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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/27/2006 7:29:43 AM   
Jayxkes


Posts: 138
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

feastie
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

So let me get this straight, during work it's alright to show courtesy because they're putting money in your pockets but not in the lifestyle because they aren't? So do you think that good manners in the lifestyle won't take you along way?

Someone has to earn your courtesy to them? Let me guess, you have this list thats as long as your arm as to the criterea determining who should or should not "deserve" your courtesy BUT you think the minute you meet someone, they should show you all sorts of courtesies. Right? Interesting.



Not sure if I read feastie differently to you,  but she seemed to make good sense to me 

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/27/2006 8:23:53 AM   
cabernet


Posts: 40
Joined: 4/10/2004
Status: offline 		When I was growing up my parents didn't make us call adults Sir or Ma'am.  We WERE expected to be polite and we did have to call all adults by Mr.,  Mrs. or Miss.  In fact, I'm now 38 years-old and I still call most of them by Mr. or Mrs. when I see them.  One time there was a lady (a friend of the family) that asked me something and I said "yes" or "no" (I don't remember the question now.)  She said I needed to use "Ma'am".  My mom happened to be right there and she told the lady that she didn't require that of us.  Years later I happened to ask her why she didn't "train" us to use "Sir" and "Ma'am".  She said it was because she would rather that we actually respect the people who deserve it than to show false respect to those who don't.  In a way I think this goes for Doms as well.  Calling one Master because he wants it is showing false respect.

Being called "Master" should not be expected by anyone except for that man's own sub(s).  And also if there are some other subs that are close enough to him that they feel that way about him and it's a mutual.  To me, the men and women who expect to be called Master and Mistress by all subs, (or even all other Doms) are more interested in the title than they are in people actually respecting them for who they are.

Also I would not want to call anyone Master until I find the man who actually becomes my Master.  To me that cheapens the word to use it for anyone else.  I am reserving that word.  It's a special word.  If I were to use it for anyone else it would mean less to the man who eventually deserves from me the most.

Most of the Doms I've met in real life do not expect anyone to call them Master, or even Sir, by anyone except for their own sub(s).  And it seems that most of the Doms on here don't expect it either.

I did think it was the most presumptuous of you is when you said that subs should go against what their own Masters tell them and do what the other Dom wants.  I don't think so!  That could be putting some dude walking in off the street and doesn't know anything about D/s over her own Master.

Sorry to have gone on and on, but this is something that I've thought alot about for some time.  So I had a lot to say.

(in reply to Jayxkes)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/27/2006 8:27:17 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you, Jayxkes

(in reply to Jayxkes)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/27/2006 8:35:19 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyV

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

A threat to my position...nope. An arrogant assumption, yes. It creates a false imtimacy and I deplore insincerity.


I agree with you on the "denotation of relationship" in calling someone else "Master" or "Mistress" which isn't your Dominant.  I also equate it to some woman calling my husband "husband" or my boyfriend "boyfriend".. and to me it would be the same as someone (not my sibling) calling my mother "Mom" or my father "Dad"..  I don't see it as a threat to my position, but more of a distasteful assumption of a relationship dynamic that is non-existant with them.


Perhaps I didn't state it clearly, but that's exactly the point I was trying to make. Thank you!

Cin

< Message edited by Vancouver_cinful -- 3/27/2006 8:36:49 PM >

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to SimplyV)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/28/2006 12:41:05 PM   
slaveHIS


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		Again, slaveHIS wishes to thank each of You who posted.  Some were right on point on either side of the issue.  Some of you got off target and went on tangents with such replies.  Lets get back to the point more at hand...within Your BDSM community, how do you wish to be addressed.  If slaveHIS met any one of the Masters who posted to this, she would never dare dream to call you by your given name, nor would she call you, Master.  She would call you, Sir, a title given out of respect.  slaveHIS has never been told by Master (Capt Craig) or ANY other former dominant, to call a new dominant-acquaintance by His or Her given name.  Within our former BDSM community in So Florida, it is not done. 

She is now finding it to be different, as others have freely expressed, since Master and slaveHIS moved to Canada...BUT, there is nothing wrong with a dominant (or Master) the respect of calling him Sir or Maam upon meeting.

slaveHIS again thanks You all, especially those who have disagreed.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/28/2006 4:22:10 PM   
Oberonrex


Posts: 164
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		For me, I have no problem with being called Oberon. That said, if someone cares to call me sir, I rather enjoy the old-fashioned (and particularly Southern IMO) manners. I do not like to be called Master, unless by one of my collar or protection (my House). Formal titles are for formal occasions, not everyday use. So long as the address/words are not said in disrespect, I am fairly easy going in public. I will also note that any who demand respect seldom deserve it, IMO, and anyone who immediately demands I or one of mine addresss them as Lord, Lady, Master, Mistress, etc. had best be wearing refractory/armored undergarments.

(in reply to slaveHIS)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/28/2006 5:30:12 PM   
sultryvoice


Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline 		I only use honorifics with those that specifically tell me to. Mostly it's the person I am with. Now, within a scene, dynamics are different. I am never disrespectful. But, I have never run into anyone who doesn't mind how I address them as long as it is the correct name!

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.


www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to Oberonrex)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/29/2006 6:22:02 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveHIS
Lets get back to the point more at hand...within Your BDSM community, how do you wish to be addressed.  If slaveHIS met any one of the Masters who posted to this, she would never dare dream to call you by your given name, nor would she call you, Master.  She would call you, Sir, a title given out of respect.  slaveHIS has never been told by Master (Capt Craig) or ANY other former dominant, to call a new dominant-acquaintance by His or Her given name.  Within our former BDSM community in So Florida, it is not done. 


I belong to a rather casual BDSM community and I am addressed by one and all as Phoenix, which I prefer. 

I find it a good way to separate out the sheep from the goats.  If someone approaches me (in person or online) and starts calling me Mistress (personally, I abhor "Mistress" because in my personal dictionary, it means "someone whom is having an affair with a married man") or Goddess, they usually don't get past that. It's not that I find it offensive to be addressed in such a way, however, it is presumptuous and it usually prefaces a request for some sort of "session" or kinky sex.  My own boy does have a certain title which he is instructed to use when addressing me, as well as titles for politely addressing other members of the bdsm community.  But those only apply to him. 

I was brought up with very high standards for good manners (dad was ex-military "Sir, yes Sir", and mom was brought up rather properly), and if I need to address a complete stranger in person, I call them Sir or Ma'am, because to me it would be rude not to.  It does not imply any respect for that particular individual, simply a more polite way of saying "hey, you, person whose name i don't know".  I also address older persons (as well as people I've just met in a business situation) as Mr. or Mrs-until they give me permission to call them by their first names. 

I address everyone, everywhere by whatever name or moniker they prefer-I just leave out all the self-bestowed titles.  If the Queen knights you, I'll call you Sir Whatever.  If you've inherited a noble title, I'll address you as Lord or Lady.  If you are royalty, I'll call you Princess or Your Majesty.  If you are a deity, I'll address you by whatever title your worshippers have deemed fit.  If you are the President of the Galaxy, I'll address you as Mr. Beeblebrox.

And if fragile egos or insecurity just can't take that, too bad.  To them I say: Grow a spine, you are supposed to be a Dominant, aren't you?

Phoenix





_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to slaveHIS)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/29/2006 10:39:47 AM   
Sub03


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline 		I call my Master Master in appropiate settings and Sir in vanilla settings. As for other Dominants whether female or male i use Sir or Ma'am as trained to by my Master.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/29/2006 12:07:52 PM   
Wolfspet


Posts: 143
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		I think the point of this thread got derailed.

As I see it, the issue was that someone who did not belong to Craig, referred to him as such, and he feels his protocol should override everyone elses.

Now it has become a semantical debate over when or if it is appropriate to call a dominant "Sir" or Master" when you first meet them.

So just to reiterate my original stance,  I will be polite when meeting others, but that is it.  I do not "respect" a orientation, I respect the person.  Honorifics are not used in my relationship outside of playtime, so I see no reason to fill someone elses kink for them being "superior" to me in status, cause frankly they are not.

(in reply to Sub03)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/29/2006 4:19:05 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveHIS
BUT, there is nothing wrong with a dominant (or Master) the respect of calling him Sir or Maam upon meeting.


So, even though all these people have replied to your post and stated their opinion to the contrary, very clearly stating that they would not wish to be addressed that way unless asked, you still feel your way is right and we are all wrong?

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to slaveHIS)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/29/2006 4:51:47 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		In My case the only man i call Master is my Master.  I call hm Master whrn i can and if it is difficult to call him that in a setting then he has told me to use his given name.  Other people like others have said i address them as Mr., Mrs, or Ms until i can use their given name.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/29/2006 5:43:06 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveHIS
She would call you, Sir, a title given out of respect.  slaveHIS has never been told by Master (Capt Craig) or ANY other former dominant, to call a new dominant-acquaintance by His or Her given name.  Within our former BDSM community in So Florida, it is not done. 


Really?  Which S. Florida community would that be?  I am a member of SPICE, have been to Klub Kinks and Command Performance in southeast Florida.  I address dominants and slaves by either their scene nick or by their given name.  I have yet to have anyone tell me that I am not following proper protocol and have only seen others address dominants with titles when there is some relationship between the dominant and submissive, whether it is friendship or more intimate.

I will address everyone by either their given name or nickname until they have earned either mine or my Lord's respect and then I will use either Sir or Ma'am.  No one but my Lord will ever be addressed as master.  My Lord prefers to be addressed by either his nick or his given name (however he introduces himself to you).  Alandra and I will either address him as my Lord or my Love; we are only permitted to use his given name if absolutely necessary.  In the year and a half that I have known him, I have yet to address him by his given name and have only used it once in his presence to introduce him to someone that he wanted to have his given name. 

Knight's kyra 

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to slaveHIS)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/30/2006 3:53:34 AM   
Reilithion


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline 		While I have to admit that being addressed by a title rather turns me on, I feel I must agree with many who've posted saying that someone ought to earn respect rather than expect it to be bestowed on them. In the local BDSM group that I've been involved with, you can generally address anyone however you're most comfortable. First names and nick names are by far the most common. I rather like the "whatever makes you comfortable" standard, because it seems to meet everyone's needs in a fair way.

(in reply to slaveHIS)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/31/2006 12:51:02 PM   
slaveHIS


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		slaveHIS has to laugh...the postings still are a coming.  There are six pages of postings that slaveHIS had to go through, six!. I did not state my personal opine until page six.  The original premise was for a general discussion.  One of you who posted said, paraphrasing.

So, even though all these people have replied to your post and stated their opinion to the contrary, very clearly stating that they would not wish to be addressed that way unless asked, you still feel your way is right and we are all wrong?

No, I did not say that.  I am stating my opinion, just as this person did hers.  If she belives her point is right, fine.  Many of you have disagreed with me.  That's fine too.  But let me state my opine, and I have.

PS....I am going THROUGH MENOPAUSE!

(in reply to Reilithion)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/31/2006 12:59:57 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveHIS
Many of you have disagreed with me.  That's fine too.  But let me state my opine, and I have.

It's not that it's just "fine."  It's that you've expressly stated that you consider other people rude and wrong if they don't do what you want to consider courteous and right.

There's a large difference between saying "For me, that would be rude" and "In my opinion, you are being rude."

You do get kudos IN THIS POST for at least admitting that this is your own personal judgement and that you are not suggesting that other people agree with you, and in fact that you might be completely wrong.  However, in the ORIGINAL post, as well as your masters actions- you were rudely shoving your own ideals onto someone else and judging them wrong for not accepting it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slaveHIS)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/31/2006 2:40:29 PM   
gentledom60


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/11/2004
Status: offline 		I have never given myself a title.  I have always felt I had to earn amy title by gaining respect.  It has always worked for me

GD

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/31/2006 3:08:41 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveHIS

slaveHIS is throwing this subject out for any Master to comment on.  In a BDSM setting such as a munch or play party, et cetera, do you wish to be referred to sas Sir or your given name?  Master received an email from the moderator of our local area group.  She called Master by his given name, and Master and slaveHIS think this is wrong.  In her reply email, she said it is easier for her to do this in meetings and in social gatherings, and also she indicates her Master is linient in this manner.  Perhaps, she does not know it is proper etiquette.

So, would you prefer to be called Sir or your given name if attending meetings or social gatherings that include munches and play parties?


I am preferential to His Royal Majesty King Kenin, esq, but His Majesty will do.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to slaveHIS)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/31/2006 3:15:37 PM   
dovanais


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, I feel it is appropriate for a submissive to refer to any and all male Dominants who do not own them as 'Sir'; and to refer to the one who does own them as 'Master'. This simple division is fine when speaking directly to the male Dominant in question; obviously when refering to that same Dominant indirectly - ie. when spreaking of that Dominant to another person - it is wholly appropriate to say Master Whoever said such and such, etc. 
 
These are terms both of respect and affection. In each case, such accolades must be earn; they must have substance. Merely calling oneself Master etc. means nothing; one has to live up to that position. 
 
Best wishes, Master Dee    

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/31/2006 3:32:51 PM   
SuspiciousSub


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		I had to jump in on this one, lets face facts, anyone can turn around and say they are a Dom or Domme, now just because someone adorns a title i for one am not about to call them Sir or Maam, how do i know they are who they claim to be, they could be swingers or kinksters in bdsm attire, i have seen that many many times.
as a submissive i believe the one that is my Dom/Master is the one to be called Sir/Master, i find in general everyday situations i will call him Sir, yes even in public, i am not ashamed of who and or what i am, and in private situations such as scening or perhaps a private party etc with other lifestylers then i am happy to refer to Him as Master.
but calling all Sir or Maam just takes me back to being a child and being made to call all adults aunty or uncle lol
there is respect and then there is rediculous!!!
smiles
suss

(in reply to dovanais)
Profile   Post #: 120
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