RE: Investment in Relationships

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juliaoceania -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/23/2010 8:47:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thornhappy What about varts? Are those relationship-enders, or merely a source of humor? [:D] quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: Or even worse, we do I am lucky (?), major colon surgery can give you a pass to fart. LOL I am unwilling to go that far to get a fart pass, I will have to settle for the anal sex giving me the excuse[:-] There is a South Park episode that covers it,... they called them "quiffs"

thornhappy -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/23/2010 8:47:23 PM)
Dayum, that's a technique I've never heard of! Who has the control for the window locks? [;)] quote: ORIGINAL: TheHeretic quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied What if he mistake farts on the weekend getaway? [;)] That was no mistake. In the car, on the way home from a great time. That's when you a guy can let a ripper go, and see how well this relationship is going to pan out.

TheHeretic -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/23/2010 8:56:02 PM)
A guy who understands a naturally gassy nature isn't going to wait nearly that long. Shortly after the first time he brings her to multiple orgasms is the magic moment.

wandersalone -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 12:09:21 AM)
For me it has been about ringing him rather than him being the one ringing me all of the time, asking him about how his work, life, day etc is going to show that I am interested in all aspects of his life, as other have said - making myself available if he is able to meet up. When he comes over I make sure I have stocked up on some food and drinks (even if we don't quite get around to consuming them the thought is there right? [:D] ). I am listening to his advice about cars as I am thinking of getting new one. I let him change the radio station in my car which is a biggie. I also told him after our first meeting that he was someone I knew I could submit to so it couldn't get much clearer than that. [:)] DS I can relate to what you wrote earlier, I too dislike rejection so much and for various reasons struggle with showing my emotions and feelings to someone. However I had to make a conscious decision to do this no matter how scared I am nor how uncomfortable and vulnerable it makes me if I wanted to be open and honest in my relationships. Sometimes it can work out ok and the other person can be digging you as well [:)] edited for a typoand to add a bit

splorff -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 4:06:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage Then I discovered he was a bigot. Another one bites the dust. If you liked the guy otherwise, you should have carried on seeing him. Think of all the great discussions you could have had. If you met someone exactly like yourself, you would have so littler to discuss that it would probably be over before xmas. Go ring him up dummy !

splorff -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 4:13:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania men are more simpleminded What a pile of tosh. In case you hadn't noticed, its men that won most of the gold medals

juliaoceania -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 6:56:39 AM)
quote: For me it has been about ringing him rather than him being the one ringing me all of the time, asking him about how his work, life, day etc is going to show that I am interested in all aspects of his life, as other have said - making myself available if he is able to meet up. When he comes over I make sure I have stocked up on some food and drinks (even if we don't quite get around to consuming them the thought is there right? ). I am listening to his advice about cars as I am thinking of getting new one. I let him change the radio station in my car which is a biggie. I also told him after our first meeting that he was someone I knew I could submit to so it couldn't get much clearer than that. This is close to how I am. I was just raised that they should call, they should take charge, they should be the ones to pursue... and I show my interest by thinking of the things they would appreciate and like, whether it is how I do my hair or dress or making sure their favorite wine is at my house. The things that show I listened to them

juliaoceania -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 6:58:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: splorff quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage Then I discovered he was a bigot. Another one bites the dust. If you liked the guy otherwise, you should have carried on seeing him. Think of all the great discussions you could have had. If you met someone exactly like yourself, you would have so littler to discuss that it would probably be over before xmas. Go ring him up dummy ! I don't date bigots. This is a hard limit for me. I do not need someone with all the same views, but if they are a shitty person, I don't have time

slvemike4u -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 8:16:37 AM)
Life is way too short to become involved with someone whose core beliefs turn my stomach.....so that would be a non -starter for me.

DarlingSavage -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 8:25:55 AM)
quote: I don't date bigots. This is a hard limit for me. I do not need someone with all the same views, but if they are a shitty person, I don't have time You were not there for our last conversation. I don't feel like explaining to someone the facts of life. If he hasn't figured stuff out at his age, stuff that I figured out when I was growing up, cause he kept saying he was "raised that way". Well, I was raised that way, too. But when it was shoved in my face, I saw it for what it was, even though I didn't even know the word racism back then, but I knew inside that it was wrong. No, I found some of his statements to be morally reprehensible (I love that phrase for some reason). He kept saying how much he hated illegal aliens, but when I told him that my professor was from Ghana, Africa, he started talking about how much he hated that. Well, I can assure you that my professor is NOT an illegal alien. So, what's his excuse now? That a faculty job is given to a "foreigner'? That's what he said, but what difference does it make? How many medical geographers with Ph.D.s and tons of publications can there possibly be? And again, what difference does it make? I'm not into this whole "illegal alien" controversy. I believe in the words on the Statue of Liberty. The only "illegal aliens" that scare me are the ones that come from outer space in the middle of the night and abduct people in movies.

DarlingSavage -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 8:34:53 AM)
quote: I was just raised that they should call, they should take charge, they should be the ones to pursue... I was raised that way, too, but kind of in a fucked up way. It was also made clear to me that they didn't want me to have boyfriends, period, ever, on more than one occasion. Yeah, I think it's already been clear that my childhood was less than desirable. And I'm still working out the kinks of that upbringing. Therefore, I did not learn how to play hard to get. If I want you, I'm all there, if I don't, I'm impossible to get and it's not a game.

sexyred1 -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 8:48:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I was curious about something, and I thought I would ask you all what you think about it...It is about investment into a new relationship with someone that you are excited about. At the very beginning when you first begin to realize that you are going to take the plunge and involve yourself with someone new, how do you show you want to make that investment? I am wondering how male and female answers will differ.... Here is my take on this. I am 100% positive that the best way to proceed is to let someone come to you. He should be the more proactive one, you should be less so. Sorry if that smacks of the Rules, but they do have a point. In every long relationship I have had, he had to pursue me. Men like to chase and they don't like to catch too easily. People say all sorts of things to get what they want, but it is his actions that will show you just how interested this guy is. I don't believe a damn thing any guy says to me; they have to show it, follow up, demonstrate interest, pay attention, do what they said they would do. Now...once that is clear, I am willing to put more of myself into it. At the beginning, of course if I am interested I show interest, but I would never call them constantly, text 50 times a day, anything like that. I do pay attention and show that by what I say and I don't overshare. I think the best advice is to have low expectations of someone until enough time and connection is created to have those expectations raised.

KatyLied -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 8:50:35 AM)
There are some good points in The Rules book, it is not all rubbish. My rule: give the same amount of attention to a man that he gives to you, mirror, but do not over play anything. I think it is desperate to chase a guy. Let him come to you, let things grow in an unrushed, organic way, if it is meant to be, it will be.

mstrjx -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 9:39:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied There are some good points in The Rules book, it is not all rubbish. My rule: give the same amount of attention to a man that he gives to you, mirror, but do not over play anything. I think it is desperate to chase a guy. Let him come to you, let things grow in an unrushed, organic way, if it is meant to be, it will be. And it's just this kind of heretical thinking that got witches burned way back when. Pffft, haven't you been reading the feminist thread in the other room? Have you learned nothing? It's the woman's right in this society to go out there and grab your due with all the gusto you can muster. Or, at least send a casual email saying 'Hey, you're cute! Wanna chat some time?' Please, for the love of all that is holy..... Recant what you said so the lurkers and the posters get the same idea that it's all ok to congregate on one side of the room waiting for the boy to ask the girl to dance. Nothin's EVER going to get accomplished that way. Nothin'. Jeff

NorthernGent -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 9:52:12 AM)
Time.....conversation.....take an interest in how life is treating her...... Other than that......sell her cat (useless animals) and use the money to buy her a dress.......on the cat..... And if you really want to show her that you think a lot of her.....then strip her of her dignity....

porcelaine -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 10:14:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Men like to chase and they don't like to catch too easily. People say all sorts of things to get what they want, but it is his actions that will show you just how interested this guy is. I beg to differ and I've encountered them. And I think a lot of women rely on that philosophy because they're afraid of expressing interest and being rejected. Having him come to you is presumably safer. I don't do this and I have found my interactions are far better when I tossed that ideology out the window. quote: I don't believe a damn thing any guy says to me; they have to show it, follow up, demonstrate interest, pay attention, do what they said they would do. I think there's mutual suspect on both sides. He is just as suspicious and wants the other person to show her interest. I don't think that's unrealistic. quote: I think the best advice is to have low expectations of someone until enough time and connection is created to have those expectations raised. Whereas I feel expectations shouldn't be in the picture at all. Making an assessment and getting acquainted doesn't mean that a relationship must develop. It simply implies you're exploring the possibility of such with the other party. Keeping your head in check without getting ahead of yourself until a mutual decision has been made is the smarter option. ~porcelaine

laurell3 -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 1:46:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent Time.....conversation.....take an interest in how life is treating her...... Other than that......sell her cat (useless animals) and use the money to buy her a dress.......on the cat..... And if you really want to show her that you think a lot of her.....then strip her of her dignity.... haha! Ok you can have my dignity, but if you touch my cat, I will kick your ass! This thread makes me incredibly sad......why are the dating "rules" for adults still from high school? What ever happened to honesty?

juliaoceania -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 2:39:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied There are some good points in The Rules book, it is not all rubbish. My rule: give the same amount of attention to a man that he gives to you, mirror, but do not over play anything. I think it is desperate to chase a guy. Let him come to you, let things grow in an unrushed, organic way, if it is meant to be, it will be. And it's just this kind of heretical thinking that got witches burned way back when. Pffft, haven't you been reading the feminist thread in the other room? Have you learned nothing? It's the woman's right in this society to go out there and grab your due with all the gusto you can muster. Or, at least send a casual email saying 'Hey, you're cute! Wanna chat some time?' Please, for the love of all that is holy..... Recant what you said so the lurkers and the posters get the same idea that it's all ok to congregate on one side of the room waiting for the boy to ask the girl to dance. Nothin's EVER going to get accomplished that way. Nothin'. Jeff I have no trouble approaching men and flirting with them, but I find that most of the time it is better for the man to make the first moves. I know this does not sound very evolved of me, but I think in our culture men like to hunt and women like to gather....I know this sounds terribly old fashioned, but my life experiences and those of my friends tend to indicate this is true. I like the flirting game, and it is a fun delicious game, but I also know not to take it too seriously until a man pursues me ardently. Men know what they want (at least the kind that appeal to me), they are not wishy washy about letting a woman know they dig her. If a man isn't pursuing, he just ain't that into you, so you pick up your marbles and you play with one that is[;)]

DarlingSavage -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 2:46:10 PM)
quote: so you pick up your marbles and you play with one that is But what if you don't like that one? lol! That seems to happen to me way too much! I think I"m treating the ones I don't like the way I should be treating the ones I do like. It's a catch 22. The ones I do like, I just want to melt like butter and be a silly school girl and giggle a lot, or at least that's what happens to me, anyway, I don't feel like I have a lot of choice in the matter. I get all swoony and breathless and excited and happy. The ones I don't like, maybe I liked them for about a minute, but then, something happened and I didn't like them anymore. Then they are pursuing me like crazy and it's all I can do to pry their claws out of my skin.

juliaoceania -> RE: Investment in Relationships (7/24/2010 3:19:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage quote: so you pick up your marbles and you play with one that is But what if you don't like that one? lol! That seems to happen to me way too much! I think I"m treating the ones I don't like the way I should be treating the ones I do like. It's a catch 22. The ones I do like, I just want to melt like butter and be a silly school girl and giggle a lot, or at least that's what happens to me, anyway, I don't feel like I have a lot of choice in the matter. I get all swoony and breathless and excited and happy. The ones I don't like, maybe I liked them for about a minute, but then, something happened and I didn't like them anymore. Then they are pursuing me like crazy and it's all I can do to pry their claws out of my skin. I have no advice other than you need to ask yourself this question: How well do you know this person to invest in them? and I suppose that is the entire point of the thread, when are you ready to invest? I don't think having sex is necessarily an expression of my investment, but most women do. If that is a problem for you, get a dime and put it between your knees[:D]... Get the book The Rules, read it, and try as hard as you can to follow it. I already have certain boundaries that come fairly naturally to me. I return calls and emails, etc. I don't chase them. And if there is a date it should be made at least a few days in advance... because my time is important to me. That book covers what my mom taught me, and what yours should have taught you.... we teach people how to treat us

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