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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/24/2006 8:00:37 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

The baby Jesus. Then you need to have sex on the altar.\

Sex on an altar sounds fun. How can I make the fantasy a reality?


Get a fake birth certificate that says you are 9, then go to bible class and seduce the priest.

Ikea sells a type of window treatment that would work in my apartment, but I dont want to have to walk through their entire store to buy one item.  What do I do?

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3001
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/24/2006 9:30:35 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Buy lots of items. It's the Newyear now, after all!

It's 5:30 on Christmas Eve and I'm still on the internet and not yet panicking. Is this a bad sign?


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 3002
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/24/2006 11:52:22 AM   
Dragonskiss72


Posts: 85
Joined: 9/30/2006
Status: offline 		great balls of fire, slobbering slightly mad wilderbeast rampaging thru ur knicker drawer, gravelly speaking horsemen in black capes .... these are bad signs.

My belly button is sore for no apparent reason.  Shall i have more coffee or hot choc while watching torchwood?

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 3003
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/24/2006 12:51:26 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Sure. The issue with your belly button is probably nothing unless you just had it pierced.

Since my last piercing is mostly healed, I'm already thinking of the next. Should I wait or do it as soon as I have money?

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to Dragonskiss72)
Profile   Post #: 3004
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/24/2006 7:39:26 PM   
SlaveSuru


Posts: 89
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

Sure. The issue with your belly button is probably nothing unless you just had it pierced.

Since my last piercing is mostly healed, I'm already thinking of the next. Should I wait or do it as soon as I have money?


Hmmm Save the money and do it with that rusty needle sticking out of the couch! 
Get a tetanus shot and a piercing in one fell swoop!


It's only 12 more hours till present opening time,   should I wrap my master's surprise present tommorrow night?

< Message edited by SlaveSuru -- 12/24/2006 7:41:58 PM >

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3005
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/24/2006 8:20:00 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveSuru
It's only 12 more hours till present opening time,   should I wrap my master's surprise present tommorrow night?


Only do this if you are a SAM...  or you could act like it's a Kwanzaa gift, and tell him that you wanted to explore all holiday traditions.


I would like another bottle of wine, but I don't drink and drive.  Since what I had is gone, what do I do now?

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to SlaveSuru)
Profile   Post #: 3006
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/24/2006 9:58:59 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Dig out that really old grape juice in the back of your fridge. It's been there so long it's fermented.

I need to clean out the fridge, but some of the leftovers are funny colors. How should I dispose of them?

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 3007
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/24/2006 10:24:02 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		Find yourself a sub with a hazmat suit, and have him/her do it for you.


There's a strand of lights that just burned out on my tree.  Since it's so late in the season, I don't want to buy new ones, but it looks really odd with the middle being dark like that.  What should I do?

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3008
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/24/2006 10:37:58 PM   
Bluebird


Posts: 384
Joined: 2/17/2006
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead
There's a strand of lights that just burned out on my tree.  Since it's so late in the season, I don't want to buy new ones, but it looks really odd with the middle being dark like that.  What should I do?


Move all the ornaments from the top & bottom to the middle, so you have a tree with the "layered look." Tell everyone it was your original plan. 
 
I ate nothing but movie popcorn today, and now I feel like I have about 3 pounds of oil in my stomach.  How can I mop that up?

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Love is patient, love is kind. I am neither. Get over it.

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 3009
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/24/2006 11:39:21 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Make yourself vomit. That or just eat a lot of bread so it absorbs the oil.

There are gonna be 13 relatives over tomorrow - how can I preserve my sanity?

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to Bluebird)
Profile   Post #: 3010
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/25/2006 12:13:45 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		(Dragonkiss: ACK I forgot Torchwood was on last night! Thanks!)

Don't bother, going slightly mad will liven things up incredibly....and you'll have the added comfort that nobody will suggest a rerun next year.


It's 8am on christmas morning, I'm sitting on the sofa waiting for the kids to get up, there's carols on the radio and everything's good with the world...Who wants hotdogs with the wrapping paper bonfire I'm planning tonight? Marshmallows, anyone? Mulled mead?


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3011
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/25/2006 12:21:31 AM   
unownedredhead


Posts: 498
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Only talk in rhyme all day.  They will be so busy trying to find an intervention for your insanity they will have no time to fight amoungst themselves.  Or on a happy note.  They may join in and it will all be fun!

I have neglected to clean out my convertable for about a year and it is so full of coffee cups and tools, camping equipment and other crap.  I am at a loss on how to best and most efficiently clean it out.


_____________________________

Kneeling trembling at your feet

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3012
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/25/2006 6:47:03 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Well, being a convertible, your job could not be easier. Simply invert the offending vehicle and shake. When crap stops falling out of it, you're done.


We need a TARDIS to hold all the new presents our kids have been given. Does anyone have Doctor Who's cellphone number?


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to unownedredhead)
Profile   Post #: 3013
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/25/2006 10:13:16 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely
We need a TARDIS to hold all the new presents our kids have been given. Does anyone have Doctor Who's cellphone number?



Yes, but there's no point in ringing him. He never has time to talk.

My relatives are at my mom's house. Me and my kids want to watch Dr Who, but the relatives are Emmerdale lovers. How can we be sure of seeing a great piece of sci-fi rather than a boring load of crap set in a Yorkshire village thats nothing like a Yorkshire village?

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 3014
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/25/2006 10:59:01 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Fear not, it's on again on Saturday.

Two young kids on a massive sugar high. Barring ropes and chains, any recommendations, how do I calm them down quickly?


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 3015
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/25/2006 2:27:56 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Force them to watch Saw. They'll be so disturbed by the violence that they won't wanna do anything other than curl up and hide for the rest of the day.

My relatives got me mostly clothes. How can I make sure they don't do this in the future?

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 3016
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/25/2006 6:36:33 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

My relatives got me mostly clothes. How can I make sure they don't do this in the future?


Ask for tutus next Christmas.

How can I invest in tutu stock?

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3017
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/26/2006 1:18:55 AM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		First, you'd need a friend to create a corporation that sells tutus. THEN you can invest when/if it goes public...but I don't think the stock would go that high.

I'm too hard on myself sometimes. Can this be fixed?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 3018
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/26/2006 4:03:39 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple
I'm too hard on myself sometimes. Can this be fixed?



Yes. With rigorous self discipline and total abandonment of all self esteem, you can learn to be hard on yourself all the time.

I have no self discipline and self esteem well in excess of arrogance. Apart from joining the royal family, what would be an ideal career path for me with these qualities?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3019
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/26/2006 4:28:36 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		You could become a judge on American Idol or some other contest show.  You can make money while making others feel inferior.  Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

I want to pay off all my bills, but don't have enough money to do it as I'd like.  What should I do?

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 3020
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