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ORIGINAL: SubmissiveSam88

regarding the beginning of this thread about subs being cheap, when I first got involved in the scene, I had just graduated, hence had no cash. I got into a relationship with a domme who was 5 years older and had more money then me, she wasn't rich by any means, but she had more. After a few months, she sent me a message saying I was getting on her nerves how much of a cheapskate I was, i.e splitting the cost of the meal at a diner, buying our own drinks at a bar etc. I was offended by this, but I still don't think I was a cheapskate, as I literally could not afford to pay for much for her. I was open with her and told her my situation, but still she called me this. I am British, and this was in NY, so do you think the different cultures played a part? I tried to use my creativity at times, but the fact that she called me a cheapskate pissed me off. How was I to avoid it, and what should I do in the future?

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To me, being cheap (having the money but being unwilling to spend it) is completely different from sincerely being unable to afford something. If I perceived a sub to be the former, he probably wouldn't last long with me.

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However you say this went on for a few months; I'm wondering, in that time, how much effort you were putting toward earning more money

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I would also have looked at how you were prioritizing your spending: were you always "broke," yet going out drinking with your friends every Friday? Eating out instead of cooking your own food? Spending a lot on cigarettes, clothes, non-essentials?

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saving a little cash every week to take her out after you'd saved up enough; and of course, communicating your desire to better yourself, and showing by example that you really mean it.

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy
The jingle for this tune is called: "Feminism when it works."

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ORIGINAL: naughtynick81
I have never ever seen a case where a woman was labelled as a cheapskate for not being willing to pay the man's way. Why the double standard?

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To me, being cheap (having the money but being unwilling to spend it) is completely different from sincerely being unable to afford something. If I perceived a sub to be the former, he probably wouldn't last long with me.

Why? It's his money, not yours, he can do what he wants with it regardless if he earns more than you. The senses of entitlement that dommes have towards a man's wallet around this scene never ceases to amaze me.

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However you say this went on for a few months; I'm wondering, in that time, how much effort you were putting toward earning more money

Would you ever say this towards a woman in the same shoes?

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I would also have looked at how you were prioritizing your spending: were you always "broke," yet going out drinking with your friends every Friday? Eating out instead of cooking your own food? Spending a lot on cigarettes, clothes, non-essentials?

Again, this is his money NOT YOURS, he can do what the hell he wants with it. As long as he's paying his own way when he meets up with a woman, what's the problem?

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saving a little cash every week to take her out after you'd saved up enough; and of course, communicating your desire to better yourself, and showing by example that you really mean it.

Why does this only apply to men?

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http://ezinearticles.com/?Relationship-Etiquette---Who-Pays-on-the-First-Date&id=1606413
You're out to dinner on a first date, and the server comes out with the check. He democratically places it perfectly between you and your date. The conversation continues, nervously, while your eyes occasionally glance at the bill. You're both wondering the same thing: "Who's going to pick up the tab?"She's thinking: "I'M not paying for it. The man should always pay!"He's thinking: "I'M not paying for it. Men always have to pay!"Meanwhile.....
The Server is thinking: SOMEONE is going to pay for it!So, who pays?This question cannot be answered in the absence of a brief background lesson from the Expert Aficionados. Mid-century mothers mostly taught their sons and daughters the age-old rule of thumb: "the man pays for everything." However, since then, much has evolved and subsequently, etiquette has evolved right along with it. In an age of increasing gender awareness and a growing sense of individual independence, the rule of thumb that "the man always pays" is almost as obsolete as the cassette tape and VHS.Remember, etiquette depends greatly on the situation. If the outing The good news is that one general principle can be applied for dates: the person who invites typically foots the bill. or date is informally suggested, such as, "Let's go out" then prepare to contribute to the bill in some way. So pay careful attention to verbal invitations; there is a difference between the statements, "I'd like to take you out" and "Let's go out."The best tip from the Etiquette Aficionados is to be mentally and financially prepared to pay for yourself and anyone else you bring when you go on a date or attend any function, especially if the arrangements for paying have not been discussed prior to the outing. Also, always have an ample amount of cash on hand. Though most venues accept plastic these days, there are still a few that only accept cash.For the ladies who strictly believe a man should always pay for the first date: If you find yourself in a situation where the man does not pay, do not make a scene. If you've adhered to our advice, you will already be prepared for this situation. Politely pay for your half of the bill, and take mental note. If he doesn't live up to this expectation, perhaps you don't want to see if he will live up to other expectations.