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RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 7:32:31 PM

Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

OM Gosh! Were you reading my emails MistressLorelei. I've gotten so many of those too. I love to read an email that seems so sincere that you think. Okay, they're calling me genuine and real maybe I've actually found a genuine and real sub. Then after just a couple of chats and them saying they'd be willing to do anything. When I attempt to put them to the test they've got all the reasons why they can't or, they just disappear, change or remove their profile, etc.

Disheartening to say the least and that's actually why I decided to begin asking for at least flowers as one other Domme had suggested. I figure, if they're gonna run, let them run before I really get into it with them. After all, they're the ones saying they'll do anything to please and serve me.

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to MistressLorelei)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 7:45:43 PM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline

EXCELLENT reply.

people are more cautious with things that involve their money- but get caught up in this odd pigeon-holing type mentality like ALL this is xyz. anyone with any REAL debate experience realizes that this logic is flawed. that's like saying..

dogs are animals...then coming to the conclusion that all animals are dogs.

you can't lump everything together which is entirely what happens when people hear tribute. then of course they further cloud the lumping with their past shady experiences and attribute THEIR experiences with pro dommes or tributing or gifting or licking their own elbow, to the way EVERYONE'S experience is or would be.

that's called not being able to objectively detach one's personal experiences from a situation at hand and coming to an unbiased conclusion. some people really need to learn how to view things and situations objectively. however, i'll probably discover a cure for cancer before that happens.

we don't have an unlimited account. and while i bet there will undoubtedly be a sub male that replies here to say "oh.. but i dont CARE if my mistress is wearing rubber and has toys".. ok.. let's be real. i'm all for "pervertibles" little things you can find around your home to dominate someone.. but being entirely real for a min. how long is it gonna take before you're bored stupid with being hit with a wooden spoon while your domme is wearing a mumu.

some people are ENTIRELY ok with playing with less toys and equipment. SOME dommes such as myself enjoy using a variety of different toys and gear. do we need these things to be a functional, capable and efficient in our training?- no of course not.. but does it make the experience of BOTH parties better?- damn straight! if i want to do a psychodrama med play scene i want it to be as real as possible. YES i want to be in a medical dungeon setting, YES i will be wearing a rubber nurse uniform, YES i will be performing real treatments.. sorry- i'm all for pervertibles, but ya can't use a straw in place of a catheter. i can't use a ziploc bag hanging from a wire hanger as an enema.

i have toys that i ONLY use for certain slaves. especially strapons. believe it or not.. the thought of using the same strapon on different asses just really grosses me out and makes me want to cringe. i have a little 3 drawer container where i keep everyone's strapon in a ziploc bag and write their name on it..lol anal i know but i suppose in a "no gifting or no tribute" world.. i should be the one spending $45 for 22 slaves to each have their own strapon??

i don't fucking think so.. no way in hell.
so and so is 6'5.. this other slave is chubby.. another slave has a big head.. blah blah blah. i guess i'm supposed to have toys and equipment on hand for EVERYONE'S various body types or whatever out of my own pocket?

am i the only one that views that logic as being nuttier than peanut butter? come on.

i think people get hung up on the word "tribute" because as i've said before.. their thinking and logic is very myopic. they can't see past that because they make a mental word association.. the progression sorta goes like this:

A).. they hate pro dommes or feel that their submission is gift enough or they feel that gifts cheapen service... or they tributed a domme that turned out to be a fake. or whatever useless issues they have going on- i've heard it all. these people are the ones that take THEIR experiences and foist them upon EVERYONE else. rather than learning from their mistakes they bitch and moan because THEY had a bad situation occur. sorry, not my fault. unless these women are LITERALLY taking it out of your own pocket (in that case you need to be calling 911 because you're being robbed) then you're doing it VOLUNTARILY.

b) They hear the word *tribute* and IMMEDIATELY go into one-sided baggage land and equate that word with a pro domme (which is then word associated with a hooker, greedy or what have you).. they CANNOT and WILL NOT see past the fact that a tribute is MERELY a word that like every word nearly.. has a dual definition. sorta like the word *fuck*.. fuck can be used as an exclaimation of pain or it could be used as a verb.. like "to fuck"..

i have listed the Merriam Webster dictionary's definition of the word 'Tribute'.. bear in mind that i haven't changed the definition ONE single iota. all i did was highlight parts of the definition that i feel are pertinent to the perceptions of the word in this instance. feel free to look it up yourself.. www.m-w.com

tribute One entry found for tribute.
Main Entry: trib·ute

Pronunciation: 'tri-(")byüt, -by&t
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English tribut, from Latin tributum, from neuter of tributus, past participle of tribuere to allot, bestow, grant, pay, from tribus tribe

1 a : a payment by one ruler or nation to another in acknowledgment of submission or as the price of protection; also : the tax levied for such a payment b (1) : an excessive tax, rental, or tariff imposed by a government, sovereign, lord, or landlord (2) : an exorbitant charge levied by a person or group having the power of coercion c : the liability to pay tribute

(this is the definition used by pro dommes and the self righteous baggage handlers)

2 a : something given or contributed voluntarily as due or deserved; especially : a gift or service showing respect, gratitude, or affection <floral tribute> b : something (as material evidence or a formal attestation) that indicates the worth, virtue, or effectiveness of the one in question <the product is a tribute to their ingenuity>
this is the definition used by LIFESTYLE dommes that don't view it as payment for our time.. not a *backdoor* to avoid being called a pro domme..but rather as a way they show us that they APPRECIATE the time we spend training them.. they respect our position in their life and they reciprocate with affection, their submission or whatever.

people seem to forget..

DOMMES ARE WOMEN..

WOMEN LIKE GIFTS

that's not rocket science people.. especially considering all the yummy, kinky toys available for us to assault and tantalize their flesh with!.. any woman that says tributes are evil or doesn't make you a domme.

obviously must not like gifts. why gift your mother on mother's day? doesn't that cheapen your relationship? her gift on mother's day is the fact that you were BORN.

right?

WRONG

and we ALL obviously see how flawed that logic is.

well hopfully we all do see how blatantly flawed that logic is.

but you can lead an ignorant person to the water of knowledge.. you can't make them think.

that 'bout sums it up

_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 7:48:37 PM

Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I must say, AAkasha, I should've spoken with you a long time ago. I've read quite a few of your posts on here and you've always got a good perspective on the matters at hand. Thanks for the good direction. I also want to aknowledge EbonyFtshGoddess for her candid posts. They've given me a lot of good input to build on.

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 7:51:14 PM

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

I'm really seeing a trend here of submissives (or rather I should say fetishists?) being expected to offset the cost of the toys that are being used on them.

See, for me, toys aren't the foundation of my lifestyle. In fact, toys play a very small role. I can't speak for any Domme that puts an emphasis on toys, because I have no clue how things look from that perspective. If me and my submissives are happy, then the money has no bearing really. We could all instantly end up broke and living in a shack that leaks, and I gaurantee if I wanted to spend the evening spanking them, it would happen... toys or no toys.

If some submissive *expected* me to put him in some kind of thousand dollar bondage, there'd be no discussion about it. I'd just let him know he was barking up the wrong tree. To me, that just fits in perfectly with this whole theme of the Dominant not being there to satiate the submissive's fetish.

But then, I speak as someone more interested in the power exchange side of things than the S&M. Maybe if I were really heavy into fetish play, I might ask a sub to offset the cost... but even then I kind of doubt it. Because if *I* was really into it, I probably would put my money into it for my own enjoyment. Not unlike someone who is heavy into roleplaying. They put their own money into the books, dice, costumes, etc... Someone who is heavy into crafting, usually uses their own money to buy their craft items. I wouldn't expect someone to offset the cost of my hobby, even if I did let them enjoy it with me.

But I'm just not a materialistic person at all. I can live with "things" or I can live without them. I really just don't care. To me, it's more about the people. Is everyone healthy and happy? Do we enjoy one another's company? Does everyone feel loved and cared for? Is everyone safe? Respected?
Those kinds of things are what are important to me. And I can't get any of those in the form of money, a tribute, a toy, a gift..... those things come from within.

(in reply to Contesaluv)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 7:53:56 PM

Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenDomme

Why is it acceptable for a slave to pay a pro and expect something for his money under the pretense of service to her but NOT acceptable for him to actually SERVE her by giving tribute with no expectations?

So why do you think it's acceptible to take someones money without earning it? Calling yourself pro tells everyone that you will turn a specific type of trick only if you are paid.

The real issue is here what all the hookers try so hard to defend, justify, is that the jon wouldn't be allowed to serve unless payment is rendered. Am I not right? Yes the trueth hurts so bad.

Alas my dear your motive is clear, a girl whos' bread is baught with leather not head.

(in reply to QueenDomme)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 7:59:13 PM

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Proprietrix,

Totally agree with You. If a sub wants a toy, he can buy it, but without a guarantee his Mistress will use it. That, to me, is the difference between serving and buying time.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to MichMasochist)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:07:53 PM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline

Mistresss C:

quote:

I've requested flowers be sent to me at work

hmm, not good.. look at it this way.. if you are trying to discern if someone is sincere or not.. you DO NOT want to be giving him information on you as valuable as your work. that means he'll have your first and last name.. and from that if he's an ass he can make your life a living hell. until i know a person VERY WELL (ie.. has proven sincerity and has actually flown here to meet me).. then they get no personal information.

i can't tell you how many times i've had slaves go psycho and try to stalk me (on and offline).. you'll be surprised what sort of information someone can gather on you from just even the most seemingly innocent bit o' info you give them.

be safe.. if you want to get gifts or flowers open a PO box or get a box at a mail service. i do that and they handle all my mail for me and it's totally anonymous for me.

this is how i weed out the fake ones immediately. first off.. if they approach me in a manner NOT outlined in my profile he's already immediately disqualified.. that eliminates 70% of them. then you have the hardcore fantasizers that are willing to put in the extra effort to *get* me. so they'll actually fill the requirements stated in my profile just to put me at ease.

next i'll have them handwrite me a letter of intent and mail it to the address on my website along with a bouquet of my favourite sunflowers (or they have to make an equivalent donation to a charity of my choosing).. sometimes i'm in a flower mood..sometimes i'm feeling more altruistic and i'll pick a charity because flowers die.

you will be surprised how many of those 30% that don't get immediately eliminated will say.. well.. umm.. can i just type it and email it?.. haha.. stupid little shits. like i'm REALLY going to accept a slave that's attempting to cut corners??

i think not.

so that eliminates another oh.. probably 25% or they say they'll write and send it but NEVER do. sorry.. someone that can't take the time to get off the computer long enough to write a goddamn letter then once again.. that says a lot.

this leaves you with 5% of all males that approach me for service actually writing the letter, sending the flowers. men will usually gift me VOLUNTARILY all on their own with things i didn't specific. i say send me flowers.. but hell like i'm REALLY gonna turn down a $750 catsuit if it comes along with the flowers? i'm sorry.. mama didn't raise no fool. their gifting us is THEIR way to woo us into accepting them.

don't be fooled.. even though its a bdsm relationship.. typically traditional *mating* and *courting* type rules still apply with me. i will be wooed or i simply won't fucking give you the time of day. yes yes i know people have submission to offer..

ok but who am i going to take faster if i have 3 other slaves offering their submission AND contribution to our lifestyle via toys or travel or new rubber? please.. THATs the real no brainer. of course i'm going to pick the more solvent male that is contributing to the stable in ways MORE than submission. if i was a male slave i'd want to be as useful to my Goddess in any way i could be. if these guys arent willing to write a letter or send flowers then they aren't worth your time.. PERIOD. come on.. what woman DOESNT like flowers or candles.. or something dainty?

then you hear all the guys that sit and bitch because they don't have a mistress.. or can't find one.. yeah. .because they're over there training a slave that actually *get's* what it's all about. and has NO hangups about gifting or spoiling his mistress.. a mistress doesn't have to ask or demand.. the men in her service WANT to do these things for her.. not HAVE to.

THATS the difference.

_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

(in reply to Contesaluv)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:14:29 PM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline

MichMasochist:

quote:

Geezz First of all you choose the bussiness. Second it reads more like maybe you wanted the matching whips to use on someone.

what are you talking about "choose the business"?

sorry love.. i'm a lifestyle domme. the only time i have EVER given pro sessions is when i travel to germany and sometimes my friend will ask me to *guest* domme at her dungeon because they have like hardly any black dommes over there and she always gets requests from german males who want to serve a black rubber domme.. for some of these guys its like their lifetime dream to serve a black domme. i don't want them as a personal slave and they don't want to be one for whatever reason. if i'm travelling and i can earn a grand or two from several sessions.. of course i'm gonna do it.. however.. all of my slaves are PERSONAL slaves.. they do not tribute me hourly for my time..

sorry.. get your facts straight .

and as far as my toy collection.. you need equally weighted floggers for florentine flogging.. so of course i'm the one that wanted them. duh.. but my slaves don't complain when they're getting the flogging of a lifetime with two floggers at once.

_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

(in reply to MichMasochist)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:40:05 PM

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Ebony,

Your profile says semi-pro. How did you not choose the business then? Were you forced into it?

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 8:51:01 PM

Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

EbonyFtshGoddess

titleAndStar(15,0,0,false,"","")

Thanks for the well written response to my post. Luckily I am surrounded by my brothers in Blue. However, I will be getting PO Box, pronto! The rest of your post is very timely as much input will help put me on a better road toward what I ultimately want as a "Genuine" Domme. Again, thanks. I agree with you on so many levels and understand exactly where you're coming from.

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 9:28:42 PM

Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyFtshGoddess

ok but who am i going to take faster if i have 3 other slaves offering their submission AND contribution to our lifestyle via toys or travel or new rubber? please.. THATs the real no brainer. of course i'm going to pick the more solvent male that is contributing to the stable in ways MORE than submission. if i was a male slave i'd want to be as useful to my Goddess in any way i could be. if these guys arent willing to write a letter or send flowers then they aren't worth your time.. PERIOD. come on.. what woman DOESNT like flowers or candles.. or something dainty?

then you hear all the guys that sit and bitch because they don't have a mistress.. or can't find one.. yeah. .because they're over there training a slave that actually *get's* what it's all about. and has NO hangups about gifting or spoiling his mistress.. a mistress doesn't have to ask or demand.. the men in her service WANT to do these things for her.. not HAVE to.

THATS the difference.

As the old saying goes, "size does matter." Of course in this case it appears to be the size of the wallet that matters most.

So naive of me to think that a sub or slave could find a Domme based on compatibility, similar outlooks on D/s and life in general, and an ability to to enhance her life by being useful to her.

Now I find out that the only subs who "get it" and apparently have all the Dommes scooped up, are the ones with bottomless wallets and a willingness to keep reaching into them.

Guess I'd better check those lotto numbers!

Tasha

_____________________________

"Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the better ones."...Woody Allen

(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 9:42:02 PM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

I have to say the idea of tribute rubs me the wrong way. I have no interest in a ProDomme either. I'm pretty adamant about this and hard core. So very un-submissive of me eh?

However in a relationship buying gifts, helping out, purchasing practical items. It's just natural.

I'm a sap or sucker to a powerful woman that I would love, adore, and worship. A sap and proud of it. That of course would be the outsiders view. To me, it's just a natural ouflowing of the love in my heart. It couldn't be any other way.

(in reply to tasha_tart)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 9:43:36 PM

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

I will translate.

"My subs don't need to pay me to become my subs, but the one that pays me most gets to be my sub."

Okay. Gotcha.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to tasha_tart)

RE: Tributes... - 4/21/2006 9:45:02 PM

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Dear Obedienz,
Don't worry about tributes; when you see the word presented, think and use common sense.
Your bigger problem is that if at 47years of age you don't know how to woo a lady yet, you might have to sucumb to "tributing" for its own sake.
The fact of the matter is any man who has any success with women does so by being strong for her, kind for/with her, and generous with her... Now don't read emerald rings when I say generous, read making her tea/soup if she is ill, bringing her some dice with a cute M/s saying on it, an exotic bouquet, etc... Simply be thoughtful and considerate, or work on those qualities.
To me a male submissive is a gentleman who submits to his lady. Until you get the gentleman, courtship part down, you will not likely do well in finding a lady.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_311620/mpage_1/key_courtship%252Cdead/tm.htm#312075.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_130950/mpage_1/key_courtship%252Cpursuit/tm.htm#131016
Welcome to the boards, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to obedienz)

RE: Tributes... - 4/22/2006 9:16:41 AM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline

Benji:

quote:

Your profile says semi-pro. How did you not choose the business then? Were you forced into it?

my profile says semi pro because as i've said before.. if i encounter a male whom wishes to serve me HOWEVER is not willing nor able to commit to a FULL TERM CONTRACTUAL SLAVERY that i demand then my time for training will be reciprocated in the form of a tribute.

as a domme i'd rather someone approach me for a tributed session KNOWING he can't be a full time slave.. instead of lying and sneaking just to get some weekend training etc then he wants to slink back into not being a submissive again. sorry- if someone wants to have a scene with me on THEIR schedule not mine.. yes.. that will be a tributed session.

with that being said.. that happens very rarely. i can count the times i've been tributed hourly for my time on the fingers of one hand.

ALL of my slaves are personal slaves. don't try to extrapolate something from my posts that simply aren't there.. however, like i said.. you can lead an ignorant person to knowledge.. ya can't make 'em think..

Tasha:

quote:

As the old saying goes, "size does matter." Of course in this case it appears to be the size of the wallet that matters most.

So naive of me to think that a sub or slave could find a Domme based on compatibility, similar outlooks on D/s and life in general, and an ability to to enhance her life by being useful to her.

Now I find out that the only subs who "get it" and apparently have all the Dommes scooped up, are the ones with bottomless wallets and a willingness to keep reaching into them.

Guess I'd better check those lotto numbers!

Submissives/slaves that have the means to tend to their mistress in every way have NO qualms about doing it. honestly.. i think it's just broke slaves who sit and lament and wish they had a mistress or could afford to contribute to her lifestyle.

funny, it's never been an issue with my solvent slaves. some people only want black slaves, some only want white males, some only want european slaves, some dommes only want money slaves, someone only want TVs.. i could go on and on. if two people ARE compatible.. and he WANTS to do it..for the life of me i can't see why OTHERS would have a problem with a situation that TWO grown adults MUTUALLY agree to.

where did i ever say that i DON'T have compatibility with my slaves.. sorry snorri wouldn't fly here from iceland just because we aren't compatible.. don't think so.

it has nothing to do about the size of someone's wallet. i have my youngest slave coming here for 3 months from germany in june. i've had him since he was 18 years old.. BROKE as all fuck (where i've had to send him money to help with tuition a few times or books etc and i have to help him pay his plane ticket this time around too. i have no problems with that whatsoever).. i've had i'm for over 4 years and this year he just turned 22. he doesn't have bottomless pit of money. he contributes to our lifestyle in other ways.. he flies to me for 3 months at a time to tend to my house or pets while i travel, he does web chores for me, he makes me laugh and that's priceless (he's really funny as fuck)..

i dont sit there and say.. ok you're broke so you can't serve me. BUT if someone wants to serve me, doesn't have the ability to live up to the standards i want- but if we share compatible kinks.. yes.. i am willing to accept tribute for my time.. and have ZERO qualms about it. because i still maintain a large stable of personal slaves and he knows he wouldnt be able to put in lifestyle TIME so why should i put in lifestyle TRAINING for someone that just wants to play for a few hours?

i think the less solvent slaves are simply up in arms because THEY can't afford certain things. and that's life.. everyone is entitled to their own thing. it has nothing to do with the size of someone's pocket book HOWEVER if i have 5 slaves approaching me.. and they're ALL equally qualified except two sit and bitch about how they won't ever gift etc.. and the other 3 have no hangups about helping with toys.. or buying rubber or traveling with me.. then of COURSE odds are the domme is going to pick the more well rounded one.

it seems like of the men on this particular thread are just jaded little misogynists.. and that's sorta sad when you think that some of them are professing to be slaves or subs.. so yes.. they dont "get it"

maybe if more people reevaluated why they're alone then their question would be answered.

i could see if i'm sitting here bitching on forums talking about.. oh there are no real slaves in the world.. oh this .. oh that.. why can't i find a slave blah blah blah.. yes, that would indicate something about my approach is flawed.

um no.. rather quite the opposite.

i'm extremely well served by males that travel thousands and thousands of miles to serve me each year- for MANY years. like i said.. if i were doing something SO wrong.. then i wouldn't have as many attendants as i do.

so obviously something i'm doing is working..and if its not working for me they wouldn't be here. so why are people standing on the sidelines (all of whom i read their posts and they're OBVIOUSLY searching for a partner) why do they care if something works for two other people? they need to worry why THEY are alone. instead of picking apart the women/men whom choose to live this lifestyle differently.

if i happen to have some submissive males whom are millionaires and financially solvent why is that an issue for someone else? am i going and *preying* on these men? NO they come to ME.. am i sneaking money out of their accounts.. NOPE.. they'll send me randomly $500 or so for me to go shopping. Hell i got a card in the mail yesterday and it had $150 in it and little note saying that he hopes this money finds me well and that i should go tak my best friend to lunch and get manicures/pedicures for us both.

YES that made me smile, because i wasnt expecting it and it was nice surprise. am i saying guys NEED to do that.. no.. but the ones that do will get my attention faster because women like surprises. it could have just as easily been roses, a new toy. whatever.

some women are into the more domestic scenes where they dont feel the need or want to wear fetish clothing. MANY people don't understand rubber fetish so obviously they don't understand the cost behind a full rubber outfit.or how expensive rubber toys are. it's not that my slaves are DEMANDING new toys.. they will see something and they'll tell me.. oh Goddess this would be cool to play with shall i get it for us? of course i want new toys to play with. or they'll see a catsuit that they would love to see me wear or new stockings or boots or whatever.

i'm just in a different league and am a different calibre of Domina. i know what i expect and i have no problems getting it. i know personally my submissives wouldn't be with me if they didn't feel like i complete them in every single way. since we're rubberists they wouldn't serve the average domme without rubber or toys or experience. hell if i were a slave and my fetish was for rubber i wouldn't want to serve someone that had no toys or rubber EITHER. you can't have a med play scenes without med play equipment.. YES that costs money. i contribute to my own toys and when i see a toy or uniform or something i want one of my slaves to wear.. i will spend my own money and get it for them. so it works both ways.

we just have a relationship where money isnt a hangup. i suggest you guys try to get a girlfriend and tell her up front.. honey.. i am going to be with you and not buy you any gifts ever because i feel it would cheapen our relationship.

lol see how long you two will be dating.

some women expect less because they aren't accustomed to a certain level or calibre of care and attention. so they simply don't come to expect it. women that come to expect it or are in a different league have no problems finding willing males to tend to her EVERY needs.

_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

RE: Tributes... - 4/22/2006 9:21:18 AM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline

quote:

Dear Obedienz,
Your bigger problem is that if at 47years of age you don't know how to woo a lady yet, you might have to sucumb to "tributing" for its own sake.
The fact of the matter is any man who has any success with women does so by being strong for her, kind for/with her, and generous with her... Now don't read emerald rings when I say generous, read making her tea/soup if she is ill, bringing her some dice with a cute M/s saying on it, an exotic bouquet, etc... Simply be thoughtful and considerate, or work on those qualities. To me a male submissive is a gentleman who submits to his lady. Until you get the gentleman, courtship part down, you will not likely do well in finding a lady.

I entirely concur. These submissives have no clue how to woo a dominant then they sit and bitch because they're alone and we're off with slaves that actually ARE about something they just dont GET it.

_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Tributes... - 4/22/2006 11:01:14 AM

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: London, SE
Status: offline

I couldn't agree more, and that's why I find the request for an initial tribute, before any meaningful contact has been made, so very bizarre. I fully expect to get to know a Domme, to understand her likes and dislikes etc. before I feel that I am in any way capable of serving her effectively. In the past that has been my experience - contact would be established, followed by online chats, phone calls and eventually a meet for a coffee or dinner - only if all the vibes were right for both parties might things move on to sessions. There have been many occasions in my past where the vibes haven't been right to move on to playing together (I really hate that phrase - but I can't find a better one!) but where I have remained on good terms with the Dome and have gained a friend. I guess that's why it came as such a shock to me to be asked for £30 simply to continue an online chat. Surely the fact that I have a spare 30 quid doesn't make me more likely to be a suitable sub - it just means that I have 30 quid....

And I guess to make my position absolutely clear, I have no issue whatsoever with giving gifts in the context of an established D/s relationship - I regard it as a natural expression of devotion, affection and thoughtfulness.

I'd also like to say thanks to everyone who has contributed so comprehensively to my initial post - it has been absolutely fascinating reading your thoughts and perspectives and it has reaffirmed my belief that D/s people are very bright, very perceptive and very interesting :-) Hurrah!

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

Dear Obedienz,
Don't worry about tributes; when you see the word presented, think and use common sense.
Your bigger problem is that if at 47years of age you don't know how to woo a lady yet, you might have to sucumb to "tributing" for its own sake.
The fact of the matter is any man who has any success with women does so by being strong for her, kind for/with her, and generous with her... Now don't read emerald rings when I say generous, read making her tea/soup if she is ill, bringing her some dice with a cute M/s saying on it, an exotic bouquet, etc... Simply be thoughtful and considerate, or work on those qualities.
To me a male submissive is a gentleman who submits to his lady. Until you get the gentleman, courtship part down, you will not likely do well in finding a lady.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_311620/mpage_1/key_courtship%252Cdead/tm.htm#312075.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_130950/mpage_1/key_courtship%252Cpursuit/tm.htm#131016
Welcome to the boards, M

_____________________________

let go of my ears - i know what i'm doing...

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Tributes... - 4/22/2006 11:08:41 AM

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Alright.... So anyone with money wants to pay tributes. Love it.

I'm done with this.

Yours,

benji

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(in reply to EbonyFtshGoddess)

RE: Tributes... - 4/22/2006 11:14:31 AM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline

quote:

And I guess to make my position absolutely clear, I have no issue whatsoever with giving gifts in the context of an established D/s relationship - I regard it as a natural expression of devotion, affection and thoughtfulness.

I got precisely what you meant the first post. you have a problem with people demanding things initially. i know SOME women do demand tribute initially before you even talk to them.. or to tribute FOR you to talk to them.. that was the whole jist of your initial query. of course it got derailed by the baggage handlers that want to interject their random non sequitur views.

like i said in my earliest response to you.. it's not being silly of you to be weary of people to demand tribute upfront. especially if it's a financial one. now writing a letter or sending her flowers or something as a way to court her i feel is fine.

but if someone is demanding financial tribute UPFRONT to either continue contact or to even initiate contact with you.. something is definitely wrong there. and it should be a red flag (unless you're a money slave protocols for those initial tributes are entirely different)..

i think what got the women annoyed a bit is that people were saying how they feel no gifting should occur at ANY point in the relationship.

that's not what you're saying at all.. i think you're wise to be skeptical if someone is demanding things from you from the offset. and you're not saying that you would NEVER gift your mistress or contribute with toys.

but then again i'm not really surprised of your stance regarding willingness to gift in a committed relationship and your apparent lack of hangups about it- you're a British male. odds are you view bdsm WAYYYYYYYYYYY differently than your across the pond submissive counterparts.

_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

(in reply to obedienz)

RE: Tributes... - 4/22/2006 11:22:14 AM

EbonyFtshGoddess

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline

Benji:

quote:

Alright.... So anyone with money wants to pay tributes. Love it.
I'm done with this.
Yours,
benji

good.. you need to be done with it.

it's nice to know when to throw in the towel dear.

i'm going to be brutally honest for a minute.. and take this with a grain of salt.

you're only 22 years old. now i'm not saying that age dictates anything about someones ability to be mature. however i am saying this. with age does come a certain level of maturity & understanding in this lifestyle that actual extended experience only brings.

when you have a LOT more experiences under your belt then we can discuss this as two aware adults whom are able to share equally comparable experiences. odds are your first induction to BDSM was on the internet, now yes i am making a gross assumption but you've made plenty of your own about me so turnabout is fairplay.

when i started in bdsm trying to find a partner i was 15 years old-sorry. i couldn't hop online and learn all this bullshit that website teach you about what bdsm is or this or that. i can ALWAYS tell the blokes that gain all of their bdsm knowledge from a website or some other net forum. they tend to be the most judgemental ones because they have this SSC bullshit drilled into their heads.

see i don't take males as young as you because you guys frankly think you know it all and known't shit for the most part. you take your miniscule experiences (because let's face it.. at 22 you can't have THAT much experience serving a domme).. even if you started deserving when you were 10 i'd still have 3 more years of bdsm experience on you.

so yes.. i suggest you lay down the towel or walk a mile in my boots before you can even begin to start to twist my words young buck.

adieu.

_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

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