RE: Investment in Relationships

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porcelaine -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:26:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss As an aside, each time I've allowed myself to forget my own rules, I have been deeply hurt by people who don't respect me. But sometimes going back to the drawing board is a good thing. It reinforces the old and reiterates why you adhere to them in the first place. Admittedly I love being single. When you approach dating from a place of strength rather than desperation you yield better results in the long run. ~porcelaine

sexyred1 -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:27:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 Boundaries differ from person to person, a smart woman communicates to ascertain what they are instead of assuming some sophomoric "rules" apply. Neither gender really are stereotypes. If I were going to write the rules it would be pretty simple 1. respect yourself 2.have a life 3. only do what you feel like Subtext to that.... I like men to pursue me, and that isn't a game, it is a preference. That about sums it up. I think it is fucking hilarious that people are all getting hysterical and up in arms over the fact that a book exists out there on the planet that has some Rules that someone put together. And that some women believe in those. You think there is no manipulation in relationships? Get a grip. It happens on a daily basis in all types of relationships. And yes, even in healthy ones. God, the self righteousness around here is sometimes really stifling. Just because someone would like to be pursued it does not mean they are playing a game or not proactive in meeting someone. It also does not mean they are not smart, for god's sake. It means they like being pursued. Enough said.

juliaoceania -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:28:50 PM)
quote: Have a full life. Live with passion. Don't jump in too fast. Be a good friend to yourself. Yes... that was the ultimate message I got out of it too,...I think that the rules themselves are for women that need an outline to follow Like I said, the one chapter I found helpful was the one for single moms... it is hard to know how to handle allowing a new person around your kids. I used that chapter, for my son more than for me. Meeting him is a BIG deal for me. He has only met two men I have been involved with... perhaps that is a bit protective, but I did not want him to think his mom was a mattress back

realwhiteknight -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:34:11 PM)
quote: realw damn, if only i'd found this list earlier in my life. sigh I was doing ok til I got to rule 3. Then I realized I must be one scary bitch. [:o]

porcelaine -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:34:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Just because someone would like to be pursued it does not mean they are playing a game or not proactive in meeting someone. It also does not mean they are not smart, for god's sake. It means they like being pursued. Enough said. And it should be added that men differ on the subject as well. Some enjoy giving chase and have no reservations about doing so. Which is perfectly fine for them. I don't think one way is better than the other. It depends on your personality, what you're seeking, and the men you're engaging with. I have a penchant for the type that conquers and claims. [:D] ~porcelaine

sunshinemiss -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:36:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level To me, smart women will not have a lot of trouble developing healthy boundaries, honestly, I think much of it falls in with having good common sense. You mention respect, and that is a key component, for one's self, and others. And, the "treat others as you want to be treated" thing, that too. Level darling, Boundaries are more about understanding things from an emotional standpoint. And you know Good Common Sense is not terribly common. I don't mean to pick on you (pick you UP perhaps, but pick ON you... pfffffft)... but developing healthy boundaries is a frightening thing when it means you will be completely different from everything you've known. After years of assistance (of many sorts), I have learned a little something aboug common sense and about boundary setting. But because these were not a part of my real life forever, I sometimes backslide. That troubles me, but I've made some peace with it. We learn so much by the time we are X age, and then we can sometimes need lesson after lesson to undo the early learning. I call it my quirks! And by the way, industrial TP can be your friend if you are writing a book in the head. Don't use a felt tip pen, though... and don't get it wet! [:'(] best, sunshine

laurell3 -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:39:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 Boundaries differ from person to person, a smart woman communicates to ascertain what they are instead of assuming some sophomoric "rules" apply. Neither gender really are stereotypes. If I were going to write the rules it would be pretty simple 1. respect yourself 2.have a life 3. only do what you feel like Subtext to that.... I like men to pursue me, and that isn't a game, it is a preference. That about sums it up. I think it is fucking hilarious that people are all getting hysterical and up in arms over the fact that a book exists out there on the planet that has some Rules that someone put together. And that some women believe in those. You think there is no manipulation in relationships? Get a grip. It happens on a daily basis in all types of relationships. And yes, even in healthy ones. God, the self righteousness around here is sometimes really stifling. Just because someone would like to be pursued it does not mean they are playing a game or not proactive in meeting someone. It also does not mean they are not smart, for god's sake. It means they like being pursued. Enough said. I don't actually see anyone getting hysterical or "up in arms". Nor do I think anyone called anyone else anything suggesting they weren't smart. We have differing opinions. That isn't drama. Sorry!

Level -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:45:49 PM)
quote: sunny: I don't mean to pick on you (pick you UP perhaps, but pick ON you... pfffffft)... but developing healthy boundaries is a frightening thing when it means you will be completely different from everything you've known. Hey beautiful. Sure, growth can be very scary, especially if it means rewriting how you live your life, and confronting things that have caused you damage. But boy, it can sure make life all the more sweeter, when you do it.

domiguy -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:45:55 PM)
Here are my rules.... Always be late. The first thing you do upon arriving is to take a shower at her place. Alone! It makes her know that you really want to be "fresh" for her. Give her fifteen to twenty minutes notice before you might be stopping by. Gives her time to get pretty and remove tampons and shit. Always say you are hungry. Talk about other women you want to date. Always her critique her blow jobs by saying they were almost as good as that "other chick's." After sex say something like, "her pussy smelled a little better tonight." Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend. When leaving thank her for the food, the sex and the tears by mentioning, "it was sorta cool." Don't call her again till it is evident that you won't find anything better.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:48:01 PM)
To Levelicious - Amen. To domi... I got your "on your knees" message. I'm sorry. I have dance class Friday night. Maybe Mistress Jeff is available. best, sunshine

Level -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:48:32 PM)
quote: Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend. LOL [:D] Don't forget: if she has a hot girlfriend, be sure to ask, "Is she bi?" It shows that you are willing to invest in her world.

laurell3 -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:51:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend. LOL [:D] Don't forget: if she has a hot girlfriend, be sure to ask, "Is she bi?" It shows that you are willing to invest in her world. haha nice! When I was in school, my best friend and I got that ALL the time...we're NOT a package deal was our mantra...I considered having Tshirts printed with it!

realwhiteknight -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:55:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy Here are my rules.... Always be late. The first thing you do upon arriving is to take a shower at her place. Alone! It makes her know that you really want to be "fresh" for her. Give her fifteen to twenty minutes notice before you might be stopping by. Gives her time to get pretty and remove tampons and shit. Always say you are hungry. Talk about other women you want to date. Always her critique her blow jobs by saying they were almost as good as that "other chick's." After sex say something like, "her pussy smelled a little better tonight." Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend. When leaving thank her for the food, the sex and the tears by mentioning, "it was sorta cool." Don't call her again till it is evident that you won't find anything better. Dear Domi, You are everything I've ever wanted in a man. Feel free to drop by any time so I can throw the last 10 years of psychotherapy out the window. I worry about what the recession is doing to my ex-therapist's wallet anyway; she has kids to feed you know. I am glad she will shortly be able to count on a renewed client.

Level -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:55:33 PM)
That is just selfish! [8D]

mstrjx -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 7:58:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Maybe Mistress Jeff is available. No, I'm usually at home waiting for Julia to send me an email saying 'Hey, you're cute! Wanna chat some time?' Jeff

domiguy -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 8:01:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight Dear Domi, You are everything I've ever wanted in a man. Feel free to drop by any time so I can throw the last 10 years of psychotherapy out the window. I worry about what the recession is doing to my ex-therapist's wallet anyway; she has kids to feed you know. I am glad she will shortly be able to count on a renewed client. Immediately upon finding out that she is seeing a therapist say something along the lines of... "Have you ever considered asking for your money back?"

realwhiteknight -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 8:04:18 PM)
quote: Immediately upon finding out that she is seeing a therapist say something along the lines of... "Have you ever considered asking for your money back?" It would be a fair question to anyone who would be willing to date you! HaHA

juliaoceania -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 8:06:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend. LOL [:D] Don't forget: if she has a hot girlfriend, be sure to ask, "Is she bi?" It shows that you are willing to invest in her world. This could be interesting, some of my friends are, and they are half my age.... BONUS!

domiguy -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 8:06:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend. LOL [:D] Don't forget: if she has a hot girlfriend, be sure to ask, "Is she bi?" It shows that you are willing to invest in her world. You have to follow the rules...they are designed to keep you from appearing as if you were some sort of a cad. You have to go the extra mile. If she is naked and bends over make sure that she sees you wince.

juliaoceania -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 8:08:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: Doze off when she is speaking or start texting a friend. LOL [:D] Don't forget: if she has a hot girlfriend, be sure to ask, "Is she bi?" It shows that you are willing to invest in her world. You have to follow the rules...they are designed to keep you from appearing as if you were some sort of a cad. You have to go the extra mile. If she is naked and bends over make sure that she sees you wince. whenever I read your posts I think "he only gives gives gives, never takes, never takes"

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