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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/14/2007 2:55:48 PM   
gwendolyn


Posts: 188
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline 		Pick up an inflatable mattress and a plastic pillow from Walmart, then head on over to your local carwash with a bag of quarters. Set up your own little open ended apartment in one of the bays. Voila!

I'm trying to quit smoking, but nothing seems to be csalming the cravings. How do I avoid the withdrawl symptoms while I'm on the wagon?

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And don't say my strength and daring.
'cause now I think I'm at your mercy;
And it's my first time for this kind of thing.

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Profile   Post #: 4201
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/14/2007 3:33:36 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm trying to quit smoking, but nothing seems to be csalming the cravings. How do I avoid the withdrawl symptoms while I'm on the wagon?


Heroin.


I just got back from the grocery store and I am too tired to put away my food items. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to gwendolyn)
Profile   Post #: 4202
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/14/2007 7:44:10 PM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		Eat everything, then go back to the store. You'll come back with a lot less this time.

I'm rewiring the house, but I don't have a voltmeter to tell me the 110 and 220 lines apart.  How do I tell the difference?

< Message edited by ready4srvce4all -- 6/14/2007 7:45:30 PM >

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(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 4203
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/14/2007 7:49:32 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Get the twuely domwy dom dwagon to come over and test the wiring in your house.

I have a chipmunk eating all the seeds in the feeder, what is the best way to get rid of it?

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 6/14/2007 7:50:36 PM >

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(in reply to ready4srvce4all)
Profile   Post #: 4204
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/14/2007 7:52:14 PM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		Now that we got that 220 ready.....

I have all kinds of fried chipmunks to eat, what to do with the leftovers?

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Profile   Post #: 4205
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/14/2007 8:32:50 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		HEY! I LIKE CHIPMUNKS!!!  Use your leppy powers to re-animate the leftover bits... and pray that they don't go the way of Black Sheep!

Great. Now I'm in a not-so-happy mood. How do I get my previous elation back?


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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to ready4srvce4all)
Profile   Post #: 4206
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/14/2007 9:33:24 PM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		Poof!!!  Chipmunks reanimated, running like the crazy rodents they are.  Now, to get even more happier, I suggest sending nude photos to the old folks home. 

I want to know what old folks home Mikal is sending her nude pics to.  How do I find out?

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Profile   Post #: 4207
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/14/2007 9:41:12 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Move to my area, become a geriatric, move into various homes until you start recieving my nudy pics.

Is snuffaluppapuss a word? If not, how do I make it one?


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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

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Profile   Post #: 4208
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/14/2007 10:27:40 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Is snuffaluppapuss a word? If not, how do I make it one?


I think you just did, but everyone knows that a word isn't really a word until it appears in the New York Times crossword puzzle. Write to the editor and insist that your new word be used on Sunday.

I think my new cat might be part of an international terrorist group that is trying to corner the world tuna market. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4209
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/15/2007 3:25:54 AM   
stella40


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I think my new cat might be part of an international terrorist group that is trying to corner the world tuna market. What should I do?


Climb a tree and wait for the next cow to appear.

I want to convince my next door neighbour that I'm a Martian, what should I do?

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I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 4210
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/15/2007 7:37:43 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

I'm trying to quit smoking, but nothing seems to be csalming the cravings. How do I avoid the withdrawl symptoms while I'm on the wagon?


Heroin.


LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 4211
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/15/2007 11:25:01 AM   
FullCircle


Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		Offer him an anal probe as not seen in any good sci-fi movies but often spoken of.

My feet smell rank and I want to use this to my advantage to create more space for myself. How can I maximise my foot odour dispersion and maybe make it a more unique smell?

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∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 4212
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/15/2007 1:03:04 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Shove your foot up your a$$ and wiggle it around. That way, you'll be forcing air into your tush, which will cause you to fart. The fart will contain some of your rank foot smell. Also, your foot should be a wee bit ranker from it's foray into Hersheyville.

Procede to wave your feet around, and eat some re-fried beans to help your toot factory.

I think I may have helped create a massive stink bomb... how do I diffuse it?


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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to FullCircle)
Profile   Post #: 4213
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/15/2007 6:25:08 PM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		Invite the  neighborhood over, and say "take a deep wiff everyone, there's vitamins in the air".  Tell them to keep wiffing till the stink bomb is defused.

People say I'm a fraud with my knowledge of airborne vitamins.  How can I convince them I know what I'm talking about?



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(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4214
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/15/2007 8:43:28 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

People say I'm a fraud with my knowledge of airborne vitamins.  How can I convince them I know what I'm talking about?


This is the Internet, if a teenager can convince a 56 year old that he is 18, female, from Nigeria and in desperate need of cash to come be his slave, the vitamin pitch should be an easy sell.

My two sons are over for their bi-weekly visit and I have nothing planned for them to do. What fun stuff can I do with them?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ready4srvce4all)
Profile   Post #: 4215
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/15/2007 9:18:33 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		You already answered your question: get them to "convince a 56 year old that he is 18, female, from Nigeria and in desperate need of cash to come be [their] slave". Then, you'll have mobey to go out and do nifty stuff. And you'll be teaching your kids to be industrious and self-sufficient.

How do I convince my friends to come over and help me redecorate my place? They all have lives.


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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 4216
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/16/2007 5:05:06 AM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		Tell them they will be appearing on that programme ‘extreme makeover’. To convince them you might need to hire some heavy mechanical plant such as bulldozers etc.

I start reading books but not finishing them which means I now have hundreds of mixed up stories in my head. How can I ensure I only buy books that I will not get bored of half way through?

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えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4217
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/16/2007 7:26:09 AM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Buy the kind with pictures... comic books, young readers, etc. That way, you won't have to read so much and each is only a few pages (maybe a dozen) long.

I need food, but don't feel like getting dressed... what should I do?


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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to Raechard)
Profile   Post #: 4218
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/16/2007 7:48:57 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Food is really overrated - just keep a few bananas on your bedside table and no worries of dressing - that way the bananas won't feel awkward when you peel their skins off
 
i will be shopping for a fettish outfit to wear tonight, what should i buy?

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 4219
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/16/2007 8:34:06 AM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Fishhooks, a nail gun, some silk thread, uncut car keys, and a can opener. Let us know how the outfit looks. 

I just found out that the chipmunk has been the culprit in digging up my herbs... I had been blaming the squirrels... how do I make up to the squirrels, and punish the chipmunk (whom I still like... *sigh*... I'm such a sap)?


_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 4220
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