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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 5:29:34 PM

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Angelika, I take your intentions to be honourable, believe me. You care about the scene clearly, as I do. You make a valid point; and I am not seeking, as I said, any kind of centralisation ... I've had friends accused of being fake or whatever just because the person doing the finger-pointing didn't like what they said or refused a demand. It's too easy to just point fingers, and that's worse, I agree. Maybe your citation of McCarthyism was a bit too far, but it flags the issue in the right way.

I've been on collarme myself since October 2005, I think it was. (My circumstances changed several times, and my profile changed to reflect those changes.) So I know the problem is an entrenched one. I hope, though, by airing the problem we might just get somewhere. If not, oh well...

Best wishes,

Jaynie

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 5:32:18 PM

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Totally agree VaguelyCurious... networks are a good indication. Thanks.

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 5:35:21 PM

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Laurell3, No these people aren't even seeking sex... at least not with someone else. I don't mean those vanillas who use BDSM posing to get into someone's knickers or boxer-shorts. I mean those internet-cowards who hide behind their broadband.

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 5:44:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cynwolf

I guess I don't really understand the point of the original rant. Everyone knows that on any social networking site you are going to find all types of people. Some people like to pretend and live a fantasy of sorts. In real life you could find that someone who asked you out on a date isn't all they seem to be or are hiding many things. Ranting about it is a bit more time being wasted in my opinion. I've had many occasions where I would reply to someone who sent a message the conversations last a few emails then they move on. It doesn't bother me. I think of the same as I would if I chit chat with a stranger in the grocery store. I will never see them again, but it wasn't a waste of time it was more like a filler between bored moments. I could waste more time by ranting in my blog or something, but honestly it doesn't mean so much to me that I need to give it that much more attention.

That's good you feel that way. The issue, like all issues, is self-selecting: there will those who are bothered and those who are not. We are in different camps. Variety is fine. As I say, I'm not attacking differences. I'm attacking deception.

We can elect to call it realism, but I want to explore the chances we might change this facet of the scene for the better before I decide to let it lie.

I think that by terming my tract a 'rant' you are laoding something upon it which it does not deserve. Clearly, it is not a stream-of-consciousness. It was offered as a genuine call for discussion. If the subject does not interest certain people or they feel it is pepetitious, then read other threads. That's what I do. If I cannot say something positive to a thread, I just say nothing. It would be like my going on any given thread which I am personally bored with telling people what they are saying is boring. What's the point?

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 5:45:39 PM

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LOL Forgive typos... it is late over here.

Jaynie

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 5:52:40 PM

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quote:

There used to be a verifiedbdsm.com site but I went to go look at it and it's no longer in existence.

Hi LA,

Oh, yes, TallDark&Witty. I recall when he started throwing around ideas for online verification, asking us on CM for input. He got lots of suggestions, not all of them polite. The "Ballroom Dom" was himself victim of some strung-along-by-a-subbie drama. Maybe that's why he started the verified site? Not sure.

January

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 6:18:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

Totally agree VaguelyCurious... networks are a good indication. Thanks.

They aren't flawless, though-it's just occurred to me that one of my favouritest kinksters in the whole wide world has an IC network of exactly 3. And I can guarantee he isn't a timewaster because I've seen him tie people up ;-)

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 5/16/2010 6:19:24 PM >

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 9:40:30 PM

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I wasn't trying to be negative. What I was trying to say was shouldn't we look at every instance as positive? Even if the interaction doesn't produce anything more then two or three emails. By looking at a situation and saying that person wasted my time to me is making any situation seem negative if nothing comes out of it but a few minutes typing to someone or chatting. I used to live my life looking at everything in the negative. Then I faced my own mortality twice and I survived, but it did change me and how I see things. I no longer expect that every time someone contacts me that they read my profile and squeeze themselves into this tiny box of what I am looking for. I now see that every interaction I have no matter what it is has it's positive points even if it's just a fleeting moment.

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 2:53:44 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cynwolf

I wasn't trying to be negative. What I was trying to say was shouldn't we look at every instance as positive? Even if the interaction doesn't produce anything more then two or three emails. By looking at a situation and saying that person wasted my time to me is making any situation seem negative if nothing comes out of it but a few minutes typing to someone or chatting. I used to live my life looking at everything in the negative. Then I faced my own mortality twice and I survived, but it did change me and how I see things. I no longer expect that every time someone contacts me that they read my profile and squeeze themselves into this tiny box of what I am looking for. I now see that every interaction I have no matter what it is has it's positive points even if it's just a fleeting moment.

That's an encouraging story, and I'm glad you did survive and hope you suffered nothing permanent. I agree, such things are life-affirming; and, as I've tried to make clear, I am not seeking to criticise any of the things you cite in your brief list. I specifically and only mean malicious liars who set out to deceive others - by posing as another gender, by posing as a couple when they are not, and so on. Of course, looking on the extreme positive side one could even learn something or enjoy such an exchange, if one is not aware of the deception. But really... I have to say that even optimism cannot ratify such things, and one has to condemn the deceiver squarely and without reservation.

Jaynie

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 2:57:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

Totally agree VaguelyCurious... networks are a good indication. Thanks.

They aren't flawless, though-it's just occurred to me that one of my favouritest kinksters in the whole wide world has an IC network of exactly 3. And I can guarantee he isn't a timewaster because I've seen him tie people up ;-)

Oh I fully agree. My slave and I are not ones for playing the scene, as we prefer private venues with limited people involved. Popularity as proof is such a myth, but so much a part of our culture. The best ideas never come from the centre-ground, in my opinion. BDSM is one case-in-point; and it only got into trouble when the mainstream started taking an interest.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 3:21:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

Oh I fully agree. My slave and I are not ones for playing the scene, as we prefer private venues with limited people involved. Popularity as proof is such a myth, but so much a part of our culture. The best ideas never come from the centre-ground, in my opinion. BDSM is one case-in-point; and it only got into trouble when the mainstream started taking an interest.

So the best system we can come up with excludes many of the posters on this thread-you by your own admission, LA because she's not particularly scene-y, me because I really can't be bothered to add people on ic (I've got a network of less than twenty)...

Really the only person this would be any use to on CM that I can see on this thread is Lady Pact, and she doesn't need verifying :P

It's also occurred to me that I don't think the networks would transfer well to CM because CM is so diverse; users live all over the world and a proportion of them shun 'the scene' altogether, without being any less real-one of the reasons I post on the CM boards rather than those on ic is that I like the variety here-there is much less pressure to conform to scene norms.

You've been articulate in describing the problem, but you haven't put forward any kind of solution-if this is the best way of dealing with the problem then I suspect I would rather stick with the timewasters.

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 5/17/2010 3:22:31 AM >

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 3:40:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

Angelika, I take your intentions to be honourable, believe me. You care about the scene clearly, as I do. You make a valid point; and I am not seeking, as I said, any kind of centralisation ... I've had friends accused of being fake or whatever just because the person doing the finger-pointing didn't like what they said or refused a demand. It's too easy to just point fingers, and that's worse, I agree. Maybe your citation of McCarthyism was a bit too far, but it flags the issue in the right way.

I've been on collarme myself since October 2005, I think it was. (My circumstances changed several times, and my profile changed to reflect those changes.) So I know the problem is an entrenched one. I hope, though, by airing the problem we might just get somewhere. If not, oh well...

Best wishes,

Jaynie

Jaynie,

It's not so much that I care about the scene as I've never felt part of any scene, and that in itself could have me labelled as a fake. I don't go to public events or munches, I'm not the most current on the lingo and I don't have a huge toy box or fet fashion closet. I've always sort of been an indie participant that way.

What I care about is me and the ones I care about. I've grown fond of some people here and I want to see them happy and safe. I like Collarme because it permits me to interact with like-minded people as well as people with opposing view points. I accept that there are going to be fakers and scammers here and I simply move them out of my field of focus. I focus on what is important, again, those I've grown fond of as well as the enlightening conversation I might have.

To be honest, one of the reasons your OP was met with such adversity is because the fakers don't hang out on the message boards, and if they come here, they don't last long. But if you stick around, you'll notice almost weekly someone from the "other side" (what some of us call the side with profiles and CMail) and complains about fakers. You can perhaps comprehend that some are getting a little tired of being told the obvious.

I do hope you stick around. You seem to be able to stir things up and we like a good stirring here on the boards.

- LA

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 4:03:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I've grown fond of some people here and I want to see them happy and safe.

I'd say the same, Gorgeous ;-)

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 4:29:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: January

quote:

There used to be a verifiedbdsm.com site but I went to go look at it and it's no longer in existence.

Hi LA,

Oh, yes, TallDark&Witty. I recall when he started throwing around ideas for online verification, asking us on CM for input. He got lots of suggestions, not all of them polite. The "Ballroom Dom" was himself victim of some strung-along-by-a-subbie drama. Maybe that's why he started the verified site? Not sure.

January

Hi January. I remember those days (and I like that you are posting again!) and indeed he was strung along, poor thing. I understand why he wanted to start it but in principle, I didn't agree with him.

For me, nothing beats using my own instincts. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I can tell you that in the 6 years that I've had a profile here, I've received an awful lot of messages on the other side. The fake ones were really easy to point out and anyone I engaged in meaningful discussion with showed up when decided to meet. I've never been duped by a fake profile and I've never had a no show for a meeting. That said, I'm highly selective of who I meet.

I won't ever put the responsibility for screening people on another person or service. I do my own screening, I do my own assessing and I take full and complete responsibility for how things work out.

- LA

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 4:31:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I've grown fond of some people here and I want to see them happy and safe.

I'd say the same, Gorgeous ;-)

D'aaww ;-)

- LA

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 5:32:59 AM

VideoAdminAlpha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

Lady Angelika states 'The terms [timewaster and fake] are in principle self-explanatory but more importantly, they are highly subjective. That is what I'm trying to convey to you....

Ok, thanks for your continued responses. I think 'highly subjective' is pushing the case a tad too far. Most things are open to interpretation, I agree. But, to repeat myself again, someone who cruelly sets out to deceive people by inventing profiles on here - a man pretending to be a woman, people with numerous such profiles... how can they be classified as anything but fake? How, in other words, is that subjective? They are obvjectively faking a persona for their own ends; not to maybe by-the-by inculate themselves into the scene, in safe, easy chunks. They are using the site to use people in the worst possible way, in my view.

You go on to say 'Someone you might consider a timewaster might be an investment for someone else. Those you might dismiss as inauthentic might be perfect for someone else'. How could those types I describe be rehabilitated in the way you describe? I'm not speaking about differences in what one Dom/me or another might be seeking. Again, I'm talking of those who do not intend to meet or to enter into the scene. Said faker would have to stop being a faker in order to be useful in the manner you describe. In that case, s/he is no longer a faker, and I would not be criticising that person - regretable past exploits notwithstanding.

quote:

MistressJaynie

Ok, time for another hypothetical question , since everything is so self explanatory.....what would you say IF there was someone posting about fakers and timewasters and had some other profiles, that possibly didnt have the same dominant leanings as the one that was all upset about timewasters and fakes? Would they be fake?Just a stray random thought that doesnt have anything, of course, to do with the posters on this thread

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 5:49:42 AM

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Ummmmmm... not to put to fine a point on it.....but one of the reasons I come here is to waste time..:)

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 6:16:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

Totally agree VaguelyCurious... networks are a good indication. Thanks.

They aren't flawless, though-it's just occurred to me that one of my favouritest kinksters in the whole wide world has an IC network of exactly 3. And I can guarantee he isn't a timewaster because I've seen him tie people up ;-)

I have an IC network of exactly 0.... I must be a fake...

Sorry I've wasted everyones time...

< Message edited by jbcurious -- 5/17/2010 6:18:20 AM >

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 7:41:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

Totally agree VaguelyCurious... networks are a good indication. Thanks.

They aren't flawless, though-it's just occurred to me that one of my favouritest kinksters in the whole wide world has an IC network of exactly 3. And I can guarantee he isn't a timewaster because I've seen him tie people up ;-)

The problem with IC network is, it can become ridiculous. At one point I had nearly 300 people on my profile and although these were people I had met on the rl scene, I had only shook hands or given a cursory smile to about 250 of them! If you delete those that you don't really remember, they get a message to say they have been deleted and then they write to you all offended to ask why.
The best way to delete an overflow of people you don't really know is to delete your profile and start again. Perhaps the guy in question has just done that. A lot of people do.

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/17/2010 7:54:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

I have an IC network of exactly 0.... I must be a fake... Sorry I've wasted everyones time...

You aren't in the UK, my lovely :P

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