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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 12:40:29 PM   
SailingBum


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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Being a male submissive is probably the most difficult role in BDSM, especially in a largely het scene. On that level, I have nothing but respect for male submissives.

Problem is, as most female dominants will tell you, your average male submissive is an idiot. Which is why good male submissives are so treasured.

I have a number of close acquittances who are male submissives but as older readers of this board know, I prefer dommes...


Why do you label yourself as such???

BadOne


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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 1:18:37 PM   
diablarosa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Yes, pretty much.

I see submissive men in terms of pathology.  Testosterone gives men natural advantages.  It's our birthright and almost without exception uniquely distinguishes us from women.  Submissive men have effectively given up that birthright.  They've turned their back on the challenge of being a man and have given in to their fear and weakness.




How do you have contempt for people you don't know personally just based on what gives them peace or turns them on sexually or psychosexually? Maybe we hate what we fear or dont understand? I think it's odd to make generalizations without knowing the individuals personally. I know some pretty submissive doms out there... consider daddy doms. I also know some pretty domineering submissive men, too.

And believe it or not I've found submissive men to be less giving than the doms I know. Submissive men (often) have a clear agenda of what they want and how they want it. They usually get what they want by either paying for it or finding a dominant top. Submissive men control the show a lot of times, or think they can. I've booted more than one on the ass out the door.

Society says REAL men are not submissive and don't act submissive yet men in the military are so easily made to be submissive and subordinate to other men and women and they very much still look like men to me. Most men do submit to the pack leader, whether the leader is a female or a male. And most men when boys submit to their mothers who dominate most of the child rearing.

The only seemingly submissive men I know are men in vanilla relationships that happen to have wives who make all the major decisions.

(in reply to Awareness)
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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 1:20:21 PM   
leadership527


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Oops. You are correct and my apologies for the misquote. Obviously I got a little rambunctious cutting & pasting.

your comment was about how that statement made your head hurt.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Selectivelight)
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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 1:27:41 PM   
NocturnalStalker


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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

The bdsm thing on a whole attracts a pile of dysfunctional folks, lord knows, I am most likely one of them.

First ya got the sub males. Fucking pussies! Then ya gots yer domdudes that are completely unable to communicate with a woman on any level so they use the guise of Domship to get them some action. You have women that are so vile that they couldn't get laid in a leper colony, they become no limit slaves or dommes.

let alone all of the fuckers that have reached the shores of bdsm via the abuse cruiseline

you only can hope for the best to find someone that digs yo shit and is not going to rock the boat in a dire fashion.

I hate all of you, especially mother.


Fucking fucker fuck fuck.


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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 2:00:30 PM   
Arturas


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: Selectivelight
This is not true. Society teaches tolerance for that which is not natural. 

It's a gorean thing relying on notions of "natural order". I'd recommend ignoring it unless you're either gorean or believe in some other "natural order". Basically, either it's self-supporting in your own mind or it'll give you a headache thinking about it. Faith is like that.


I don't think I agree with much of what you said although I respect your right to be wrong. First, who does not believe in nature? Second, who does not think they are part of nature? Third, who does not believe nature has an uncompromising order? Therefore most everyone believes in the order of nature and those that don't should. A+B+C=D.

Finally, it is clear the the natural order is not just "a gorean thing" but is a "everybody thing".

_____________________________

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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 2:01:22 PM   
ArizonaBossMan


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Answer: Yes. Just keep them away from Me.

(in reply to Arturas)
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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 2:10:36 PM   
LaTigresse


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Fortunately my vision of natural order is not that of a few of the posters on here.

I've only met one straight, functioning man, in all my 48almost49 years that wasn't, to some degree, ruled more by his dick and the pursuit of pussy. Which naturally means.......just as in nature all around me.......the pussy rules.

Ohhhh, those chest thumping sorts would like to think otherwise and there are plenty of women that cater to them......but the reality I see all too clearly.

And no, while I am not interesting in a male s type......I have zero contempt for them. Based upon my own experience, the sincerely submissive men have much greater strength and courage. There are quite a few that I admire greatly.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/27/2011 2:13:14 PM >


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 2:42:43 PM   
sunshinemiss


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Hello NiceGuyNihilist

quote:

sunshinemiss,

You are not wrong to point out that I have selectively responded to the posters who've admitted to holding a certain view, but you are ludicrously wrong in your assessment of my motive.


Perhaps I am wrong, even ludicrously so, about your motive. But I asked about your motive. I did not make an assessment. I noticed your behavior and asked about it. Your words don't ring completely true to me. There is more to what one says - it is just as important what one doesn't say.

quote:

The avowed purpose of this thread, as stated in my OP, is to seek out those Doms who for whatever reason dislike male submission to females, and engage them in a civil dialogue.


In fact here is what you asked:

quote:

When you see a man allowing a woman to rule him, do you find yourself involuntarily shuddering in revulsion? Does the very concept of a submissive male fly against your ideals?
... do you have contempt for submissive males, and if so, why? I won't argue with you, however much I may disagree; for the purposes of this thread, I only want to see your point of view.


Since you did in fact ask a number of closed (yes/no) questions, it follows that you were wanting ALL comers of the dominant male variety to respond, regardless of their stance. That this was not accurate based on your further posts, was what prompted my own response.

quote:

At least consciously, I harbor no presupposition that such a sentiment is widespread--and indeed, my face-to-face interactions with the Doms in my vicinity largely suggests just the opposite. But that's irrelevant. What's relevant is that there are some Doms who are repulsed by male submission, and I want to know what makes them tick.


It's fair to say that there are a whole lot of other people that have that same pov. The part in red is the salient point to me. I deleted the word "subconciously" from my earlier post. Interesting that you are on a similar page.

quote:


Nowhere have I implied that I intend to draw even tentative conclusions about the pervasiveness of such viewpoints in the community at large.


Perhaps. You just happen to only want to hear the viewpoints of those that fit within a tiny niche from a small group of people. Nothing wrong with that. As I pointed out to ML, the question itself has merit. That you want only to hear from dominant men also is certainly understandable. It is the (what I view as) manipulative manner (mind you, I don't think it necessarily shows malicious intent), couched in an intellectual framework that gave me pause. You didn't in fact want to know what you stated you wanted to know.

quote:

As for your suggestion that I am trying to get my rocks off by seeking derogatory comments from male Doms--well, I'd shrug and tell myself not to sweat it because anyone with 14,000 posts on collarchat is bound to have a bit of a jaundiced eye, except that I don't believe anyone who's paid full attention to my words could reasonably draw that conclusion.


You're new here, so you don't know me from borscht. (I'm sweet as 3.14, didn't you know?) Or perhaps you've been in the rafters seeing people interact and you know my words well. Regardless, my number of posts are less the point here than my many years of studying human interactions. We often lie to ourselves - I've written about this on occasion. You stated in your OP that you would not argue. And yet you have. Did you think that I did not notice that when I suggested you were possibly looking to be humiliated? Hmm? When I realized there was more here than you merely seeking a "fruitfal dialogue"? Again, I noticed.

quote:

Did you read my post in response to 'awareness'? If you did, you should have noticed that I immediately offered a thoughtful challenge to his argument. That in itself does not prove that I am seeking a fruitful dialogue rather than a fruitful wank session, but I think it should have at least persuaded you to refrain from accusing me of being disingenuous until the thread had progressed a bit further.


It did nothing of the kind. One could view it as.... poking a stick at a bear who will then take another swipe at you. And you enjoy the thrill of the swipe. Do I think that is what you are doing? I don't know. You see, our motives are often hidden even to ourselves.

What I do know is that you have asked a number of questions - albeit interesting ones - and then proceeded to ignore the viewpoints of those who disagree with your narrow, unstated PRE-supposition. You have also done the thing you said you wouldn't - you have argued. While you may or may not be looking for wank fodder, not a negative in and of itself, there is to my eye clearly an underlying motivation that you've not in fact acknowledged. Do I believe I know what that is? No.

What I do care about, what I find intriguing, is the fact that there is an underlying motivation and that you are doing your darnedest to ignore it. That, the iceberg under the water, is what trips my personal trigger.

best,
sunshine



< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 4/27/2011 2:43:32 PM >


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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 3:23:07 PM   
crazyml


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Isn't it society that teaches us what is "natural" and what is not?


Also not true. Modern society cannot teach something is natural when that same thing does not occur in nature.


Bless you!



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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 3:34:52 PM   
Awareness


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quote:

ORIGINAL: diablarosa
How do you have contempt for people you don't know personally just based on what gives them peace or turns them on sexually or psychosexually? Maybe we hate what we fear or dont understand? I think it's odd to make generalizations without knowing the individuals personally. I know some pretty submissive doms out there... consider daddy doms. I also know some pretty domineering submissive men, too.
  Those people are merely confused and not grounded in reality.

Fact is, when people aren't waving the political correctness flag around, the reality is that life is hard.  Categorisation is a skill we all employ which gives us shortcuts to dealing with people and one simple categorisation is whether those people are potentially useful allies.  A guy whose weakness will let him submit to a woman is not a useful ally.  I find amusing the way in which Dommes and others attempt to reframe this as strength.

Unpalatable as it may seem, men - and indeed women - are always going to be judging their fellow human beings by criteria.  To pretend otherwise is a despicable lie.  Some men live and behave in ways they will consider aspirational.  Some men, they'll feel contempt for.  This is an inevitable consequence of actually having aspirations, beliefs and motivations.  There's an aspirational scale for manhood, on what men will consider fine and worthy of emulation.  While it's an individual thing, acting like a submissive male is not going to be near the top of that scale for a lot of men.

The rest of your post is largely irrelevant as you're simply arguing semantics.  Given the context of the discussion, that's somewhat asinine.


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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 3:43:00 PM   
crazyml


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But I'm guessing that you'd acknowledge that the categorisation shortcuts (that pretty much all of us use one way or another) aren't 100% reliable?

When you say..,

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
A guy whose weakness will let him submit to a woman is not a useful ally.


I'm assuming that you don't think this is true in 100% of cases (the sub in question might be your heart surgeon for example).

I'm just thinking of all those computer-club weenies I used to bully at school (who are now running VC firms...)


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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 4:44:52 PM   
leadership527


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I don't think I agree with much of what you said although I respect your right to be wrong.
Wonderful! I strongly believe it's everyone's god given right to be wrong.

First, who does not believe in nature?
Nobody that I know of.

Second, who does not think they are part of nature?
You apparently. That is, in fact, my big mystery in all the "natural order" thing. If I want to know about ants and their habits, then I look at what ants actually do. If I want to look at wolves and their habits, then I look at what wolves actually do. If I want to look at humans and their habits, then I look at what humans actually do. And in our case, what we naturally do is build great big complex and incredibly intricate societies. I don't think society is against the natural order. I think it IS the natural order. How can one think anything else without going to made up theoretical humans?

Third, who does not believe nature has an uncompromising order?
Well now that's a pretty damned vague statement. Do you mean an order of dominance? Well sort of yeah... But the idea that it is strongly gender linked and/or it's static doesn't conform with my observations of actual behavior, either human or otherwise. And, again, I try to make sure my theoretical hypothesis actually line up with the real world experimental data.

Finally, it is clear the the natural order is not just "a gorean thing" but is a "everybody thing".
I disagree. As I noted above, I have no such concept that might be profitably applied to men and women. In fact, I find all such statements to fly in the face of all observational data. Even more interestingly, they typically rely on that time-honored tradition of ignoring any data which doesn't support the preconceived conclusion -- in this case tossing out the entirety of humanity and all of our works as "not-natural" for no particular reason. Tossing out the entire sample set seems... well... a bit risky when forming conclusions.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Arturas)
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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 4:48:22 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
I'm just thinking of all those computer-club weenies I used to bully at school (who are now running VC firms...)

Or, since this is BDSM-land where machismo runs amok I can drag out a more testosterone laden example. I happen to know one guy who is sub and special forces. His squad seems to think he's an adequate ally.

But honestly, arguing with "awareness" is a lost cause. Even more interesting to me is someone who equates submission with weakness. I sure am glad I don't do that or I'd be busy trying to fix Carol. If submission = weakness then why would anyone want a sub? Who deliberately includes weakness in their lives? Why? That's got a pretty strong whiff of "personal weakness" in and of itself to me.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 5:04:37 PM   
Awareness


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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
I'm assuming that you don't think this is true in 100% of cases (the sub in question might be your heart surgeon for example).
  Judgment calls are based on character attributes not specialised knowledge.  C'mon dude, this isn't rocket science.

quote:

I'm just thinking of all those computer-club weenies I used to bully at school (who are now running VC firms...)
  Socially inept doesn't imply submissive, sometimes it's merely self-absorption and extreme introversion.

If they're running VC companies now you can pretty much bet their character has changed.  Unless you think you can run a company by asking nicely for shit to be done.


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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 5:07:42 PM   
Awareness


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  What a fascinatingly feminine way to behave.

One of the distinctions between men and women is that men will tend to go head to head and confront each other directly.

Women, however will gossip about a man to other women, but do so in a way which ensures he's aware of it.  Kind of like what you just did with that set of comments.

Mind you, I'm hardly going to take the opinions of a service top seriously, so I think you'll be disappointed with the result.


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Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 5:26:14 PM   
NocturnalStalker


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
I'm just thinking of all those computer-club weenies I used to bully at school (who are now running VC firms...)

Or, since this is BDSM-land where machismo runs amok I can drag out a more testosterone laden example. I happen to know one guy who is sub and special forces. His squad seems to think he's an adequate ally.

But honestly, arguing with "awareness" is a lost cause. Even more interesting to me is someone who equates submission with weakness. I sure am glad I don't do that or I'd be busy trying to fix Carol. If submission = weakness then why would anyone want a sub? Who deliberately includes weakness in their lives? Why? That's got a pretty strong whiff of "personal weakness" in and of itself to me.


Why is it a lost cause?  I'm genuinely interested.  Personally i find a lot of his posts to hold merit in comparison to most of the silliness you read here which is enough to make your eyes roll so much they'll become stuck.


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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 7:21:19 PM   
Hisprettybaby


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~FR~
I've read the entire thread and, granted, I am neither male or Dominant, but I will answer because I can. I know many fine male submissives and, for that matter, several female Dominants....neither of which I find abnormal or "against nature" even though I'm in a male Dominant/female submissive relationship. I don't believe in a "natural order" as certain traditions represented in this thread do. They believe what they want and that's okay for them, but I disagree. Nature and everything about it is always evolving and changing.....there is no natural order set in stone re: male and female roles. I respect male submissives because they have the guts to be who they really are. Being a submissive does not mean a man is weak, there are plenty of he-man types who are also submissives, just most people don't know they are. To say male submissive = weak man is just silly and smacks of stereotyping. Stereotyping is normally used by someone who wants to feel "better than," when oftentimes they're not.

~Hisprettybaby~

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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 7:25:04 PM   
Hisprettybaby


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
One of the distinctions between men and women is that men will tend to go head to head and confront each other directly.

Women, however will gossip about a man to other women, but do so in a way which ensures he's aware of it.

I find that statement insulting. I will confront someone directly and do my best to avoid gossip. Gossiping instead of confronting directly solves nothing and seems very passive-aggressive to me.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 9:10:13 PM   
juliaoceania


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fast reply:

I do not know many male submissive, only met maybe one or two in real life at a munch, so my opinion is based upon much of what I have read here.

I think male submissives have it much harder than the female variety, not only because of the ratio of subs to female dominants, but because many people prejudge submissiveness to be a female trait. Also, if a female is a bottom, she can find someone to satisfy that sexual need, whereas men as derided for wanting to bottom and not "submit".

I do not think less of submissive men. I am just glad I am not one.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 4/27/2011 9:23:41 PM   
aromanholiday


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
If submission = weakness then why would anyone want a sub?


Weakness can be used and the weak, more often than not, wish to be used. This is the root of the intensely strong and mutually gratifying symbiotic relationship we so often hear spoken of in regards to masters and slaves. Weakness combined with a knowledge of one's weakness often makes one a very agreeable person to be around. Weakness doesn't mean lacking in any redeemable qualities. In the right target, it's quite attractive. The weak come with talents, skills, abilities, brains, even charming personalities, all of which can be easily accessed and channeled by the stronger personality in the direction he wishes them to move in...and the weak don't fight this process, in fact, they frequently welcome it with open arms. This may not be personally attractive to you, but I think it's more than enough to be attractive to a certain type of personality.


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