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RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/26/2011 7:39:13 PM

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I woman up and end the date and say thanks, no thanks to be quite clear. I would never lie and say I'm busy; that's just weasel-ly leading the poor things on: it's sadistic giving them hope when you've already decided you never want to see them again, and I'm no sadist.

So, yup, if you don't actually tell them face to face, or poor 2nd, msg 'A' to them, yup, B and C are in the high school toolbox.

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/26/2011 7:49:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

I woman up and end the date and say thanks, no thanks to be quite clear. I would never lie and say I'm busy; that's just weasel-ly leading the poor things on: it's sadistic giving them hope when you've already decided you never want to see them again, and I'm no sadist.

So, yup, if you don't actually tell them face to face, or poor 2nd, msg 'A' to them, yup, B and C are in the high school toolbox.

Well.
damn.
thanks. Good to know.
Guess I've gotten some really bad advice. (probably shouldn't take any more advice from friends who have been single longer than I was married!)

(in reply to Tantriqu)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/26/2011 7:59:57 PM

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Dear SomethingCatchy,
I like your thread, but not so much your recommendations. Women may be alike in many ways, but very different in others.

quote:

You don't have to spend money on someone to get to know them. Parks are free, picnics involving a $3 bottle of wine and some cheeses from the local pac-n-save are cheap, art museums usually have discount days or offer very cheap memberships (and you support local business)

It's true, you do not have to spend money on a lady. A picnic with fruits, vegetables, and bottled water might work. A picnic with a $3 bottle of wine, and ?cheeses, might make her think you think little of her, and are therefore pinching your pennies. Generosity of spirit is free, so be thoughtful, instead of going cheap. A $3 rose, kool, a $3 bottle of wine, not so much. I know this is just me, but wanted to say it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy
Okay...so this may be a tangent to the thread....
but let's say you go on a date....nice person but just doesn't make you want another date. He or she contacts you to see if you are available for another date--you tell him or her that you can't--busy weekend, etc.

That would be the last call you would have gotten from me, because if you in fact are busy, you can find your way to me thereafter, and hopefully, I'll still have some "into you" feeling. I respond to warmth, and expressiveness. Cool/detached, dries me up with a quickness.

quote:

Do you:
A. Tell them you enjoyed meeting them but aren't feeling the chemistry, and wish them well with their search...

This would be what I would use, and expect.

quote:

B. Just keep being "busy" and eventually they get the message
C. Not write them back

Nasty games I would find these, and I wouldn't respect these approaches at all. M

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/26/2011 8:27:48 PM

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SexyBossyBBW--

I get it. Not saying it was the right thing to do.
Just explaining why I turned into a tool.
I had read enough personal ads from women complaining about guys who do the "email disappearing act" and I said, man, I won't be 'that guy.'

So I answered every email....and if it wasn't going anywhere, or I decided I didn't want to pursue a date...or after dates that left me uninterested in a second one, I politely emailed them to say "thanks, but I don't feel we're a match..."
And the nasty-grams that filled my email box-- I would bet were easily comparable to things that would make women here on CM block men. After a few months of this, my friends (including some female friends) told me I was crazy for even emailing them, and thus....I became one of those disappearing guys.

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/26/2011 8:38:06 PM

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I guess you've got yourself some first hand experience that we talk about regularly here. When we send polite thanks, but no thanks messages after a first contact, it's the same way. Not that I'm happy that this happens to you. More the thought that it's a similar experience.

I'd like to think that I'd be going with option A. I still have My own standards. Still, everyone's tolerance is different and we all have our good days and our bad days.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/26/2011 8:45:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy
So I answered every email....and if it wasn't going anywhere, or I decided I didn't want to pursue a date...or after dates that left me uninterested in a second one, I politely emailed them to say "thanks, but I don't feel we're a match..."
And the nasty-grams that filled my email box-- I would bet were easily comparable to things that would make women here on CM block men. After a few months of this, my friends (including some female friends) told me I was crazy for even emailing them, and thus....I became one of those disappearing guys.

Oh dear, I feel your pain. I don't like to block people, unless they've become hostile, but do undestand sometimes, only a disappearing act will do. M

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/27/2011 4:22:26 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Okay...so this may be a tangent to the thread....
but let's say you go on a date....nice person but just doesn't make you want another date. He or she contacts you to see if you are available for another date--you tell him or her that you can't--busy weekend, etc.

Do you:
A. Tell them you enjoyed meeting them but aren't feeling the chemistry, and wish them well with their search...
OR
B. Just keep being "busy" and eventually they get the message
C. Not write them back
D. something else....(all ears on this one)

Cuz I used to always do option A--thought it was the polite thing to do. And after the fourth or fifth nasty flaming email telling me I was a big loser, because they were such an amazing person, and I was missing out on a great woman, and so on....I just decided to go with option B or C. Hope that doesn't make me a total tool.

I do A, by email. This rarely happens. Usually if I'm comfortable enough to meet in person, the chemistry is there. Once it was actually the way he treated the waitstaff, but I left it at chemistry.

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/27/2011 5:56:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Do you:
A. Tell them you enjoyed meeting them but aren't feeling the chemistry, and wish them well with their search...
OR
B. Just keep being "busy" and eventually they get the message
C. Not write them back
D. something else....(all ears on this one)

Cuz I used to always do option A--thought it was the polite thing to do. And after the fourth or fifth nasty flaming email telling me I was a big loser, because they were such an amazing person, and I was missing out on a great woman, and so on....I just decided to go with option B or C. Hope that doesn't make me a total tool.

Going back here a while as I haven't dated romantically in years (other half would not be so happy about that), might have a "date" with somebody I plan to play with though...

A variation of A and D, being very polite but explaining that while he's a wonderful person, just not right for me (though I tend to say I'm not right for them, more flattering and if you have to deliver a blow you don't need to make it harsh, it's about feelings and not BDSM...) Sometimes I might actually suggest to meet again or go to an event where I'd play "wing man" or "wing woman" a variation of the much dreaded "let's be friends", in case I really liked them but there was no BDSM chemistry there.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/27/2011 6:34:14 AM

SomethingCatchy

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The thread title was 'MY thoughts on why SOME sub men are still single.'

Certainly not everyone is exactly the same, but ignoring key words is pointless.

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Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/27/2011 7:39:51 AM

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Ohhhhhhhhh!

Could the Mods please remove any and all thoughts beyond post 1.

Thankies.

chia* (the pet)

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Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/27/2011 10:07:17 AM

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quote:

So why are men like the gentleman below still looking for their 'dominatrix' ? Because they can't grasp the concept of KISS and think that bigger is better, and if she doesn't notice or appreciate all the grand things he's doing for her, then she must be a stuck up bitch. Women, in general, don't care about your grand things. The simplest things in the world can mean the most.

A sub male is in the business of rejection, just like all others in the dating universe. His challenge is steeper, though, b/c of demographics. A simple look at this thread reveals mostly attached women who may have advice, but who aren't looking for anyone.

In my view, it really helps to be lucky -- and to have some universal abilities to connect with others.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 1/27/2011 10:19:13 AM >

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/27/2011 10:18:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

The thread title was 'MY thoughts on why SOME sub men are still single.'

Certainly not everyone is exactly the same, but ignoring key words is pointless.

Yes, but in sharing your thoughts, didn't you want others to contribute their thoughts as well?

I think this goes back very well to what Aakasha said earlier. Different options will be more suited for various women than others. The park thing is an excellent example of that. Some dog owners might see the dog park as a fabulous option. (Much different than what might be another type of park, which may not be as 'public' as others.) For those of us who don't own dogs, I'm thinking probably not the best suggestion. The same holds true about My preferred method of meeting folks at a munch for a first meet. There are women on this thread that wouldn't care for that idea at all because they don't like their local munch.

I have to admit, there's a part of Me that is leaning toward the thought that this is an area of potential for males. Knowing who they are dealing with as a person could absolutely work for them in their favor.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/27/2011 2:03:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

The thread title was 'MY thoughts on why SOME sub men are still single.'

Certainly not everyone is exactly the same, but ignoring key words is pointless.

Why are some sub men still single? Because they want to be

Why do single men live longer than married men? Because they want to.

Sorry I just felt the need to add comediac relief today :)

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/28/2011 7:06:29 AM

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Among the reasons some sub men are single:
Asking her, "will I be naked at home" before would you like to meet for coffee? M

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/28/2011 8:15:35 AM

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From: Pyroaquatica
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FR

I figure I have to enjoy myself being single first. This may take a while but self-exploration is FUN and PAINFUL. I should be happy, right??

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/28/2011 4:02:46 PM

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Nope, single women and married men live longest, so all men should marry, no woman should ;-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
Why do single men live longer than married men?

(in reply to mummyman321)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/28/2011 4:40:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

FR

I figure I have to enjoy myself being single first. This may take a while but self-exploration is FUN and PAINFUL. I should be happy, right??

There seems to be a crazy universal law, the moment you really enjoy being single, that's usually when you meet somebody and start a relationship... Dunno why, but it seems to work each and every time...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/28/2011 4:44:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
A sub male is in the business of rejection, just like all others in the dating universe. His challenge is steeper, though, b/c of demographics. A simple look at this thread reveals mostly attached women who may have advice, but who aren't looking for anyone.

Take a look at message boards aimed at dominant women, and you'll see the mirrored lament: not enough single submissive men.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/28/2011 5:04:10 PM

Iholdthestrings

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*scrolls up to make sure we're still in Ask A Mistress*

what's this, then?

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---------------------------
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(in reply to Chulain)

RE: My thoughts on why some sub men are still single - 1/28/2011 5:13:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iholdthestrings
*scrolls up to make sure we're still in Ask A Mistress*
what's this, then?

Good point (I hate when I have to say that) Kind of an odd proposition to put forth in a forum dedicated to seeking the insight of dominant women. What kind of special insight would they have as to why some submissive men are single?

(in reply to Iholdthestrings)

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