quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas


All this is good advice for dating. But we're not dating here are we? This is a hunt and you are the prey.

Hmmm...do all Dom's have the hunter instinct? Not all do for sure; some are knowledgeable and skilled men who enjoy doing temporary BDSM scenes. Nothing wrong with that. Then again, some are hunters who are a great scene and there's nothing wrong with that.

So, is it natural for the latter to treat you as prey? Yes.

And, since we're on the subject and I'll bring this home now, is it natural for a true submissive to get into a Dom/hunter's car and go where he leads and desire to be his prey?

You know the answer to that already. You broke his spell because he was clumsy and not as good as he thought. That's not the problem. The problem is finding a hunter you don't want to flee from...you know I'm right. You submissive women out there reading this know it's true. You hunters out there know it's true.

I know it's true. I'm a hunter.

Be well,
Arturas

quote:

..you know I'm right. You submissive women out there reading this know it's true. You hunters out there know it's true.

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

..you know I'm right. You submissive women out there reading this know it's true. You hunters out there know it's true.

When we fail to see prospective partners as human, we lose our humanity. A date is a date, whether we are kinky or not. To think giving yourself the title of 'dominant' negates the rights of another because they have labeled themselves submissive is as wrong as rape .
Submissive equals prey/victim??? Not the way I see it, not in my world.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lairaimmortelle

I've had an encounter with an individual, a Dom. Met on here, chatted quite a bit, and met up for the first time last night. All fine and dandy. We discussed a few more things over coffee and bingets (SP?) I was asked if I wanted to go for a ride elsewhere in the city to his favorite bar, no problem, a few drinks would be nice. Oh wait he forgot something at his house, "it will take me just a moment, please step inside" Again, no problem, not until he came up behind me, "Lets see how good of a sub you are..." as he reached down my shirt. I chicken winged that SOB and left.

Now that I've shared that I ask this: What is ok for a first date? Maybe I over reacted, but last I checked, at least for myself, true submission is gained through trust, trust is build off of respect, and for either of those you have to get to know one another. Am I wrong in this ideal? I mean he's the third one to try and pull some shit like that. I'm done.

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

..you know I'm right. You submissive women out there reading this know it's true. You hunters out there know it's true.

When we fail to see prospective partners as human, we lose our humanity. A date is a date, whether we are kinky or not. To think giving yourself the title of 'dominant' negates the rights of another because they have labeled themselves submissive is as wrong as rape .
Submissive equals prey/victim??? Not the way I see it, not in my world.

quote:

Finally, I suggest these realities are known by most submissves who actually meet and date Doms from here and FL or in LIfestyle clubs accross this big world. They know the prey dynamic is very much there from minute one even if only subconsciously. It is why they are here and not on Match.com. It is what they want. It's what we want.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
I'm a hunter.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

..you know I'm right. You submissive women out there reading this know it's true. You hunters out there know it's true.

When we fail to see prospective partners as human, we lose our humanity. A date is a date, whether we are kinky or not. To think giving yourself the title of 'dominant' negates the rights of another because they have labeled themselves submissive is as wrong as rape .
Submissive equals prey/victim??? Not the way I see it, not in my world.

Greetings,

The reality is a Dom/sub date is not the same date in a vanilla relationship in the making . Trust me or not.

It's because we are not dating here in the traditional sense. Safe and sane? The reality is it is a great slogan and we do pay lip service to that and even talk about safe words but I've never run into a submissive that I could trust to utter a safe word (unless G_ddamn is a safe word) and many or even most are quite capable of following the lead of a Dom they may have just met. After all, being submissve in the BDSM or Gorean world does not mean you are not aggressive or adventuresome in following your desires. It is in their nature. So, the OP is not unusual in what she did when she got into his car and followed where he led on the first date. All submissives I have met real time followed where I led on the first date. I am not unique in that experience.

Another reality is the prey dynamic does figure quite strong in dating here and to a more "under the covers" extent in munches and a much bigger than life extent in most Lifestyle Clubs and dungeons (I said "dungeons", think about it).

Reality is also that "the prey", the female submissive, is not less human or of low quality or treated as "less human" for following their primal desires and instincts. Quite the opposite. In fact, I submit to you that they are more human than most in doing so.

Finally, I suggest these realities are known by most submissves who actually meet and date Doms from here and FL or in LIfestyle clubs accross this big world. They know the prey dynamic is very much there from minute one even if only subconsciously. It is why they are here and not on Match.com. It is what they want. It's what we want.

Respectfully,

Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: clitwhipscream


Doms dont play fair. Some lie, some steal, some cheat, some just withhold information (strong silent type). Deal with it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: clitwhipscream

quote:

Finally, I suggest these realities are known by most submissves who actually meet and date Doms from here and FL or in LIfestyle clubs accross this big world. They know the prey dynamic is very much there from minute one even if only subconsciously. It is why they are here and not on Match.com. It is what they want. It's what we want.

That is what makes us different from vanilla people. If I wanted a man who would treat me like a lady, I would be on match dot com (can’t stand that site). I would also become terribly, terribly bored with him, and quickly.

Doms don’t play fair. Some lie, some steal, some cheat, some just withhold information (strong silent type) ALL of them will mind fuck you. Deal with it.

Look, I will never understand why some people insist on living what they think is an "alternative" sexual lifestyle, while at the same time trying to mainstream it into vanilla hood. I have talked to "doms" who claim to want a sub who is completely enthralled and focused on his needs, and yet, "still has a mind of her own". l have seen so called sadistic "tops" who would not dream of causing pain to a bottom. Submissives talking about how they insist on having a say in how the house is run, but want to be fully controlled at the same time. And best of all, bottoms who do not want to be 'pursued' by a top, but who want to call all the shots while s/he sits on the bench and waits for the verdict to come in. When is it ok for him to startle you, to woo you, to impress you with his sexual prowess, on your wedding night? Better watch it, he just might tear your Lilly white dress by then.

Some of the submissives really get me, because they seem to want to lead the top into trouble, they don’t make boundaries clear, get into cars with strange men (really, that many of them? Your shitting me?) seem to do everything they can to say “chase me”, then clobber him when he does, so s/he can go tell whomever will listen what a victim s/he is, and what an asshole s/he is. Seriously. And I’m a feminist.

People who do not recognize the predator/prey dynamic in BDSM relationships need more help than this forum can ever provide. I could throw in five years of social science studies 20years of living leather, and wow you queer theory, gender theory, and a good deal of eco-feminist theory, but really, that is not what I am here for. If you don’t want a dominant ass for a lover, if you want someone who will never raise a hand to touch your pristine form, stay away from leathermen. It is not fair that someone should go to jail, because you cannot accept what WE ALL are.

I am a sexual deviant and if another deviant wants acceptance, compassion and understanding, and maybe even some help finding a way to express that deviance, I am more than happy to help. After all, I have many of the same desires myself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
The reality is a Dom/sub date is not the same date in a vanilla relationship in the making . Trust me or not.

quote:

The reality is a Dom/sub date is not the same date in a vanilla relationship in the making .

quote:

Trust me or not.

quote:

It's because we are not dating here in the traditional sense. Safe and sane. All submissives I have met real time followed where I led on the first date. I am not unique in that experience.

quote:

Finally, I suggest these realities are known by most submissves who actually meet and date Doms from here and FL or in LIfestyle clubs accross this big world. They know the prey dynamic is very much there from minute one even if only subconsciously. It is why they are here and not on Match.com. It is what they want. It's what we want.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

quote:

ORIGINAL: clitwhipscream


Doms dont play fair. Some lie, some steal, some cheat, some just withhold information (strong silent type). Deal with it.

Is this what is to be expected and accepted of those who identify as dominant?

quote:

Being a Dom does NOT mean that I follow my own rules everywhere and reject ethical and for that matter lawful behavior. Saying that I'm a Dom is not carte blanche for boorish and criminal behavior.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

No, my dear Bones.  That is what we call UTTER HORSESHIT where I come from. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: clitwhipscream
That is what makes us different from vanilla people. If I wanted a man who would treat me like a lady, I would be on match dot com (can’t stand that site).

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

The reality is a Dom/sub date is not the same date in a vanilla relationship in the making . Trust me or not.

quote:


It's because we are not dating here in the traditional sense. Safe and sane? The reality is it is a great slogan and we do pay lip service to that and even talk about safe words but I've never run into a submissive that I could trust to utter a safe word (unless
G_ddamn is a safe word) and many or even most are quite capable of following the lead of a Dom they may have just met.

quote:


After all, being submissve in the BDSM or Gorean world does not mean you are not aggressive or adventuresome in following your desires. It is in their nature.

quote:


So, the OP is not unusual in what she did when she got into his car and followed where he led on the first date. All submissives I have met real time followed where I led on the first date. I am not unique in that experience.

quote:


Another reality is the prey dynamic does figure quite strong in dating here and to a more "under the covers" extent in munches and a much bigger than life extent in most Lifestyle Clubs and dungeons (I said "dungeons", think about it).

Reality is also that "the prey", the female submissive, is not less human or of low quality or treated as "less human" for following their primal desires and instincts. Quite the opposite. In fact, I submit to you that they are more human than most in doing so.

quote:


Finally, I suggest these realities are known by most submissves who actually meet and date Doms from here and FL or in LIfestyle clubs accross this big world. They know the prey dynamic is very much there from minute one even if only subconsciously. It is why they are here and not on Match.com. It is what they want. It's what we want.