RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 3:37:30 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I agree that MissNoJelly is the shiznit.

Fat Old Hib

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to ARIES83)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 3:42:34 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

awwww shucks, yall made me blush.

Now quit it, I am menopausal and I will cry!!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 4:35:41 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

*High fives Buttered Biscuits, and sits down at the dinner table*

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 7:16:45 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

IMO, starting a relationship with the intent to change someone is the time-tested recipe for disaster. So what happens when the weight loss goal isn't met? The shame and wondering if you'll lose his affection would kill me. Because you're asking someone who prefers something that you are not, to put that very real preference aside until you fit it. What if you don't? What then? How wonderful to feel like a total reject because you weren't good enough or couldn't transform yourself into the thing that he wanted. So if someone really loves giant breasts, he should go looking for someone with small ones and ask her to change for him? What if she doesn't? Does he get to dump her then? This change-me scenario is all kinds of fucked up.

I have never liked to be with anyone who is fixated on any particular physical part of me. My skin color, or weight, or whatever....I don't want to be 'just' that to him. My weight may change, then what? If he's all about that then I'm sunk.

I don't think it would be an awesome motivator at all for a Dominant to help transform his partner into what pleases him, that infers that he isn't pleased by her as she is. I think he should find what pleases him to begin with, and be ok with whatever she is trying to accomplish down the road.

(in reply to AngelinChainz)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/27/2012 9:30:31 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Rather than go for guys that DON'T like BBWs, why not go for those who DO? There are plenty out there who do. I know I'd certainly not even consider writing to subs whose profiles state they only want a HWP Domme. I'd be wasting my time and setting myself up for rejection. Do yourself a favor and, if you don't meet someone's specifications he puts on his profile, pass him by and move on to the next one. Plus, everyone should know by now that getting into a relationship with someone in the hopes that you can change them is just bad news and not a good place to go, so why would any smart guy want to do that?

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to AngelinChainz)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/28/2012 3:32:53 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

...I'm sorry, folks, but if this OP was male, this thread would get the standard "you don't match the other person's preference so move on" that darn near every male gets when he brings a question to the boards about email or contacting people. If we can't treat the genders the same on an issue, we really should be asking why.

The bolded does summarize what I read the posters above you as saying.

Leaving both quotes for continuity, since this is somewhat off topic.

Yes, that is the summary, however it is extremely hard to find parallel thread where such empathy, compassion, etc is extended to males when the 'what if I'm not what they are looking for' subject comes around. Threads with male submissives regarding weight issues are few and far between, but you can find the 'make it better' theme often enough. This thread is a much kinder, gentler version of the types of responses that males get. You certainly don't see the patting on the head that this OP got. That leaves Me thinking there are two possibilities.

1. We are treating this OP in a different way because of her gender. Or

2. We are feeling sorry for this OP because it's specifically about her weight.

Here on CM, we don't have the greatest track record in either of these departments. Even as I'm typing that one I am thinking, "Dear God, don't let this turn into one of the famous fat threads."

On certain subjects around this joint, we do treat males and females differently. I think at least some people see it, but let it slide. It's not anything new to the world of BDSM. We most certainly treat new female tops far better than we do male tops in many instances. Much like we've had discussion on how a question is asked will contribute to the result, I suggest to you (general you) that the who (or the gender of the who) can sway the responses as well.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to kalikshama)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/28/2012 4:57:51 AM

areallivehuman

Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

Fast reply to the original poster

I'd like to share this story with you. 3 or so years back I divorced my crazy drunk of a wife. I was looking, 50 something, and in somewhat of a unique situation. While I would not term myself as a "lover" of BBWs, neither am I a hater. To me, the mental connection is much more important. So I did not disqualify women who were overweight, hell, that would severely diminish my pool of prospects.
I was overweight my whole life. Not severe, not obese, but always a good 50 pounds too heavy. Four years ago, because of health reasons, I became a vegan/health nut. I lost my 50 pounds, and then some. I learned a lot about nutrition, food, and cooking.
So, I met a woman, right here on CM. She lived 100 miles from me, in a city I was visiting frequently for work We had dinner one night, just exactly a year ago as a matter of fact (HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY). She was overweight, even obese, and diabetic. There was, however, an unmistakable mental connection. To me, where there is a mental attraction, there is physical attraction.
We discussed diet in depth, on that first date, as well as many other things. That led to a second date, and then into a weekend only long distance relationship. She began to follow my dietary lead, on her own, at her own pace. You can guess the rest, she lost weight, reversed her diabetes, I moved her in 4 months ago, and we are living happily ever after.
I was looking for a mate. Although I did not wish to control someone to the point of telling them what to eat every meal, my personal dietary requirements are quite strict, and take some time and effort to follow. I definitely needed someone who was on board with my "lifestyle". So, I basically put the tools to lose weight at her disposal, it was up to her to pick them up and use them.
She still qualifies as a BBW. She could stand to lose 20 or so pounds. Her health is greatly improved. I couldn't love her more, nor could I care if she never lost another ounce. I guess that my point is, there is someone out there for you.
Good luck in your search.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/28/2012 6:09:15 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: areallivehuman

Fast reply to the original poster

I'd like to share this story with you. 3 or so years back I divorced my crazy drunk of a wife. I was looking, 50 something, and in somewhat of a unique situation. While I would not term myself as a "lover" of BBWs, neither am I a hater. To me, the mental connection is much more important. So I did not disqualify women who were overweight, hell, that would severely diminish my pool of prospects.
I was overweight my whole life. Not severe, not obese, but always a good 50 pounds too heavy. Four years ago, because of health reasons, I became a vegan/health nut. I lost my 50 pounds, and then some. I learned a lot about nutrition, food, and cooking.
So, I met a woman, right here on CM. She lived 100 miles from me, in a city I was visiting frequently for work We had dinner one night, just exactly a year ago as a matter of fact (HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY). She was overweight, even obese, and diabetic. There was, however, an unmistakable mental connection. To me, where there is a mental attraction, there is physical attraction.
We discussed diet in depth, on that first date, as well as many other things. That led to a second date, and then into a weekend only long distance relationship. She began to follow my dietary lead, on her own, at her own pace. You can guess the rest, she lost weight, reversed her diabetes, I moved her in 4 months ago, and we are living happily ever after.
I was looking for a mate. Although I did not wish to control someone to the point of telling them what to eat every meal, my personal dietary requirements are quite strict, and take some time and effort to follow. I definitely needed someone who was on board with my "lifestyle". So, I basically put the tools to lose weight at her disposal, it was up to her to pick them up and use them.
She still qualifies as a BBW. She could stand to lose 20 or so pounds. Her health is greatly improved. I couldn't love her more, nor could I care if she never lost another ounce. I guess that my point is, there is someone out there for you.
Good luck in your search.

Excellent post, and a great example of the kind of man that OP should be looking for.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to areallivehuman)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/28/2012 7:01:48 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Gotcha - when males are told to "move on" it's not surrounded with a lot of compassion as was the case here.

quote:

On certain subjects around this joint, we do treat males and females differently. I think at least some people see it, but let it slide. It's not anything new to the world of BDSM. We most certainly treat new female tops far better than we do male tops in many instances. Much like we've had discussion on how a question is asked will contribute to the result, I suggest to you (general you) that the who (or the gender of the who) can sway the responses as well.

Yes, I've been guilty of this but since JeffBC mentioned this recently I've been more proactive. Since I tend to be compassionate to everyone, this manifests as pointing out, as you did here, when people are treated differently due to their gender.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/28/2012 7:08:25 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I definitely needed someone who was on board with my "lifestyle".

Yes, I found that it is very detrimental for me to live with people who do not share my food values.

quote:

She began to follow my dietary lead, on her own, at her own pace. You can guess the rest, she lost weight, reversed her diabetes, I moved her in 4 months ago, and we are living happily ever after.

Every season on the Biggest Loser I see remarkable health gains made by the participants. It's nice to see an example of it being done without the Biggest Loser infrastructure - thanks for sharing!

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to areallivehuman)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/28/2012 7:32:23 AM

captainblack

Posts: 146
Joined: 8/26/2004
Status: offline

I have had 2 over weight slaves. One I would call BBW, the other was not. Not every over weight female is beautiful!

I chose both of them because they seemed to have the right attitude. Neither of them could give a blow job, or fuck in a way I found pleasing, but they had the right attitude and one even learned to give good head and they both learned to fuck.

In time both started to have health issues related to their weight. One had a stroke and became partly paralyzed due to high blood pressure from being grossly obese. I worked with her to get her back in shape. I started both of them on weight loss using diet and exercise, but neither kept to it and would have unauthorized food. In the end I decided that I did not want slaves that would not take care of their own health.

No master can motivate a girl to lose weight if she is not self motivated. For my own part I looked at myself and saw that my weight had gotten to be too much for good health. I was breathing heavy from minor exertion and I recognized that I was in the same shape as my father when his health took a dramatic downturn. What did I do about it? I just shut my mouth! I stopped eating in a mindless way. I started to think about everything that went into my body. I dropped almost 50 lbs in 6 months by paying attention to what I ate. If someone is not self motivated it will not happen. If they are self motivated it will happen and a supportive owner will make it a fun process for the girl, but if she is not motivated the owner will be frustrated and sad.

I had to let them go because it was tearing me up to see them destroy themselves.

CB

_____________________________

http://www.streetofbrands.com/

(in reply to AngelinChainz)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/28/2012 7:56:06 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I dropped almost 50 lbs in 6 months by paying attention to what I ate.

Congrats!

Sounds like this came after your experience with the two overweight women. I personally could not take someone seriously who was not himself setting a good example.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to captainblack)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/29/2012 12:37:06 AM

itsSIRtou

Posts: 836
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline

ya know, just an aside,...u ever think that maybe if u got with someone who WANTED u for u ......that the SEXERSIZE u have would help in ur weight loss?.... just sayin,....now of course, that would mean u'd have to do some of the humpin too and just not be tied up all the time...LOL

Sreiously, one other thing,..... if u get with someone who will only want u for what u MIGHT become, what happens if ur weight loss plateaus? it happends to everybody where ur body doesnt lose more than it wants to. Then after a bit it starts losing again....MAYBE.... u and that person would have to deal with that possiblity, are u ready for that?

what I see from the posts on here sums up to this..... set urself up for success - not failure, in being the best u can be no matter what ur weight loss....

good luck to u...

(in reply to kalikshama)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/29/2012 1:50:09 AM

Thaz

Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline

Fair Point well made.

Finding such a partner may well add so much intrest and activity that any 'mindless eating' going on goes right out the window.

Of course its also possible to put on a shed load of weight once you've found your ideal partner......and indeed to become enablers of each others bad habits. <raises hand>

(in reply to itsSIRtou)

Profile

Post #: 54

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/29/2012 1:53:21 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

...I'm sorry, folks, but if this OP was male, this thread would get the standard "you don't match the other person's preference so move on" that darn near every male gets when he brings a question to the boards about email or contacting people. If we can't treat the genders the same on an issue, we really should be asking why.

Leaving both quotes for continuity, since this is somewhat off topic.

Yes, that is the summary, however it is extremely hard to find parallel thread where such empathy, compassion, etc is extended to males when the 'what if I'm not what they are looking for' subject comes around. Threads with male submissives regarding weight issues are few and far between, but you can find the 'make it better' theme often enough. This thread is a much kinder, gentler version of the types of responses that males get. You certainly don't see the patting on the head that this OP got. That leaves Me thinking there are two possibilities.

1. We are treating this OP in a different way because of her gender. Or

2. We are feeling sorry for this OP because it's specifically about her weight.

Here on CM, we don't have the greatest track record in either of these departments. Even as I'm typing that one I am thinking, "Dear God, don't let this turn into one of the famous fat threads."

On certain subjects around this joint, we do treat males and females differently. I think at least some people see it, but let it slide. It's not anything new to the world of BDSM. We most certainly treat new female tops far better than we do male tops in many instances. Much like we've had discussion on how a question is asked will contribute to the result, I suggest to you (general you) that the who (or the gender of the who) can sway the responses as well.

Abso-frickin'-lutely!

I have seen male submissives come here and ask a question in a fairly respectful manner and there will still be those that wish to slight the attempt.

I would like to be able to honestly say that it is solely limited to this lifestyle or this website but, it is not.

Just a quick example would be: a guy and his lady, out at a dance club. The guy is a bit "possessive". A young lady starts dancing, provocatively with his lady on the dance floor and he's already fantasizing about the positions he'll have them both in by the end of the night.

Let a male do the same thing and there just might be punches thrown.

Kudos on this post and thank you for being willing to stand up in the face of a rising tide that's steadily headed toward you.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

I'd also like to c-mail you.

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 55

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/29/2012 2:41:09 AM

Thaz

Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

Just a quick example would be: a guy and his lady, out at a dance club. The guy is a bit "possessive". A young lady starts dancing, provocatively with his lady on the dance floor and he's already fantasizing about the positions he'll have them both in by the end of the night.

Let a male do the same thing and there just might be punches thrown.

True. However I would argue that trying to ignore that there are differences between the sexes and of course people in generall is also silly and unrealistic. Some people may be able to override those hardwired reactions :- Another sexy girl is another possible mate, another guy is a riva at least to that inner cave man that lurks in many modern day manl. Many who can silence that caveman will still not be happy about it. I wouldnt be. I couldnt be in a poly relationship where I shared a woman. It would drive my inner caveman nuts and lead to unhappyness for everyone concerned. Others can and more power to them, obviously more evolved than me! Cucks really get off on it and thats cool as well.

Of course not being happy is a very different thing to resorting to violence!

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Profile

Post #: 56

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/29/2012 2:49:54 AM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelinChainz

First off this is not a rant nor am I trying to be snide. I am serious about this question. I love all body types and respect everyone's choice in what they choose to look like and who they find attractive.
I have a serious question for Doms/Masters that will not accept BBW sub/slaves. If you met a lady that had everything you wanted in her attitude, disposition and willingness to submit would you be willing to help her transform her physical body into what you would find pleasing? I am talking about a safe weight loss program involving diet and exercise. Plus your control/Dominance over her as your property, not to mention her deep desire to please you, as a motivating factor. Even all the way to helping her get financing for weight loss surgery, which has become much safer and allows many options. Speaking for myself I know that with the drive of my Master/Owner behind me, as well as his support, pride, and even rewards for doing well would be a huge boost.
Now of course me personally, I WANT to lose the weight already first for health reasons and second because I am not happy with my body. I am absolutely NOT talking about forcing someone to do this because it would please you. A person absolutely has to WANT to change and have the desire within them to be successful. This is just something that popped into my mind and I would like to get your views on it. TY

I'm sure lots of Doms wouldn't accept a BMW.

I like Chryslers myself.

(in reply to AngelinChainz)

Profile

Post #: 57

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/29/2012 5:34:05 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelinChainz

First off this is not a rant nor am I trying to be snide. I am serious about this question. I love all body types and respect everyone's choice in what they choose to look like and who they find attractive.
I have a serious question for Doms/Masters that will not accept BBW sub/slaves. If you met a lady that had everything you wanted in her attitude, disposition and willingness to submit would you be willing to help her transform her physical body into what you would find pleasing? I am talking about a safe weight loss program involving diet and exercise. Plus your control/Dominance over her as your property, not to mention her deep desire to please you, as a motivating factor. Even all the way to helping her get financing for weight loss surgery, which has become much safer and allows many options. Speaking for myself I know that with the drive of my Master/Owner behind me, as well as his support, pride, and even rewards for doing well would be a huge boost.
Now of course me personally, I WANT to lose the weight already first for health reasons and second because I am not happy with my body. I am absolutely NOT talking about forcing someone to do this because it would please you. A person absolutely has to WANT to change and have the desire within them to be successful. This is just something that popped into my mind and I would like to get your views on it. TY

I have not read the other responses.

For many people, it is simply a matter of preference of a body type.
Someone who carries more weight does not turn some people on the way a thinner person does.

It is no different than some people loving redheads, or blondes or brunettes.
Yes, it may well be "shallow" but it is also very, very human.

[My] Master does not mind BBWs, and I suspect it is because weight is something he has struggled with.

I know that some people are less than kind about other people's weight, and I think that is unnecessary.
Some dominant men seek out BBWs to belittle, and if degradation is a part of someone's kink then good for them; it would not work for me.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to AngelinChainz)

Profile

Post #: 58

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/29/2012 6:40:56 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

I was a skinny teen and young adult, and I hated it for me as a
black woman I had no backside at all no chest at all, just skin and bones!

I could wear a vest open, with two buttons and I could jump or move
one my side no one ever fell out!

Now when my twin came back to the east coast she was plush, full body
with breast so big and I was in shock, I was anorxia! That was the moment I
became me!!

I love my soft body, my soft skin and I love to walk down the street and feel my ass
gently moving with me!

It is sexy to have flesh and curves!

But as I was not born with a larger mouth, it is small , but I have long for Chaka Khan mouth
watch out what we wish for! I had an allergy reaction to some meds and guess what............
I had her mouth for a month no it did not go with my face and it was a nightmare!

But I do not think slim or slender women are bad it to each it's own and if you do
not love yourself no one, no matter how you look will love you back!

With a soft sun dress the wind feels "mighty fine" and that is me!

Oh yes only lipstick I am good to go

Mons

(in reply to ARIES83)

Profile

Post #: 59

RE: Doms that do not accept BBWs - 7/30/2012 1:40:46 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
I'd also like to c-mail you.

I hadn't seen this at first. Sure. Feel free. I never have a problem with mail from the forum folks.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Profile

Post #: 60