Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread)

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread)

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:03:08 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

<Slips into her Jr. philosopher’s robes>
These thoughts came to me while I was responding to Focus50’s doggie style thread.

I've noticed reading on here that a lot of men seem to focus on individual sex acts or positions as being dominant or submissive in and of themselves, while I find the women do not. I find women are more focused on the motivation behind the act, rather than the act itself. What I’m thinking is that this difference is a very fundamental one: male dominance is physically based and female dominance is mentally based. Now I’m sure this isn’t the case always or for all people, but there is enough evidence on these boards to make this a valid starting point for a discussion.

I think this may be because as a rule, men are larger and stronger than women, and more physically able to dominate their partner, while Dommes are often the smaller and physically weaker of the pair, so their dominance has to be rooted in the mind of the submissive to a much bigger degree. Now I’m not saying that there is no mental part to male dominance, just that it is focused on the physical aspect to a much greater degree.

Take for example rimjobs. I'm pretty sure most would consider this a very submissive act, and few would consider it dominant in any way (if they'd even consider doing it), and I agree, when I do it, I am put into a very submissive headspace. To her it is a very dominant thing to do, to have me do it to her. But it works the other way around too, when I am flipped over and tongued just because she wants to, well I feel very submissive, and quite dirty for "allowing" it. So, from this, its clear that the same act can be both dominant and submissive, it depends on the reason for the act and how it is done.

What do the rest of you think?

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:21:01 AM

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/27/2011
Status: offline

Well, first off, women are not always the physically weaker of the two, just wanted that clear.

I have a [male] friend who very much believes that certain positions are dominant. I don't really agree, but at the same time, there are certain positions that I'd never submit to trying - so maybe that's what he means.

For me, I view submissive as a personality trait. This is different than just forcing anyone to submit, this is someone that tends to submit on their own (or could just be apathy to things being done to them). It's a mindset before it's anything physical.

The submissive often has some mental rational, like a desire to be part of something greater, or just desires without motivation. The dominant fulfills these desires by being that person with a goal, a person of action, the tip of a large movement.

Dominant is also a personality trait. It isn't always the desire the bend things to their will, it could also be a belief that everything exists to serve them, knowingly or not. Arrogance, certainly, but it's this confident arrogance that attracts the submissive.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on this subject. Agree or disagree, I'm not really going to change my mind... I am content in this belief.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:28:06 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

I think this has to do with the difference in the mindset between men and women, in general, because I've also heard of gay men considering a certain act dominant or submissive. In the case of two gay men, there's no guarantee that the submissive partner will be physically smaller or weaker than the dominant one. The overwhelming majority of women I've heard from don't consider any act inherently one or the other, no matter what their sexual orientation or whether they're dominanting a man or a woman. There seems to be something inherent in the mindset of quite a few men that ascribes orientations to acts. I suspect it's social conditioning more than anything.

I have more thoughts about this, but they're very jumbled and nebulous right now. I'll have to take some time to process and come back later.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:30:56 AM

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline

Hi Heather, nice topic choice

I agree with you to a point. I agree that men's dominance may have a more physical element to it, I'm not sure that I agree that it's because of of their strength. I wonder how much of that stems from the fact that men are more visually stimulated than women and therefore, the sight of a particular act or position actually turns on the mental side of their dominance. For me at least, I don't look at the physical strength of a partner because it's all about the mental. If a Dom can't turn on my mental submissiveness, then I don't care if they can pick up a loaded F-250, there is no way I could submit to them. I'm not sure if that makes any sense to you, but I can't figure out another way to word it.

quote:

Take for example rimjobs. I'm pretty sure most would consider this a very submissive act, and few would consider it dominant in any way (if they'd even consider doing it), and I agree, when I do it, I am put into a very submissive headspace. To her it is a very dominant thing to do, to have me do it to her. But it works the other way around too, when I am flipped over and tongued just because she wants to, well I feel very submissive, and quite dirty for "allowing" it. So, from this, its clear that the same act can be both dominant and submissive, it depends on the reason for the act and how it is done.

I agree that alot of times the same act can be both dominant and submissive. Another point in favor of mental versus physical, if a Dom/Domme can make you enter the proper headspace, they can accomplish much more than just using physical dominance.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:31:37 AM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Good first thread!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:33:26 AM

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

What I’m thinking is that this difference is a very fundamental one: male dominance is physically based and female dominance is mentally based.

What do the rest of you think?

I don't find that to be accurate... as a "fundamental difference", that is. Rather, I believe you've simply been witness to the typical HNGs, which greatly outnumber actual Doms/Masters -- who very well know the mental/emotional aspects are key.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:34:25 AM

Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

i have been fortunate enough to have been dominated by both male and female dominants. i agreed with Contentment that some females are pretty darn powerful physically. But i would have to agree that in my experiences, female are definitely more into verbal domination and males more into physical domination. And despite the fact that i am a gay sub, i want my experiences to be more about physiacl than verbal control

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:34:37 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

Thanks for replying.

So I gather that you don't see any basic difference between the way domination is practiced by men and women?

Before anybody points it out, I know I'm generalizing, but its a valid one because there are trends displayed in the posts on these boards

(in reply to Contentment)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:34:59 AM

Posts: 11894
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

What I’m thinking is that this difference is a very fundamental one: male dominance is physically based and female dominance is mentally based.

What do the rest of you think?

I don't find that to be accurate... as a "fundamental difference", that is. Rather, I believe you've simply been witness to the typical HNGs, which greatly outnumber actual Doms/Masters -- who very well know the mental/emotional aspects are key.

This

_____________________________

Hear the lark
and harken
to the barking of the dogfox,
gone to ground.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:37:53 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

I have more thoughts about this, but they're very jumbled and nebulous right now. I'll have to take some time to process and come back later.

Thank you for your input so far, and I look forward to the rest.

That's a good point about gay men. I hadn't considered it, thanks. I'm not sure I see how social conditioning would affect it, I hope you elaborate on that idea.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:41:55 AM

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

You might say its a hormonal thing. Testosterone in men definitely drives physical desires. Not just sexual, but more including being the Alpha dog, being the leader, being the Master. Most males are taught in life to compete with others. In the work place, in sports, keeping the lawn better trimmed than the neighbors. And first the most part women are attracted to the physical male. That's why the captain of the football team has a harem of girls wanting to date him. The geeky scientist, head of the chess club, does not have that harem of girls. I am greatly generalizing but you get the point.

Though I do somewhat disagree with your POV. I see it more as mental and physical combined for men. I have played on both sides of the fence and for me the tactile very much feeds the mental and vise versa.

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:42:09 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

If a Dom can't turn on my mental submissiveness, then I don't care if they can pick up a loaded F-250, there is no way I could submit to them. I'm not sure if that makes any sense to you, but I can't figure out another way to word it.

That makes perfect sense, I think submission is VERY mental, but the question really was about dominance (I'll do a submission one later maybe). I considered the visual orientation thing, but didn't think it fit, because I don't really buy that women aren't equally visual. At least in my limited experience they aren't.

(in reply to sirssubk2008)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:45:27 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

who very well know the mental/emotional aspects are key.

OK, I think I may not have made myself clear. What I meant to get at was not that men don't dominate mentally, but that to them, the physical aspect is the primary motivator. I think its sort of a given that any worthwhile dominant of any genderwould know that they have to get into a submissive's head to really dominate them.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:47:01 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Yes, my experience has been that men being visually oriented do love to see images of their Dominance. Not to say women don't care for that, but it doesn't seem to be as pronounced as it is for men. It seems to me that males tend to focus on particular acts or details, while females tend to focus on their partner and the emotions he/she evokes in them. Of course there are exceptions. The divide between the sexes tends to cause some angst in the people who don't get that it's there. Men will pronounce FAKE because they weren't successful in getting what they want, women bemoan the lack of REAL men who make them feel all woozy.

For instance...when I want to make points with my guy I take pictures of myself and send them to him. Mission accomplished, he loves it. Every once in a while if he wants to give me something, he'll write me something mushy. It works. What matters I think is that we have each other's numbers so to speak as far as gender/personal differences and know that we need different things to swoon over.

As far as the physical dominance goes, my relationship doesn't really have that element to it...he's a small man, I outweigh him by a good bit and while he's stronger, it's not by a huge amount seeing as how I'm a gym rat. He seems to like the fact that I can keep up with him fairly well in our physical activities, and it doesn't seem to bother him at all that I'm not too far behind him in strength. He kind of likes the hey look at my girl, she's awesome and she can kick your butt, kind of thing. It doesn't seem to occur to him that I'm not too far off from his level. I kick butt in other areas- school, games, activities- and he is one proud man even if it outdoes him in the process. I'm not sure how that all fits in, maybe we're just weird.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:48:01 AM

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline

i don't know if the theory holds true, but i can say this: i do scenes with Someone, and then afterwards he has me email Him to say what i liked, what i didn't like, etc. recently one of my comments to Him was: i like it when You talk to me during the scene. It's so hot when You talk to me. They say that women tend to be more verbal. Maybe that's the difference. But i have to say, that mental stuff really turns me on. Too bad i'm not a lesbian.

pam

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:50:45 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

I see it more as mental and physical combined for men. I have played on both sides of the fence and for me the tactile very much feeds the mental and vise versa.

I'm pretty sure that the Dommes would agree with you that its both mental and physical for them as well. I guess I should have thought out my OP a little better. It seems some people are a little confused by what I was getting at, and in trying to clarify, I find I am as well.

Lets try this. for men it is physical/mental, for women it is mental/physical. Does that make sense?

(in reply to mummyman321)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:53:21 AM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

I see it more as mental and physical combined for men.

I suspect that that's what will come out of this thread, Heather - you'll get a lot of women saying 'yes, I think you're right', and a lot of men either outright disagreeing with your perception of them or being somewhere in the middle ground, like mummyman.

I also think you're looking at board dynamics as representative of the whole of BDSM in a way that's not quite accurate. The CM boards are definitely skewed to some 'flavours' of relationship over others. I reckon that if you looked on a board that favoured casual players more (like informedconsent, for example) then you'd have a different impression of the differences between male and female domination.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to mummyman321)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:54:02 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

It seems to me that males tend to focus on particular acts or details, while females tend to focus on their partner and the emotions he/she evokes in them.

That sums up my thinking pretty well lizi. Thanks

I was wondering why this seems to be the case.

(in reply to lizi)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:57:55 AM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I am not sure if there is a scientific difference, overall, but a strong perception exists that there is a difference. Sub women have told me many many times that I have a female style of domination, and I tend to attract women who enjoy having a "male girlfriend' they can talk to about issues, but who will still mark them in the bedroom. Here on Collarchat, I find the Mistress board hilarious, and the Master board boring as hell.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread) - 5/28/2011 11:59:31 AM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

That's why the captain of the football team has a harem of girls wanting to date him. The geeky scientist, head of the chess club, does not have that harem of girls. I am greatly generalizing but you get the point.

Thank heavens for that, I always found the jocks full of themselves, in general (with few exceptions) really really boring because all they want is to be admired and think women are their "due", the geeky guys tend to be the ones who you can have great conversations with, a fun time and they do their best to please a girl, because they don't think girls are their dues... I always preferred brains over brans...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to mummyman321)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Male vs. Female Dominance (My 1st thread)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.086