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How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 8:39:25 AM

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slaveHIS is throwing this subject out for any Master to comment on. In a BDSM setting such as a munch or play party, et cetera, do you wish to be referred to sas Sir or your given name? Master received an email from the moderator of our local area group. She called Master by his given name, and Master and slaveHIS think this is wrong. In her reply email, she said it is easier for her to do this in meetings and in social gatherings, and also she indicates her Master is linient in this manner. Perhaps, she does not know it is proper etiquette.

So, would you prefer to be called Sir or your given name if attending meetings or social gatherings that include munches and play parties?

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 8:49:58 AM

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quote:

slaveHIS is throwing this subject out for any Master to comment on. In a BDSM setting such as a munch or play party, et cetera, do you wish to be referred to sas Sir or your given name? Master received an email from the moderator of our local area group. She called Master by his given name, and Master and slaveHIS think this is wrong. In her reply email, she said it is easier for her to do this in meetings and in social gatherings, and also she indicates her Master is linient in this manner. Perhaps, she does not know it is proper etiquette.

Proper etiquette, unless you are within a specialize small social group that has all agreed to specific protocol, is exactly the same in bdsm settings as it is in vanilla settings. If your own dominant has a preference, then obviously you will abide by that. However, it's wrong for your dom to assume that someone not in a relationship with him should abide by his preferences.

And she's right- it CAN get confusing in a group of people for everyone to start calling everyone sir or maam or slave, and frankly it can get annoying when seemingly every other word out of a persons mouth is sir. Also, in many groups you may have switches or poly people in a variety of relationships and one particular label might not apply.

Unless you are in a particular relationship with someone, there is no general protocol for addressing anyone in the scene in any particular way.

quote:

So, would you prefer to be called Sir or your given name if attending meetings or social gatherings that include munches and play parties?

I prefer my name.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slaveHIS)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 8:54:55 AM

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The name I use is My given name, Brian. The only one to address Me as Master is the ones in My family, under Me. Living in the South being called Sir is the norm (I was born and raised on Long Island N.Y.) If the subissive is of Gor, the protocol is to be called Master (From what I know) even if they are not Mine.~BK~

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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 9:13:41 AM

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I think that if your (or any other) Master thinks either my slave or submissive is going to address him in any other way than his given name he is sadly mistaken.
Unless you are Gorean, there is no "blanket" ettiquitte that covers interactions.

Some groups/clubs may have them, and " when in rome" Pet & toy will usually just not address any dominants personally.

Edited to apologize I did not realize this was a old thread.

< Message edited by ChangingWolf -- 3/24/2006 9:14:29 AM >

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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 9:15:33 AM

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To walk into a general BDSM function and demand to be called Sir or Master by another's sub/slave is rather asinine. It does not fall to your Master to enforce his form of etiquette on another. unfortuantely, BDSM has no set protocols for this. It's all really hodge-podge and this is why a sub/slave from one man may not function well in the care of another. One may prefer the short leash for his while the other may prefer one with an extension.

_____________________________

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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 9:25:31 AM

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my name is cillydom whats yours?

works for me

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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 9:30:28 AM

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Anyone telling my subs to call him sir or master or if female mistress, would be told in no uncertain terms, and with my blessing, exactly where to stick it. Such salutations, like respect, are earned. Those who feel that they can demand it just because they call themselves a dominant, are unlikely to earn either!

When we are at parties, munches, fetish clubs etc., the norm is for dominants to be called by either their given name or nickname. There are some dominants who are very close to us who have earned and are afforded due respect and called sir. Likewise there are submissives who call me sir.

By and large, it's new dominants who have little understanding who feel they should be called sir by everyone. Although I have had to have words with a 'grand master', who thought his self given title gave him rights over my property! His apology to her was as weak and pathetic as he was, despite his claim to many years experience.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 9:59:27 AM

perverseangelic

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I call my Owner by his first name. I call other dominant people by their first names, unless the Owner asks me not to.

~shrug~

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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 10:03:02 AM

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Personally as a Dominant Im quite comfortable to be called by my first name. I prefer my submissive freinds to attain a degree of equality with me because I feel there is more value to someones submission when things revert to a "Call me Sir" situation. I just see this as being an extension of my own desire not to have doormat as a partner.

Theres certainly more impact for myself when someone who had the freedom to call me by name is reduced to calling me Sir.

Hope that makes sense.

Paul

(in reply to Jayxkes)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 10:19:50 AM

MyMasterStephen

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When I am in a relationship with a submissive, we have codes of conduct for both "formal" and "informal" occasions.

Informally, in the privacy of our home, my submissive calls me by my first name with the occasional "Sir" thrown in for good measure. In social occasions such as a munch or a BDSM party, which I would regard as a formal occasion, she will address all Dom(me)s present as "Sir" or "Miss" or "Master" or "Mistress" as a matter of courtesy, but to distinguish me from the others she will address me as "MyMaster".

Outside of the house, in a BDSM environment, I consider the pair of us to some extent to be "on show". My submissive's conduct is a reflection upon my training of her, and as such she should desire to give as good an impression as possible. If, for any reason, the use of "MyMaster" was insufficiently distinctive, then my full handle of "MyMasterStephen", although somewhat clumsy, would be her best option. I would regard the use of my first name on its own to be excessively familiar in such an environment.

(in reply to slaveHIS)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 10:21:06 AM

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i use the terms Sir or Ma'am (r/l everyday). If One prefers i not speak or address them in this manner, i will, of course respect their wishes, but my first response is to say Yes, Sir or Yes Ma'am until asked to do otherwise. i currently call NoOne "Master".

_____________________________

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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 10:22:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyMasterStephen
In social occasions such as a munch or a BDSM party, which I would regard as a formal occasion, she will address all Dom(me)s present as "Sir" or "Miss" or "Master" or "Mistress" as a matter of courtesy, but to distinguish me from the others she will address me as "MyMaster".

What if a dominant requested her to use their name? How does she decide in the case of switches? What does she do before she knows someone's orientation? What if she had a vanilla relationship with someone and then discovered they were a dominant?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MyMasterStephen)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 10:27:01 AM

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From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveHIS

slaveHIS is throwing this subject out for any Master to comment on. In a BDSM setting such as a munch or play party, et cetera, do you wish to be referred to sas Sir or your given name? Master received an email from the moderator of our local area group. She called Master by his given name, and Master and slaveHIS think this is wrong. In her reply email, she said it is easier for her to do this in meetings and in social gatherings, and also she indicates her Master is linient in this manner. Perhaps, she does not know it is proper etiquette.

So, would you prefer to be called Sir or your given name if attending meetings or social gatherings that include munches and play parties?

There is no such thing as “proper etiquette” within the BDSM scene. Its all really nice if your dominant prefers to be called by a title, but personally I call everyone by their first name. The only exception would be people that were actually knighted by the Queen of England.

My owner I refer to as my owner. I usually call him master or sir. I’ll sometimes refer to him by his first name if I think the person may not know who I’m talking about otherwise.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

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The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 10:35:59 AM

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From: Charleston, WV
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I prefer "Master Fire" if someone is speaking about me..."Ma'am" if a sub/slave is speaking to me..."Fire" or "Master Fire" if a Dom/Master is speaking to me. I don't require these things, but I do in some ways note who does and doesn't use them. It doesn't hurt to show respect and it's up to the individual shown respect to live up to it. Even if we call an asshole Master Asshole, people are still smart enough to see they’re an asshole. Sometimes they’re assholes ‘cause they have an inferiority complex. Showing respect can help them find themselves. If they have a superiority complex, withholding a title will NOT help in any way.

I have observed that, among my friends, the older/more experienced Masters and slaves will use titles when speaking about people, ESPECIALLY close friends. For example, my jason would always be slave jason and my anne would always be slave girl anne and I would always be Master Fire. Younger people (such as myself), or less experienced people, will be much more casual. I have a tendency to call most Masters by their first name when in a casual setting. I try to take my cue from how they address me, so if I call Master Scott “Scott” and later he calls me Master Fire, I apologize. I also have a tendency to not use my own title unless I want to add formality or to make a point about title/orientation...but I have noticed that my older friends sign their titles in print. Perhaps that comes from Old Guard days when titles where bestowed? My title is self-identified. Why is a whole ‘nother thread.

(Master) Fire

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(in reply to slaveHIS)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 10:45:30 AM

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From: Calgary, Alberta
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this slave generally uses yes Ma'am/Sir and on occasion has used yes Master/Mistress due to her training. she has some Gorean training so it depends on the situation as to which she uses, but if she is asked not to call Someone Sir, Ma'am, Master, Mistress she respects that. this slave prefers to be called by her new nick on irc and have had some Dominants question her because she asks that They not call her slave as she has a name and a nick. in her real life this slave uses her nick at munches, play parties and will on occasion use her r/l name but only after O/one has shown that T/their trust has been earned will T/they get her r/l name as she is still in the middle of telling people close to her she is a slave.

this slave apologises if her post offends A/anyone or is out of line.

While this slave may use Master/Mistress when greeting it is out of respect she does so.

< Message edited by cariad -- 3/24/2006 10:46:26 AM >

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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 10:46:50 AM

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"candystripper"; "candy"; "pinky" etc.

candystripper

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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 10:48:16 AM

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We've been involved with the same smallish Munch and Party groups for over 5 years, so most of us are on a real first name basis with each other, if not full name disclosure. It's never become an issue. Just don't call us late for dinner.

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"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

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RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 10:49:16 AM

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To directly answer your question: yes. I prefer a submissive address me as Sir, even upon first meet. It is plainly good etiquette to do so.

I prefer Sir in general and will only allow a girl to utter "Master" when I am her Master. I tend to call a prospective by her name, or generally refer to her as "girl".

(in reply to slaveHIS)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 11:13:34 AM

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My fiance and I discuss that with the prospective sub before entering any kind of formal relationship.In our views, different situations and environments call for different addressing.I feel odd being called Mistress in public where there are vanilla people.My fiance thinks that his sub must earn the right to call him Master.

So it really depends on the Master/Mistress and the situation.

(in reply to amayos)

RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed - 3/24/2006 12:03:00 PM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveHIS

slaveHIS is throwing this subject out for any Master to comment on. In a BDSM setting such as a munch or play party, et cetera, do you wish to be referred to sas Sir or your given name? Master received an email from the moderator of our local area group. She called Master by his given name, and Master and slaveHIS think this is wrong. In her reply email, she said it is easier for her to do this in meetings and in social gatherings, and also she indicates her Master is linient in this manner. Perhaps, she does not know it is proper etiquette.

So, would you prefer to be called Sir or your given name if attending meetings or social gatherings that include munches and play parties?

Primarily I prefer to be addressed politely. generaly I am addressed as either "Bear" or "Iron Bear" those non Goreans who wish to add an honorific, usualkly come up with Master or Sir and occasionally Mr. Gorean slaves will of course use Master when addressing me (Protocol). I have on one occasion been addressed by a very suprised person as Col. Sir! Whilst I am very laid back mostly, I will not tolerate rudeness or disrespect from either Free or non free (Gorean or non Gorean). a non free who becomes offensive and is collared, finds that the owner of her collar is informed poste haste in a quiet and polite manner. If th offenderod uncollared there are always Moderators who will be informed as well as theoffender is informed again quietly that I am displeased and why. If it is a Free who is offensive, they are so informed andoften enough they will leave thelocation. I'm told that when i become angered that you can see the icey chill forming and my eyes become cold, pale and souless.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to slaveHIS)

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