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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 11:06:47 AM

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: London, SE
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

If I were single and in this boat, I think I *would* require a submissive to prove he's honest and sincere if I had a serious lack of time to spend wading through emails and IMs. But I wouldn't ask for cash -- I'd ask him to make a donation to a charity and send me the confirmation. Even if it's only $10. Then I would not be seen as a money grubber and he's forced to show some level of intent on his part. And a charity benefits.

Akasha

That would certainly work for me. I think it's the feeling that I may be being taken for a mug that concerns me about cash tributes demanded up front. But I understand the need to do some for of filtering to discourage the non-serious... Personally, I'd be more than happy to make a charity donation as a gesture of my good intent...

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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 11:14:20 AM

lakeshoresubpete

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

i have in the past sent money to 6 ladies claming to be dommies and in every case after i sent the money i never heard from them agian for that reson i dont belive in tributes if iam given myself that should be more then anyone could ask if i never find a Mistress because i wont give then so be it but if i have to give them something with out even being with them then what iam i doing paying for a hooker this life style is look badly upon as it is i dont think we need to be makeing it look any worest by saying i will not talk to you unless you send me money for once i would love to find a Mistress that looked at me and say to her slef thats a sub i would like to see looking up to me gien his tribute of his self to me

(in reply to obedienz)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 11:15:22 AM

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Hello, everybody,

My take on it is as such.

I want a new stereo. So I go to a store and shop around, knowing that all the products there are made for people looking for a stereo of sorts. Some are bigger, some smaller, some with lots of flashy lights, some demure. I know what I want, where I want it, and when I want to use it, so I buy accordingly. Buyers market.

With my submission it's the same thing. If I pay for the honour of serving, and this person pays her bills with it, I can demand what I want, within certain limits. I want to lick your feet, I get to do that. I want to get whipped, I get that. To me, getting to pick and choose my fetish for a few hours is not submission. It may feel good, it may satisfy my urges, but it is not submission. I can't see how I can treat something I buy, the same as something which someone has given to me because we are perfect for each other.

Just my take. I think Prodommes satisfy a need out there, just not mine.

Yours,

benji

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 11:30:39 AM

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/21/2006
Status: offline

I like the way you put it. It puts into words that clearly express why I feel unsatified and unfulfilled after seeing a pro.

Definately, more is what I am seeking in my submission to a woman than what a pro can possibly offer.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 11:31:14 AM

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
This is a real problem and a valid concern. How does a woman know that a guy is really sincere about wanting to get to know her and not just wasting her time? If she has 15 - 20 men "courting" her for attention, how can he prove that he's honest? In real life, a woman would survey her "gentleman callers" and certainly some would look more legitimate if they took the time to buy a small gift or send flowers than those men that just called up and asked for attention or seemed to want sexual favors.
But if a woman doesn't want to be seen as a gold digger or a pro -- or a scam artist -- how does she ask for a tribute and not chase away a guy who might otherwise be sincere? I think a lot of good hearted guys would go away when asked for a tribute to prove their sincerity.
If I were single and in this boat, I think I *would* require a submissive to prove he's honest and sincere if I had a serious lack of time to spend wading through emails and IMs. But I wouldn't ask for cash -- I'd ask him to make a donation to a charity and send me the confirmation. Even if it's only $10. Then I would not be seen as a money grubber and he's forced to show some level of intent on his part. And a charity benefits.
Akasha

I disagree. (Which really doesn't happen often with Akasha.)
I think there are a multitude of ways a submissive can show that he/she is sincere that have absolutely nothing to do with money and gifting.
If a submissive would simply take the time to read my profile, write me an earnest email (more than 2 lines), and show an honest interest in me, s/he's off to a good start. Reply to my reply. That might be a good sign (which I thought was kind of common sense, but hell, who knows.) Sending me a (decent, face included, genitals not!) photo, and phone number. Showing up to meet me for coffee.... and the rest just falls into place.
During the training process (which is well beyond finding out sincerity), I might teach my submissive good etiquette in gifting, but I just couldn't look for it as part of initial contact on any level whatsoever. I can easily see how any type of monetary request (even if it is sent to a charity) could be seen to submissives as the Domina having some kind of underlying interest in his/her finances, and not the people themselves.
Beyond all of that, some submissives are just not in a place where gifting is a realistic option until it gets to real life and they can physcially create a gift and hand it over. They might have a family to feed, child support to pay, an ill parent to care for, maybe working on paying off debts from their last relationship, between jobs, etc.....
For me personally, asking for *any* type of money or gift up front to prove sincerity, is just as rude as a submissive asking for any type of fetish fulfillment upfront. It's looking at the "whats" instead of the "whos".

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 11:42:45 AM

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

I disagree. (Which really doesn't happen often with Akasha.)
I think there are a multitude of ways a submissive can show that he/she is sincere that have absolutely nothing to do with money and gifting.
If a submissive would simply take the time to read my profile, write me an earnest email (more than 2 lines), and show an honest interest in me, s/he's off to a good start. Reply to my reply. That might be a good sign (which I thought was kind of common sense, but hell, who knows.) Sending me a (decent, face included, genitals not!) photo, and phone number. Showing up to meet me for coffee.... and the rest just falls into place.
During the training process (which is well beyond finding out sincerity), I might teach my submissive good etiquette in gifting, but I just couldn't look for it as part of initial contact on any level whatsoever. I can easily see how any type of monetary request (even if it is sent to a charity) could be seen to submissives as the Domina having some kind of underlying interest in his/her finances, and not the people themselves.
Beyond all of that, some submissives are just not in a place where gifting is a realistic option until it gets to real life and they can physcially create a gift and hand it over. They might have a family to feed, child support to pay, an ill parent to care for, maybe working on paying off debts from their last relationship, between jobs, etc.....
For me personally, asking for *any* type of money or gift up front to prove sincerity, is just as rude as a submissive asking for any type of fetish fulfillment upfront. It's looking at the "whats" instead of the "whos".

Point taken. I guess the scenario I am thinking of is one where the femdom really does not have time to read and repond to 30 - 40 emails -- a lot of subs do a very good job at that first contact and first 2 emails and then if the fantasy stuff doesn't start happening, they drop off the planet. Emails are so easy to send. A lot of subs use form letters to contact femdoms. If you only have a half hour a night three times a week, you might need a filter of some sort.

I think my charity idea is one that would be an honest replacement for women that believe a "tribute" is really a token to prove sincerity; you'll see probably all of * 0 * femdoms using this new and improved approach because in reality they are looking for $20 a pop from 10 or 15 schmucks. If anything, I suggest to submissives to use this as an alternative suggestion when a woman asks for a tribute -- tell her, "I am happy to make a donation on your behalf to my favorite charity, xxx, unless you want to suggest another. I will assume this is acceptable" ...and then when you don't hear from her, you know she's a scam.

If she DOES write back and says "Wow, that's a sincere and generous way to handle this and shows a tremendous amount of class..." you have made a nice impression and are off to the races.

Akasha

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(in reply to Proprietrix)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 11:45:31 AM

Posts: 59
Joined: 4/16/2006
Status: offline

Couldnt agree more at least on some issues. Asking for a tribute is entirely up to the individual, just as accepting the fact and paying the tribute is up to the individual, I am sure can be agreed upon. Is it Pro-Domming? I would say it is, but a very short changed form of it. Requiring someone to pay for your time, most of which is just to speak with that individual, is definately a form of (if not lower form), while a Pro Domme would actually spend the time of actively engaging in an activity for an exchange, not just to say "ok, now you can introduce yourself and talk with me...". Understandable is the countless people that contact a Domme and do not proliferate the contact further, being a very frustrating thing. Just as is SEEKING a Domme, spending time and opening up and sharing, who discontinues contact can be frustrating. The only thing is is that a SUB, at least that I have seen or heard of doesnt ask for "tribute". It is a very one sided affair.
If there are those (Dommes) that want to ask for a tribute, so be it. But as in any relationship, vanilla or BDSM, how many times are there 'possibilities' that turn up sour in reference to dating/relationships etc.? Go to a local bar or what have you and it happens all the time.... and those that ask for tributes in these places are very few (if not hooking).
In seeing these specialized areas of interest of everyone, it is hard to find the 'right one' to fulfill the needs wants and desires sought. But it goes both ways, Domme and Sub. To find the sunshine, you have to weather the storms ( corny, I know, but true). But to ask for a tribute (and I agree with how EbonyFtshGoddess differentiated this) "from men that don't even SERVE them yet." is the principle difference. At least with the Pro Domme, you would be allowed to serve for real.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 12:23:55 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: obedienz

I've been off the scene for a while but one thing that I never used to see (and now seems to be quite prevalent) is a request for a tribute. This makes me rather uncomfortable (call me old-fashioned!) but I'm wondering if this practise is now an accepted part of the scene - can anyone help?

I tried to stay out of this, but I have to say that I am, more and more, abhorring the word "scene"and abhorring the word "tribute".
I understand where it came from and the root idea behind the use of the word tribute. But it has been thrown around so much, and abused, that I can't say I blame the boys who get antsy as soon as the word comes up. Especially if that word, as so often happens, comes up in response to the very first email.
I do the occasional Pro session. It is not tribute. It is an hourly fee for My time. If the boy refers to it as tribute that is his preference. It simply means money in exchange for a certain amount of My time for a scene.
Which brings Me to My abhorrance of the word "scene". To Me, scene is the playtime. The D/s or M/s relationships are part of a lifestyle choice. Not a "scene".
"Scene" indicates to Me a specific type of "role-play". When a boy belongs to Me and serves Me in many capacities,I am not scening, and I hope he isn't either. In the case of a good relationship, one can differentiate with the use of the word scene. In a vanilla relationship, one can say,"We had a great time in bed last night and that was some of the greatest sex we ever had". But that is not the bulk of the relationship. Same thing here. One might refer to a great scene in which some new things were tried and the sub space and Dom space were really heady. But it is not the bulk of the relationship.
I don't require tribute before meeting, or at meeting. It's really nice if the boy is willing to pick up the dinner check or buy My coffee. If we made it to that point, I honestly expect no less.
I know a Lady, here in My area, who charges for meetings (interviews) and she has 4 or 5 a week. Well, I guess she has ruined those 4 or 5 every week for Me, because now they are resentful and they immediately think that even paying for coffee is unfair and a scam.
I can usually tell pretty fast if someone is sincere, even if it turns out that he wasn't ready for the level of commitment it takes to be who I want. As to the others, I am not going to ask for money to engage in an email exchange, and I already refuse to do IM or cam. So what's the point? The time for an email or two is not going to ruin My day and I am not going to reply to the one liners anyway, unless there is a stellar profile. *Shrug*

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to obedienz)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 1:50:24 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

I do remember someone I spoke to once said they used tribute to make sure they were not seeing poor guys. She said that she was not money hungry but wanted them to prove that she was dealing with males of certain economical means ...Now , just becasue you pay something up front , does not mean you have a professional career or that you are dipping into savings just to pretend your seomething your not...But I do understand at some level what she may have been trying to do. At least I have two thoughts on this.
The first..Lets be honest here about how often slaves/subns use Mistresses. Many of you share more than your knowledge and expertise...you share alittle part of who you are inside.Sometimes you are appreciated and a realtionship of some type forms.You see the person again and again and you bound. However , for others , the slaves/suns use you to get what they want and disappear to never be seen again. With tribute it might be seen as a way to at least get back at those who use your time and skills and never show up again...

The other may be stretching a little but it may be a way to value the economics of having a realtionship with a sub. Right or wrong, people see themselves living a life at a certain level of life.Often people strive to have certain postions and experiences that need money to make happen. By screening at first those who make tributes , they may screen out those who can not give them the nicer lifestyle that they are accustom to.. Think about it ..is it really that much differnt in the vanilla world of dating .We call them Gold diggers if their out for your money... Well, could we not say that there is a little bit off gold digger in all of us ?

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 2:00:27 PM

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyFtshGoddess
i dont view house cleaning, or chores, providing legal aid if he's a lawyer.. or web skill if he knows flash. (ie.. providing services in fields they are good in but would normally charge someone for) as a tribute.

we ALL need financial assistance at times, we need this or that. and we EXPECT that- i dont view it as a tribute.. just part of slavely duties. slaves are here to alleviate worries and make life easier for the Woman they put on that pedestal.

Yeh uh huh, and mortgages paid and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and.........................................

yeh i dont consider a domme with these attitudes as having any value either. (ie.. providing services in fields they are good in but would normally charge someone for)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei

It becomes frustrating dealing with countless males on this site who after My spending time and effort getting to really know them, turn out to be unready for a long-term, committed relationship, or are not as they represented themselves.. and what they are really looking for is someone to play with them, the way they they like it, when they feel like being played with... nothing more.

At a local level, I have not asked for anything but sincerity, honesty, and effort... and all have fallen short.. I can understand how many Dommes who have experienced this frustration, would wish to require a more tangible way for a sub to show they have actual interest in making a connection.. If a male is required to 'tribute', he will only do so with those who he actually has intentions or interest in progressing with. Without tribute he can easily troll from Domme to Domme and pretend to be sincere with each one.

I have been told on more than one occassion, "you seem so real, most Dommes here require money to talk to them"). Well, to Me... this translates into 'wow, I finally found a free one'.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
From my experience they typically offer me a nice mortgage bill(my name is not on the deed), car payments (her name her car), insurance bills(both), utility bills(both), all the housework, child care(theirs), finally a little kink with here a spank there a spank once in a while or the other extreme of bdsm obsession that is so caustraphobic, limiting and depressing that i could puke.

yeh thats what it translates into for me too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
since it has no real deep meaning.

Oh wait a minute now! it has DEEP meaning for some guys depending on the size of their wallets. but for most of us its just plain and simple "BOUGHT AND PAID FOR BABY"! LOL

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
This is a real problem and a valid concern. How does a woman know that a guy is really sincere about wanting to get to know her and not just wasting her time? If she has 15 - 20 men "courting" her for attention, how can he prove that he's honest? In real life, a woman would survey her "gentleman callers" and certainly some would look more legitimate if they took the time to buy a small gift or send flowers than those men that just called up and asked for attention or seemed to want sexual favors.

But if a woman doesn't want to be seen as a gold digger or a pro -- or a scam artist -- how does she ask for a tribute and not chase away a guy who might otherwise be sincere? I think a lot of good hearted guys would go away when asked for a tribute to prove their sincerity.

If I were single and in this boat, I think I *would* require a submissive to prove he's honest and sincere if I had a serious lack of time to spend wading through emails and IMs. But I wouldn't ask for cash -- I'd ask him to make a donation to a charity and send me the confirmation. Even if it's only $10. Then I would not be seen as a money grubber and he's forced to show some level of intent on his part. And a charity benefits.

Akasha

everyone knows sincerity is proven with money!

quote:

ORIGINAL: obedienz

That would certainly work for me. I think it's the feeling that I may be being taken for a mug that concerns me about cash tributes demanded up front. But I understand the need to do some for of filtering to discourage the non-serious... Personally, I'd be more than happy to make a charity donation as a gesture of my good intent...

Yeh me too its called meet them and find out. you must be a newbee to assume dommes are trust worthy and honest! LOL

quote:

ORIGINAL: lakeshoresubpete

i have in the past sent money to 6 ladies claming to be dommies and in every case after i sent the money i never heard from them agian

guess i should have read your post first LOL

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

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(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 2:15:01 PM

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyFtshGoddess

i entirely agree with you on everything openminded..

my only disagreement is this:

i dont view house cleaning, or chores, providing legal aid if he's a lawyer.. or web skill if he knows flash. (ie.. providing services in fields they are good in but would normally charge someone for) as a tribute.

nope, to me that isnt a tribute... that's EXPECTED.

i have a slave that is a personal chef to someone, when i'm too tired to cook (which is rare).. and i want food.. i call him and he comes over to make me a nice gourmet meal .. often with 5 courses.

is that a tribute?

no.. that's his duty as a servant.

cash tribute is DEFINITELY a no brainer... not to be a bitch, many males whom approach we Dominas.. have no brains.

i view useful tributes as things they KNOW we need. when my norwegian slave comes here every 2 months.. he will ask me what toys do i want him to get for the visit because we do something new each time. the gifts are merely an expression of his KNOWLEDGE that paddles, floggers, violet wands, rubber hoods and vacbeds don't grow on trees.. ok so rubber grows on trees but it doesnt come off the tree totally made.

he will spend $800 - $1000 on new toys.. i don't DEMAND it.. but it's a tribute. i dont tell him.. ok, you come here, stay in my home and i train you for a week before you continue your travel, BUT you gotta give me XYZ amount of money. no- he knows that my time is valuable, it could be spent training another slave AND we need things to play with.

i view that as a tribute. if i need $500 because my car craps out on me yes, i feel it is a slave's duty to alleviate any worry i have so that INCLUDES financial sometimes. if he is in a position to assist REGARDLESS of the area... be it financial, time mowing the lawn etc.. then that's expected.. at least by me and i have no complainers. i have my longest standing slaves for over 4 years. and they're still here. if they felt used or hated our arrangement... they'd be gone by now.

like you said "In fact, the giving of tribute or gift that actually required effort may be seen of greater importance to a Mistress."

truer words have never been spoken. we need our lawns mowed, we need our kitchens cleaned, we ALL need financial assistance at times, we need this or that. and we EXPECT that- i dont view it as a tribute.. just part of slavely duties. slaves are here to alleviate worries and make life easier for the Woman they put on that pedestal. however, with that being said... i'm talking about SLAVES and not submissives. i have a few subs.. most of my males are slaves however. i expect a LOT more from my slaves than i do a mere submissive i toy with when i'm bored or when i want local errands ran.

but someone demanding anything before they even OWN you.. something is just wrong about that.

*typo edit*

Excellent reply and I agree most with what you said. There is a great level of expectation on my part because I feel that is what a slave should want to do. Yes, I love a clean house, clean car, etc. but you're right, these are not tributes. If I need something I expect him to provide it to me.

Almost always even when I do charge for phone sessions its directly deposited into an account I use for the animals I take care of. (rescued farm animals, dogs, cats, you name it) it pays for feed, vets, supplies. I make a good living without charging males but if one comes to spend a week at my house he's not only cleaning but contributing to EVERYTHING that is important to me.

_____________________________

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 2:40:28 PM

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn
I think requiring a tribute is a gambit used by neo pro Domme's to escape the stigma of being a pro Domme. Or even, just some woman, not necessarily even into BDSM, looking for a free ride

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

I always equated tribute with Pro-Domming, and really just thought of it as a Pro-Domme term. (Go to any Pro-Domme page and you'll probably see the word somewhere.)
Call me close-minded, but when I see the word "tribute", I think to myself "Pro-Domme". Maybe a good one, maybe a crappy one, maybe one who doesn't even think of herself in that capacity, but Pro nonetheless.
ymmv

Great post LadyMorgynn and Proprietrix!

Its always nice to Dommes on here who know the difference!

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 2:41:52 PM

Posts: 65
Joined: 4/1/2006
Status: offline

I enjoy tributes.
I encourage a little package in the mail to show their respect, and the fact that they are genuine.. stockings are reasonable and easy to post, so is my favourite incense.
I love seeing little things pop out of the P.O. Box, especially when I have been chatting online to someone, its a lovely idea.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 3:53:20 PM

NINAakaProdomme

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

About tribute.. I agree with most all of you, especially the strings attached to the fees. This is exactly why I closed my dungeon and left the "professional business". I felt like I was selling myself not just my service.

Y'all are so helpful in sorting out these things. I only wish I had some place like this to turn to years ago. Thanks to everyone on an eye opening discussion.

Off topic: On second thought, maybe I should take the prodomme out of my name. Would changing my name mean I'd have to create a new account?

Until then,

Mistress NINA

(in reply to obedienz)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 4:16:41 PM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline

quote:

Yeh uh huh, and mortgages paid and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and.........................................

yeh i dont consider a domme with these attitudes as having any value either. (ie.. providing services in fields they are good in but would normally charge someone for)

Hey. some of us can afford to be more demanding and expect more. If my practices were so flawed as i said before.. they wouldn't be there. no one is holding an axe over these males' heads forcing them to tribute or gift.

I'm accustomed to a certain level of care and attention that i'm not going to compromise on. at the end of the day darling, whether or not others feel accepting gifts or tributes make you this or that. it's all entirely moot.

everything isn't white or black.. this or that.. A or B. it's not all so cut and dry. some people are simply jaded and take past negative experiences into the future rather than viewing something as a lesson learned and mature from it.

for the life of me i cannot fathom the hangup with tributes.. ok, so i suppose i'm supposed to buy that $1500 inflatable rubber sleep sack with internal arm sleeves that i will spend NO time in.

oh, and ',i suppose to fork over a couple hundred dollars for my matching flogger sets because my slaves love florentine flogging (funny, i wont be whipping myself with these fucking floggers).. oh.. and the gyno chair that everyone loves so much when they're strapped in it receiving their *treatments*.. yeah.. i'm supposed to buy that too.. OH and also have all the fetish clothing that they enjoy worshipping so much. can't forget the play space. i suppose submission alone pays for these things. dungeon space just appears out of the sky i guess.

men that understand what tributing means (and not from a jaded, one-sided, white or black, monochromatic standpoint).. but i mean one that REALLY understand what it means (some call it tribute, some call it gifting at the end of the day it's just mincing words).. some just call it doing their slavely duties. of course a slave should want his mistress to have the toys that she's going to use on him. why should we foot the bill for every goddamn thing?

it's such a myopic view of the situation. i see men that want women to have a dungeon (don't get me wrong.. i PREFER dungeon play because i like all the toys and i enjoy very intense scenes where you NEED certain equipment, but i'm equally comfortable training someone domestically) ... they want her to have ALL the gear and rubber and toys and suspension capabilities, they want us to have a stellar medplay room for gummi klinik play..HELL some of these guys even will ask me do i have rubber for THEM to wear!!

then i bet the minute a domme tells him that she expects contribution to her rubber wardrobe that he loves so much, or her sky high boots that he LOVES licking.. or more toys or different toys etc then he'll start screaming PRO DOMME!!

its like they want the lifestyle dommes to have all the bells and whistles of a pro domme but they dont want to pay one!

personally and i know i'm going to ruffle a lot of feathers here.. but i only notice this issue being a problem with american submissives typically.. not ONE of my slaves (and all of my slaves are european with the exception of 2) has a problem with contributing to me and our lifestyle. yes that means toys, yes that means getting rubber for us, yes that means travel to fetish events, yes that means providing whatever skills they have professionally to assist me (ie.. lawyers, web designers.. whatever), yes to it all. they don't see it as being used.. or milked or pro domming. they just know that they love these things being used on them and since i'm not charging for my time to train them monetarily.. that YES it is their duty to supply the things we want for play. they have no issue with this at all.. it's a total non issue.

it's really disparaging to see so many one-sided views expressed on this, but i guess some people LOVE misconstruing things just to derail a potentially informative topic- not really to gleen a new prospective on something that they may hold contrary views on.

oh well i'm off to the pool

-Goddess

_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 4:27:37 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

While it is true when it comes to money, people seem to see things from a more protective state ,specially when its their money their giving up.. Saying that...do subs/slaves expect all doms to havean umlimited charge account for the stock room or other fetish shops...I mean really , ... I know some Mistresses have a special toy collection that is made up of toys that are only ised with that slave only.It' s their special connect ..Now , think about this ?

While toys and equipment do not make the dom.It is becoming more apparent that subs are looking for new experiences..Those ball stretchers or latex cat suits are not usually found at the local Fashion Bug. Maybe were hung up by the name "tribute"? If we called it a "gift",... would contributing a "gift " be such a big deal?

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 6:29:41 PM

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

if you are a poly group that is one entirely different thing.

No i would hardly have my feathers ruffled by that at all. in the us the pro dommes are the only ones who require "tribute" and they all to often demand the sub buys the toy, gives it to them, and then they charge 250 - 500 bucks an hour to play with them on top of it!!!

America is full of gold diggers and free loaders and i should know i have lived here long enough and that is possibly the #1 biggie of what pisses people off about tributes.

Dommes here seeking a relationship will only want help with expenses like any every day mainstream vanilla relationship and if there is a breakup things get split down the middle and no one has an issue with that.

In america the pro dommes here did more to distort the vanacular then all others combined and tribute here carries "rip off" connotations with it.

Now if in the event of a break up everything is handled like a marriage that went bad i would not take issue to that. if however you keep all the toys then i would take issue to that unless some other compensation was given the buyer. That would put you one step away from the loved and deeply cherished pro dommes here in the states.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 6:33:43 PM

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline

Why is it acceptable for a slave to pay a pro and expect something for his money under the pretense of service to her but NOT acceptable for him to actually SERVE her by giving tribute with no expectations?

I would assume this is going to end up with women like me being called money grubbing whores but who are the whores really? you boys who I call butterfly slaves, graciously sweeping the net to steal nector from any flower who will let you land on her.

All in the name of service!!!

Mistress Bound is not one to plug into unless you prepare for the shock!

(in reply to obedienz)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 7:19:51 PM

Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

What's a new Domme to do? I've been misled into believing that it was expected of a Domme that she request tribute in order to weed out the players and fakers. So, I've requested flowers be sent to me at work from a sub whom I believe may have been sincere in his inital request to me. As a result, he has stopped communications with me and who knows, maybe it was because of that, maybe not. I can say it's hard to be new to this because although I am 100% Dominant, it is hard to know what's acceptable and what's not.

Wading through all the crap is hard, even with thigh high boots on. Help!

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 7:31:38 PM

Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyFtshGoddess

quote:

Yeh uh huh, and mortgages paid and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and.........................................

yeh i dont consider a domme with these attitudes as having any value either. (ie.. providing services in fields they are good in but would normally charge someone for)

Hey. some of us can afford to be more demanding and expect more. If my practices were so flawed as i said before.. they wouldn't be there. no one is holding an axe over these males' heads forcing them to tribute or gift.

I'm accustomed to a certain level of care and attention that i'm not going to compromise on. at the end of the day darling, whether or not others feel accepting gifts or tributes make you this or that. it's all entirely moot.

everything isn't white or black.. this or that.. A or B. it's not all so cut and dry. some people are simply jaded and take past negative experiences into the future rather than viewing something as a lesson learned and mature from it.

for the life of me i cannot fathom the hangup with tributes.. ok, so i suppose i'm supposed to buy that $1500 inflatable rubber sleep sack with internal arm sleeves that i will spend NO time in.

oh, and ',i suppose to fork over a couple hundred dollars for my matching flogger sets because my slaves love florentine flogging (funny, i wont be whipping myself with these fucking floggers).. oh.. and the gyno chair that everyone loves so much when they're strapped in it receiving their *treatments*.. yeah.. i'm supposed to buy that too.. OH and also have all the fetish clothing that they enjoy worshipping so much. can't forget the play space. i suppose submission alone pays for these things. dungeon space just appears out of the sky i guess.

men that understand what tributing means (and not from a jaded, one-sided, white or black, monochromatic standpoint).. but i mean one that REALLY understand what it means (some call it tribute, some call it gifting at the end of the day it's just mincing words).. some just call it doing their slavely duties. of course a slave should want his mistress to have the toys that she's going to use on him. why should we foot the bill for every goddamn thing?

it's such a myopic view of the situation. i see men that want women to have a dungeon (don't get me wrong.. i PREFER dungeon play because i like all the toys and i enjoy very intense scenes where you NEED certain equipment, but i'm equally comfortable training someone domestically) ... they want her to have ALL the gear and rubber and toys and suspension capabilities, they want us to have a stellar medplay room for gummi klinik play..HELL some of these guys even will ask me do i have rubber for THEM to wear!!

then i bet the minute a domme tells him that she expects contribution to her rubber wardrobe that he loves so much, or her sky high boots that he LOVES licking.. or more toys or different toys etc then he'll start screaming PRO DOMME!!

its like they want the lifestyle dommes to have all the bells and whistles of a pro domme but they dont want to pay one!

personally and i know i'm going to ruffle a lot of feathers here.. but i only notice this issue being a problem with american submissives typically.. not ONE of my slaves (and all of my slaves are european with the exception of 2) has a problem with contributing to me and our lifestyle. yes that means toys, yes that means getting rubber for us, yes that means travel to fetish events, yes that means providing whatever skills they have professionally to assist me (ie.. lawyers, web designers.. whatever), yes to it all. they don't see it as being used.. or milked or pro domming. they just know that they love these things being used on them and since i'm not charging for my time to train them monetarily.. that YES it is their duty to supply the things we want for play. they have no issue with this at all.. it's a total non issue.

it's really disparaging to see so many one-sided views expressed on this, but i guess some people LOVE misconstruing things just to derail a potentially informative topic- not really to gleen a new prospective on something that they may hold contrary views on.

oh well i'm off to the pool

-Goddess

Geezz First of all you choose the bussiness. Second it reads more like maybe you wanted the matching whips to use on someone.

Next time tell them to bring there own rubber. and or toys.

But then again maybe I don't know what I'm typing about. I must not have a fetish, atleast not one you'd cater to. but I know two dancers who top and they don't have one tenth the toys you say you have. They are very good at dominating too.

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

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