RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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champagnewishes -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/5/2006 1:14:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I really need to do something about my car, it keeps breaking down. Since it looks like I am getting a new one, what can I do with my old car?



Leave it parked in a questionable area of town with the keys in it with a sign "for free" in the window...and then report it stollen to your insurance company.  Remember to remove the radio and any other parts that you may be able to get money from by listing them on ebay...maximizes your cars value!

I discovered that i am holding on to some deep resentment towards my ex husband.  I am worried holding on to it may cause me to develop an ulcer...what can i do?




caitlyn -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/5/2006 1:41:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: champagnewishes
I discovered that i am holding on to some deep resentment towards my ex husband.  I am worried holding on to it may cause me to develop an ulcer...what can i do?


Fix him up with a complete leach, drug addict stripper that will empty all his bank accounts and run up has charge cards. That will change those feelings, to something akin to pity.
 
Some guy parked this old broken down junker, with Pennsylvania license plates, on my lawn. It's missing the radio and CD player. How can I get rid of it?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/5/2006 2:34:21 PM)

quote:

Some guy parked this old broken down junker, with Pennsylvania license plates, on my lawn. It's missing the radio and CD player. How can I get rid of it?


Give it to me! Wait.... nevermind.


I have to go get my kids for the weekend and I must see my ex-wife in the process. Any suggestions as to how I can minimize the stress?



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/5/2006 4:48:46 PM)

Sure, wear an I-Pod or similar device, blast the music, smile and nod when she
speaks.  When you return at the end of the weekend to return the kids, load
them up on candy and highly caffeinated soda.
 
I am getting really sleepy and want to take a nap.  But the laundry needs to
be washed.  What should I do?

Vendaval
 


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I have to go get my kids for the weekend and I must see my ex-wife in the process. Any suggestions as to how I can minimize the stress?



spankmepink11 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/5/2006 4:54:05 PM)

Fill the bathtub with water and laundry detergent.....put on all the clothing that needs to be washed....and take a nice long nap in the tub...



i keep losing my keys....what should i do?



HouseofBear -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/5/2006 5:01:48 PM)

Have ten copies made, keep one set in your pocket, another set leave in your ignition, hide another set under a prominent rock near your front door, leave another set in your front door knob, and put the others in assorted places where you will be sure to see them.

The kids next door just got back from their dads for the weekend, and they are running ape all over their backyard.  I can not get any rest for the noise.  What should I do? 



spankmepink11 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/5/2006 5:11:38 PM)

take a blow gun...some darts dipped in the  sedative of Your choice...and blow....their mother will thank You


i always forget to water my plants....what should i do



quietkitten -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/5/2006 7:38:32 PM)

run a hose from your tap to your plants and have it running all the time ... voila! well watered plants

I need to break up with my psychotic boyfriend.. what is the best way to tell him?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/5/2006 9:48:07 PM)

quote:

I need to break up with my psychotic boyfriend.. what is the best way to tell him?


It is best to do this face to face. Preferably while he is drunk. Be sure to tell him every little vile thought and taunt him every chance you get. Maybe do it at a local gun shop, or a dark, secluded stone quarry.


It is hot in my apartment. I need to make it cooler. What can I do?



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/6/2006 1:02:52 AM)

Go down to the grocery, get a few 10 pound bags of ice, one for every room,
then empty the ice on the floors.  As it melts, take off your shoes and socks
and run through the puddles.  Jump up and down to spread the ice around,
especially if you are on the second level or above in the building.
 
There is a quote that I remember but the name of the author escapes Me. 
What should I do?

Vendaval
 
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
It is hot in my apartment. I need to make it cooler. What can I do?



champagnewishes -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/6/2006 1:19:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval


There is a quote that I remember but the name of the author escapes Me. 
What should I do?

Vendaval
 
 


Add the word "A" to the begining of the quote and call it your own.  Should you ever get called on it by the true author, remain firm...the quote is yours and they were the ones that copied an abridged version of your quote.

I found a great place to live but they don't allow pets...how might i be able to get away with having a dog there?



Evanesce -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/6/2006 6:56:28 AM)

quote:

I found a great place to live but they don't allow pets...how might i be able to get away with having a dog there?


Dress him in jeans and an oversized t-shirt and teach him to whine, "Mooooommm!" every few minutes.  They'll think you have a teenager.
 
I've got bats in the window frames again.  Any idea how I can get them out?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/6/2006 10:34:22 AM)

quote:

I've got bats in the window frames again.  Any idea how I can get them out?


Set the window frames on fire. Bats won't like the heat and will leave promptly.


I need to get new shoes and I can't decide what kind to get. Any ideas?



champagnewishes -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/6/2006 12:52:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I need to get new shoes and I can't decide what kind to get. Any ideas?


Get 1 shoe of each pair in the shoe store...your sure to have one that is not only stylish but comfortable.  Helpful hint: make sure to buy equal amounts of left and right shoes.

My daughter is overly energized this weekend and has already worn me out...how can i continue to keep up with her for another day and a half?



spankmepink11 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/6/2006 2:27:35 PM)

shackles....those will slow her down.....



my lawn really needs to be mowed....and my lawnmower isn't working....what should  i do...



Takethiswaltz -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/6/2006 3:22:15 PM)

I always set the grass on fire when it needs to be mown.
Saves A LOT of time and energy.
 
I'm trying to quit smoking.  To ease the cravings, I'm keeping a fresh pack of cigs and a clean ashtray in each room.   So the cravings are not problematic, but I don't seem to be cutting down on the smoking.
What should I do?



quietkitten -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/6/2006 7:30:44 PM)

try lighting the filter end of the cigarette... one or two puffs and you will not feel like smoking for a while.


I need to lose 15 pounds before my high school reunion.... any tips?



tade -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/6/2006 8:50:09 PM)

Have a friend that swears by colon cleansing...

My dog likes to shit on my pillow while I'm at work, I've tried everything, including corks, with no luck... Hints???



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/6/2006 9:18:32 PM)

quote:

My dog likes to shit on my pillow while I'm at work, I've tried everything, including corks, with no luck... Hints???


Keep a panther in your room chained to the bed. Bet the dog stops shitting on your pillow. Of course, he will shit somewhere else... and if he does... Krazy Glue


I have so many cookbooks and I am sure I don't need them all. How can I put them to good use without destroying them because I might want to look at them again.



MistyMenthal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/6/2006 10:22:36 PM)

Use them as book ends..
 
 
I have a Parrott who keeps saying Bush did it, Bush did it.
How can I cure him of this problem?
 
BLOW ME a KISS Misty



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