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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 9:50:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

My single child here is 22 and out of work. I let her boyfriend live here because she would stay with him out on the street homeless selling blood for money if I had not and I love my daughter.

You love her, but you don't love her enough. How's that for judgmental? She'll never stand on her own two feet as long as you keep carrying her. If she lives in your house, she cleans it, in exchange for rent.

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(in reply to Arturas)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 9:53:33 AM

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Tammy chose this ass for a reason. Apparently she finds asses to be hot. That's fine.

But her children didn't choose him. They were saddled with a man who has made no bones about his dislike about their sheer existence.

Tammy, by ignoring this, has been a failure of a mother. Talk to any child psychologist and she'll hear the truth. That she is destroying them, which includes driving them into depression where they can't do chores or homework because they are overwhelmed by not being wanted. And no matter how much she claims to love them, her actions prove to them that the exact opposite is true or she wouldn't be doing this to them.

I strongly suggest she gets some help for them before they start self medicating the emotional pain with alcohol, drugs and sex. If they haven't already.

And is she isn't prepared to be a decent mother, please see if either set of grandparents would assume parental rights. Because they deserve a thousand times better than they're getting.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 10:01:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I do find it a bit sad that your master has moved kids into his household and does not want the responsibility of sharing in their parenting, but as you say, he is very busy.

Best wishes-

I am re-thinking what I said earlier: I think it sounds like he knows he unable to parent them and in that case he is making a wise decision to give that a wide berth.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 10:05:14 AM

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Harsh, Celeste..

but I pretty much agree.

My mom told me at one point that if I had had a child, she would have sued for (and would have undoubtedly been granted) custody of any child I produced. I would have been an unfit mother. and that was BEFORE I attached myself to someone that so blatantly made it clear they didnt want any part of raising any child that wasnt his. Let alone one that was not actively participating in the raising of his OWN blood kids.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 10:17:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I do find it a bit sad that your master has moved kids into his household and does not want the responsibility of sharing in their parenting, but as you say, he is very busy.

Best wishes-

I am re-thinking what I said earlier: I think it sounds like he knows he unable to parent them and in that case he is making a wise decision to give that a wide berth.

No. For their sake a wide berth would have been not to get involved with their mother. Allowing them to live there on sufferance is neither kind nor wise. It is cruel and heartless.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 10:29:05 AM

Rule

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm
Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

Limit your diet to plain yoghurt (between 2 to 4 liters per day), plain vitamin C tablets and potatoes and a tiny bit of meat. Avoid healthy foods, such as fruits and vegetables. Avoid all candy. Avoid alcohol. Make long walks if possible in order to burn sugars.

When the pain disappears or reduces after say two weeks, let me know.

(in reply to tammystarm)

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:03:30 AM

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I didn't mean for this to turn out this way. I may not be the perfect mom but my kids are my soul. Art does adore my kids...but I was trying to keep him out of this. He has his chores I have mine. My kids adore art he is great with them but sure he gets frustrated with the mess. This wasn't a joke this was a serious plea for help. Sometimes the most obvious things elude us. Anyway I appreciate the positive constructed.criticism. typing on my phone so tons of errors.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:05:03 AM

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PS my phone is stuck on arts profile sorry this and above message came from me tammy

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:09:50 AM

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PS other than being spoiled brats whom I cherish they make A's and B's. We have family movie night etc. How this turned out to be detrimental to my kids other than the chores thing ill never know. Again Tammy on cell phone which is stuck on arts. Profile.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:11:13 AM

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What were you expecting from us, Tammy, a chorus of "oh, you poor thing!"? We all have our lives, and our struggles, and while I think these boards are a good place for an understanding ear, I know that none of my friends would hesitate to tell me to check myself if I started a whinefest and only expected sympathy.

I hope you can redirect your life, Tammy, you are a good hearted person I believe, and you and your kids deserve a good life. No one can make that happen unless you get the ball rolling in the right direction.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:19:28 AM

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That was all I asked for ladyhib was suggestions and an unbiased ear. No I got myself onto this mess so I'm not looking for a pity train.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:26:02 AM

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There got logged off of his and on to mine

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:27:03 AM

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Tammy, trust me, my reply was VERY unbiased. I answered from a place independent of all your's and Artie's dumbassery in the past.

It's no secret I have no respect for either of you. I can still give an opinion on a specific situation without the other shit affecting it.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:30:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm
Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

Limit your diet to plain yoghurt (between 2 to 4 liters per day), plain vitamin C tablets and potatoes and a tiny bit of meat. Avoid healthy foods, such as fruits and vegetables. Avoid all candy. Avoid alcohol. Make long walks if possible in order to burn sugars.

When the pain disappears or reduces after say two weeks, let me know.

[/quote
Never heard of that diet. Rather that then meds.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:32:49 AM

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Expecting an unbiased ear is I think a faulty base considering the history here. Taking short cuts in parenting and being less accountable because of life pain or experience hardly ever turns out well. You can firmly set the rules and expect things to change. If they do not and the children are actually acting out, they may need some help in this.

If your health has changed and many other life situations have changed, the kids maybe have some issues with it all. One, daddy is gone.. two another man is there in his place... other people to live with and MOM is ill and changing. That is a lot for any age child or for that matter an adult. It is time to figure out if this is typical parenting or age related stuff or an actual problem in dealing with all that is going on.

You cannot hide your illness... so speak honestly and openly with them. Set the boundaries and expectations... but also minister to the loss, fear and situation. They aren't stupid, they feel it all. Stress is going to make you sicker. Not holding yourself accountable and taking the victim route around what's going on or excusing what seems to be a few things, will only serve to complicate it all more.

Evaluate their emotional state and then set out to right the wrong style of parenting which allowed for excuses, lack of compliance and chaos. It is up to you, no matter what is going on... to adjust to your illness.. help them adjust to your illness and make it work. Hold yourself accountable for the right things. I am sorry you are ill and I know it well... but, there may come times when you are ill and something must give. What cannot give is parenting needs. What can give is the standard of having such high standards of keeping everything neat. You don't have to have a god awful mess... but you can relax a little. There is a lot going on.. too much for a message board consultation and resolution... but start with the emotional needs.. communication and accountability on all fronts without harshness or unreasonable expectations.

It is time to get down to basic's.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:40:20 AM

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Agrees the kids know everything about my illness I had no choice but to let them in. Its been hard to move in here for them withnew
Rulesetc. But if anything they know they can come to me and they do. If I'm in bed they come in and hang out with me. They are just spoiled and I've let it go for so long from my own guilt that they resent the new rules and pushing everyone to their limits.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:42:31 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tammy as Arturas

That was all I asked for ladyhib was suggestions and an unbiased ear. No I got myself onto this mess so I'm not looking for a pity train.

Tammy - I had no bias at all when I entered this thread but am beginning to develop some due to your lack of enthusiasm for the great advice you've received. Your posts are steeped in victim/ woundology and I reiterate my suggestion that you read "Why People Don't Heal and How They Can." Even if you find no value in Myss's suggestions, I believe you will gain a lot of insight from the first part of the book.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:45:18 AM

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No I think that there has been. Some excellent advice alot as a matter of fact. Sorry not to seem so excited and all still that stupid migraine.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:50:37 AM

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Tammy, then the only thing you can do is in one of those bedside gatherings is tell them you are sorry for being inconsistent, and lacking in whatever ways you have been that has confused them. Would you work for no pay? Most wouldn't. So give them a pay off. Think of how you can honorably parent them, address all the needs and find solutions. It won't happen over night, but it can happen if you are consistent, firm, loving and although overwhelmed... honest.

One of the biggest issues I had with my children and my illness was in the beginning, not knowing what was wrong and why I could no longer be all I was. My children were later able to express how they were afraid to leave the house in case I needed them. That was self imposed. Then they were afraid to come home and find me dead. It was hard to see in all their acting out and I had a hard time finding help for them other than what I could do. Had I been a criminal, in jail, an addict or dying for sure... I could have found some help. This is why support sites that minister to the needs of the whole family are important. Complicating the issues is households being broken for whatever reason. Add a bunch of new stuff, too many rules or changes and you will have them acting out, you feeling sorry for them and excusing things and chaos.

It's time to get the right kind of help rather than talking it out here. It is time for everyone to get on the right page and if that means some sacrifice... thats what it means. The tough road is the hardest looking and most try to take the easier path... it typically leads to the hardest road to travel. You have made mistakes, understandable ones... but take down whatever keeps you there and move forward, one moment at a time.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 6/28/2011 12:04:56 PM >

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/28/2011 11:51:28 AM

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One thing tammy. Just because you don't like the advice you recieve doesn't mean it isn't good and unbiased advice.

We aren't going to tell you what you want to hear. We will tell you what we think is right.

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