientation, I respect a person.

Normally I am polite to a fault with people, until they demonstrate that they deserve more..or in some cases less.

It is presumtious for Capt. Craig to assume that he has any hold or power over another because they choose a differing orientation.

Gods even in the 70's when I was trained in the leather scene, people had to earn respect it was not a "given".

(in reply to slaveHIS)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 6:56:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I really like formalities. Like I will call the Doctor Doctor, the Sister Sister, the Policeman Sir, why cant people just relax in BDSM and allow titles to be used *grin*

Everyone is always trying to control everything "You cant call me this" "You cant call me that" "If you call me this I'm gonna think this of you" "If you call me that I'm gonna think that of you". (not being disrespectful of peoples views here, just having a little fun with it).

When I call a Doctor a Doctor, I'm not really saying anything about him other than recognising his role to my patient relationship, he could be the worst damn doctor there is..I may never ever go back to him, but in my mind, he is still a doctor...and if another Doctor walked into the room, I would call him Doctor too.

I really dont get what the problem is with calling Dominants Sir or Maam or Master or Mistress...if its just like the doctor thing..as a respect for the roles within our lifestyle though...its not saying about the quality of one they are being..its just a recognition of their stance if you like...its kinda nice

If anyone wants to call me slave they can, I wont be offended nor will I think they are presuming themselves as my Master......this whole thing doesnt make sense to me.

P.S. Welcome to the boards God Sir *grin*

Even when I address my physician as Dr, he addresses me as Mrs. XXXX, the respect runs both ways.

The whole "respect for role" thing has never in 25 years been a part of my kink, no one except the Master I am owned by has any stance to me, everyone else is just another guy on the block.

Yes, I do know how to behave in public settings, I only talk to those I know, not to the pompous arrogant "How dare you not call me Sir" types.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_185/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#185

A thread I authored a few years ago in regard to "respect"

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 6:59:52 AM

MyMasterStephen

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Joined: 8/16/2005
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I absolutely agree with Wolfspet. The title of "Master" has to be earned to be special. Use it on all and sundry, and it becomes debased. It is a title which has to be earned, and MUST NOT be applied to all Doms indiscriminately.

When a submissive is getting to know a Dom, then use of first names is entirely appropriate. Alternatively, screen handles or abbreviations are fine (most, for example, call me MMS.) If the submissive wishes to be formal, perhaps the occasional "Sir" here and there is not out of place. But a submissive should not call everyone by the title "Master" - bearing in mind also that some Doms do not regard THEMSELVES as Masters.

Get to know someone first. Understand what THEY prefer. And if in the process you remain respectful and polite, then nobody can criticise you.

(in reply to Wolfspet)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 7:00:24 AM

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I haven't really spent time in these message boards. I never knew how funny they can be!

I think the answer was written a long time ago

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet."

Of course, some would think Juliet was an rude, impertinent sub, but to each his or her own.

< Message edited by quinnny -- 3/26/2006 7:01:30 AM >

(in reply to slaveHIS)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 7:04:03 AM

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Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I really like formalities. Like I will call the Doctor Doctor, the Sister Sister, the Policeman Sir, why cant people just relax in BDSM and allow titles to be used *grin*

May I point out all those titles are earned. Would you call a 10 year old, who demanded the title, "Doctor" in anything but a condescending way?

Usually when I encounter someone like a self-proclaimed "Grandmaster Jim" I just call him Jim.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 7:04:49 AM

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for those of us that lean towards Gor...

'Master' is for the free men,
'girl' is for the slaves owned or unowned,
'Mistress' for FC or FW,

till told to adress someone as otherwise...
we prefer protocol.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Wolfspet)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 7:04:50 AM

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Joined: 1/12/2006
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while respect is wonderful i love manners. but my personal preference is that i am a Switch i dont want someone who is not my submissive to address me Mistress or Goddess, if someone has to address me in a respectful manner, traditional addressing is used, ie, Mrs T or Ms, T or just plain ol Ma'am can be used. then i can decide after a bit if i want the Mistress tittle used. it gives me a choice to take that control or give it to a submissive. As a submissive i always ask on how a Dom/Domme would like me to address them either in a casual setting or a lifestyle protocol setting. once again it gives them the choice..

(in reply to Wolfspet)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 7:49:08 AM

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Joined: 3/19/2006
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I personally think it is a little forward to address a dominant you don't know as 'Master' or 'Mistress'. I think it does rob the word of some meaning to be used too freely. A simple 'Sir' or 'Ma'am' show plenty of respect in my opinion. I prefer to reserve 'Master' to come from someone who is atleast willing to submit to me in some small way. It might just be to fetch drinks and obey a few other simple commands. Otherwise I would prefer to limit it to sir to help keep their intentions straight and preserve the meaning of master.

Also I would like to remind people that submissives can be categorized into two groups. One who sees their role in society as a submissive, or one for whom their submission is a personal thing to be granted to only a select few. For the latter kind, knowing someone is dominant is as meaningful as knowing that they are straight or gay. From such a person I would not even expect a 'Sir' just because I am a dominant.

In general I prefer to have words convey meaning rather than be simply for form. Now in certain situations the setting can provide meaning, such as a play party where the rule is that all submissives will address all dominants as 'Master' or 'Mistress'. The rule define the meaning, or lack thereof, of the term. But absent a predefined context, what I have written above is what I default to.

(in reply to Wolfspet)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 7:51:45 AM

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Rules of Gor clearly state that all free persons, are to be referred to as Master or Mistress. Now a free person may give permission to address them otherwise.

(in reply to Melkor7)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 8:26:44 AM

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Joined: 9/14/2005
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quote:

I really dont get what the problem is with calling Dominants Sir or Maam or Master or Mistress...if its just like the doctor thing..as a respect for the roles within our lifestyle though...its not saying about the quality of one they are being..its just a recognition of their stance if you like...its kinda nice

But some of us don't even call our doctors "doctor." I call both my doctor and my dentist by their first names, and they really don't seem to mind. After all, they call me by my first name!

What I don't get is why people take such offense to being addressed by their given name. While someone may be "Master" to one person, that's in that relationship, with that person. It doesn't extend outward to the rest of the world. And I don't get why some submissives get so rabidly defensive and territorial when another submissive addresses their master as "Sir." Is it really their place to determine how someone else is to address their owner? I think not.

slaveHIS said:

quote:

Familiarity even in the email setting by subs or slaves NOT KNOWING any Master that well is improper.

No it isn't! Saying, "Hey dumbass," might be improper, but using someone's given name certainly is not.

slaveHIS then said:

quote:

But, for THOSE slaves and subs who do NOT know any master well), they should refrain from calling that Master by His or Her given name. No matter how long the length of time they have known this particular master, even if their master is lenient and gives an okay. The master called by the given name may not like it because it shows lack of respect.

That "master" may not like being called Master by someone who does not belong to him, either. I dare say, were I to meet your master in a public setting, I'd probably not be addressing him at all, were he to insist I bestow upon him some unearned (in my eyes) honorific, because Master is reserved for One, and Sir is reserved for those I admire and respect. That's not automatic simply because someone happens to have a slave or submissive, and as I have said before, using someone's given name is by no means rude.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 8:32:33 AM

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You call them like you see them.....nuff said!

Now, call me into the bedroom

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Evanesce)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 8:37:27 AM

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Now these are the kind of questions that keep us on this site! We feel there are as many possibilities as there are situations. Personally, I am a believer that the title(s) Sir, Master,Mistress etc. are those given as a gift from the sub/slave to the one(s) she/he has committed to. I am not offended to be called Jim by you, while you are addressing me as your Master/Sir etc directs, I accept and appreciate the respect. I do shy away however from those who call me Sir who are not under someone's direction... just makes me uncomfortable.
Jim

(in reply to slaveHIS)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 8:43:01 AM

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I am a born and bred southeast Texan. As such, I have been taught to address my elders and strangers as Ma'am and Sir. I follow this at work; my boss is Sir, vendors and customers I deal with on the phone are Ma'am and Sir. HOWEVER! (you knew there had to be one), I have found that when it comes to lifestyle folks and events, given names are much more appropriate. Why? Because too many folks are masquerading as something they are not and I for one, am not going to pander to them or offer them what is effectively an honorific. My Master deserves to be called such, or Sir...as the situation warrents, but the general joe schmo will be called...Joe. If he gets his panties in a twist over it, he'll just have to walk funny. ;)

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 9:07:27 AM

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So, what you're saying is you can show courtesy at work to people you don't know but you can't do the same in the lifestyle. Quite the hypocrisy you got going there. LOL

Personally, I teach my girls to error on the side of good manners. They are to call anyone they meet as Sir or Ma'am. A sub/slave will usually correct it immediately. Anyone telling them to call them Master or Mistress is directed to me, for I'm their Master and they will call no one else by that title. It's sad to see so many that just don't prescribe to good manners anymore.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to feastie)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 9:10:11 AM

KittenWithaTwist

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I prefer my first name, or "Harly", a nickname I have had for several years (it's short for Harlot). I would be more than annoyed if someone refered to me as "sub" "subbie" or "slave" because I am not any of those things, and I would be equally annoyed by "Ma'am" (which makes me feel a LOT older than I am). I'll accept "Miss" if you don't know me. But that's where I draw the line.

As for calling others "Sir" or "Slave" or anywhere in between, I don't. I use the first names of other members of my munch group/party group.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to slaveHIS)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 9:14:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoodMasterRob

Rules of Gor clearly state that all free persons, are to be referred to as Master or Mistress. Now a free person may give permission to address them otherwise.

No one is debating the Gorean protocols. I am not nor is Wolf of a Gorean bent, so we have no plan on adopting their protocls, unless we are involving ourselves in a Gorean function, then well, when in rome & all that as Wolf said on page one.

(in reply to GoodMasterRob)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 9:28:22 AM

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveHIS

slaveHIS wishes to thank Each of You who tookYour time to address this post. It is slaveHis' feelings that a liberty was taken by the moderater of our group to call Master (Capt Craig) by his given name in the email, as did Master. Familiarity even in the email setting by subs or slaves NOT KNOWING any Master that well is improper.

slaveHIS refers to Master (Capt Craig) by Master even in the privacy of our home. It is only in events involving family members that we each refer to the other by our given names. (That, I hope, is mutually understood by all here.)

But, for THOSE slaves and subs who do NOT know any master well), they should refrain from calling that Master by His or Her given name. No matter how long the length of time they have known this particular master, even if their master is lenient and gives an okay. The master called by the given name may not like it because it shows lack of respect.

Anyway, slaveHIS thanks Each of You who have taken the time to respond. she is planning on doing a topic on slave etiquette at one of the meetings down the road.

I wonder if I’m the only one that thinks that if you care *that * much about what someone else thinks and calls you that it doesn’t exactly reflect a strong self-esteem?

I mean from the range of answers you’ve gotten on this topic it has to be obvious that you are never going to get all submissives to call your dominant by whatever title he wants to be called. Hell I’d call him Craig if I met him. I simply don’t care for the self-aggrandizing titles. My owner has no problems with that and has never instructed me to refer to someone as a title.

So if its that obvious that you just aren’t going to be able to get everyone to call your dominant a particular title, why are you trying so hard?

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

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The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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(in reply to slaveHIS)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 9:35:19 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveHIS

slaveHIS is throwing this subject out for any Master to comment on. In a BDSM setting such as a munch or play party, et cetera, do you wish to be referred to sas Sir or your given name? Master received an email from the moderator of our local area group. She called Master by his given name, and Master and slaveHIS think this is wrong. In her reply email, she said it is easier for her to do this in meetings and in social gatherings, and also she indicates her Master is linient in this manner. Perhaps, she does not know it is proper etiquette.

So, would you prefer to be called Sir or your given name if attending meetings or social gatherings that include munches and play parties?

Having been raised and since my time in the military, 'sir' and 'ma'am' are just left overs that I still use till this day, whether I know a person or not. However, I will not call someone Master or Mistress unless I know them well enough to think, in my own opinion, that they deserve such a title. A complete stranger though? Absolutly not.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to slaveHIS)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 10:10:37 AM

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If I know your name, I will use it. Otherwise I will refer to you as Sir or Miss.

Actually getting me beyond the Sir/Miss stage means that I like you. . . and have remembered your name. Other wise you will stay Sir/Miss to me. I use those all the time.

Best,

LaMalinche

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/26/2006 10:12:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

So, what you're saying is you can show courtesy at work to people you don't know but you can't do the same in the lifestyle. Quite the hypocrisy you got going there. LOL

Personally, I teach my girls to error on the side of good manners. They are to call anyone they meet as Sir or Ma'am. A sub/slave will usually correct it immediately. Anyone telling them to call them Master or Mistress is directed to me, for I'm their Master and they will call no one else by that title. It's sad to see so many that just don't prescribe to good manners anymore.

Though I see the same on this as you MrDiscipline.... I have taken noticed to there actually more going BACK to showing manners more so than not. Or at least some trying to.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

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