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True submissive? - 7/13/2011 8:14:06 PM

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i’m very new to the lifestyle. i have never been with a Dom or Master. i’m a rather shy person, and am pretty uncomfortable being naked. i know that this is wrong and it’s not about how i feel or what i want. It’s about pleasing the One i am to serve. Of course i would do as i’m told.

i have a strong need to serve and want to believe i’m submissive. i feel like it’s my destiny. i am feeling a little lost to think i am not. But i question myself sometimes. Wouldn’t a true submissive not feel shame while naked at her Masters feet? It makes me think that i am fake or something. My only thoughts should be serving Him and not of myself. i know this is a strange question but i would really appreciate any feedback

Humbly
girl

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 8:15:42 PM

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Actually, it does matter how you feel and what you want. Its actually damn important.

Edit:

I also would like to add you may want to take small steps in order to be fully comfortable with yourself before appearing naked in front of another. First, once you feel comfortable on your own, you can continue from there.

< Message edited by Giermo -- 7/13/2011 8:17:39 PM >

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 8:28:43 PM

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i understand small steps. i know that my being shy makes it that much harder. i also feel this is something i will have to work on to be the slave/sub i long to be. But i here people talking about a true sub. Are there fake ones?

(in reply to Giermo)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 8:30:54 PM

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From what I gather, a fake sub would have to be someone who in fact does not want to be a sub at all. And you don't seem like that, right?

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 8:32:11 PM

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This is not about being a true submissive. This is about being comfortable in your own skin.

If you are uncomfortable being naked in front of a Dominant, then you lack confidence.

Are you uncomfortable being naked in front of a man in general?

Being submissive or vanilla has no bearing on the confidence level one has.

If you are new to this, you will soon find that there is no such thing as a "true" anything.

People are what they are and anyone who says you are not a real submissive or real anything because you don't do ________ is full of crap.

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 8:34:36 PM

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sexyred is correct.
you know, in my last relationship, i had a pretty solid connection with that guy. but even then, i was shy about being naked in front of him. he told me all the time how much he liked to see me, but it wasn't about him, and it wasn't about how much of a "true submissive" i was -- it was a matter of confidence, which ultimately must come from within.

ETA: -- and you know sometimes the strength of a connection with someone can make you MORE shy than you might normally be, because that person and his/her opinions and feelings are so important to you. what that person thinks matters, and what that person thinks could change something for you. so you become more self-conscious, not less.
sometimes it happens that way.

i'm not as shy as i used to be, in general. i credit a lot of it to that period of self-discovery through service (wooooow that sounds cheesy! holy hell! but it's true. =p)

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 7/13/2011 8:36:30 PM >

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RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 8:34:58 PM

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The right man will make it easier for you to be naked. He'll be appreciative and loving. He won't make cutting remarks guaranteed to make you never want to be vulnerable again, but will encourage you. Because whether dom or sub, good people care about their partners and try to lift their self esteem, not destroy it.

As far as being shy, just find another home body. Don't get involved with a life of the party type, because you'll have too many incompatibilities.

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(in reply to Giermo)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 8:39:16 PM

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What they said. Ha, wish I took the time to be more articulate about my response. But everyone else has the right idea.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 8:48:12 PM

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quote:

and you know sometimes the strength of a connection with someone can make you MORE shy than you might normally be, because that person and his/her opinions and feelings are so important to you. what that person thinks matters, and what that person thinks could change something for you. so you become more self-conscious, not less.
sometimes it happens that way

That makes all the sense in the world. Thank you

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 8:48:18 PM

HannahLynHeather

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ok buttercup, let me lay it out for you really plain and simple. what i'm going to tell you is the fucking reality of it, ok, and anybody who tells you otherwise is a fuckwit not worth the effort of spitting on.

first, there's no thing as a fucking "true" sub. there are just subs. each one different than the rest. none is more or less real, just more or less right for any given individual dominant

second, you being uncomfortable being openly naked doesn't make you any fucking less submissive than the slut who spends her day that way. it just means that you need to find somebody who doesn't want you to be naked all the fucking time. the two of you have to want the same fucking things in order for it to work out.

third, yes it is about pleasing the one you serve, but you have to get something out of it too for fuck's sake. what you want and think is vitally fucking important. you don't need a dominant, you need the right dominant, one who wants the same sort of shit you do.

fourth, only an idiot would want a sub who never thought of herself, such a person is by definition suffering from a fucking mental disorder of pretty awe inspiring proportions.

fifth, this is supposed to be fun for all involved, ok, you're supposed to enjoy the fuck out of this, you're supposed to be happier doing this than not. this weird fucked up thing we do isn't some higher plane shit, its just fucking dressed up. what is happening between you and your dominant is first of all a relationship like any other. the two of you have to fucking well get along as people first, then you can add in the whips and chains.

now go out and find a dominant who wants the same sort of relationship that you do, that wants to do the same sick-ass shit you do, and fuck each other's brains out happily ever after.

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(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 8:57:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness
Wouldn’t a true submissive not feel shame while naked at her Masters feet?

I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. There is no such thing as a "true submissive", 'true master' or true anything else within wiitwd, especially when it comes to something emotional.

quote:

My only thoughts should be serving Him and not of myself.

So, you think that you become submissive and you suddenly stop being human? Stop having needs, wants and emotions?

SexyRed is right. It's not about submission. It's about being comfortable with yourself and the relationship you're in. I'll also add, that somebody that doesn't respect that you're uncomfortable, is probably not the right person for you. That doesn't mean that they won't push your comfort levels, but they will respect and discuss where that line is.

None of us came into this knowing everything and being comfortable with all that goes on. It's a journey that happens.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/13/2011 8:58:19 PM >

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(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 9:10:43 PM

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Joined: 6/18/2011
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Not a strange question at all. It's quite common for people who are new to D/S, both dominants and submissive, to attempt to conform themselves to an ideal or expectation of a "true submissive" or "true dominant" (myself included in that generalization). It's almost like a self-imposed hazing to the D/S world; a period of time where you question your own self-image by comparing it to what it is written in fiction and literature, mainly because, that's all most people have to compare themselves to at first.

Eventually, reality comes full circle and we make peace with the fact that we're all just normal human beings with a different set of desires.

Being uncomfortable with being naked in front of a stranger sounds like a pretty normal "human" thing to me.

_____________________________

I was once a Rabbit, driven Mad, by the Decadence of his Desires...

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 9:11:02 PM

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Joined: 6/29/2011
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quote:

So, you think that you become submissive and you suddenly stop being human? Stop having needs, wants and emotions?

Not at all. I'm only asking because I’m meeting someone for coffee, or I was going to. But the things that I’m suppose to do are already freaking me out. And before anyone asks I’m not to show up naked. lol

But after speaking with him and feeling like I’m ready to bolt before doing the things he's asked, has brought up "shit" for lack of a better word for me.

Thanks for all your input. I appreciate it.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 9:14:20 PM

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Joined: 6/29/2011
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Thank you DecadentDesire

(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 9:21:27 PM

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

ok buttercup, let me lay it out for you really plain and simple. what i'm going to tell you is the fucking reality of it, ok, and anybody who tells you otherwise is a fuckwit not worth the effort of spitting on.

first, there's no thing as a fucking "true" sub. there are just subs. each one different than the rest. none is more or less real, just more or less right for any given individual dominant

second, you being uncomfortable being openly naked doesn't make you any fucking less submissive than the slut who spends her day that way. it just means that you need to find somebody who doesn't want you to be naked all the fucking time. the two of you have to want the same fucking things in order for it to work out.

third, yes it is about pleasing the one you serve, but you have to get something out of it too for fuck's sake. what you want and think is vitally fucking important. you don't need a dominant, you need the right dominant, one who wants the same sort of shit you do.

fourth, only an idiot would want a sub who never thought of herself, such a person is by definition suffering from a fucking mental disorder of pretty awe inspiring proportions.

fifth, this is supposed to be fun for all involved, ok, you're supposed to enjoy the fuck out of this, you're supposed to be happier doing this than not. this weird fucked up thing we do isn't some higher plane shit, its just fucking dressed up. what is happening between you and your dominant is first of all a relationship like any other. the two of you have to fucking well get along as people first, then you can add in the whips and chains.

now go out and find a dominant who wants the same sort of relationship that you do, that wants to do the same sick-ass shit you do, and fuck each other's brains out happily ever after.

quote:

first, there's no thing as a fucking "true" sub. there are just subs. each one different than the rest. none is more or less real, just more or less right for any given individual dominant

That is not true. There are subs who pretend to be subs and there are "true" subs. The former are players and many sub men are in this category looking for an easy piece as well as subs who hang out online most of the day. The later are "true subs" who are subs body, mind and soul without even having the "right dominant" as you say or for that mater any dominant at all. Now submitting, the act, does require the "right dominant" but lack of a dominant does not make you any less of a true sub than having the "right dominant" will make you more of a true sub. Submissive is a state of being not an action.

Your post is rather rude. You know, when my daughter stays online too long she gets bitchy and out of character. Just how long have you been online today? You should step away from it for a day.

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(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 9:28:01 PM

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Any chance in hell we can all just agree that we don't have the right to decide the identity of other human beings, regardless of whether or not they meet our personal standards and maybe avoid turning this into another 10 page thread about twueness?

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(in reply to Arturas)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 9:32:12 PM

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Um. To me, part of being a sub is doing something even though it DOES make you uncomfortable.

That's the opposite of the "do-me" sub, who has a list of things they want to do to present to his or her Dom. In your case, you're willing to please, even if you makes you uncomfortable.

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(in reply to DecadentDesire)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 9:37:03 PM

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Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wretchedness

i’m very new to the lifestyle. i have never been with a Dom or Master. i’m a rather shy person, and am pretty uncomfortable being naked. i know that this is wrong and it’s not about how i feel or what i want. It’s about pleasing the One i am to serve. Of course i would do as i’m told.

i have a strong need to serve and want to believe i’m submissive. i feel like it’s my destiny. i am feeling a little lost to think i am not. But i question myself sometimes. Wouldn’t a true submissive not feel shame while naked at her Masters feet? It makes me think that i am fake or something. My only thoughts should be serving Him and not of myself. i know this is a strange question but i would really appreciate any feedback

I don't find much meaning in pairing the word "true" with the noun usage of "submissive". Since a submissive submits within a rather wide tolerance range of conditional submission, it's a much more fluid and open to interpretation term than "slave".

"...it’s not about how i feel or what i want. It’s about pleasing the One i am to serve. Of course i would do as i’m told. "

While I rather admire that line of thinking, one can easily say fulfillment is a necessary thing, even for slaves. If you find fulfillment in pleasing the one you serve, then you are ideal for otherwise selfless servitude, but even in this spartan example, you cannot intellectually escape it being, if even just a little, about how you feel or what you want. Selflessness can be obtained, but only after a wise choice that makes it easy has been made.

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(in reply to Wretchedness)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 9:43:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentDesire

Any chance in hell we can all just agree that we don't have the right to decide the identity of other human beings, regardless of whether or not they meet our personal standards and maybe avoid turning this into another 10 page thread about twueness?

THIS.

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(in reply to DecadentDesire)

RE: True submissive? - 7/13/2011 9:49:45 PM

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From: Montana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Um. To me, part of being a sub is doing something even though it DOES make you uncomfortable.

However, I wonder if being uncomfortable is wise on a first meet with a stranger?

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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