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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 11:44:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

i think this business about assuming someone is fake without having met them or otherwise not confirmed their existence one way or another is well so fake, it really is fake of people to assume that there are lots of fakes here
kevin

*Chuckle*

Well played, kevin.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 11:47:53 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I think 'community' is something of a misnomer here, Mistress J. It implies that D/s involves a bunch of people who are in some way connected and who might, in principle, be amenable to certain changes of attitude and rules of behaviour. How can we even think of controlling what's out there?

I don't find it's a misnomer at all. Communities aren't homogeneous. You might want to look at the definition of an online community. You'll see we fit right in.

- LA

I meant that 'community' is a misnomer in that we can't expect to control anything that goes on amongst kinksters in the same way that we could amongst the people of a village, say.

The degree of control is different, but we do have control dynamics here, Mods, veteran posters, community leaders of sorts (those who's posts tend to be received with more authority).

- LA

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 11:56:29 AM

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Thanks DarkSteven. i like people with a sense of humour. If we cant lighten up on a forum when can we , thats what i mean about having the CRAIC
kevin

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 11:57:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Thanks DarkSteven. i like people with a sense of humour. If we cant lighten up on a forum when can we , thats what i mean about having the CRAIC
kevin

You do the lightening. I'll do the darkening. It's right there in my username.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 12:17:20 PM

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Freedom of speech doesn't mean I have to listen. Problem solved.

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 12:18:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Alright MistressJaynie, so now I have few questions.

What exactly is a timewaster and a fake, a very clear definition please, and then and how do you propose they be distinguished from those who have cold feet?

How do you suggest it could be resolved? I ask this hypothetically of course as I'm not one of the power that be at CM.

- LA

Are you serious in your questions? Are not these terms self-explanatory? Timewaster... a waster of time. Fake... inauthenticity. The latter will result in wasting a person's time.

Can I be any more direct? ... I mean people who deliberately set up fake profiles and contact people expressly posing as something they are not. I don't mean all the shades of doubt and fear which might be present or become present in a person of hitherto good intentions. Why would I criticise those people?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 12:21:37 PM

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Yes You know what you get when you encounter a difficult situation and a Domme that is nt a match. Do you know the answer Dark Steven? It a Mis stress, get it mis stress, mistress, ie an unsuitable Domme to deal with a stressful situation . a mis stress
ha ha
kevin

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 12:22:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I think 'community' is something of a misnomer here, Mistress J. It implies that D/s involves a bunch of people who are in some way connected and who might, in principle, be amenable to certain changes of attitude and rules of behaviour. How can we even think of controlling what's out there?

I don't find it's a misnomer at all. Communities aren't homogeneous. You might want to look at the definition of an online community. You'll see we fit right in.

- LA

I meant that 'community' is a misnomer in that we can't expect to control anything that goes on amongst kinksters in the same way that we could amongst the people of a village, say.

The degree of control is different, but we do have control dynamics here, Mods, veteran posters, community leaders of sorts (those who's posts tend to be received with more authority).

- LA

Re. the notion of what constitutes 'community': we can argue semantics all day and get nowhere. Ontology is ontology, but certain terms are somewhat open to interpretation. It is mere nit-picking and trouble-making to suggest anyone would seriously suggest the scene is a formal gathering. Plainly, it is not. This is a wild goose chase, a distraction.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 12:56:22 PM

dreamerdreaming

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

I will never truly understand the motivations and mentality of the timewaster.

when I spot a fake or a timewaster, according to my mood, I either immediately block that person or I have some fun myself, stringing that person along in turn if it amuses me.

Wow timewaster, you don't understand your own motivations?!

And you compare yourself to a cancer, and spend a lot of time in this post calling yourself a lowly worm, parasite, etc. when you're not busy detailing your timewasting motivations.

Masochistic, much?

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(in reply to MistressJaynie)

RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 1:36:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

The degree of control is different, but we do have control dynamics here, Mods, veteran posters, community leaders of sorts (those who's posts tend to be received with more authority).

- LA

Well, that hints at one answer. People who post on the forums here are less likely to be fakers than those who only create a profile. That's certainly been true in my experience, anyway.

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 2:42:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Alright MistressJaynie, so now I have few questions.

What exactly is a timewaster and a fake, a very clear definition please, and then and how do you propose they be distinguished from those who have cold feet?

How do you suggest it could be resolved? I ask this hypothetically of course as I'm not one of the power that be at CM.

- LA

Are you serious in your questions? Are not these terms self-explanatory? Timewaster... a waster of time. Fake... inauthenticity. The latter will result in wasting a person's time.

Can I be any more direct? ... I mean people who deliberately set up fake profiles and contact people expressly posing as something they are not. I don't mean all the shades of doubt and fear which might be present or become present in a person of hitherto good intentions. Why would I criticise those people?

I'm extremely serious in my questions. The terms are in principle self-explanatory but more importantly, they are highly subjective. That is what I'm trying to convey to you.

Someone you might consider a timewaster might be an investment for someone else. Those you might dismiss as inauthentic might be perfect for someone else. This is why I was hoping you could give a much more objective definition based in actual measurable behaviours.

Now the fake question is even more difficult. How do we authenticate people here? Not everyone can have their real identities known here, this is a kink site, right? So really, the only way we can tell if people are real or fake is to invest a little time in the process and use our instincts.

I can tell you that in the 6 years that I've had a profile here, I've received an awful lot of messages on the other side. The fake ones were really easy to point out and anyone I engaged in meaningful discussion with showed up when decided to meet. I've never been duped by a fake profile and I've never had a no show for a meeting. That said, I'm highly selective of who I meet.

- LA

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 2:46:00 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

The degree of control is different, but we do have control dynamics here, Mods, veteran posters, community leaders of sorts (those who's posts tend to be received with more authority).

- LA

Well, that hints at one answer. People who post on the forums here are less likely to be fakers than those who only create a profile. That's certainly been true in my experience, anyway.

Indeed, but most of the people I met in real life, I met on the other side. There are some Anglo Montrealers on the site, but many of them are Francophone and don't feel at ease to post here. They do on the Montreal groups on FetLife though...

Anyhow, without derailing too much from the OP, I think what you bring up are good solutions for connecting with authentic people.

- LA

_____________________________

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(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 2:59:02 PM

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Lady Angelika states 'The terms [timewaster and fake] are in principle self-explanatory but more importantly, they are highly subjective. That is what I'm trying to convey to you....

Ok, thanks for your continued responses. I think 'highly subjective' is pushing the case a tad too far. Most things are open to interpretation, I agree. But, to repeat myself again, someone who cruelly sets out to deceive people by inventing profiles on here - a man pretending to be a woman, people with numerous such profiles... how can they be classified as anything but fake? How, in other words, is that subjective? They are obvjectively faking a persona for their own ends; not to maybe by-the-by inculate themselves into the scene, in safe, easy chunks. They are using the site to use people in the worst possible way, in my view.

You go on to say 'Someone you might consider a timewaster might be an investment for someone else. Those you might dismiss as inauthentic might be perfect for someone else'. How could those types I describe be rehabilitated in the way you describe? I'm not speaking about differences in what one Dom/me or another might be seeking. Again, I'm talking of those who do not intend to meet or to enter into the scene. Said faker would have to stop being a faker in order to be useful in the manner you describe. In that case, s/he is no longer a faker, and I would not be criticising that person - regretable past exploits notwithstanding.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 3:04:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJaynie

I will never truly understand the motivations and mentality of the timewaster.

when I spot a fake or a timewaster, according to my mood, I either immediately block that person or I have some fun myself, stringing that person along in turn if it amuses me.

Wow timewaster, you don't understand your own motivations?!

And you compare yourself to a cancer, and spend a lot of time in this post calling yourself a lowly worm, parasite, etc. when you're not busy detailing your timewasting motivations.

Masochistic, much?

LOL

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 3:15:05 PM

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I understand what you are saying, believe me. I'm pushing this to an extreme for a reason.

The minute we start regulating degrees of authenticity here, we open up a can of worms for everyone to be scrutinized. I agree it sucks that there are fake people. Most of us here simply accept it as part of the realities of the Internet and would rather have the freedom of being here without having to go through spot checks.

And in a worse case scenario, someone can be ostracised for being a fake when there was a misunderstanding or out of having a score to settle. Look at McCarthyism (I know, a large leap, but still, the principles apply)

You can see it was an issue back in 2005 when we were few people here too. There used to be a verifiedbdsm.com site but I went to go look at it and it's no longer in existence. One could conclude that perhaps the demand was no there?

- LA

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 3:53:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

The minute we start regulating degrees of authenticity here, we open up a can of worms for everyone to be scrutinized.

InformedConsent has a set-up where each user displays a network of people they have met in real life-'who can vouch for you?' is a common question, and everyone is scrutinised in that way if they don't have much of a network.

Having gone to a few months worth of events it's now got to the point where if someone is established on the scene within fifty miles of me I will vaguely recognise about half their network, and if someone is established on the scene in the UK I'm likely to recognise at least *someone*.

That puts people like yourself who avoid any organised scene at a disadvantage, but as a verification system for public-type people it's pretty good.

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 3:58:30 PM

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http://www.collarchat.com/m_1163969/tm.htm

The answer is obvious. What the hell is a "fake"? Someone that's just out for sex? Is there something wrong with that? There are tons of people that find that arrangement satisfactory. Who decides who is a "fake"? No offense but I think some of the people on these sites are completely around the bend looney, I sure don't want them picking partners for me. Do you see the problem here? The amount of times this comes up as some long debate instead of just moving on really humors me.

(and the response is not aimed at any one poster).

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 4:17:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

The minute we start regulating degrees of authenticity here, we open up a can of worms for everyone to be scrutinized.

InformedConsent has a set-up where each user displays a network of people they have met in real life-'who can vouch for you?' is a common question, and everyone is scrutinised in that way if they don't have much of a network.

Having gone to a few months worth of events it's now got to the point where if someone is established on the scene within fifty miles of me I will vaguely recognise about half their network, and if someone is established on the scene in the UK I'm likely to recognise at least *someone*.

That puts people like yourself who avoid any organised scene at a disadvantage, but as a verification system for public-type people it's pretty good.

Actually, something like that would suit Me to no end.

I'll say again what I said to the OP in the first place and what I say every time the issues of 'fakes' comes up here. This whole topic really has little relevance for many. If you specifically came to a section of the internet expecting it to be more than what it really is, the fault is your own. That is why there are so many of us that really don't give a rat's ass how many 'fake' profiles there are here and why it doesn't trouble a good number of us.

If you're only interested in dealing with real people, go where the real people are.

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 4:31:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Actually, something like that would suit Me to no end.

Well all you have to do is move to the sexy side of the Pond!

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RE: Thoughts about fakes & timewasters - 5/16/2010 5:04:02 PM

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I guess I don't really understand the point of the original rant. Everyone knows that on any social networking site you are going to find all types of people. Some people like to pretend and live a fantasy of sorts. In real life you could find that someone who asked you out on a date isn't all they seem to be or are hiding many things. Ranting about it is a bit more time being wasted in my opinion. I've had many occasions where I would reply to someone who sent a message the conversations last a few emails then they move on. It doesn't bother me. I think of the same as I would if I chit chat with a stranger in the grocery store. I will never see them again, but it wasn't a waste of time it was more like a filler between bored moments. I could waste more time by ranting in my blog or something, but honestly it doesn't mean so much to me that I need to give it that much more attention.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

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