RE: True submissive?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: True submissive?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: True submissive?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 9:23:50 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

^^
This

kommen zee here mein leibling, vee haf vayz uf makingk you unkomfortable......

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Charnegui)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 9:35:12 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Just a head's up here but a lot of guys use this and similar lines to guilt you into doing things. It is a VERY passive aggressive thing to do, and not very dominant in my opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

Anyhoo, he sent me a message back saying I’m running away as I always do.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Wretchedness)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 9:36:18 AM

Charnegui

Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline

quote:

1) He does not own you and has no right to demand you dress in any particular way.

^^
This

Not before the first meet that is and at the first meet you should be comfortable, so you can concentrate, if he's what you're up to or not. If you like him chatting, you can be very dissapointed in a real meeting with him. So stay in your comfortzone and dress how you like!!

_____________________________

There's a difference between my personality and my attitude; My personality is who I ám, my attitude depends on who you are.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 9:41:05 AM

Charnegui

Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

^^
This
kommen zee here mein leibling, vee haf vayz uf makingk you unkomfortable......

Mr Pigsly, that grumbling pigsly's I have to learn yet....grinnnnnzzzzzz
Shave the beard... maybe I can understand than

LOLLOLLOL.

_____________________________

There's a difference between my personality and my attitude; My personality is who I ám, my attitude depends on who you are.

(in reply to Arpig)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 9:44:00 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

*apologies to the OP for the brief derail*

Charne - why does your pig have a penis for a nose?

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to Charnegui)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 10:17:55 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

Thank you again everyone I appreciate and enjoyed reading everyone’s thought on this.

Update if interested: As I said I messaged him saying I was very uncomfortable with the way I was to be dressed in public, and I wasn’t ready for real life. I also told him basically even if I came I would only be able to focus on the way I was dressed and wouldn’t really be there anyway. And that’s the truth. The thought of families out on a Sunday seeing me like that….whatever I just won’t do it. The difference between won’t and can’t is messing with me.

Anyhoo, he sent me a message back saying I’m running away as I always do. I wish it didn’t have to be so hard. As much as I want this lifestyle, maybe he’s right. Maybe I am just running away. It is a pattern for me. I’m usually very up front with people that I tend to do that. It is something I work hard on to overcome. I also engage people and post pictures that make me feel uncomfortable to stay out of my comfort zone on being shy. I’ve gotten a lot better and stronger with my shyness. But I know it’s obviously easier on line.

You all have been really cool talking with me about this. I sincerely appreciate it

I think you are simply trying too hard... to try to make yourself adapt to other people.
You are right, it shouldn't be so hard. The reason why it is hard is because you are trying to be someone you are not.
You only have to be who you are.
I have done the same thing before and if you wish to write to me, my mailbox is available.

You are trying to force yourself out of your comfort zone before you are ready when you don't need to do that.
You can be exactly who you are and find a dominant man you are compatible with. You do not need to post pictures of yourself that are contrary to your shy nature; you are only sending mixed signals that way.
You do not have to obey men you do not know.

You were not "running away", you were being true to yourself and sensible.

If you know who you are and what you want in terms of being submissive then please do not liten to men who will try to manipulate you into thinking if you do not submit to them, you are not weal or twue.

You were running away?... well, yes, in a sense you were. You were running away from someone who did not respect your boundaries and who was making demands of ownership on you when he had no right to do that. His response to you was manipulative. You should run away from men like that.

But you are also allowing yourself to be prey to men like that when you say: "I wasn’t ready for real life".
Real life is taking the time to get to know someone so that you know if they are worthy of your submitting to them.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that just because you are a submissive you have to submit to everyone who hangs a D on their door.

For me at least, when submission is specific to one worthy person, it becomes something very special.

You are no less submissive for wanting that... and if you are feeling impatient with yourself, thos efeelings are natural in the beginning.
But give yourself the gift of time and patience. The right person will come along, and waiting is better than regretting.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Wretchedness)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 10:39:14 AM

Wretchedness

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/29/2011
Status: offline

quote:

I don't need to flaunt anything and give anyone a free show to prove a thing. And neither should you.

I understand what you're saying. It's more something I do for me. To get over myself. I would never post a pussy shot. Last month I walk through my fear and went and had my nips pierced. I was pretty proud of myself for doing it. It was something I had always wanted to do, but thought I would never have the courage to. I even went alone. It probably doesn't seem like that big or a deal to most, but it was something I struggled with. I believe if I try and stay out of my comfort zone with things I have problems with (slowly on my terms) then it helps me overcome it little by little.

This guy has been really nice to me, we have talked for a little while and we have talked on the phone. I do find him interesting and like a lot of his core beliefs. But there is still something that is unsettling. And knowing that I am shy and do tend to run away, I want to be sure I’m not mind-f**king myself out of a good thing. But I guess the bottom line is I can’t show up in public the way he wants me to dress.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 10:41:32 AM

Wretchedness

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/29/2011
Status: offline

quote:

You are no less submissive for wanting that... and if you are feeling impatient with yourself, thos efeelings are natural in the beginning.
But give yourself the gift of time and patience. The right person will come along, and waiting is better than regretting.

Thank you that makes a lot of sense.

(in reply to Wretchedness)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 10:51:57 AM

Charnegui

Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

*apologies to the OP for the brief derail* *me too*
Charne - why does your pig have a penis for a nose?

Dunno, it is ArPIG's piggy *smiles*

_____________________________

There's a difference between my personality and my attitude; My personality is who I ám, my attitude depends on who you are.

(in reply to myotherself)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 12:40:14 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

quote:

I don't need to flaunt anything and give anyone a free show to prove a thing. And neither should you.

I understand what you're saying. It's more something I do for me. To get over myself. I would never post a pussy shot. Last month I walk through my fear and went and had my nips pierced. I was pretty proud of myself for doing it. It was something I had always wanted to do, but thought I would never have the courage to. I even went alone. It probably doesn't seem like that big or a deal to most, but it was something I struggled with. I believe if I try and stay out of my comfort zone with things I have problems with (slowly on my terms) then it helps me overcome it little by little.

This guy has been really nice to me, we have talked for a little while and we have talked on the phone. I do find him interesting and like a lot of his core beliefs. But there is still something that is unsettling. And knowing that I am shy and do tend to run away, I want to be sure I’m not mind-f**king myself out of a good thing. But I guess the bottom line is I can’t show up in public the way he wants me to dress.

I can understand this very well. I've known my chap/boss-bloke for many years, well over a decade.......and I have to be honest, unless he pushed me I'd still be surrounded by my lovely comfy buffers. I like change and struggle to be at MY pace, not someone else's..............but here I am with a bloke that has just spent 4 days shoving me arse-first through things I'd need days, on my own, to even process.( not D/s stuff...)

I also try to keep myself out of my comfort-zone, and to be frank, it's doesn't matter one jot whether it's a breeze for anyone else. We all have our own little victories. There are plenty of things I've done ON MY OWN that are pushing my comfort-levels to the max, but I'm in control, making myself do them........Still tricky, but less tricky than someone ELSE deciding that *now's the time*.

It's all too easy to misinterpret and get things a little skewiff before you've spent a bit of time together face to face. D/s can be super and clearly plenty of people attest to that fact.......butyou really haven't come across an unusual reticence, considering you don't know the chap that well.

Quick anicdote from the mists of time...... When I was about to meet M for the first time he told me to wear * whatever makes you comfortable. Be yourself, because that's who I want to meet*......Yeah, he made me do all sorts of uncomfy things after a while but he wanted to see and know who he had grown to like when we FIRST met up for a drink. The first times we met were the building blocks of why I'm still with him.

I think your pics might show someone that is a little more *ready to go* than you might realise. Not everyone grasps that people are multi-faceted.

And in addition.........I would give a *free-show* and have, for M and because of M.....but we both come out smiling. Getting all uncomfy and stressed about this stuff HAS to have a mutual benefit....WHATEVER that may be. Otherwise, why stay?

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to Wretchedness)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 6:22:42 PM

Wretchedness

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/29/2011
Status: offline

Thanks agirl

quote:

I think your pics might show someone that is a little more *ready to go* than you might realise.

Really? okay that's a few times I heard that. Maybe I do need to take some down. I don't want to send mixed messages.

< Message edited by Wretchedness -- 7/14/2011 6:23:20 PM >

(in reply to agirl)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 6:54:14 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14413
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness
But I guess the bottom line is I can’t show up in public the way he wants me to dress.

You don't have to and quite frankly he shouldn't have asked you to.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Wretchedness)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 6:54:47 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

You may be 'running' but I would advise you to run faster!

Catize Rules:
Rule #1: Submission does not mean you have to do whatever any ol' self-identified dom/dick/or hairy guy demands.
Rule #2: “Insta doms” are lazy and believe they don't have to give anything of them selves to get laid. They believe the rules don't apply to them---they are WRONG!
Rule #3: D/s is not just sexual or all about sex.
Rule #4: When the alarm bells are ringing, run away---you may be mistaken about his intentions..but I doubt it!
Rule #5: There is no D/s until both of you have agreed to the parameters of any potential relationship!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Wretchedness)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 7:55:26 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentDesire

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Um. To me, part of being a sub is doing something even though it DOES make you uncomfortable.

I get where you are coming from and don't disagree.

But...I would probably change it to this if I was the author

"To me, part of being a sub is doing something with someone you trust even though it DOES make you feel uncomfortable"

I agree. Much improved.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DecadentDesire)

Profile

Post #: 54

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 8:15:51 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I have to say I took a look at your profile in hopes of finding something to call you other then the name you gave yourself. No offence intended of course but I hate when submissives pick names that make it sound as if they are sad or don't think much of themselves. Seeing as you have the same quote on your profile that my sub has on his I'm going to call you Bob now. Hello Bob, nice to meet you, welcome to collarme, hope you are having a good day/night...all that nice stuff. Having said all that I will now put in my odd two cents. When I first started out as a domme I from time to time wondered if maybe I was being greedy, selfish, only thinking about myself. I mean it was great watching them cry, seeing bruises, hearing them beg but a day or two later I would end up wondering what kind of a monster I was to enjoy doing something like that(self doubt can happen to anyone) I think it takes just a bit of time for each of us to find our comfort zone. To know ourselves very well. To understand the back and forth that comes with living the way we do. I believe someone, most likely a lot of someones, already said to trust your feeling. They are right. At some point you will find comfort with the right person and you will open up in a way that you didn't know you could.

P.S.- To quote the man himself "Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery
None but ourselves can free our mind"

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 7/14/2011 8:20:00 PM >

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 55

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 8:40:29 PM

winspiritsbaby

Posts: 141
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

submission is inspired, not forced. If someone does not know how to inspire you to submit, they are not for you.

I want to steal this line!

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Profile

Post #: 56

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 8:48:08 PM

Wretchedness

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/29/2011
Status: offline

Thanks everyone

Love Bob

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)

Profile

Post #: 57

RE: True submissive? - 7/14/2011 8:58:11 PM

Wretchedness

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/29/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

I'm going to call you Bob now.

i guess it could have been worse you could have called me kleptomania.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Profile

Post #: 58

RE: True submissive? - 7/15/2011 6:54:36 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

~FR~
I like her.. can we keep her?

(edited to add the ~FR~ that I oops on and deleted)

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 7/15/2011 6:55:29 AM >

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Wretchedness)

Profile

Post #: 59

RE: True submissive? - 7/15/2011 7:43:37 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

I'm going to call you Bob now.

i guess it could have been worse you could have called me kleptomania.

No, someone already stole that name.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Wretchedness)

Profile

Post #: 60