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Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:00:59 AM

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Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I have severe fibromyalgia, I go to school full time, and I live in a house that we now have 6 living in. When I wasnt in school I was able to manage the rest, but now it is overwhelming. I need a neat, tidy and organized home, but I cannot do it alone, it is causing major stress along with severe flare ups with the fibro. I am a student at heart and cannot imagine not being there, in fact I get rather depressed when not in classes. But coming home with the house a mess, homework to do and pain from the roots of my hair to the bottom of my feet, well it is overwhelming. Master feels the same way about the house, when he comes home he expects it to be emaculant, I dont blame him, it is his home, he has worked hard for. Before I started back to school i asked everyone if they would help out, they all agreed but now, well not so much. MAJOR STRESS! Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

Peace Love And Harmony
Tammystar

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:03:31 AM

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Methinks you need to have a talk with your Master about what the other 4 people in the household are doing. They agreed to help with cleanliness and now they are reneging on the deal. Does He have authority over the other 4? If so, He needs to exercise it.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:05:25 AM

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There lies the problem, He does not want to be the one to set down the laws regarding this matter, this is up to me. They never listen to me. Its insane!

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:06:57 AM

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maybe you should talk to him about THAT expectation? it's a little unreasonable, to me.
or you could talk about getting rid of the other 4 people if they aren't helping out?

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:08:19 AM

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2 of them are my children and two are His.... none at this point are leaving. ~bangs head on desk~

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:12:14 AM

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OHHHH, so he doesn't want to be responsible when two of the perpetrators are his own kids? that really seems unreasonable, now.
if this is basically a parenting question, i'll leave it up to those with more experience, but even in my limited experience with kids, if i set up a reward system, that was usually a good enough motivator to get them started. after that, if they're old enough to reflect on it, they often come to the conclusion that helping out is the nice, responsible thing to do.

if you keep up with chores you get a raise in your allowance. if you don't pull your weight, no iPod for you. something like that?

again, my experience is limited to dealing with other people's kids for pretty short periods of time.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:12:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

There lies the problem, He does not want to be the one to set down the laws regarding this matter, this is up to me. They never listen to me. Its insane!

Why won't he lay down the law? Does he not want to come off as the bad guy or something with the rest of the household members?

Really, I have little use for a man who claims to be a master but pussys out on the responsibility of actually behaving like one.

Since you are the one in charge, do yourself a favor. Hire a maid. Problem solved.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:12:54 AM

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so it's his house, he's your master, and the others live in his house?

sorry but if he wants it so spick and span he should man up and sort it out. if he wants you to take responsibility then tell them they either pull their weight or find somewhere else to live. i have no idea what your medical problem is but if an untidy house is such a big deal then you both need to sort it out. he should be a bit more considerate of your needs. or is he also a student playing at being master and leaving it to you coz he can't be arsed to rock the boat?

needles

edited as just looked at your profile. geeze woman you're 40 years old. lay down the law with your own kids and tell him to do the same with his. you may be his slave you are not their's.

< Message edited by needlesandpins -- 6/27/2011 10:15:43 AM >

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:13:36 AM

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Who are the other four?
Your children, his or his family or roommates?

If they're his children, then it's his job to teach them to be competent adults which means he makes them clean up.

You can have a one hour clean up after dinner where everyone goes through the public spaces and picks up stuff that doesn't belong there and gets taken back to where it does belong. If there isn't any space where it does belong, then you need to add some. Hooks for backpacks next to the front door. If you need a lot of help organizing, pay a professional organizer to come in and tell you what you need. They can have their installers do so, or he can do it himself.

If you're cooking, then dinner is served only to those who have done their chores. Which includes him. You cannot teach children to hang up their own stuff if they see him leaving his all over the place. Being the HOH means he must set the example, be the role model. Otherwise he deserves what he's getting.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:14:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

There lies the problem, He does not want to be the one to set down the laws regarding this matter, this is up to me. They never listen to me. Its insane!

Why won't he lay down the law? Does he not want to come off as the bad guy or something with the rest of the household members?

Really, I have little use for a man who claims to be a master but pussys out on the responsibility of actually behaving like one.

Since you are the one in charge, do yourself a favor. Hire a maid. Problem solved.

This.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:14:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Really, I have little use for a man who claims to be a master but pussys out on the responsibility of actually behaving like one.

Since you are the one in charge, do yourself a favor. Hire a maid. Problem solved.

you and me both. =p i don't get that.
and that's a great suggestion!

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:18:33 AM

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It is my job to control the house. He works long hours and takes care of many things involving the house. This is my job, but I guess I cannot handle it. Believe me when I say he works his butt off, so no fault of his. I was in charge of the house. (think 50's lifestyle). So my question was what do i do?

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:22:02 AM

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it doesn't sound like it's just an issue of "the house," though -- even in 1950s households, fathers had responsibilities for the upbringing of their children. if the kids are misbehaving and he is functioning as a parent for them (which he automatically should be for his own children) then their upbringing is his responsibility.
so if they're making messes and not cleaning up after themselves, he has responsibility in that. even in the 1950s men taught their kids rules and manners. =p
that doesn't mean he has to do house cleaning, but he DOES have a responsibility to behave as a father figure should.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:22:32 AM

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PS trying to lay down the law to those involved requires me to get the heck outta bed from being in pain. That is difficult, honestly. After school the pain is so bad that i have to lay down (yes not a good slave).

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:26:34 AM

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what Lilly said.

seriously, Tammy.. what kind of pussy did you get involved with if he wont even take responsibility for his own kids, let alone the ones of yours that (by default) he took on when accepting you as a slave?

"Master" doesnt mean abdicating responsibility... especially when in re: kids.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:36:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

So my question was what do i do?

Teach/Order the children/others to clean up after themselves. If they don't/won't, then start taking away things (or privileges) till they do.

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 6/27/2011 10:38:10 AM >

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:37:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

what Lilly said.

seriously, Tammy.. what kind of pussy did you get involved with if he wont even take responsibility for his own kids, let alone the ones of yours that (by default) he took on when accepting you as a slave?

"Master" doesnt mean abdicating responsibility... especially when in re: kids.

This.

I agree that as a couple, you should share kid responsibility. I strongly suspect these kids have a long history of not being held accountable. They are not going to turn into people who want to be accountable overnight. Someone needs to take a firm hand, and if you cannot physically do it, then he has to.

The idea of my kids never listening to me? Um, all I can say is: NFW!!

Give me two weeks with those 4 and I guarantee the very thought of me coming back to whip them into good kid shape (figuratively speaking) would have them towing the line.

Seriously. If Art wants to be the Master, he needs to man up and master his own house.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:38:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

It is my job to control the house. He works long hours and takes care of many things involving the house. This is my job, but I guess I cannot handle it. Believe me when I say he works his butt off, so no fault of his. I was in charge of the house. (think 50's lifestyle). So my question was what do i do?

Yet isn't your own health just as important? And yes I do know what a person got through when suffering a fibro flare up.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:42:53 AM

poise

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Is there a chance that your master is resentful of your time at school?
It doesn't seem that he is being very supporting as a partner, master or not.

If the condition of the house is solely your responsibility, and you have no issue
with your master not stepping in and setting the rules for the others to help,
and you can't delegate the duties while lying in bed in agony, then the choice is easy.
Hire a maid, or quit school and perhaps find some online classes.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 6/27/2011 10:44:20 AM

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quote:

Is there a chance that your master is resentful of your time at school?

of course not, he's the PERFECT master.

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