LadyNTrainer
Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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ORIGINAL: spankeree
It seems most women who will participate in something like that do it for other motivations other than for sexual pleasure - for money or tributes, or because they hate men, or because they are sadistic and use a man for those reasons, or are just acting in a porn film.
Dude, you clearly haven't found your local BDSM community. But when you do, you'll be in for a rude-ass awakening.
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I would love a girl who was kind and gentle and loving but who took the lead - told me to get on my knees, go down on her, wank off as she stood over me fully clothed, spanked me, told me to worship her feet, legs, ass etc etc. she would ride my face, sit on my face, explore my limits with anal play etc etc
As others have amply pointed out, what you seem to want is someone who is submissive and who will do the exact list of kinks you want her to do. when you want her to do it. What part of the definition of "dominant woman" did you miss here?
Like most femdoms I know, I am in a long term committed personal relationship that is definitely about my sexual pleasure and not money. Note the important word "MY" in that sentence. Our relationship is not about my doing a laundry list of kinks that please someone else, but about me *actually* being dominant and doing what *I* want and find sexy.
I am poly; I choose to have two collared and owned submissives and they must get along well with one another. Men are hot; every woman should own a few.  They must dress in the clothes I find attractive, while I wear whatever is comfortable for me. They are my sex objects, I am not theirs. They must keep their hair exactly how I like it, and since I like it long, that's quite a personal grooming job. One of mine spends about an hour a day on it. While I respect their comfort and their limits - I do love them both very much and work hard on being a responsible poly dom with good communication skills - I am a sadist, and they must submit to being flogged, beaten, electrified, and occasionally cut or even branded. I am skilled and safe in what I do; neither will ever suffer real harm at my hands. But I do like intensity, and I do leave marks.
This situation is not your cup of tea? I imagine it is not, since you and I would be poorly matched in the shared kinks department. And that's fine. What is NOT fine is your thinking that people who are not into what you are into are not "real femdoms". This is as real as it gets, sweetcheeks. I own the hot submissive studboys I want and I use them how I want. When a man is genuinely submissive to a woman and puts her desires above his own, this is one of the scenarios you can end up living in. And if the men involved really are submissive and primarily focused on the dominant's will and pleasure, it works wonderfully and everyone is happy.
Except as far as I can tell, you would not be happy with a dominant woman who wanted to, you know, actually dominate you and do what she wanted rather than what you wanted. Meaning that she might be into stuff beyond your rather mild bedroom-kink interests, and she might expect you to cater to her kinks instead of her exclusively catering to yours. No dominant is just going to take your laundry list of kinks and dutifully do all your washing for you. A real live dominant woman is a human being who is going to have interests and kinks of her own, and it's pretty doubtful that you'll have 100% overlap on what you do and don't like. So compromise is called for, especially on the submissive's part. If you are not open to doing some of what she wants as opposed to exclusively what you want, your chances of any femdom being remotely interested in being your obedient little domme-bot are somewhere between zilch and nil.
I'm not saying you aren't allowed limits or likes in a real D/s relationship. One of my boys is a type 1 diabetic, so I very rarely break his skin. If his blood sugar is a concern, we stop what we are doing and take care of it right away. His health is a priority, and that includes his emotional health. Both of my boys will tell you that they have never known a more ethical and caring dominant, and that they are very happy being owned and cherished and appreciated in my household. They do feel that they are respected for what they bring to the relationship. While they both know better than to present their kink wishes as demands or requirements, I am aware of what specifics turn them on and I don't mind humoring them at times, as long as my own needs are also being met. A long term sustainable D/s relationship is about compromise and keeping your partner's needs met while not going past your own comfort boundaries.
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I'm not into pain or serious humiliation or being shouted at or spit on or blackmailed etc etc.
All of the stuff on your list except pain is actually pretty rare for femdoms in an LTR to be all that much interested in. However, I have to say that many of us would consider it a deal breaker if you weren't interested in *some* degree of impact play (flogging, spanking, etc), and basically all of us consider narrowly limited laundry lists of kink to be a deal breaker that kills our interest. Sorry, but there are too many genuinely submissive men out there who are a lot more focused on serving and making their partner happy than they are on getting their kink lists checked off.
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Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.
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are there any real femdoms? - 
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