aromanholiday
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Joined: 4/12/2011
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quote:
ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I am sure she is not the only sub/slave deprived of simple pleasures because the dom ordered it. I do not know how many different doms I have read on this board that say things like "This is not a democracy" "I make the decision" "My way or the highway" "Don't let the door hit ya in the ass"... etc etc etc. It can give the impression that this is the way life is for us S-types, and I'm sure it is for some of us...
It comes down to treating people like human beings, giving your partner respect... a general sense of fairness. When I was raising a wee one, I thought of what he would enjoy, I considered his feelings, I wanted him to feel happy.... I thought that if he did the things required of him he had earned treats and special consideration of things like a beloved television show, or maybe a friend spend the night. It didn't make me less of an authority figure to give him a little reward now and again.
No, no one said life was fair, but that does not mean we should buy into our relationships being inherently unfair.
Unless, of course, we find such unfairness hotter than fuck. :)
I see little if any contradiction between an authority figure who gives someone a little reward now and then and a dominant who declares "I make the decision" or "This is not a democracy" (and by the way, I can't count the number of times I've heard parents, including my own, say that last "dominant declaration" to their children). If you give someone a little reward "now and then" it suggests that at other times you are not not rewarding them constantly or letting them reward themselves constantly: in other words, you've got control of the rewards. That sounds like the reality of most parent/child relationships, and it's done for a practical reason: children lack discrimination, judgement, and experience not to overdose if given total freedom. They sicken themselves by eating too many sweets, spend thousands of dollars online if you give them a credit card, play computer games all night long on weeknights if you don't pull the plug, etc. Adults, on the other hand, who like living in relationships where there are power and control extremes take simple, perverse enjoyment in one person controlling the rewards (and the punishments) of the other person. But in both sorts of relationships (parent/child and master/slave) one person is controlling, dolling out, curtailing the "simple pleasures" of the other for a specific purpose and with a certain goal in mind.
One could also argue that for some adults there is deep reward (of another sort) and learning involved in being derived of simple pleasures, or occasionally rewarded/surprised with them, totally at the whim of another.
I find it odd that so many criticize and question a master's training of his slave (I know, she asked for sympathy). But still, where is your respect for the relationship? She freely chose to serve under his authority and it seems clear that for the large part, she flourishes under it, so shouldn't more of us, instead of calling foul, be reminding her of her commitment and the importance of being responsible for one's decisions and their outcomes? It becomes clearer and clearer to me that the more extreme one's relationship is, the more it must be kept hidden from the common critics and the "you are being deeply abused if you, as the slave can't do whatever you want whenever you want it!" naysayers (Julia I am not naming you thus, I'm referring to the general tenor of the thread and just used your post as a springboard) or, if referred to at all, done so most obliquely.
From an earlier post:
quote:
It would be hard to live even a slave life so disconnected from the world.
And while I like shows about construction on occasion (it feeds my inner tomboy that rarely gets out), if that was all I got to watch I would be a very unhappy camper. Especially if I worked many hours each day away from the nest.
Once again, I see contradiction in these two statements. This was a reply to resident sadist, whom you quoted saying that the OP gets to watch "his TV shows about construction, machinery and the military." That is far from being "so disconnected from the world." Those sorts of shows, once could argue, are far more connected to the actual reality of the world than drams, comedies, or staged reality farces. They are extremely educational, in fact. What she's being denied, I would think is further disconnection from the way things actually are that television fictions promote. And perhaps there is good reason for that.
My former master did something like this to me on a small scale. When I came to him I was addicted to reading fashion magazines. He noticed this particular addiction was making me unhappy because I was constantly comparing myself to near-physically-perfect models and feeling bad because of how far I was from that ideal. So he told me I couldn't read them anymore. This order lasted for well over a decade and, while it chaffed and was hard at the beginning, I became a much happier person because of it. Who's to say what ownedfemaleflesh will say about television ten years hence? Anything that you are addicted to (I've just got to watch my shows!) means something that you favor over your master. While this isn't a big deal in most dominant/submissive relationships, it can be in master/slave relationships where the expectation is the slave will put the master's pleasure and desire above all other desires or cravings. When you learn, whether through another's help or on your own, to free yourself from addictions, you have so much more you can offer someone who expects and demands utter loyalty and devotion.
Ok, I've rambled enough. I just wanted to present another perspective on this whole business and re-assert the idea that different types of relationships have very different goals.
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"Isn't it odd how we misunderstand the hidden unity of kindness and cruelty?"
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