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RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 6:31:05 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		Marriage is the most sacred commitment there is, ..and every violation of it is just... in my opinion...

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 6:40:54 AM   
primeslave


Posts: 45
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline 		from the perspective of a female SINGLE submissive who is looking for a Dominant/Master.

he!! no - i don't wish to find a married Dominant.  i have stated this in my profile.  it is MY perogative to look for a man who is single. 

i belive in honesty.  i have a great deal of respect for those who state they are married up front in their profile or in their first email.  this allows me the choice of  whether or not i wish to be with him and whether or not i accept the situation. 

lying to me and telling me you are 'divorced' just because you are divorced from your first wife but still married to your second ... nope ... doesn't work for me.  and YES, there are dominants out there who do this quite a bit.  once confronted with it, they admit that their wife would divorce them if she found out that he was cheating.  gee --- even they think of themselves as cheating. 

what REALLY gets my goat is all the people (men and women) who are in vanilla marriages and say that they just HAVE to cheat because their spouse doesnt understand them.  but wait i minute ... they knew they were this way when they married their vanilla spouse and promised to love, honor and obey and yada yada yada. if you choose vanilla in a spouse then you get vanilla and it is not the spouses problem.  the spouse is a person and 99.9% of these relationships would be deeply hurt if they found out the partner was cheating.

i dont understand why people feel the need to hurt others.  is this the sadistic tendency taken to the most manifest pain that can be given?  does this make a husband or wife feel proud that they might be bringing home a disease to the spouse?  does this make the 'extra' person feel betrayed when they figure out the truth about the dominant? 

all i ask is that a Dominant tell me the truth about his status.  it is the same as sending me a picture that is 100 lbs too thin or 10 years too young.  when i figure out i have been lied to, then i will walk away. period. 

i believe the underlying theme here is TELL THE TRUTH.  nobody condones lying.  if you are lying just to get a little extra kinky sex on the side, then shame on you.  obviously you are not MAN or WOMAN enough to get some when telling the truth. 

just a submissive's viewpoint about honesty and integrity and who i would want to have as my Master.



_____________________________

What is a slut: 1. pleasure enthusiast; 2. a wanton individual; 3. a saucy girl

(in reply to johnxinxscruz)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 6:43:49 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

Marriage is the most sacred commitment there is, ..and every violation of it is just... in my opinion...


I remember the woman I fell in love with and who fell in love with me knew I was married from the first day had your views. She was so big on honesty, ethics and integrity and turned out to be the biggest liar of all so exciuse me if I take such views with a pinch of salt.

Actually she was the one that introduced me to the scene and from the first I was struck by how many people in the scene were convinced of their own rightness which is why I have such sceptical views. It seems to me that people who have inflexible morals just end up warped because they are constantly fighting against human nature.

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 6:50:50 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

There is no safe haven on these boards for those of us who have chosen to cheat.  I think it is too bad.  I wish I could discuss the issues involved without fear of judgments.  Everything else in the world can be discussed nonjudgmentally here except that.  I understand the judgments.  But the judgments are not going to change my course; they are just going to inhibit my ability to share in a community to which I would like to turn for support of some sort - even when I am fully aware that my choice is insupportable.

 
Thats the thing isnt it with this subject. Even if you, or anyone else were my best friend, and they were doing something that I disagreed with strongly, I would tell them so. I would tell them that they were wrong, I would tell them to rethink their actions. So really, no one on these boards could be expected to agree with something they think is wrong....they cant be supportive unless they were to dishonor their own principles...... Its more about people expressing their thoughts and opinions and life principles rather than judging though...
 
 Some of the choices each of us make in life ( and Im not just talking about infidelity) are dumb (and we have all done dumb things)...if we wish to persue our course of action.....we just gotta accept the flack from them and not expect people to be supportive.


< Message edited by slavejali -- 4/2/2006 6:56:54 AM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 6:53:52 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		let me state this another way then

sorry you got burned
that doesn't mean the majority of use here  are that way any more than it means you lie about maritial status

a sub/slave has the right to know what they are walking into,

and if someone is going to be pushing my limits with reguards to pain,

i damn sure want someone i can trust, cause i am NOT a pain slut.

i am sorry but i will not
'have an affair' with a married man
b/c i will do what his wife won't!!!

i seek a Master not someone
walking the line bopping here and bopping there....
now if someone wants to agree to that,
hey thats them, its their life...
but for me
nahhhhhhhhhhh....
sub/slave =NOT stupid

why set yourself up for future hurt emotionally, cause wives have radar just like single-chix...............
i'm not going there.
my 02

edited to add****
cause i wasn't sure if i wanted to mention in the same thread,lol, but oh well..

if he isn't in charge of his life, family, home, why do i want him in charge of me?

< Message edited by fyreredsub -- 4/2/2006 6:57:03 AM >

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 7:01:54 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		i don't give out my home number either but for different reasons....
however should the relationship progress and bcome a committed some sort of something i will.
then its the dial up and unmentionables.....

seriously tho if the only time a man can instant message is after 11 pm and he gets off work at 3.
i mean c'mon.........
it doesnt take a rocket scientist

i know i know i hear the responses with 'justifiable reasons'

lmaof
that is what gut insticnts are for

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to MaitresseAzure)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 7:02:09 AM   
johnxinxscruz


Posts: 53
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline
Show me where I said my life was simple (another dodge on your part: point to the other person and say something instead of owning your own statement).

Show me where I denied that there is destruction, bitterness, or the warping of lives in a divorce (I _was_ one of those children of a divorced family ... 4 times; I know it quite well ... and I've seen my best friend cry when I told her I need out of our marriage).

None of that changes the basic statement. You're espousing that it's ok to hold your pleasure above the feelings of those who get hurt while you're pursing that pleasure.

Not that I expect, at this point, that you'll admit it. I expect that you'll just keep dodging it.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 8:33:57 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: johnxinxscruz


You're espousing that it's ok to hold your pleasure above the feelings of those who get hurt while you're pursing that pleasure.

Not that I expect, at this point, that you'll admit it. I expect that you'll just keep dodging it.



I never said no such thing.  I implied that the stiff backs of the righteous are usually made of glass when they find themselves in a moral dilemma. It is easy to mouth glib platitudes when one isn't emotionally involved in a situation. Life is full of moral dilemmas and I understand peoples actions even if I don't agree with them.

However, I did say the fact someone is married is their concern and not mine, since it is their dilemma to deal with.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 4/2/2006 8:35:19 AM >

(in reply to johnxinxscruz)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 9:07:06 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

I've always found that people who talk about Trust and Truth very rarely live up to such statements in the long run. It's easy to make such statements when one is in love with ones spouse or partner and one is happy with their sex life. I doubt many of those people would live up to their simplistic anouncements if they were in love with someone other than their spouse or their sex life wasn't satisfying.

Talking the talk is easy and I'm always suspicious of people who find talk easy.



"It's easy to make such statements when one is in love with ones spouse or partner and one is happy with their sex life."

I think I would score this statement with a 9.7.

Most of the virulent views about marriage here are from the unmarried and divorced.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 9:33:38 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sskitten
There is no safe haven on these boards for those of us who have chosen to cheat.  I think it is too bad.  I wish I could discuss the issues involved without fear of judgments.  Everything else in the world can be discussed nonjudgmentally here except that. 


I'm not sure which boards you have been reading, but judgments are made and expressed on about every thread that is started on collarme.  Maybe it's just that you don't like the judgments made about people who betray those that are significant to them.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to sskitten)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 9:35:48 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

Marriage is the most sacred commitment there is, ..and every violation of it is just... in my opinion...


Why and what do you consider to be a violation of it?

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 10:47:39 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

Marriage is the most sacred commitment there is, ..and every violation of it is just... in my opinion...


Why and what do you consider to be a violation of it?


When a person has one night stand (well ok I do believe in giving a person second chance) or has an affair behind the other partners back, if the other partner knows about it and is okay with it, then it's different.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 11:01:37 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

Marriage is the most sacred commitment there is, ..and every violation of it is just... in my opinion...


I remember the woman I fell in love with and who fell in love with me knew I was married from the first day had your views. She was so big on honesty, ethics and integrity and turned out to be the biggest liar of all so exciuse me if I take such views with a pinch of salt.

Actually she was the one that introduced me to the scene and from the first I was struck by how many people in the scene were convinced of their own rightness which is why I have such sceptical views. It seems to me that people who have inflexible morals just end up warped because they are constantly fighting against human nature.

Even though I was in love with a person I'd never try to seduce that person, I'd try to stay away.
if I was married the last thing I wanted was having someone seducing my partner, so I wouldn't allow myself to do it either. You can either choose to give in or not, and I believe I won't give in. Enough of people around me have ended in this position in their marriages and I don't wish to be the cause of that kind of troubles, ever.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 12:41:02 PM   
sskitten


Posts: 43
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:


quote:

ORIGINAL: sskitten
There is no safe haven on these boards for those of us who have chosen to cheat.  I think it is too bad.  I wish I could discuss the issues involved without fear of judgments.  Everything else in the world can be discussed nonjudgmentally here except that. 


I'm not sure which boards you have been reading, but judgments are made and expressed on about every thread that is started on collarme.  Maybe it's just that you don't like the judgments made about people who betray those that are significant to them.

Knight's kyra

 
I have read strong opinions on most threads, certainly, and often some lively disagreements.  But there is a distinctly different tone to the threads where infidelity is discussed.  And there seems not to be a possibility of a thread where cheaters could have a discussion among themselves without others telling them how wrong they are.
 
To illustrate the difference... let's take the topic of pain sluts as an example.  There are plenty of people who write in threads, "I am not a pain slut."  I have never seen someone write, "You are wrong to enjoy pain" or "You are wrong to deliver pain even in the interests of someone else's possible pleasure."  Everyone who is not a pain slut or pain deliverer just tends to let those who feel comfortable with pain do their thing without interference, without trying to change their minds about how they choose to lead their lives.  That is because no one else is being hurt in the process.  Frankly, something inside of me cringes and recoils at the thought of this sort of relationship, but we trust that the parties involved can take care of themselves.  If I had a good friend who was a pain slut, I would probably express my concerns about his or her emotional and physical well-being, but even if I felt a bit judgmental inside, I would respect my friend enough not to *express* judgment.  And when I read statements by pain sluts on the boards, of course I say nothing because their lives are none of my business.  I just try to absorb and learn what I can from the sharing.
 
All I am saying here is that everyone who cheats is aware that they are betraying someone who is or was very important in their lives, someone to whom they made a commitment.  They really don't need to hear that they are doing something wrong.  They know it.  They do not expect most people to tolerate it.  But I, for one, wish there were a tiny little corner of the Collarme Message Board where those in my position, or those involved with a cheater, could some day have a quiet discussion of the difficult issues they wrestle with every day, unencumbered by judgmental pronouncements from those who are leading nobler lives. 
 
Sometimes I fantasize about intiating two parallel threads:  "For Cheaters Only" and "For Those Who Judge Cheaters Harshly," so that everyone can get their feelings off of their chests without poisoning each other's day.  But I've not started those parallel threads because I can only think that those who judge cheaters harshly would just have to come over to the "For Cheaters Only" thread to have their say there.  There seems to be no way to have a thoughtful public discussion among those who are wrestling with cheating.  It can only deteriorate into something of a sparring match between those who do, those who don't, and those who wish everyone could mind their own business.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 1:04:45 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Well said sskitten

The holier than thou attitude is rather distasteful.

Intellectual moral values are one thing, putting them into practice in a world that is not black and white is another. Such people remind me of politicians harping on about fighting for freedom. It's easy to talk when the bombs aren't dropping on them.

(in reply to sskitten)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 1:13:17 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:


 
Sometimes I fantasize about intiating two parallel threads:  "For Cheaters Only" and "For Those Who Judge Cheaters Harshly," so that everyone can get their feelings off of their chests without poisoning each other's day.  But I've not started those parallel threads because I can only think that those who judge cheaters harshly would just have to come over to the "For Cheaters Only" thread to have their say there.  There seems to be no way to have a thoughtful public discussion among those who are wrestling with cheating.  It can only deteriorate into something of a sparring match between those who do, those who don't, and those who wish everyone could mind their own business.


Not only do those who are cheated on and lied to have no choice, no opportunity to consent or leave, now those who cheat and lie want to take away the very voices of those who would advocate in their defence. There are plenty of other topics which would bring just as much heated discussion, but most of those are TOSable and would be pulled by the mods. For those who wish everyone would mind their own business, I would suggest not airing your cheating ways in public. You open yourself up to cannon fire then complain when you get hit with a ball of iron. There is always the option of writing to fellow cheaters in PM if you want someone with whom to commiserate.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to sskitten)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 1:17:31 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:



The holier than thou attitude is rather distasteful.




Compared to what? Cheating? Lying? Scrubbing the toilet?

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 1:23:16 PM   
primeslave


Posts: 45
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Well said sskitten

The holier than thou attitude is rather distasteful.

Intellectual moral values are one thing, putting them into practice in a world that is not black and white is another. Such people remind me of politicians harping on about fighting for freedom. It's easy to talk when the bombs aren't dropping on them.


i think what i find most distasteful about your posts is your bitterness over being hurt once.  AND your complete disregard for the other person that is in the committed relationship. 

i don't believe that any of us give a hoot what a 'cheater' chooses to do.  we have repeatedly stated that our concern is for the person who has no idea that the partner that they love and adore is out doing something that would cause them great emotional distress.  that the partner that they share their life with is lying to them. 

if you are in a relationship and you choose to cheat - then that is your choice. 

what i ask for is the choice to NOT be involved with you.  lying to me takes away that choice and when i eventually find out the truth, shrugs, well then you deserve to be thought of as a slug who lies.  you earned it.

i reiterate my desire to find a person who is honest with me so that i can make my own choices. 

one last remark, i have found in this world that when you have a pet peeve or something that you harp on a lot... well that is usually your own personal failings that you see in others.   it is what we see in the mirror that bothers us so very much.

no, i dont judge you ... i just find you distasteful.  my perogative. 


_____________________________

What is a slut: 1. pleasure enthusiast; 2. a wanton individual; 3. a saucy girl

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 1:32:29 PM   
DolceFarNeinte


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/16/2006
Status: offline 		Personaly I just can not respect a man,or be dominated by a man who can,t get his domestic affairs sorted out.If your married,you sleep with your wife because thats what you swore to do,if your not happy get a divorse.I,ve given more commitment to part time jobs than some men give to their wife.I feel its watering down the beuty of the spiritual conection I achieve with those I,ve practised bdsm with.
Also to the guy who doesn,t understand pain sluts....its like being gay..if its in you its in you.Its a chemical high.Like all things in life ,if you do it in moderation and keep it in perspective,it can be a a fantastic experience.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Forgot you have a wife?? - 4/2/2006 1:36:15 PM   
toy4Doc


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119for anyone, Dom nor sub.

Toy4Doc, you aren't even claiming you let anyone know you are married.  Seems like you are just looking for a little on the side and don't really care about the person you are seeking. 


Since there seems to be alot of verom & hatered involved in this discussion, here goes. You seem very eloquent for a dyslexic. You can read, and seem to be able to write, but you don't seem to recognize the words.  Earth to duh! We're involved in something very kinky, very out of the mainstream here. Yes, doofus, it starts out as something on the side. We are all looking for something very specific. It's hard to find total compatibility in a partner. I've been married 19 years, and on alot of things, we're not compatible at all! Like BDSM, for example.
 My wife is a massage therapist that I found out the hard way like to have sex with black male clients. I found out the hard way, because she brought me home a STD. I like BDSM, she does not. I have had a few subs that grew into wonderful relationships, on the side. One lasted for several years, through two of her marriages. Both of her husbands knew about me, and my wife knew about her.
 Look, I know this is a very emotional, very polarizing issue. I just can't believe the level of intolerance somewhere where I'd think the participants would be open minded. I've NEVER lied to a prospective sub. I have 14 & 18 year old children. Financially, I'd be ruined if I tried to disolve my marriage right now. Do I need a note from my wife to share my kinky interests with a willing sub? NO. Do I need your permission, too? I don't think so.
 Go look in the mirror. You're very pissed at someone at somepoint in your life. Why you're so angry at us is an effect, NOT a cause.
 Sorry about my hostility. Someone got my goat, and I didn't think she knew where it was tied. 

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 100
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