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Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 10:46:57 PM

Punkt

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Joined: 6/11/2011
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When you text "It is so hot and I forgot my water at home." to your Master, do you expect him to understand that you would like to buy some drink?

After you texted that, what if he didn't reply you back, what would you think?

Would you think that he is not concerned about your needs even though you didn't ask him to buy a drink?

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 10:49:31 PM

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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Im expecting that he desires an intelligent slave... one intelligent enough to know when to hydrate properly while away, and deal with any punishment that may come along later for forgetting. (the punishment part isnt part of our dynamic )

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Punkt)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 10:52:50 PM

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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This is kind of an odd list of questions, but I'll have a go at it...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Punkt

When you text "It is so hot and I forgot my water at home." to your Master, do you expect him to understand that you would like to buy some drink?

We don't text often, but any time we communicate, we communicate clearly. So my telling him I left my water at home would simply be informative. If I wanted to go get a drink, I'd tell him that. If I needed permission to stop and get a drink, I'd say "I left my water at home and I'm hot - may I pick up a drink on the way?" or something like that. If I didn't need permission, I'd simply tell him I forgot my water so I'm picking one up.

quote:

After you texted that, what if he didn't reply you back, what would you think?

There's no real response to the text you sent. Ok, you forgot your water. So I figure he either didn't feel like typing "OK" or that he didn't receive the text. If I said I was getting a water and he didn't reply, I'd assume it was OK with him, or he didn't get the text. But I'd probably call and tell him instead of text, because that's what we do.

quote:

Would you think that he is not concerned about your needs even though you didn't ask him to buy a drink?

No. His overall big picture treatment of me tells me how concerned he is about my needs, not whether or not he responds to a text about being hot.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Punkt)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:05:29 PM

Punkt

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2011
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That is the thing. Maybe I didn't get the message. How come you think you have the right to think that I am not responsive to your needs? And as you said, I would type "OK" or not reply at all.
If you want or need something, ask for it.

Thank you tazzygirl for your reply too.

P.S.: I am not with that slave with anymore, just registered to the forum recently, and wanted to ask this to other slaves.

P.S. 2: From the two replies, I can see that there is a confusion. I was the Master in that situation who didn't reply back.

< Message edited by Punkt -- 6/20/2011 11:06:12 PM >

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:13:07 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

Your slave had to have your permission to get a drink? He/she had to text you for permission?

(in reply to Punkt)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:14:43 PM

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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From what you asked, that would be my thinking. If I texted him, and we text often, I would not wait for his response. I would have already bought something to drink and he would have thought it typical that I forgot something.

The man ( the one in my life) often doesnt get a few of my texts during the day so I find I may have to repeat a text. Its not a perfect system. We both understand and recognize that.

If you didnt answer me, I would think... A) You are busy. B) you didnt get it and repeat. C) its not worthy of your response.

Was it your dynamic that she could not spend money without your approval?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Punkt)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:17:39 PM

Punkt

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2011
Status: offline

She could have a drink. She needed permission to spend money (with some exceptions). If we were both in the house, she had to ask to have a drink (not water).

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:18:32 PM

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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So you didnt respond. Then what happened? Your post isnt very clear.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Punkt)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:18:59 PM

Punkt

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2011
Status: offline

Except certain things, she had to ask for permission to spend money or to buy something.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:24:17 PM

Punkt

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2011
Status: offline

When I came home, she talked about it, and she told me that she needed some drink. And I told her that she didn't ask for it. She already knowed that I reply her text or e-mails (sometimes e-mail is better on the phone) when I want to.
I wanted to know if there are other slaves out there confusing informing and asking. And also, I wanted to know is there a needing or wanting a drink tone in that text (Because I didn't realize any. It was just informing message to me. Just like she was informing me when she was going to take a shower or doing her homework or other things).

< Message edited by Punkt -- 6/20/2011 11:27:45 PM >

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:28:56 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

OK, well in that case, she didn't ask, did she?

<Is so glad Hanners found me.>

(in reply to Punkt)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:30:56 PM

Punkt

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2011
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She didn't. That is all my point.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:31:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Punkt
How come you think you have the right to think that I am not responsive to your needs?

Where did I say you were not responsive to her needs?

But in my dynamic, I have the right to think what I want. And then I tell him what I think and we talk about it.

quote:

P.S. 2: From the two replies, I can see that there is a confusion. I was the Master in that situation who didn't reply back.

Apparently you contributed to that confusion, yes?

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Punkt)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:31:38 PM

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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She told you it was hot. Thats the problem with your dynamic, in my opinion... having to ask for everything. Im sure you enjoy micromanaging. But it is time consuming, and requires some more thought on the part of the Dominant.

In my way of thinking... hot day + nothing to drink = bad health potential for a slave. Is this not supposed to be your area of concern?

Im not accusing. But I do think you both had a bad day of communication.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Punkt)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:35:15 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

~FR~

The way my household rules are set up, a slave wouldn't need to ask permission to spend money for water. They are written so that slaves have blanket permission to acquire necessary items such as food/drink, gasoline, and toiletry items. I don't have the time or desire to micromanage on that level. Only large ticket items or those that are not necessities, such as new clothes or leisure activities, require my permission.

That being said, if I received such text, I would ask if there was a convenience store or some other place to get water and if s/he had money on hand to buy it. This would be the only logical response to a statement such as that one. If I can't trust the slave to protect my property, including maintaining good health and nutrition without running to me for every little thing, then the slave isn't sufficiently intelligent and/or is too needy and we aren't going to be a good fit.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Punkt)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:35:41 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Hi Punkt..

First, welcome to collarme. I don't know how much experience you have with submissives, but sometimes it is very hard for those of us with a submissive mindset to ask for things. If she were fairly new in her discovery of submission, she might feel too unsure of her status with you to actually ask for what she needs and it's common that we, as new submissives, spend some time in one dimensional mode before re-embracing our complex and complete selves.

It's something in the past though, so I wouldn't spend too much time on it. You are not a mind reader, you will never be a mind reader.. but what you can do if confronted with that sort of situation in the future.. is not wait for someone to ask.. but, instead, ask them. Would it have been so hard to write her back, ask if she would like to buy a water.. and if she said yes, then send her back a command to ask for what she wants?

No wrong or right way, here.. just pointing out what her thinking might have been at that time. If she was unrealistic in her expectation of you, then she may indeed put you into some sort of All Knowing God mode to know her thoughts and needs better than she, herself knew them. It happens.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Punkt)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:37:35 PM

Punkt

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
Where did I say you were not responsive to her needs?

Not you, her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
But in my dynamic, I have the right to think what I want. And then I tell him what I think and we talk about it.

That is what we were doing, talking about her thoughts.
Just she didn't ask me anything, and wanted me to understand her thoughts from an informative text message.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:42:49 PM

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Joined: 8/5/2008
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Your communication on this thread is a bit unclear. As someone on the submission side of a relationship equation, that would lead to problems for me.

To be clear, your post said, "How come you think you have the right to think that I am not responsive to your needs?" which made me think you were speaking of me in that sentence.

You also asked why I'd think I had the right to think something, but when I said I had the right to think anything, and then we'd talk about it, you said you talked about it, too. Did she have the right to think? Or not...? I'm confused just in our short exchange. I don't mean this to be critical, but unclear communication is going to create problems going forward.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Punkt)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:47:47 PM

Punkt

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

She told you it was hot. Thats the problem with your dynamic, in my opinion... having to ask for everything. Im sure you enjoy micromanaging. But it is time consuming, and requires some more thought on the part of the Dominant.

In my way of thinking... hot day + nothing to drink = bad health potential for a slave. Is this not supposed to be your area of concern?

Im not accusing. But I do think you both had a bad day of communication.

Our dynamic didn't start like that. It turned into that after her spending all her money outside without thinking the next 3 weeks or not keeping any savings. Walking in a restaurant, paying $20 for her food, and her not eating %75 of the food every time, turned the dynamic into that. When she got penniless after the first week, she was suffering. All these permissions were to teach her how to save money and how to spend money. Instead of buying the same item for $10, to buy it for $2 for example. I didn't want to micromanage. It had to be like that so that she would have some savings instead being penniless 3 weeks of the months. And about the drinks, I didn't want to see her drinking like 3 liters of soda. That is why she had to ask. So, all these permissions were out of concern.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Informing and Asking - 6/20/2011 11:53:25 PM

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Did you want her to beg?

Im really confused here.

You didnt get the text message. That I can understand. Sometimes they dont work right.

So, lets say the towers were out and she couldnt ask. Did you have a contingency plan for that?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Punkt)

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