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Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 7:17:53 PM

openmindedslave

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This week I have been talking to two Mistresses who have just about given up on their search for a slave/submissive..Since neither one knows the other ,I did find that they had similar reasons why they felt disappointed that they did not have better results..
They both felt let down by the quality of subs they meet.Yes they did get stood up at times .They found the subs to be in a sense doming from the bottom with what they wanted and not what the superiors were interested in. Yes they were contacted by men outside the country wanting to move here with their help. They ended up with more responses to their profile from people who never read their interest before contacting them.than those who did read their profiles completely. The strongest reason for their leaving , for lack of a better word. ..is the "emptyness" they felt. You see , form my view, they were all givers .They were naturally doms , but with hearts that cared. They were all passionate and fun loving .They simply were giving so much out that they were receiving anything in return ..
I was just woundering how many others here have come and gone ...and maybe have come back again to find the subs/slaves that you wanted? How many also do we know have just given up and why? Thank you

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 7:37:45 PM

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From: Charleston, WV
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Soooo...a Dominant shouldn't give and/or have an open heart?

I didn't find either of mine online...but I do know of couples who met that way and it has worked beautifully for them.

Fire

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 7:47:12 PM

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I never gave up, I am glad I did not.

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 7:50:40 PM

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I've given up several times and just keep coming back... maybe I'm a closet masochist... who knows?

Ok, my issues are the no shows, the ones that see female dominants as a flogger with legs, or one of my personal favorites are the ones that do show up, plan to meet again the following day, weekend or whatever then within 24 hours change their profile to Male Dominant with years of experience..... grrrrrrr

And yes, there are the ones from all over the world just dying to serve that special Domina in America... Just pay their way... yeah, ok. For now at least, my attitude is that male submissives/slaves are like that elusive unicorn... wonderful to dream about, great in pictures and fairy tales but a myth all the same. Me? Jaded? Maybe.

But for all my blustering I still haven't given up hope... I've just grown thicker skin.

And off topic here... We're planning on being in Baltimore next week... small world huh?

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 7:51:58 PM

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In my experience openminded..giving up lots of things to do with BDSM / D/s / Fetish / Lifestyle / searching etc happens all the time, that and shades of grey of the same.
Sometimes people will need to back off, do a turn around, spring clean their life and/or their thinking, change the skys above their head, throw away the crossdressing clothes, get vanilla married, take a profile or 7 down, and take a break from Domination on either side of the fence.

From the Domme point of view..it can be hard, yes. Its not a candy store, where all the people to be met or contacted are the flavour you want, and sometimes the silly emails etc can become overwhelming, but it depends on what you are looking for.
I find if someone interests me, I will put some time into them, and sometimes that pays off, with them being given a chance to see something other than what they already know..

I have been a part of many communities, and I have taken on a few very disruptive or fantasy laden men who with some smiles and tsk's can become wonderful... and ever so grateful *Bliss*
Women are nurturers, and its just a matter of knowing where to put that, who is worthy, and if they seek this or not.
I have a fairly hard guideline I set for myself with new subs, my personal rules, and if these are still broken after discussion, (I have a strike 3 rate)..byeeeee.

I always say to folk struggling with why didnt it turn out better when they are dealing with someone new, " you were looking for different things" sometimes that is not apparent straight away because the common link is the BDSM D/s..and that can be fine, but anything more than that takes commitment/time/energy and often is not what is sought.

So... yes, everyone needs some space now and then..the amazing thing is we all seem to surface again, wiser and refreshed to do it again !!

Its lovely that you see this side of Us..but you know, people are just people, we would be dealing with the same falseness, demands, no shows and let downs in any other situation too..its just people.

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 7:53:23 PM

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I implore the kind Mistresses of this site not to give up!

Even if there is no Mistress for me to find, or that will find me ... I certainly do hope that those here find all that they desire! But you have to be in it to win it.

fergus

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 7:54:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave
They simply were giving so much out that they were receiving anything in return ..

I think that happens to a lot of "givers". Giving until they're out of things to give, getting into situations with people who just take.. or just not taking the time to regroup.

I don't think its simply a Dominant problem, as submissives also have had issues with this.

Or maybe.. sometimes as a Dominant.. we think we should be the "God" of the relationship.. there always to give or deal with everything. And that can really wear a person out. Sometimes Dominants just need to take some time, recoup, relax, stop trying to control everything, and live in the moment.

Just my thoughts.

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 7:55:58 PM

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Don't you give up either... just keep in mind how wanted you are all over the country... make sure you tell that special Domme that will someday find you just how special you are.

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 8:07:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

Don't you give up either... just keep in mind how wanted you are all over the country... make sure you tell that special Domme that will someday find you just how special you are.

Oh, I don't intend to, thanks ;) Though still might take a break for a bit.

Was just saying that regardless of what goes on in MY life, I like to see people get together and follow their bliss :)

fergus

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 8:56:13 PM

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ShiftedJewel, I'm wondering with the new immigration laws, if the dream of meeting a Domina in America and moving to the US isn't an exercise in futility.

In my experience, I've met many many submissives and for the most part, they've helped me to decide what I don't want; it's helped me narrow down my search. I get discouraged at times but for the most part, I enjoy meeting people and learning about them and what it is that they seek.

As was mentioned, all of us "need space" but if D/s is really a part of who we are, we can never give up the search. We may need some time out, but we always come back

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 9:01:08 PM

MistressLorelei

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

Don't you give up either... just keep in mind how wanted you are all over the country... make sure you tell that special Domme that will someday find you just how special you are.

Oh, I don't intend to, thanks ;) Though still might take a break for a bit.

Was just saying that regardless of what goes on in MY life, I like to see people get together and follow their bliss :)

fergus

Awww.... I plan to see a "and they lived happily ever after" at the end My relationship story (cynics need not comment). Things do get frustrating on this site, and in this lifestyle, but I have lived a lifetime of vanilla relationships which left Me unfulfilled in ways I can only fulfill D/s style, so why would I go back. Most good things don't just come about without working for them... if they did, we probably wouldn't appreciate them anyway.

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 9:15:07 PM

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quote:

I was just woundering how many others here have come and gone ...and maybe have come back again to find the subs/slaves that you wanted? How many also do we know have just given up and why?

While I haven't entirely given up, I have stopped actively looking for a slave. I've decided that the right one for us will present him/herself when it's the right time, and no amount of searching is going to speed up that process. It's just too exhausting trying to weed through all the "do me" bottoms in hopes of finding one gem who truly wants and needs to serve the way we need a slave to serve us.

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 9:26:03 PM

MySweetSubmssive

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From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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This thread really resonates for me. I have been looking for a submissive for over a year. While I do not have lots of experience, I'm sane and for real. D/s is *very* heart-centered for me. I've found that the only way I can tell if a submissive is right for me is through extensive interaction, which is draining. I'm not saying this to bitch, but it's tiring. And at this point, I think I'm giving people short shrift, which is getting in the way of what I want. I'm taking a break from actively looking.

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 9:47:25 PM

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I was blessed to have a 3 yr relationship with a wonderful man who shared not just his submissive side with Me but his whole self. Due to circumstances with his family We had to part ways.
Searching for someone has been exhausting. My standards are set high enough that he must also appreciate himself and life around him. What I have learned though, is to never settle for and with patience You will achieve what you're seeking.

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 9:48:58 PM

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hi

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 10:16:51 PM

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Just when I am ready to give up. A person comes along that touches me. I haven't found the One yet, but I know it will happen. Never say never.

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 10:36:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsDominiquenz
I always say to folk struggling with why didnt it turn out better when they are dealing with someone new, " you were looking for different things" sometimes that is not apparent straight away because the common link is the BDSM D/s..and that can be fine, but anything more than that takes commitment/time/energy and often is not what is sought.

exactly! i always look for balance and many are just looking for bdsm and that is where life begins and ends.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyArakney

I was blessed to have a 3 yr relationship with a wonderful man who shared not just his submissive side with Me but his whole self. Due to circumstances with his family We had to part ways.
Searching for someone has been exhausting. My standards are set high enough that he must also appreciate himself and life around him. What I have learned though, is to never settle for and with patience You will achieve what you're seeking.

You know i do not mind settling because i believe there is no such thing as two pegs that perfectly fit the same hole. Life is compromise. whats important to me is not to settle for the things that are less than the minimum of what i must have, and of course deal breakers.

for me connection, chemistry, balance, committment based, and a host of other qualities are what i look for in a person.

i took my profile off of here completely and pics because of all the people that just frustrated me and now i do my own hunting and tend to meet people that are much closer to what i am seeking in a partner.

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 10:42:40 PM

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I come and go on here and have yet to find someone through this venue to get into a long-term play situation with. However, I have a boy I own (married, he took my name, all that good stuff) that I met offline, so there is no big rush. I met him 5+ years ago. I've been into BDSM for 11 years and can count the number of long lasting kink relationships I've had on one hand. Such is life. Finding a great vanilla partner is tough enough, add all this in and what does one expect? I have learned to call soon in if things look promising and meet promptly. This helps to keep me from burning out as weeding goes much faster. What do ya'll think of that?
N

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/8/2006 11:20:09 PM

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I agree. There is a strange beauty here. I have been searching -- je ne sais quai -- for a year and have found nothing of substance, as yet. The correspondence has, often, been remarkable; the reality less so. But, over time, I have come to trust the people with whom I've corresponded, the sincerity of their search, and the beauty of our journey.

One day..... smile.... ......Maitresse

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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/9/2006 4:00:55 AM

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It is not easy to find a good slave who wants to learn and try hard but once you find one there will be a big commitment for both of you, just to make it work.

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