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RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 11:01:05 AM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

ETA.. Ya know it could be he doesn't like fucking frumpy over 40 bitches. Without going into boring details. Suffice to say I had a bitch that gave me BJ on demand... I never boned her although she wanted more of a "relationship".

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 1/23/2012 2:06:37 AM

I had to respond to this, always an idiot in the bunch....I would venture to say this frumpy 40+ yr old looks better then your play mate. Do not think since someone is over 40 they are not still very much in shape and young looking....so crawl back under your bridge moron. I am tempted to put a pic up but i will not be doing that.

LOL gee thanks.... FYI beauty is in the eye of the beholder so just cuz you don't think your old and frumpy does NOT mean the guy who's cock your sucking holds that high of opinion of you.

BTFW this is not about my girl. This is about your jacked up relationship that i guess must remind you asked for advice on. I gave you a "Reality Check" that you don't want to hear It's apparent. Furthermore I did NOT call you old and frumpy. I said perhaps he doesn't like em that way. But If I was as insecure as you seem to be <your posts indicate that to me> I might read it as I was calling you frumpy.

Really YOU pay him....and your calling me a moron???? OMFG that is "classic" shakes my head and walks away ..you are beyond help.

BadOne

You clearly have an attitude problem. ANd my opinion still stands about You from the first post. Most people are helpful. YOU ARE NOT.
Beyond help? lol. Look in the mirror and get some if You want to get crass.

To be honest.......he isn't saying anything anyone else hasn't said. He has just been more blunt. He hasn't covered it in ooey gooey feel good fluff. AND, he's given you the perspective most close to that of the guy that is shitting on you while you sit there and lap it up.

What you've described your relationship to be, more resembles that of a pimp and his whore than a relationship.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/23/2012 11:03:28 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to chatterbox24)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 11:03:48 AM

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

ETA.. Ya know it could be he doesn't like fucking frumpy over 40 bitches. Without going into boring details. Suffice to say I had a bitch that gave me BJ on demand... I never boned her although she wanted more of a "relationship".

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 1/23/2012 2:06:37 AM

I had to respond to this, always an idiot in the bunch....I would venture to say this frumpy 40+ yr old looks better then your play mate. Do not think since someone is over 40 they are not still very much in shape and young looking....so crawl back under your bridge moron. I am tempted to put a pic up but i will not be doing that.

(Snip)

We get that you are not a frumpy over forty... but you seem to be acting as if you are. You allowed, for whatever reasons, a man to use you not only for housework and oral sex, but for gifts and money. Who does that without getting their needs met? I'll let you answer that one, as I have my own opinion. You are wondering what could be wrong with this guy or if things will change, which is what you really hoped would happen. Once again, placing yourself in the same position you placed yourself in to start with. Allowing someone to use you in many ways and calling it a lifestyle of some sort. In two years you never learned about any others or their experiences or checked into things? This doesn't suggest a problem with the one gaining the benefits so much as it suggests a problem with the one allowing someone to gain from them without a return of some sort. You got something out of it with the intense attraction and maybe romanticizing it all, but you didn't get your needs met and were told day one you would get one and only one kiss. You walked into this and stayed. Why? That is what you most need to understand.

I find it hard to believe that a woman your age would subject herself to this and not only subject herself to it, but willingly project herself into the situation. Some may go easy on you and say we all make mistakes or that it is sub frenzy/whatever, but I cannot do that as I don't think it does anyone any favors to enable their faulty thinking or personal excuse to do stupid in their own life and not be accountable within their own life. I say it like I see it and I see a woman that didn't get led down a wayward path, but a woman for whatever reasons, injected herself onto a wayward path and then came out complaining that she wasn't getting her needs met by someone else. Where is the personal accountability?

If you can earn enough money to support yourself and gift this man as much as it sounds like you have, then you have the skill set and should have the emotional skill set to know a bad business deal as well as a bad emotional deal. You are not a clueless youth.

So... you made a mistake or you foolishly and romantically allowed yourself a fool hardy situation. Don't blame him. Be accountable, learn your lessons even if a bit late in life and move on. But if you wish to bash him for taking advantage of what you willfully and willingly provided without a personal accounting and wish to make him the bad guy... which I fully believe he is, but you had a huge part in that... then don't count on all of us enabling you and patting you on the head.

A good submissive in my opinion has a good head on their shoulders, is accountable and doesn't play the fool because they want sex, a relationship, to get into a lifestyle or anything else. If you wish to be treated as if you have value, then act like you have value by valuing yourself and not allowing others to devalue you by holding their hand while they do it.

Thanks Lockit. As you made my point so eloquently that she needs to look inward <as she is her own worst enemy> because the relationship will not change. I just assumed <wrongly> that someone over 40 I wouldn't have to talk to like a 5 year old and explain each bad decision she made along the way with this guy.

So now she is 2 years in and making the same mistakes over and over again. Head... DESK <repeat as required> It's like what part of this don't you understand. He will not change

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 11:06:53 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

To be honest.......he isn't saying anything anyone else hasn't said. He has just been more blunt. He hasn't covered it in ooey gooey feel good fluff. AND, he's given you the perspective most close to that of the guy that is shitting on you while you sit there and lap it up.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 11:08:18 AM

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Joined: 1/22/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ScatteredRose

I'm a mean person and I'm sorry if this has already been stated, but I can't read the five pages of replies hahaha!

I'm the kind of person where I need sex in a relationship. Not because it feels good or anything, but it has become ingrained into me as part of the dynamic. If I was told by a potential Master that he was never going to have sex with me, I would walk out the door. Why? Because it's important to me.

Now, is sex important to you? Do you want to be intimate with him? Does the idea of being intimate with him make you feel complete?

If you said yes to any of these questions, then you might want to weigh the pros and cons of this situation. If you enjoy sex and he won't give it to you, and it makes you sad that he won't, it might be best to do what's best for YOU.

A slave cannot serve without being happy. And you being unhappy that your Master is not intimate with you, will make it harder to serve...

I've been there. Twice. Do what's best for you hun. If you need someone to talk to, message me okay?

Thank You ScatteredRose, very sweet of you. Yes sex is important to me. I could and have gone awhile without it but in the long run the relationship will not be satisfying. As you can see the doubts are already very REAL. It will never last as it is, and I dont see it changing. Its important dynamic for me. I will talk to him about it and see his response. I pretty much know what he will say. Then I will have to ignor him or he will continue to pursue me to get his way.
I so much appreciate everyones input and it has been a great help in showing me I need to move on if i cant get my needs met. BOth partners should be satisfied or it will fail. I was so hoping the collaring would change things, but I know see its more of an acceptance of current circumstances not a changing factor in the relationship.
I feel this relationship has been more a physiological game then anything else. Time for me to move forward, and unfortunately without him.

(in reply to ScatteredRose)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 11:11:06 AM

Posts: 171
Joined: 3/9/2010
From: New Orleans
Status: offline

Hun, no matter what, you have the power of "No".

You are not owned by him, at least not yet. No matter what, we as grown adults can say, "Yes I'm a _____", and follow by that protocol. But at the end of the day, you are human, you can hurt, cry, scream, smile, laugh, rage, anything.

If you are not happy with a situation, do not allow someone to bully you until continuing a situation.

Do what's best for you :) And good luck to you.

_____________________________

"Realizing I had a name-- Bec. It means "Little One". It's what Goll called me when he first found me. I was proud of the name. It was the only thing I owned, something nobody could ever take from me." The Demonata: vol 4 Bec.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 11:11:15 AM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Narcissists can be extremely charismatic and charming when it suits them.

Yes! All of your posts on narcissism are very much on point.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 11:12:47 AM

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

We get that you are not a frumpy over forty... but you seem to be acting as if you are. You allowed, for whatever reasons, a man to use you not only for housework and oral sex, but for gifts and money. Who does that without getting their needs met? by Lockit

A giving person does that, in hopes of possibly mending the person they love. My Master was married before years ago and he won;t even talk about it.

I didnt come here to get my hand held. I came to a BDSM site hoping to find some answers into the lifestyle. I honestly believed his controlling ways were based on this lifestyle. I am a novice to all of this. I have read tons of literature on the subject of BDSM but never found any info that helped with my situation. I am learning its not about BDSM, its about his personality and it isnt part of the "normal" lifestyle process.

Now wait a minute. Do you honestly believe that you can get away with claiming that a giving person gives to the point of enabling a past wound to inhibit their life so much that a savior type must come help them heal and all is fair in love if one is going to martyr themselves as an excuse for both?

I give, I give a lot, but that doesn't mean I give so much that I disable myself and others in my giving. I don't use giving as an excuse for anything but... I have a good heart that likes to give. Giving people ought to have some standards.

You think you can help heal someone by devaluing yourself, enabling them and allowing them to use you? You think that you can get through what you projected yourself into by being such a good doobie that you were a giving person and thats what giving people do?

You continue to excuse and lie to yourself.

You cannot use poor mental/emotional health or dysfunction to excuse or reason out bdsm or d/s and think that being a two year newbie excuses anything. If that is all you have gained in two years... well... something is wrong in that. Stop excusing yourself, him and it all by using stinkin thinkin.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to chatterbox24)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 11:13:44 AM

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

ETA.. Ya know it could be he doesn't like fucking frumpy over 40 bitches. Without going into boring details. Suffice to say I had a bitch that gave me BJ on demand... I never boned her although she wanted more of a "relationship".

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 1/23/2012 2:06:37 AM

I had to respond to this, always an idiot in the bunch....I would venture to say this frumpy 40+ yr old looks better then your play mate. Do not think since someone is over 40 they are not still very much in shape and young looking....so crawl back under your bridge moron. I am tempted to put a pic up but i will not be doing that.

LOL gee thanks.... FYI beauty is in the eye of the beholder so just cuz you don't think your old and frumpy does NOT mean the guy who's cock your sucking holds that high of opinion of you.

BTFW this is not about my girl. This is about your jacked up relationship that i guess must remind you asked for advice on. I gave you a "Reality Check" that you don't want to hear It's apparent. Furthermore I did NOT call you old and frumpy. I said perhaps he doesn't like em that way. But If I was as insecure as you seem to be <your posts indicate that to me> I might read it as I was calling you frumpy.

Really YOU pay him....and your calling me a moron???? OMFG that is "classic" shakes my head and walks away ..you are beyond help.

BadOne

You clearly have an attitude problem. ANd my opinion still stands about You from the first post. Most people are helpful. YOU ARE NOT.
Beyond help? lol. Look in the mirror and get some if You want to get crass.

REALLY I am the one being crass??? You have called me a idiot and a moron after asking for my advice....you really need to A. Grow up and B. Grow UP.

You really should keep your mouth shaped like a O. Cuz your only making yourself look worse

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 11:15:30 AM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
I was so hoping the collaring would change things, but I know see its more of an acceptance of current circumstances not a changing factor in the relationship.
I feel this relationship has been more a physiological game then anything else. Time for me to move forward, and unfortunately without him.

It will be painful at first, but really, from everything you describe, I honestly think it will be much better for you to put this man and this situation into your past where it belongs. Best of luck to you (and STICK to your guns! Make a decision and STICK with it!)

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to chatterbox24)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 11:16:22 AM

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

ETA.. Ya know it could be he doesn't like fucking frumpy over 40 bitches. Without going into boring details. Suffice to say I had a bitch that gave me BJ on demand... I never boned her although she wanted more of a "relationship".

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 1/23/2012 2:06:37 AM

I had to respond to this, always an idiot in the bunch....I would venture to say this frumpy 40+ yr old looks better then your play mate. Do not think since someone is over 40 they are not still very much in shape and young looking....so crawl back under your bridge moron. I am tempted to put a pic up but i will not be doing that.

LOL gee thanks.... FYI beauty is in the eye of the beholder so just cuz you don't think your old and frumpy does NOT mean the guy who's cock your sucking holds that high of opinion of you.

BTFW this is not about my girl. This is about your jacked up relationship that i guess must remind you asked for advice on. I gave you a "Reality Check" that you don't want to hear It's apparent. Furthermore I did NOT call you old and frumpy. I said perhaps he doesn't like em that way. But If I was as insecure as you seem to be <your posts indicate that to me> I might read it as I was calling you frumpy.

Really YOU pay him....and your calling me a moron???? OMFG that is "classic" shakes my head and walks away ..you are beyond help.

BadOne

You clearly have an attitude problem. ANd my opinion still stands about You from the first post. Most people are helpful. YOU ARE NOT.
Beyond help? lol. Look in the mirror and get some if You want to get crass.

To be honest.......he isn't saying anything anyone else hasn't said. He has just been more blunt. He hasn't covered it in ooey gooey feel good fluff. AND, he's given you the perspective most close to that of the guy that is shitting on you while you sit there and lap it up.

What you've described your relationship to be, more resembles that of a pimp and his whore than a relationship.

There is such a thing as tact and class. Saying I act like a 5 yr old because I come for advice and know very little about the lifestyle and assuming IM over the hill because I am over 40 is neither tact or class. There is a way of stating things in a nice way where someone doesnt take offense. Clearly a few people lack that ability.
Cudos to the ones who did have class and tact and being helpful. bye!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 11:19:14 AM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Well............bye.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to chatterbox24)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 12:07:42 PM

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

FR
Well, in case you case you come back I'm
not going to insult you or patronize you.
First, I think littlewonder made some good
points.
Secondly, there are submissives male and
female who this scenario would be their
idea of bliss. Everyone doesn't want to
hold hands and watch tv together.
Some like it cold and nasty. When
some people say that want to be
used they mean they want to be
used. Suck it and your dismissed.
And don't assume that that's their
think cause they ain't fuckable.
It's possible he's married and is evocking
the Clinton clause on what constitutes
adultery.
Some people don't consider intercourse to
be the end all. And some men respond
more readily to a blow job. Fucking is
more of a challenge and it's not because
he's stuck with someone unfuckable.
That you are an attractive woman who is
accustomed to men trying to get in her
pants but he's refraining might bevsomething
he's getting off on. I'm pretty certain he's
enjoying your frustration.
I'm not going to throw that subdrop shit
at you. You'd probably be drawn to this
guy without the bdsm trappings. Why?
I don't know. Does he remind you of your
father? Maybe you're just having a good
old fashion emotional masochistic wallow.
It can be hot being tangled up with a
cold bastard. Maybe you have I'm gonna
make you love me ideas.
Doesn't really matter. What matters is if
you're content to go on as they are.
After two years he's probably not going
to change. Have a conversation with him
about why he wants things he wants them.
Ask him if things will ever evolve to anything
else. If he refuses to talk to you then you
need to make decision.
Continue as things are, leave the situation
(which you may have outgrown) or
keep on serving him and get someone
else on the side.
I don't think you've been doing this for
two years without getting some satisfaction
from it. Like I said you just might be outgrowing
him and the dynamic.
Think hard about it and recognize you
have to live with whatever you decide
and it is in the end up to you if you
stay in this relationship. Eyes wide open.
If you're still in it and frustrated a year
from now it's because that's what you
chose to do. And don't hold out he's really
a teddy bear under his icy exterior.
I wish you the best.

_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 12:32:18 PM

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

So... a dominant isn't expected to be baggage free and perfect, but to enable a dominant or excuse his lacks in seeing to some of the needs of the one giving so much, looks like simple use, excuse and enabling dysfunction. Don't dominant's explain how things will go within the structure or whatever type of relationship they are having, not by simply saying, I will never kiss you and come do this and that and buy me this and that and no more? How is that a dominant that just might not like or think much of sex... that goes both ways and not just some cum sliding down her throat?

That's a sorry excuse for a dominant in my view.

I'm hurt... I just want this and not that and you can't have that even though I know you want it because I am one big bad dominant teaching you the lifestyle.

ROFL... sad... really sad... and really, really sad that some would try to mask it as something of worth.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Winterapple)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 1:00:34 PM

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

Of course it's better to talk about it before jumping
into the situation. And better to keep talking
and asking questions as they arise.
I said she should talk to him now.
She's already put two years into it
that can't be changed.
He'll either refuse, remain vague or
talk to her. It's up to her if she goes on
or keeps at it. It's also up to her decide
what it's worth is or isn't.
He didn't blackmail her into this set up.
She can stay or go. She should just be
prepared to own whatever decision she
makes.

for

_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 1:22:22 PM

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

I suppose you could argue he took advantage of
her naïveté and eagerness but only up to a point.
She's a grown woman. She's stayed in it for
two years. She's responsible for educating
herself and for the decisions she makes.
If she has to chalk it up to a bad experience
that's life. He doesn't say much and he
won't or hasn't fucked her yet. Not the
most of tragic circumstances.
She's a woman complaining about her
boyfriend on the Internet.

_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud

(in reply to Winterapple)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 3:07:17 PM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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I predict that if your guy experiences Fear of Loss he will turn on the charm and suck you back in a time or two. Remember, actions speak louder than words - pay attention to what he DOES not what he PROMISES.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 3:41:07 PM

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
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I think your prediction would be right on! lol. He has did that a few times when about 6 months ago I said I am not getting my needs met. Somehow he talked me into staying, of course I never made it hard for him to contact me.
I want to talk to him before I end it, I dont feel good about just disappearing. But if we talk and I cant get some answers or it looks like my needs are continued to not be met, which is almost definite, then I will make it where he cant contact me. I know I will give in if i dont. If i continue with this relationship after learning everything i have I wont have anyone else to blame then myself.

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 3:55:58 PM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
But if we talk and I cant get some answers or it looks like my needs are continued to not be met, which is almost definite, then I will make it where he cant contact me. I know I will give in if i dont. If i continue with this relationship after learning everything i have I wont have anyone else to blame then myself.

Sadly, one doesn't always get answers to the behavior patterns. Trust your instincts. The fact that you are here asking the things you are asking and having the dialogue you are having speaks volumes about what is going on.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to chatterbox24)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 4:03:13 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

FR

Op, I do not mean to be overly critical here but I think you are quite changable, maybe all you needed was some people to tell you that if you are not happy then you should leave but the tone of your posts seem to suggest that you are fairly easily persuaded. To me that means if you feel bad about leaving without saying anything but actually want to leave then you do not offer him a chance to reply. If you do not want to be with a person who can ignore your sexual needs for two years then you write a letter/email whatever and do not read anything he sends you or answer your phone. You explain that you will not respond and that is it guilt free. Though I wonder how sure you are about what you really want.

I guess it really depends on how long you are willing to carry this on, whether you want to do the whole 'if you dont do this then I am leaving thing' personally that smacks of desperation to me if he isn't already listening to you then chances of him deciding he will suddenly are slim.

Good luck whatever you decide.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)

RE: Master does not want sex - 1/23/2012 4:16:59 PM

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
ScatteredRose

for
... no matter what, you have the power of "No"...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4007074/mpage_6/key_/tm.htm#4008357

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to ScatteredRose)

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