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RE: True submissive? - 7/15/2011 8:33:18 AM

HannahLynHeather

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quote:

I'm going to call you Bob now

arpig might just object to that you know, he sort of already cornered the whole fucking "call me bob" thing.

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My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

RE: True submissive? - 7/15/2011 8:38:52 AM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: winspiritsbaby

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

submission is inspired, not forced. If someone does not know how to inspire you to submit, they are not for you.

I want to steal this line!

You can borrow it, no charge !!

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(in reply to winspiritsbaby)

RE: True submissive? - 7/15/2011 12:52:17 PM

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/29/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~
I like her.. can we keep her?

(edited to add the ~FR~ that I oops on and deleted)

quote:

~FR~
I like her.. can we keep her?

(edited to add the ~FR~ that I oops on and deleted)

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 7/15/2011 6:55:29 AM >

What does FR mean? I hope it isn't something totally obvious. I surly have never been accused of being the brightest crayon in the box. lol

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: True submissive? - 7/15/2011 1:28:47 PM

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FR is unique to collarme. It stands for Fast Reply, and signifies a reply not in response to a previous post.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/15/2011 1:34:54 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness
i guess it could have been worse you could have called me kleptomania

No, someone already stole that name.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 1:07:45 PM

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Joined: 6/29/2011
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This is just an update for anyone interested. I went and met the person. I did not dress as instructed. Friday i will be meeting him again and there will be a punishment for not following instructions. I'm not sure how I feel about this. i know i do want to move beyond my fear and shyness and i will never do that staying in my room and never trying to embrace this life. Thanks to everyone for all your input and suggestions.

(in reply to poise)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 1:19:33 PM

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have you guys agreed to a power exchange arrangement? i might've missed it but i thought you were just meeting someone you'd only talked to up until now. you don't have to accept punishments from people who aren't your boss. =p
i dunno why people always buy into that "i'm not your boss, but i'm going to punish you" thing. in fact, someone who expected that of me would never hear from me again.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 1:30:52 PM

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From: Savannah, GA
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what Lilly said... the guy may be a dom, but until you BOTH agree to enter a relationship (dom/sub, master/slave, whatever) he is not YOUR dom, and therefore you are not required to 'submit' to his punishments, clothing requirements etc.

honey, don't RUSH into anything to overcome your shyness.. it might just backfire on ya.... .

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 1:52:52 PM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Please listen to wise words from Lilly and Greedy. Some of us have the learned the hard way not too jump in too quickly with someone we don't know well.

I understand you feel all warm and fuzzy about someone who knows how to push (some of) your buttons, but if you just met the man, how the hell can he be your dom? And if he's not your dom, why the hell does he think he has any right to tell you what to wear or to punish you?

It is my very strong opinion that this man is manipulating you, and he just met you. Which means he's doesn't care about building your trust.

A good dominant is patient and understands building trust is the single most important thing in the beginning. W/o it you can't really go any further.

BTW: It doesn't matter if you want a LTR or merely a play partner, he's way too caught up in the "it's all about what I want" crap, and appears to not be taking your concerns into consideration.

It's won't get better darlin. Please remember this thread -- oh 3-6 months from now. I strongly suspect you will be in agreement.

_____________________________

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 2:44:35 PM

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Joined: 6/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I understand you feel all warm and fuzzy about someone who knows how to push (some of) your buttons, but if you just met the man, how the hell can he be your dom? And if he's not your dom, why the hell does he think he has any right to tell you what to wear or to punish you?

I agree with this. Sometimes the way you get what you want can be just as important as getting what you want. Personally, submitting to a punishment in a scenario like this wouldn't help me build my confidence, because I think the doubt I'd have about the dom and their respect for me would result in me losing some self-respect.

I'm very wary of doms who starts giving orders and punishments before any consent or commitment has been given to a D/s dynamic. I assume that someone who does that is not someone I can probably negotiate a fulfilling relationship with.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 2:49:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness
Friday i will be meeting him again and there will be a punishment for not following instructions.

Put it this way. You're being punished for not following the instructions of someone that is not your Dom. Does that sound sensible to you?

Personally, I'd tell him to fuck off.

Don't let your desperation to experience something lead you into doing something that you shouldn't.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 3:55:13 PM

tiggerspoohbear

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I have to agree with what was said above this post. You've met him once, told him you didn't feel comfortable dressing as a slut as he wanted you to do, and now he wants to punish you? O no, no, no, no, no. He's trying to see how far he can push you into accepting him and this should have red flags all over the place for *you*. And I can't see accepting a dynamic after one coffee date. Where is this supposed punishment supposed to take place? How can you trust that if you use a safe word he'll respect it? You can't. No ifs, ands or buts about it. You dressed in a manner that was comfortable to you and told him that you would be doing so. Quite the pushy bastard isn't he?

I'd punish HIM by not showing up, answering any more of his calls and blocking him. Hate to say it hun, but this man's no Dominant. He's domineering and senses that you could easily become his prey to do with as he wishes. That's not the dynamic in D/s, unless you want it to be so. Take it from someone who's been there, done that with my 1st D/s relationship, and following ones too. I didn't know enough to know better. Now I do. I can be a stubborn cuss and it can take more than one bop on the head to learn my lesson properly. It's taken a lot of time and trial and error to finally figure out, 7 1/2 yrs to be exact, what I want, who I want to be with and dammit that I do deserve the best.

Please don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of just because you think you somehow *deserve* it. That's furthest from the truth.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 4:34:25 PM

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

i’m very new to the lifestyle. i have never been with a Dom or Master. i’m a rather shy person, and am pretty uncomfortable being naked. i know that this is wrong and it’s not about how i feel or what i want. It’s about pleasing the One i am to serve. Of course i would do as i’m told.

i have a strong need to serve and want to believe i’m submissive. i feel like it’s my destiny. i am feeling a little lost to think i am not. But i question myself sometimes. Wouldn’t a true submissive not feel shame while naked at her Masters feet? It makes me think that i am fake or something. My only thoughts should be serving Him and not of myself. i know this is a strange question but i would really appreciate any feedback

Humbly
girl

I'm not a guy, but from a D perspective, it's not just about pleasing the D type in the relationship because anybody with half a brain does know if the s type in the relationship is unhappy, it's not going to last. A dominant without a submissive is well, quite frustrated, so most of us tend to treat our subbies good in a bad way, meaning we are looking to hook up with people we mesh with.

Maybe you feeling shy and uncomfy will add to his pleasure? Especially if you overcome those feelings for him? Having feelings and wanting fulfillment in a relationship doesn't make you fake, it makes you a real person, doesn't mean you are the right person for everybody or every guy who calls himself master is the right person for you.

Now if somebody tries to push you too fast, you tell him, unless you want a relationship that is only based on BDSM it's still a relationship 2 people have, and relationships don't tend to last if not both of them are getting something out of it.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 5:14:03 PM

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Wow, I wasn’t expecting the things you all are saying. I really thought I was doing the right thing by facing my fear. And he did give me a chance to plead my case on the issue. I didn’t say much. I was already nervous about Friday, now I’m defiantly reconsidering this. I thought since I was submissive…..idk what I thought, maybe that he has the right to do as he wishes. I know I seem gullible and slow. I’m really just confused. Thank you all for your thoughts on this. I am very nervous what the punishment would be. And I still don’t understand why, but he also said there doesn’t have to necessarily be a reason to punish me. I do think I need to re-think this.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 5:20:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness
i understand small steps. i know that my being shy makes it that much harder. i also feel this is something i will have to work on to be the slave/sub i long to be. But i here people talking about a true sub. Are there fake ones?

OK, cutting right to the chase:

True Subs: The people who use such terminology are idiots. Actually, they're not idiots. What they are is parochial and narcissistic. The implication is that if you are like them then you are "true".
Fake Subs: How the hell does one do something "fakely"?? I mean seriously. If some person finds another person to boss them around and then they go ahead and obey then that's about as real as it gets. It's some weird BDSM-ism (and I suspect an online one) to spend more focus on things like head space, spirit, and "heart" than is spent on the actual doing of what you're told to do. Another point? Who the hell enters into a "fake relationship?" I mean seriously. You gotta figure that if they are going to all the trouble to be in a relationship than whatever it is is real to them.
Some possible commands freak you out: Gee, really? Is that some sort of astonishing news flash? I give Carol at least a few commands every week that totally freak her out. She obeys anyway. I've known a few folks who think that they will casually obey any command. My own assessment is that they think this because nobody's ever given them the nasty commands and/or they've ruled out all the really nasty commands in their "hard limits". No, I'm not talking about things involving chainsaws and limb hacking. I'm talking mundane things. Everyone has 'em. For instance, I could send about 99% of the subs here screaming with a hair clipper. If I wanted to shave Carol bald, she'd obey... .and she'd hate every single blessed minute of it because her weak spot is being the center of attention in public... you know... like a suddenly bald woman is likely to be.

In short, you're trying to live up to a fantasy that just doesn't exist.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 7/19/2011 5:21:01 PM >

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 6:00:55 PM

Posts: 14413
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness
I am very nervous what the punishment would be.

There shouldn't be a punishment. 1) He's not your Dom. 2) You told him you were uncomfortable with a situation and his response is to provide punishment rather than support.

quote:

And I still don’t understand why, but he also said there doesn’t have to necessarily be a reason to punish me.

Ummm NO.

If he were your Dominant, depending on the dynamic you agreed to, he could spank or whatever to you, ie: funishment. Punishment is for when you do something wrong. Do you want to be with a person that tells you you're wrong just to get his rocks off?

Honey, he's a wanker. He's just some guy that uses D/s as an excuse to behave poorly.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 6:06:37 PM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

Wow, I wasn’t expecting the things you all are saying. I really thought I was doing the right thing by facing my fear. And he did give me a chance to plead my case on the issue. I didn’t say much. I was already nervous about Friday, now I’m defiantly reconsidering this. I thought since I was submissive…..idk what I thought, maybe that he has the right to do as he wishes. I know I seem gullible and slow. I’m really just confused. Thank you all for your thoughts on this. I am very nervous what the punishment would be. And I still don’t understand why, but he also said there doesn’t have to necessarily be a reason to punish me. I do think I need to re-think this.

No, he didn't give you a "chance" to plead your case. There WAS no case to plead in the first place. You told him you were coming as you were, and he didn't like that. Tough noogies. Just because you're submissive, doesn't mean you're submissive to every donkey who slaps the Dom/Master banner on his ass. He doesn't have the right to do as he wishes. At this point, he doesn't have any rights. That's what he's thinking, just because he thinks it, doesn't make it so. I can "think" I'm a purple polka-dotted elephant in a tutu, but I'm not.

And he didn't even tell you what the punishment would be? O puuuuuuuleaaaaaaaaaase, tell him to take that, well, I'll be polite. He's got no right to punish you when you've only met him once. And yes, one doesn't punish out of anger, in fact, most Doms won't punish unless it's a very serious infraction. YMMV on this one, I know. Most will correct you, tell you where you went wrong and show you the way they want it done.

O please, take this under the serious advisement it is, do not go back and meet this guy. This is nothing but trouble looking to happen, and the trouble's going to fall on you. If you don't feel comfortable talking to him, then send him a message then cut him off. He certainly doesn't deserve you if he can't show you any respect at all. Now, this is all depending on the type of relationship you're looking for.

I read your profile, and realize you love pain. But you also deserve someone you can trust implicitly and he hasn't shown that from the beginning. Take your time, meet others, go to munches if you get a chance, just don't give yourself to the first one to come along because you think that's what you should do or deserve. You deserve the best person for *you* not just being the only person he can find. There's quite a difference.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/19/2011 6:16:38 PM

Posts: 14413
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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I wrote this a long time ago, but I think you need to read it:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_149477/mpage_1/key_novices/tm.htm#149477

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)

RE: True submissive? - 7/20/2011 3:47:50 AM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

This guy has been really nice to me, we have talked for a little while and we have talked on the phone. I do find him interesting and like a lot of his core beliefs. But there is still something that is unsettling. And knowing that I am shy and do tend to run away, I want to be sure I’m not mind-f**king myself out of a good thing. But I guess the bottom line is I can’t show up in public the way he wants me to dress.

Sorry, didn't read that before but sod that! You are not f**king yourself out of a good thing, you have warning bells and they are perfectly justified. Hello, the guy wants to show you off in public like a trophy - no regard for you and your feelings - if he wants you to do that in private, a different thing but in public? Where's the respect for you, where's his effort to gain your trust?

Remember, you haven't accepted him as your Dominant, it's not just him accepting you as his sub, you also have to accept him, before that happens, you're a free agent and it's actually bad form to boss somebody around who's not your sub.

As for him being nice to you, well, the vanilla equivalent of a guy wanting to get into your knickers, no guy is going to be horrible to a woman if he tries to get laid. In case you meet him again, take a look how he treats the waiters and waitresses, park attendant and all the people he doesn't "need" or isn't trying to impress. Should give you a good picture of his character... A better one than him trying to sweet talk you on the phone.

quote:

I am very nervous what the punishment would be. And I still don’t understand why, but he also said there doesn’t have to necessarily be a reason to punish me. I do think I need to re-think this.

He is NOT your dominant, if you don't like the "punishment" you tell him so and if he gets stroppy (he'll call you a fake, wanna bet?) you tell him to eff off.
Now in a relationship, if he would want to play punish you, different thing, or even punish you if that is your dynamic but for a punishment you have to do something wrong.

quote:

And he did give me a chance to plead my case on the issue.

I don't see an issue or a reason to plead your case at all, he gave somebody a command who is not his sub and thinks you should obey? Oh dear, sounds like a case of the dreaded domititis to me, is he also trying to boss around everybody he comes into contact with, including inanimate objects?

quote:

I thought since I was submissive…..idk what I thought, maybe that he has the right to do as he wishes.

Being submissive doesn't make you a doormat, especially NOT to a guy you have under consideration, he is NOT your dom! If he doesn't understand it, maybe he's a bit thick?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/20/2011 9:58:09 PM

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

Wow, I wasn’t expecting the things you all are saying. I really thought I was doing the right thing by facing my fear. And he did give me a chance to plead my case on the issue. I didn’t say much. I was already nervous about Friday, now I’m defiantly reconsidering this. I thought since I was submissive…..idk what I thought, maybe that he has the right to do as he wishes. I know I seem gullible and slow. I’m really just confused. Thank you all for your thoughts on this. I am very nervous what the punishment would be. And I still don’t understand why, but he also said there doesn’t have to necessarily be a reason to punish me. I do think I need to re-think this.

He doesn't have a right to punish you, reason or no. If you'd agreed to have a committed D/s relationship with him in which he had the authority to tell you what to wear and to punish you if you disobeyed, then it'd be a different story. But you haven't, and he doesn't - you've barely met the guy. Basically, he's a loser and a jerk who's taking advantage of you being gulliable and new.

(in reply to Wretchedness)

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