quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

Far out! How did a thread about fakes and time-wasters become one about how hard-working, courageous and utterly saintly are the richest people in the world - while those at the bottom deserve to be there because of their laziness?

Anyway, I guess all that stuff is better off in the Politics and Religion section, where it'll get much more considered treatment.

OP: One thing two things have become very, very clear to me about all this D/s relationship stuff: you have to be a) sharp to fakers but b) maintain a cheerful front. I think you've got a lot of a) together, but you need to work on b). People look to D/s to provide them with a good time, primarily, and bitterness is a sign that you won't provide it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

Far out! How did a thread about fakes and time-wasters become one about how hard-working, courageous and utterly saintly are the richest people in the world - while those at the bottom deserve to be there because of their laziness?

Anyway, I guess all that stuff is better off in the Politics and Religion section, where it'll get much more considered treatment.

OP: One thing two things have become very, very clear to me about all this D/s relationship stuff: you have to be a) sharp to fakers but b) maintain a cheerful front. I think you've got a lot of a) together, but you need to work on b). People look to D/s to provide them with a good time, primarily, and bitterness is a sign that you won't provide it.

I'm in no way 'bitter', I have to say. It's not a case of that all. I was merely bringing due emphasis to an important issue. And indeed, I am largely 'sharp' to fakes. But you B point I would class as something of a faint, in that I feel we tolerate timewasters too much - or we appear to - as some inevitable aboration. I'm of the mind that problem can and should be solved. If we differ, that is fine... I can see that you might adopting a 'philosophical'/realistic attitude might be the only way. I think, though, too little changes with that attitude. I merely ask: is that the best we can do?

J

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957
i know people are going to hate me for this but, just to refresh memories of what this thread is actually about, here's the OP again....

Hey sweet? Could you replace that with my post from page 1 where I put it in paragraphs? I didn't change a word, just made it easier to read.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

OK, I couldn't stand it. Just for you, OP.... paragraphs!

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I will never truly understand the motivations and mentality of the timewaster. This would bother me more if I actually cared about the internal life of this lowest of creatures. My botherment is effectively confined to the annoyance these fakes cause me personally and the corrosive, stifling and antisocial effect they have upon the scene itself.

It is because of their childish games that one has to make genuine candidates jump through tedious hoops to authenticate themselves; meaning that, prior to the BDSM activities all genuine people are here for, one has to extend the chatty, vanilla aspects of the interview process in order to establish said candidate is worth one's time and effort. This can often spoil or delay the excitement and devil-may-care aspect that I personally value in BDSM. My ideal preference would be for would-be slaves to come here, yoked, hooded and serving, within a second of their expressed interest to do so; as I find no fascination in on-line exchanges for their own sake whatsoever.

The fake who professes an interest in real-time but knows, secretly, that s/he does not have it in her/him presumably gets satisfaction from such things as Yahoo Messenger and email. Such sad cases, I assume, being incapable of anything beyond these methods of contact with real-life scene-people have converted their limitation into some kind of virtue; which might occupy them on some otherwise empty, boring afternoon or late-evening, whilst their vanilla partner is out or is sleeping. This is something like phantom-limb-syndrome, I suppose: not as good as an actual limb, but mildly better than facing up to the fact that there is nothing physically there!

The timewaster's frankly desparate and laughably inane deceptions might well kill some time for those lacking imagination and the courage and ability to realise their supposed 'dreams' in actuality. These worms might well even claim for themselves some kind of practical victory, as they string the genuine along - just long enough to gather two or three messages from a real person, perhaps even a ten-minute chatroom encounter. Wank fodder comes in all shapes and sizes, I suppose; and those who have never tasted genuine experiences are likely to be most adept at making do with what others would barely notice. Imagine - One's most treasured scene artifacts, a few emails exchanged here! What memories, eh?!

But the wider reality is this: You, timewaster, are as welcome as and as attractive as cancer. On the one hand, you are simply in need of some ruthless, disinterested cure; a piece of clever software to weed you out with a click of the mouse. That would be lovely, I have to say. On the other hand, and until then, we genuine ones can only hope that you suffer many dark, existential moments of dreadful, fatal loneliness and shame; that, when looking in the mirror, you see yourself for the low-life and parasite you really are - in actuality, as an apt judgement on your personal value.

For my own part, when I spot a fake or a timewaster, according to my mood, I either immediately block that person or I have some fun myself, stringing that person along in turn if it amuses me. The latter option is simplicity itself given the poor intellectual level of such creatures; and one can quickly tie them in mental knots with the most basic games and playes upon concept; meaning that they leave the fray annoyed and unfulfilled. In each and every case, I circulate her/his name amongst my friends and associates; and we chuckle as we compare notes.

Ugh, that was 5 minutes of my life that I will never get back

quote:

But you B point I would class as something of a faint, in that I feel we tolerate timewasters too much - or we appear to - as some inevitable aboration. I'm of the mind that problem can and should be solved. If we differ, that is fine... I can see that you might adopting a 'philosophical'/realistic attitude might be the only way. I think, though, too little changes with that attitude. I merely ask: is that the best we can do?

quote:


It is because of their childish games that one has to make genuine candidates jump through tedious hoops to authenticate themselves; meaning that, prior to the BDSM activities all genuine people are here for, one has to extend the chatty, vanilla aspects of the interview process in order to establish said candidate is worth one's time and effort. This can often spoil or delay the excitement and devil-may-care aspect that I personally value in BDSM. My ideal preference would be for would-be slaves to come here, yoked, hooded and serving, within a second of their expressed interest to do so; as I find no fascination in on-line exchanges for their own sake whatsoever.

quote:

Ugh, that was 5 minutes of my life that I will never get back

Ditto. You just IhadI to make it easier to read, didn't you Wyld

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ORIGINAL: WyldHrt
See, here's the problem. What is 'fake' or a 'timewaster' to you, might be the perfect partner to someone else.

quote:

It is because of their childish games that one has to make genuine candidates jump through tedious hoops to authenticate themselves; meaning that, prior to the BDSM activities all genuine people are here for, one has to extend the chatty, vanilla aspects of the interview process in order to establish said candidate is worth one's time and effort. This can often spoil or delay the excitement and devil-may-care aspect that I personally value in BDSM. My ideal preference would be for would-be slaves to come here, yoked, hooded and serving, within a second of their expressed interest to do so; as I find no fascination in on-line exchanges for their own sake whatsoever.

quote:

What strikes me most about the range of reactions this post has attracted is that most fall into the camp of criticising the person posting rather than making some kind of attempt to do something about the timewaster issue itself. It is easier to do the former, I realise; and I know the fakes issue has been raised before and we are all sick of it. But must we just stick our heads in the sand? Other sites are more pro-active than collarme on the issue. What about using that to prompt some action? Single mails to collarme do nothing. What about something more substantial?

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ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!

Lady A, may i quote that?

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!

Lady A, may i quote that?

Absolutely. To be honest, I'm not sure if I need to credit anyone with that. It seemed to just pop out of my head. ;-)

- LA

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

What strikes me most about the range of reactions this post has attracted is that most fall into the camp of criticising the person posting rather than making some kind of attempt to do something about the timewaster issue itself. It is easier to do the former, I realise; and I know the fakes issue has been raised before and we are all sick of it. But must we just stick our heads in the sand? Other sites are more pro-active than collarme on the issue. What about using that to prompt some action? Single mails to collarme do nothing. What about something more substantial?

Now in terms of fake, I can point you to a few posts where someone called me a fake only because they didn't agree with me. Bottom line is, after 6 years and 7000 posts on Collarme and having met some of the people here, I don't think it would be the concensus. But then where do we draw the line? Who's a real fake? Because someone corresponds with you and then at the last minute gets cold feet or is turned off by something that was said doesn't mean they won't feel really good about meeting someone else. Just because they aren't that into you doesn't make them a fake.

Moreove, Collarme is a free service run by volunteer staff. I've known several Mods here over several years I can tell you some have not slept some nights trying to keep the site free of those doing actual damage to the site as a whole. And these people have day jobs and lives which they sometimes put on hold.

Also it is community driven. We all have the report button at the bottom of posts and in our emails. We can flag inappropriate photos and spam email message. Believe me when I tell you it works.

If you want stronger filters and all that jazz, then I suggest you get out your little credit card and go to a pay site. I'm sure you'll still find the same degree of what you consider to be fakes and timewasters.

- LA

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ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

It is indeed community-driven, as you term it. That is exactly my point. Until we strive to change the culture and not just carp about it individually it will never change.

Jaynie

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I think 'community' is something of a misnomer here, Mistress J. It implies that D/s involves a bunch of people who are in some way connected and who might, in principle, be amenable to certain changes of attitude and rules of behaviour. How can we even think of controlling what's out there?

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I think 'community' is something of a misnomer here, Mistress J. It implies that D/s involves a bunch of people who are in some way connected and who might, in principle, be amenable to certain changes of attitude and rules of behaviour. How can we even think of controlling what's out there?

I don't find it's a misnomer at all. Communities aren't homogeneous. You might want to look at the definition of an online community. You'll see we fit right in.

- LA