quote:

ORIGINAL: toy4Doc

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119for anyone, Dom nor sub.

Toy4Doc, you aren't even claiming you let anyone know you are married.  Seems like you are just looking for a little on the side and don't really care about the person you are seeking. 


Since there seems to be alot of verom & hatered involved in this discussion, here goes. You seem very eloquent for a dyslexic. You can read, and seem to be able to write, but you don't seem to recognize the words.  Earth to duh! We're involved in something very kinky, very out of the mainstream here. Yes, doofus, it starts out as something on the side. We are all looking for something very specific. It's hard to find total compatibility in a partner. I've been married 19 years, and on alot of things, we're not compatible at all! Like BDSM, for example.
 My wife is a massage therapist that I found out the hard way like to have sex with black male clients. I found out the hard way, because she brought me home a STD. I like BDSM, she does not. I have had a few subs that grew into wonderful relationships, on the side. One lasted for several years, through two of her marriages. Both of her husbands knew about me, and my wife knew about her.
 Look, I know this is a very emotional, very polarizing issue. I just can't believe the level of intolerance somewhere where I'd think the participants would be open minded. I've NEVER lied to a prospective sub. I have 14 & 18 year old children. Financially, I'd be ruined if I tried to disolve my marriage right now. Do I need a note from my wife to share my kinky interests with a willing sub? NO. Do I need your permission, too? I don't think so.
 Go look in the mirror. You're very pissed at someone at somepoint in your life. Why you're so angry at us is an effect, NOT a cause.
 Sorry about my hostility. Someone got my goat, and I didn't think she knew where it was tied. 

Wow!  What a well thought out, DOMINANT sounding reply!  LOL!  Confirms all of my suspicions about you.

Look, I am truly sorry that you learned that your wife was cheating on you because you got an STD from her and you have a heck of a lot of anger stemming from that!  You've never lied to a prospective sub, yet your profile doesn't identify you as married and looking for a little on the side, or looking for someone without your wife knowing, or looking for someone to cheat with, who may take the place of your wife IF you like her enough.

BDSM doesn't start with "something on the side".  Don't think "cheating husband" is a classification under "kink".  You list yourself as a Dominant but can't even manage your own life.  How do you think you will ever be able to dominate anyone else?  Throwing a temper-tantrum doesn't change your status from "cheating husband" to Dominant either.  Being worried about YOUR financial worth above the worth of your children (yes and the wife YOU choose to stay with) doesn't make you a Dominant either.

You don't NEED my permission to do anything.  Most of the people I have become involved with through this lifestyle are honest, caring human beings.  Many are married, in open marriages with their spouse's consent.  Many married people here are in poly households.  No problem with me as long as everyone involved knows (including prosepective submissives).Honesty is one of the core values I've experienced with most of the people I've gotten to know here and elsewhere.  No one checks their ethics at the door.

Exactly WHEN do you tell a prospective submissive that you are married?  After the "little on the side" becomes more serious and you either have to get her to agree to continue to mess around with a married man or get her to leave because she has started to suspect and is ready to "out" you to your wife?  Well?  Most of us are warned about trolling "wankers" when we first get involved here.  We'll put your name on our list....lol!


_____________________________


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to toy4Doc)

quote:

ORIGINAL: primeslave

no, i dont judge you ... i just find you distasteful.  my perogative. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

I spent 26 years in an abusive marriage where I kept my vows. The last 10 years I was completely celibate because of his choices. *He* was the one who told me to go out and have an affair. It isn't in me to do that. Now that we have been divorced for almost 2 years, and since his death 7 weeks ago, I find that he was having affairs and brought me a lifelong *gift*.

Some of us have lived through those "moral dilemmas" and kept our honor and integrity. Not everyone is like the one person who hurt you. If I were to find a Dom who were interested in me, they could know without a doubt that if I were to commit to them, I would not cheat on them. I have proven myself not to be one who cheats regardless of the provocation.

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ORIGINAL: GddssBella

I personally don't care where anyone sticks their wicks provided the following two circumstances are met: KNOWLEDGE and CONSENT. You inform your partner of your intent prior to your actions and they condone it. After that? Have fun. Using it as a weapon to inflict pain and suffering upon your significant other for revenge is just cowardly.

It annoys the buttnuts out of me when people view the alternative lifestyle as permission to screw around behind someone's back. It's not intolerance that makes people speak out but rather outrage that mature adults believe their lack of control, moral courage and honesty should be accepted. Ethics are not for convenience.

Bella

quote:

ORIGINAL: primeslave

i don't believe that any of us give a hoot what a 'cheater' chooses to do.  we have repeatedly stated that our concern is for the person who has no idea that the partner that they love and adore is out doing something that would cause them great emotional distress.  that the partner that they share their life with is lying to them. 

if you are in a relationship and you choose to cheat - then that is your choice. 

what i ask for is the choice to NOT be involved with you.  lying to me takes away that choice and when i eventually find out the truth, shrugs, well then you deserve to be thought of as a slug who lies.  you earned it.

i reiterate my desire to find a person who is honest with me so that i can make my own choices. 

one last remark, i have found in this world that when you have a pet peeve or something that you harp on a lot... well that is usually your own personal failings that you see in others.   it is what we see in the mirror that bothers us so very much.

no, i dont judge you ... i just find you distasteful.  my perogative. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: sskitten

To illustrate the difference... let's take the topic of pain sluts as an example.  There are plenty of people who write in threads, "I am not a pain slut."  I have never seen someone write, "You are wrong to enjoy pain" or "You are wrong to deliver pain even in the interests of someone else's possible pleasure."  Everyone who is not a pain slut or pain deliverer just tends to let those who feel comfortable with pain do their thing without interference, without trying to change their minds about how they choose to lead their lives.  That is because no one else is being hurt in the process.  Frankly, something inside of me cringes and recoils at the thought of this sort of relationship, but we trust that the parties involved can take care of themselves.  If I had a good friend who was a pain slut, I would probably express my concerns about his or her emotional and physical well-being, but even if I felt a bit judgmental inside, I would respect my friend enough not to *express* judgment.  And when I read statements by pain sluts on the boards, of course I say nothing because their lives are none of my business.  I just try to absorb and learn what I can from the sharing.

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ORIGINAL: CAROLF

Dear SS, thank you so much for you honesty.  now i must admit, i am not married, but i tend to be drawn to married Doms? why??? i seem to have issues with committment.  big ones.  ugh.  the married Doms are safe.  we talk, we play, we see each other and yes we may love, but one thing we don't do it commit.  phew, think i would hyperventilate.  so i am looking for  a Dom who has all the qualities that meet my needs, he does not have to be single.  ugh, pass the papersack!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: CAROLF

Dear SS, thank you so much for you honesty.  now i must admit, i am not married, but i tend to be drawn to married Doms? why??? i seem to have issues with committment.  big ones.  ugh.  the married Doms are safe.  we talk, we play, we see each other and yes we may love, but one thing we don't do it commit.  phew, think i would hyperventilate.  so i am looking for  a Dom who has all the qualities that meet my needs, he does not have to be single.  ugh, pass the papersack!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver
The facts show when push comes to shove, that not many people remain faithful, much less than 50% I remember reading. Unless so many reports and research papers are totally wrong.

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver
The facts show when push comes to shove, that not many people remain faithful, much less than 50% I remember reading. Unless so many reports and research papers are totally wrong.

LOL  That is an original aurgument... "everyone else is doing it!!!"  Sounds like a petulent child to me.

Just because many people are doing it, doesn't make it the right thing to do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

If the majority of people are unfaithful which research appears to show as true, maybe that says something about human nature and maybe the sensible thing is for people to accept human nature rather than shoe horning it into stupid morals that the majority appear to agree with in public but break in private!

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver
If the majority of people are unfaithful which research appears to show as true, maybe that says something about human nature and maybe the sensible thing is for people to accept human nature rather than shoe horning it into stupid morals that the majority appear to agree with in public but break in private!

quote:

Talking the talk is easy and I'm always suspicious of people who find talk easy.