RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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quietkitten -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/10/2006 10:40:20 PM)

I would suggest you wait until you know he isn't home..... then just "borrow" it. I am sure he won't even notice :)


I am pregnant and have no idea who the father is... how can I find out?



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 1:39:42 AM)

Dad's an old guy, right?  So this one is easy.  Wax nostalgic
for the times you used to share watching that tiny 10 inch
black and white screen together.  Express to your father
that the best way to share warm fuzzy feelings is by
going back to the ways of the good ole days gone by.
Trade his for yours and Viola!  you got your gizmo.
 
In the creek nearby, the bullfrogs are out in full chorus tonight.
I hear that frog legs are a delicacy.  How should I go about
catching them?
 
Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
My Dad is getting a 35" flat screen TV. I want one too. What can I do?



UtopianRanger -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 4:45:33 AM)

quote:


In the creek nearby, the bullfrogs are out in full chorus tonight.
I hear that frog legs are a delicacy.  How should I go about
catching them?
 
Vendaval


Grab an old rod-n-reel with some black tied flies and a little split shot on the end for weight. Then cast your line out and try to hit the lily pads floating in one of the deep pools.

I was real tired after coming home from a party around 4:00 am. I stopped for gas and accidentally put diesel in the tank instead of gas. What should I do?




rivenmoon -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 4:53:05 AM)

Pour a degreaser into the tank.

There's a hole in my bucket, what should I do...........(dear Liza)
 
-riven



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 1:00:37 PM)

quote:

There's a hole in my bucket, what should I do


Buy another bucket to put underneath the one with the hole.


I have some cracks in my apartment walls that just appeared. What should I do so that the landlord doesn't think that I made them?



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 1:56:29 PM)

Just cover up the evidence with some new paint.
But while you are at it, try out new artistic inspiration
at the same time.  It will raise the value of the apartment.
 
I tossed out an important piece of paper into the trash.
The garbage trucks already came.
What should I do?
 
Vendaval
 
 
 
 


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I have some cracks in my apartment walls that just appeared. What should I do so that the landlord doesn't think that I made them?



Evanesce -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 3:16:35 PM)

quote:

I tossed out an important piece of paper into the trash.
The garbage trucks already came.
What should I do?


Borrow a friend's convertible, get in it naked and drive frantically down the road in an effort to catch up with the garbage truck.  When you do, flag them down and get 'em to let you crawl around inside until you find your paper.  In order to ensure they give you permission, assure them you'll let them bathe you when you emerge.
 
My young dog keeps trying to chew on my old dog's legs and they're always fighting over it.  How can I get her to leave him alone?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 5:06:32 PM)

quote:

My young dog keeps trying to chew on my old dog's legs and they're always fighting over it.  How can I get her to leave him alone?


This is easy. You need to chew on your young dog's legs and when you are doing that keep chanting over and over, "Sooooo... how do YOU like it?" That should do the trick.


I just had a really bad steak at a restaurant, what can I do about it?



HouseofBear -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 5:36:57 PM)

Use epicac and barf it up into a paper bag.  Take it to the restaurant, demand to speak to the owner and ask for a refund.


My dog has this thing for hull-less popcorn puffs and won't quit begging every time she hears a bag rattling.  What should I do?



CERCKL -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 6:03:37 PM)

quote:

My dog has this thing for hull-less popcorn puffs and won't quit begging every time she hears a bag rattling.  What should I do?


Give her a tin cup, a sign written in black marker and put that bagging talent of her to good use; that way she can buy her own popcorn.


I can't seem to let go of this dark, cruel mood, what should I do?

C



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 6:24:36 PM)

quote:

I can't seem to let go of this dark, cruel mood, what should I do


Watch a good, sadistic horror movie like Saw or Silence Of The Lambs, that always breaks me out of a black mood.


It is really windy out and it is a little cool in my apartment and I don't have a heater that I control. What can I do to take the chill off?



quietkitten -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 6:54:38 PM)

light a fire in your couch, that'll keep you toasty

I want to whiten my teeth, what's the best method? 



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 7:32:52 PM)

In hobby stores, they sell small bottles of white enamel.  Buy a bottle and a small paint brush.  Dry off each tooth with a piece of cotton, then paint it with the enamel.  You will have to prop your mouth open with pieces of cotton so the back teeth dry.  Only do the front surface of your teeth, since that's all people see anyway.

My friend is so critical of the silliest things.  Today she acted like I commited a crime because my lipstick and nail polish didn't match.  What's a good way to put her in her place when she makes these kinds of remarks?




Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 9:41:11 PM)

Contact the producers of the Jerry Srpringer Show.
They will round up the usual suspects and pay for all
the testing.  Plus you will have it confirmed in front
of a live studio audience.  Be sure to have a taped
copy of the broadcast to present to the judge in court
for the child support hearings.
 
I am dusting off some bookshelves and do not know
if it is safe to use wet rags or not.  What should I do?
 
Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: quietkitten
I am pregnant and have no idea who the father is... how can I find out?



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/11/2006 9:47:53 PM)

Wait until the two of you are shopping at the mall and exclaim in
a loud voice, "Oh my God!  You have gained SO much weight!
You are busting out of the seams of your pants and HELLO!
Visible Panty Lines.  That's it girlfriend, I am so signing you up
for a make-over! (Then take her hand and walk her over
to the nearest hair salon in the mall)
 
I have another fashion problem.  How do you find nice,
supportive bras without underwires and without seams
across the nipples? It is rather gauche to scratch or
re-adjust yourself in public, no?  Only a man would put seams
across the nipples...mumble...grumble...grrr...
 
Vendaval


quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz

My friend is so critical of the silliest things.  Today she acted like I commited a crime because my lipstick and nail polish didn't match.  What's a good way to put her in her place when she makes these kinds of remarks?




rivenmoon -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/12/2006 1:09:01 AM)

get 2 male slaves to walk on either side of you and for each to carry a breast cupped in one hand. (believe it was done in ancient rome or was it greece[8|]

How do you stop aggressive drivers cutting you off.



SparklyAltoGirl -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/12/2006 6:57:23 AM)

Make sure the gun rack mounted to the front of your car is kept loaded and visible at all times.

I can't seem to stop eating things that make me sick. How can I stick to my diet?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/12/2006 5:41:32 PM)

quote:

I can't seem to stop eating things that make me sick. How can I stick to my diet?


Stop eating everything. Don't eat anything. Do this for about 4 months you should take the weight off and also stick to your diet easily.


I seem to continue to get headaches. Is there anything I can do to prevent them?



rivenmoon -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/12/2006 5:47:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

I can't seem to stop eating things that make me sick. How can I stick to my diet?


Stop eating everything. Don't eat anything. Do this for about 4 months you should take the weight off and also stick to your diet easily.


I seem to continue to get headaches. Is there anything I can do to prevent them?



rivenmoon -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/12/2006 5:49:43 PM)

stop beating your head againt brick walls and try a sub instead.[:D]

How do you get bubble gum out of a childs hair



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