Rochsub2009
Posts: 2536
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MissAsylum,
A couple of thoughts.
firstly, as others have said. You shouldn't have thrown coffee on him. If it had gone to court, it probably would have gone badly for you. Hot coffee is dangerous after all. As a Domme, you have to first be in control of yourself before you can control others. But i do understand that you were in the heat of the moment, and he pissed you off.
A far as how to behave in a first meet, that depends on the situation. Everybody is going to have their own style. You have to be you. Yet, there are some things that are probably wise to incorporate into your style.
For example, if you are not seeking a relationship, and are merely meeting someone prior to a session (particularly if you are a pro-Domme), then there is really no need to get all touchy feely and talk about your favorite authors. Male "subs" who go to pro-Dommes often aren't submissive at all. They are paying for a service, and they see the Domme as their personal kink dispenser. So they want to be dominated from the moment you say "hello".
If you are seeking a relationship, then your approach was definitely appropriate. The two of you have to like one another as people, and you have to feel a bit of chemistry. But once you decide that that there may be chemistry, i always think it is good if the Domme flashes a hint of dominance.
For example, on my first meeting with a former Domme, W/we met at a diner. It was the type of diner where they leave the pot of coffee on the table. Well, as we were enjoying our breakfast, she finished her cup of coffee. While staying focused on our conversation, she simply pushed her empty cup forward about 2 inches. i immediately realized that she wanted a refill, and i filled her cup. To outsiders, it probably just looked like i was just being a gentleman, but i realized what she had done. Without saying a word, she had exercised Her dominance and tested my submission.
After our meal, she looked at the check, and said "go pay for that, then come back to the table, I'd like to talk some more". Once again, in a very subtle way, she flashed her dominance.
Finally, when we were done talking and it was time to leave, i stood up, and i notice that she didn't stand up. Instead, she had one foot in the aisle. i looked down and noticed that the strap on her shoe was undone. So i knelt down and strapped her sandal. She said, "thank you", and stood up. i'm sure that she undid her shoe intentionally to see how readily i would attend to her needs.
As we left the restaurant, she waited for me to open the door for her, and then she asked me to walk her to her car. When we got to her car, she waited for me to open the door for her, then she got in. She told me that she had enjoyed our breakfast, and that she would call me.
i ended up serving Her for almost 2 years. But the subtle dominance that She showed in the diner really sealed the deal for me. It wasn't over the top, but it was a nice hint of things to come.
_____________________________
"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead
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RE: Overt Dominance During A Vanilla Encounter - 
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. I told him "i am a human first, so forgive me if i like to have nice, meaningful conversation." with it seeming like i had said nothing, he replied in a VERY snarky and LOUD manner, "You're not a domme! If you were, i'd be eating this fucking scone under the table like a dog! Am i? NO- YOU ARE A FUCKING FAKE!" 
), but wanted one for free. 
yes lovie- i know it was wrong- there was a reason for it- but never an excuse. i said that a few times already...
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