Doms that do not accept BBWs

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Doms that do not accept BBWs

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Doms that do not accept BBWs

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/26/2012 7:34:41 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/11/2012
Status: offline

First off this is not a rant nor am I trying to be snide. I am serious about this question. I love all body types and respect everyone's choice in what they choose to look like and who they find attractive.
I have a serious question for Doms/Masters that will not accept BBW sub/slaves. If you met a lady that had everything you wanted in her attitude, disposition and willingness to submit would you be willing to help her transform her physical body into what you would find pleasing? I am talking about a safe weight loss program involving diet and exercise. Plus your control/Dominance over her as your property, not to mention her deep desire to please you, as a motivating factor. Even all the way to helping her get financing for weight loss surgery, which has become much safer and allows many options. Speaking for myself I know that with the drive of my Master/Owner behind me, as well as his support, pride, and even rewards for doing well would be a huge boost.
Now of course me personally, I WANT to lose the weight already first for health reasons and second because I am not happy with my body. I am absolutely NOT talking about forcing someone to do this because it would please you. A person absolutely has to WANT to change and have the desire within them to be successful. This is just something that popped into my mind and I would like to get your views on it. TY

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/26/2012 8:44:10 PM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelinChainz

I have a serious question for Doms/Masters that will not accept BBW sub/slaves.

Why? Why would a black person deliberately seek out racists, or a Jew anti-Semites? Why not address ALL Doms?

quote:

If you met a lady that had everything you wanted in her attitude, disposition and willingness to submit would you be willing to help her transform her physical body into what you would find pleasing? I am talking about a safe weight loss program involving diet and exercise. Plus your control/Dominance over her as your property, not to mention her deep desire to please you, as a motivating factor. Even all the way to helping her get financing for weight loss surgery, which has become much safer and allows many options. Speaking for myself I know that with the drive of my Master/Owner behind me, as well as his support, pride, and even rewards for doing well would be a huge boost.

This bothers me a lot. 1. You are defining yourself solely in terms of your weight. You are dismissing all the other compatibility factors. Bluntly, you're fixated. 2. Instead of thinking of a Dom that will be happy with you as you are AND as you intend to be, you're solely shooting for the ones that will accept you conditionally. I'd be very concerned, assuming that you would find someone like that, what would happen if your progress slowed or you were able to accomplish only part of your goal. 3. We occasionally get transsexuals here that want to find a Dom to finance their reassignment surgery. You're similar in that you are throwing out the possibility that you'd want your Dom to foot the bill for your surgery.

quote:

Now of course me personally, I WANT to lose the weight already first for health reasons and second because I am not happy with my body. I am absolutely NOT talking about forcing someone to do this because it would please you. A person absolutely has to WANT to change and have the desire within them to be successful. This is just something that popped into my mind and I would like to get your views on it. TY

Nope. You're deliberately shooting for Doms who want a thinner woman. They will not be happy until you do lose the weight, which you say you want to change on your own. I suspect that they will not be unfailingly cheerful and supportive, but will get impatient and may get demanding, which will add stress and make it harder.

Again, I'd shoot for a man who will accept you as you are AND as you want to be.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AngelinChainz)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/26/2012 8:57:00 PM

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

No one wants to be obese, Healthy body
Healthy mind. This will make me sound like
an asshole but why would I pick a girl that
needed years of management and work to
get to a point where she meets my standards
when there are tones of healthy ones out
there already? And to be completely honest
you have to do it for yourself, not so some guy
will give you the time of day...

-ARIES

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to AngelinChainz)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/26/2012 9:29:02 PM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

First off, you are going about this wrong.

You do not try to get someone not into your body type be into it by offering to change for him.

That is a recipe for disaster.

There are plenty of men who like fuller women and why waste your time on someone that you might never feel you will be his ideal?

Instead, only look to yourself to fix what you don't like. I would never be with anyone who was not already attracted to me, even if I decided on MY OWN to lose weight. I would be doing it for me only since whomever I am with is into me already.

You would do well to have more self esteem; heavy or thin, nothing is more attractive than a confident woman. And plenty of BBW's are confident.

(in reply to ARIES83)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/26/2012 10:11:16 PM

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I agree with Aries on this one, and Dark Steven. You should work on yourself first, then worry about the right Dom. I know a few who are like the guys you are talking about. They take care of their bodies, work out everyday, eat right, and when obese women try to talk to them they always get the same rejection.

I would focus on your health and weight first, if it is truly an issue for you. Then, knock em dead when all the hard work pays off.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/26/2012 10:16:28 PM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Big women have a pretty substantial fanbase. Why set yourself up for misery with someone who wants to change you?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to TNDommeK)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/26/2012 11:04:00 PM

Thaz

Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline

What Lady H said. Quite so.

There are all types. Now my BBW actualy wants to loose some weight for health reasons. I'm more than happy to help her do so. However I'm not going at it to get some skinny bint thats out of the pages of some porn site or fashion mag. If I wanted that I would have stuck with the girl I had before that was damn close to my version of the perfect 10 but was a bad match for my personaility and a drama generating nightmare. I love my BBW Wench and I've no problem with her weight as long as shes happy and healthy. Its her brain that turns me on (and the pretty face and great tits and ass just help)

There are other men (and girls of course) who reallllllly love a bigger woman and dont even get me started on feeders and gainers.

So I'd say the fact that you want to loose weight is secondary to finding the right partner for YOU. If you find the right person for you then yes they'll support you and there are plenty of them that wont exclude a BBW. Dont sweat those that wont acccept you, its no different to someone who doesnt like Blondes say. Its their loss right? Just make sure you dont hook up with a feeder who wants you to GAIN weight as that wont work out to well :-/

Thaz

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/26/2012 11:04:16 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

I'm not sure I qualify as a BBW, but I am trying to lose weight at the moment. Why on earth would you pick someone who wants to change something about you from day one?

I totally understand why you might think your dom would really be a big motivating factor to help you lose weight. I know mine is a huge source of support in getting healthy. But the difference is, he already loves me, 100%, the way I am. If I don't drop any weight one week, I don't have to worry. I don't have to deal with someone who doesn't think I'm attractive or who doesn't like the person that I already am. I'm not worried that he will leave me if I don't get there quickly enough and I don't feel ashamed of my body in bed (I'm NOT saying BBWs should be ashamed, but I know that I personally would feel very low in bed with someone that I knew thought my body was unattractive, whatever shape it was).

Even if you do find someone who fits this criteria, it sounds like a recipe for ruined self esteem to me. What happens if you try your hardest and don't lose the weight? Maybe you get sick and can't diet/exercise for a while? Do you want someone who will leave you or stay with you unhappy?

Starting any relationship based on who you might be in the future is always a bad idea. Find someone who likes you for you, and then ask that person to support you. Or do it before you go looking for someone. Do not pick someone who has 'no BBWs' as a key criteria.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/26/2012 11:39:13 PM

SlipSlidingAway

Posts: 223
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline

I am very much with DarkSteven's remarks on this one.

OP, you are setting yourself up for failure in your goals, frustration, and heartache if you seek out a partner that is not into who you are NOW rather than what you ~might~ become. It's not just weight, people do this with a lot of things, and while your goal to make changes is admirable, these changes are 1) not guaranteed and 2) won't fundamentally effect who you are at your core. There are people who don't find certain things attractive. It's a fact and there is nothing wrong with that. While it seems unfair on the surface, it's really not much different than preferring shorter partners, or partners with freckles, or with tiny feet. The difference here is that you have the ability to change the trait that they find undesirable. However, starting out with a partner that already finds a large part of you unattractive (pun purely coincidental) is only going to undermine your self esteem. It will make it that much more difficult to attain your goal if you know that you are with someone who will only find you attractive IF you change. I agree with the other posters, work on the weight on your own, BUT don't allow that to define you. Keep looking for someone who cares about YOU, the person you are inside and outside, a person for whom the weight is not an issue. I suspect, if you find someone like that, he will be supportive and encouraging in ALL areas of your life, not just this one.

I once met a dom who told me that he could never find me attractive because my ass was not big enough! Seriously. He wanted a pear shaped girl and that was never going to be me. I was offended at first, and really thought to myself that this guy was bonkers, he was passing me up for something SO trivial. Over time, I became so glad that he did! I can't imagine allowing myself to be made to feel inadequate by my partner over something like that; but it was apparent that I was never going to be able to be what he wanted. And even if I ~could~ have been, I'm pretty sure that a guy that felt that strongly over something so superficial was never going to be compatible with me to begin with.

This isn't a D/s or BDSM issue, it's a people thing. Some people put more emphasis on looks and body types than others. Some feel 'entitled' to a certain type of partner. More power to 'em. They may be missing out on the best thing that ever came their way, but they will never know it, because they had priorities that made it impossible for them to be open to it. You need to understand your own worth and that it's not tied up with numbers on a scale.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Again, I'd shoot for a man who will accept you as you are AND as you want to be.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 12:05:24 AM

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Starting a relationship with someone that you're not attracted to, with the hope that maybe you can later change them into someone you are attracted to, seems like a recipe for failure. People prefer to date people that they're already attracted to, that's as true for Doms as anyone else. If you want to date Doms that aren't into BBWs, then lose some weight and stop being a BBW and the rest will follow.

Like you said, the motivation to change has to come from within you. So if you want to do it, go out and get started!

(in reply to AngelinChainz)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 12:27:31 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Actually, yes. There are people out there who not only want to be obese, they enjoy it and think its sexy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

No one wants to be obese,

-ARIES

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to ARIES83)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 12:27:33 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm going to go a whole other way one this. Personally, I don't feel there should be much difference in general advice between the genders.

We constantly tell males on this site that if you are not what the woman wants as expressed in her profile, to just go to the next. People are allowed to have their preferences and nobody should expect to be the exception to the rule. If you are not what a certain person wants, please be courteous to them and and respect those preferences. Sure, weight can be lost, weight reduction surgery can be had, but it would seem to Me that if the person said "No BBWs" on the profile, you might want to go back to that person when you are in their preferred weight range.

I'm sorry, folks, but if this OP was male, this thread would get the standard "you don't match the other person's preference so move on" that darn near every male gets when he brings a question to the boards about email or contacting people. If we can't treat the genders the same on an issue, we really should be asking why.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SlipSlidingAway)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 12:28:54 AM

Posts: 274
Joined: 1/25/2011
Status: offline

don't worry about him, worry about you.if you want to lose the weight, cool.if not,still cool. but no man is going to invest time & energy to make that happen.they want it yesterday & there are plenty of women out there who already have their sh!t together.you are better off with someone who loves you just the way you are today

_____________________________

http://losangelesblackdominatrix.com
http://findomme.blogspot.com
http://blackmailfetish.blogspot.com
www.twitter.com/fetisheden

(in reply to graceadieu)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 12:39:25 AM

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

There are plenty of people that prefer BBWs to skinny little bags of bones. However ...

Over the years, BBW has come to mean something very different than what it started out meaning.

Delta Burke was a BBW (until she got truly fat). Anna Nicole Smith, Kirstie Allie, etc.

While BBW has become the catch-all phrase for ladies that don't meet Madison Avenue standards, there is a difference between being "bigger" and being un-healthy.

Having said that relationships are hard enough, why would a person go against their natural attraction to take on the added issue of a weight problem?

Don't get me wrong; a lady that's a little bigger than most is appealing. A lady that is in dire need of weight loss is something else altogether.

Now, none of this is to suggest that you fall into the latter category. Obviously, I have no way of knowing but, why wouldn't you focus on someone who appreciates you for who you are?

If your weight bothers you, why do you need the (forgive me, folks) D/s dynamic to force yourself to lose weight?

Lastly (and I give this advice to all submissives for a variety of reasons) why aren't you working toward being the kind of submissive you wish to present to a dominant? Be the person you want/are able to be and then, go from there. That's how you will find the person to whom you are best suited; by being the person you want to be before you find them (and I am not just referring to physical appearance, here).

Peace and comfort,

Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 7/27/2012 12:42:13 AM >

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 1:07:51 AM

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
Lastly (and I give this advice to all submissives for a variety of reasons) why aren't you working toward being the kind of submissive you wish to present to a dominant? Be the person you want/are able to be and then, go from there. That's how you will find the person to whom you are best suited; by being the person you want to be before you find them (and I am not just referring to physical appearance, here).

Peace and comfort,

Michael

It might sound easier said than done but
no one can do it for you.

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 2:48:22 AM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

Starting a relationship with someone that you're not attracted to, with the hope that maybe you can later change them into someone you are attracted to, seems like a recipe for failure. People prefer to date people that they're already attracted to, that's as true for Doms as anyone else. If you want to date Doms that aren't into BBWs, then lose some weight and stop being a BBW and the rest will follow.

Like you said, the motivation to change has to come from within you. So if you want to do it, go out and get started!

This...!

My relationships begin with a mutual attraction, and I'm just not attracted to "BBW". There are plenty who are or are at least indifferent to body size - that's where to look, OP.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to graceadieu)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 3:48:25 AM

Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Sometimes I do see a person and then see them with a change in their body size. I am not talking about size 36 to size 8. I am being realistic. I see the female and then see her in a shape that has her body toned. She still keeps the curves, but instead of wobbling about, she just jiggles. But then this is my preference, simple. Take out the crap eating, the snack eating, start slow exercise, then build up. Go to those group training sessions in the park, work out slowly from there.

_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to AngelinChainz)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 4:50:05 AM

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Well, firstly - I reserve the right to find whoever I find attractive for whatever reason. There are pahlenty of BBW ladies that I think are fucking gorgeous. Just as there are plenty of archetypical models that I don't.

But, if I don't find you attractive, one way or the other, whatever your dress-size, it aint going to go anywhere.

There's no way I'd accept someone on the basis that she needed me to "change" her. That sounds like way too much work for a very uncertain reward.

If you're unhappy with your size, you know what you have to do (Just in case... see your Dr to look at any possibly underlying issues - Thyroid etc, then follow a sensible diet coupled with exercise).

If you're happy with your size, then be happy with it! And accept that there are many many reasons a chap might find a lady attractive or not so and size is only one of them.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to AngelinChainz)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 5:13:18 AM

divi

Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

I agree with most of these posts. Fix yourself first. Then look for a relationship or whatever you're seeking.

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to crazyml)

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 7:51:09 AM

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

Well......here I go....

First, I am a fat chick, morbidly obese, according to the charts. Do I know it is unhealthy? Of course. Do I find excuses? HA! I have so many of them, it aint funny. Bio mom, who was obese within 1 years of having her first child, 2 half sisters, raised in different families, who were both obese within a year of having their first child. Guess who else was obese within a year of having her first child? ME!!!!

Had I known my family history, when I gave birth, would I, could I, have done things to make that not happen? WTF knows. That is history now, so I quit wondering about it.

Grew up, a size 16 from about 7th grade, until having my son. I was teased about being fat all my life! Size 16 was not in the "regular" sizes back then, it was in the "husky" sizes. Add to that a mom, who was tiny, and who always was trying the latest way to try to make me tiny, ugh, yeah, I got issues fer shure.

I hit 50 back in April. It came like a ton of fucking bricks, made me realize my mortality, made me know I have less years left than I have lived, and really made me think about my health. I have slowly made changes, have lost about 22 pounds since my birthday, and, I am hopeful that I will continue to lose weight and, more importantly, get healthier.

So, do I want a domly dude who is not attracted to fat chicks? No. Even I have my own ideas of what turns me on in a man. If a blonde, blue eyed male, with a hairless chest, came to me and said but I am the exception, you WILL find me attractive, I would have to say sorry dude, I just can't get a twitch from you physically, and, whether we like it or not, that twitch is very fucking important.

Do I want a domly dude who will accept me as I am? Yes. And no. I want someone who will help me become the best I can be, in all aspects of my life. That is not saying I am not absolutely fucking awesome alone. That is not saying that I am not content alone. That is saying that I want someone who can use me, and my knowledge and strengths, to help them. I also want someone who I can use (yeah I went there, Ima sub and wanna use him!) his strengths and knowledge to help me.

All that means is, I do not want someone who will bring me chocolates and tell me that I am fine like I am. I want someone who will say I care about you, and you turn me on, but I want you with me a long time, so eat these fruits and veggies and get on that fucking treadmill.

So, now that I have gone from Georgia to California, via North Dakota, I will say that I totally get where the OP is coming from, and I totally don't get where the OP is coming from. Life, and relationships, just aint that easy, to be able to say yes, I domly dude would help some chick lose weight.

But, it also is not impossible that there could be that "twitch" upon meeting a fat chick, and, after discovering her deepest self, you decide that you would be willing to be her cheerleader and motivator, in all aspects, not just health.

I have rambled too long, but, for some reason, I felt the need to say all of this.

Blame it on what ya will.

Oh yeah, I absofuckinglutely HATE HATE HATE the BBW moniker. All big chicks are no more beautiful than all skinny chicks are. Fat is nothing more than an adjective, like tall, short, thin, freckled, etc so on and so forth. IMHO, if you are unable to even use the word fat to describe your self, you got issues.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to AngelinChainz)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Doms that do not accept BBWs

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.584