RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER!

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RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/7/2012 11:09:57 AM

Posts: 115
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

Speaking of castration guy, I had one of those recently who presented me with this pic. Yanno, just ONCE I would like to see a castration cartoon where the guy awaits his 'snip' with his penis a shriveled little turtle-head trying to hide up inside his body. Why are the castration pics ALWAYS of some ridiculously giant-sized dick spraying cum while the domme approaches him with scissors when everybody knows they would run screaming in terror if it actually was about to HAPPEN? Would someone PLEASE find me a pic of a terrified dude with shrunken peen? That's what I REALLY want to see...

Ha! The little hearts over his head are a nice touch. And WTF, is she indeed 7 feet tall, or is he a dwarf?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissRynn

I must say it's probably the 'hi' messages I've received over the years, so unique, intriguing and filled with mystery. I got one today that said 'Hi I'm a sub male from -' and my first thought was to respond with 'that's great for you, what do you want? A medal?' but just deleted it.

I generally play dumb with those types. If they write, "hi," I write, "hi," back. I use the same number of words, same capitalization, same punctuation. I'll play with them for a while sending minimalist messages to match their minimalist messages until they either figure out that they need to put some effort in or they get tired of it. I've had a few question me on why I say so little, and I tell them if they expect a conversation, they need to learn to carry their end of it. Usually silence after that, heh.

If I'm in a cat-playing-with-a-rude-mouse mood, I like to toy with the ones who send me ridiculous wank fantasy or flat out rude messages by playing along at first, then gradually amping up my responses to become more and more ludicrous until they realize I'm mocking them (of course, some of them are so dense that they never catch on--I even told one once "I'M MAKING FUN OF YOU, THIS ISN'T REAL" and he still kept trying to get me to move to AZ to be his latex cow slave). I'm generally a nice person, but if they feel it's ok to spam my inbox with their disgusting drivel without even bothering to look at my profile, I feel it's ok to ridicule them.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/7/2012 11:27:52 AM

Posts: 115
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline

Some of my favorites, in no particular order:

"do me a favor stay here for longer than a week and message me on and off that seems to be the longest average communication a fly by night has" followed by an introduction of himself and what he's looking for. Right, because calling me a fake automatically puts you in my favor.

"hey i live close and is willing to get to know u as ur slave" ...and this was at the time I had a disclaimer in my profile that I can't stand text speak.

A long and rambling message telling me how he was ready to move into my house immediately to do all the housework, be a forced bi slave to my husband (who is straight), submit himself to my sadistic desires even though he has flashbacks from being a veteran and even though he isn't a masochist, and this lovely bit, too: "No "complications".i am the "ideal"slave, i have no family or connections of any kind.So unlike many other "slaves"no one will Q you why poor little Suzy or jimmy...has got "belt welts" all over the ribs.You wont have to look over your shoulder,or explain to irate relatives when they come knocking at your door.Which will also add considerably to your pleasure. .... 4D free.My prior "exp" in this was in an orphanage.was used by a child molester director & his wife....many years ago.All D checks have been negative. Intellectual...stimulation.WOW! more big words!Dont you just love me?:o)!& science?i have a bs in biology,& love A.Clark, & other such likes....which reminds me...your " DNAHelicase" must refer to your oversexed dominate predisposition (wow too much ...you really WANT me...dont you?) And since i probably have more of that from a submissively speaking DNA angle,together with my very early exposure to this lifestyle(childhood imprinting?)i think i may indeed be your "designer"dream...slave.But whatever i yet lack ...im sure you will have pleasure in correcting...(good thing im a fast learner too)."

And I just got this little gem a few days ago. "hi miss...ever seen a guy fuck his peehole with a pen?" I replied, "Why would I want to?" and that shut him up. :)

(in reply to DNAHelicase)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/7/2012 11:50:31 AM

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Lol, love the 'No Complications' [hellO, married dude!], although not as much as the 'No Drama' from guys who cause drama.

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to DNAHelicase)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/7/2012 12:14:35 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DNAHelicase

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

Speaking of castration guy, I had one of those recently who presented me with this pic. Yanno, just ONCE I would like to see a castration cartoon where the guy awaits his 'snip' with his penis a shriveled little turtle-head trying to hide up inside his body. Why are the castration pics ALWAYS of some ridiculously giant-sized dick spraying cum while the domme approaches him with scissors when everybody knows they would run screaming in terror if it actually was about to HAPPEN? Would someone PLEASE find me a pic of a terrified dude with shrunken peen? That's what I REALLY want to see...

Ha! The little hearts over his head are a nice touch. And WTF, is she indeed 7 feet tall, or is he a dwarf?

Oh!!! I so rudely forgot to include his SECOND pic...what happens AFTER his balls are snipped. Enjoy?!

(in reply to DNAHelicase)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/7/2012 12:17:20 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Dammit! Thanks for encouraging Me to have a closer look to see if a cartoon man still has his junk. My revenge will be coming someday.

Has anybody happened to notice and increase in those silly pics since this thread started? Please tell Me I'm not the only one.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/7/2012 12:20:39 PM

Posts: 115
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

Oh!!! I so rudely forgot to include his SECOND pic...what happens AFTER his balls are snipped. Enjoy?!

He looks tiny enough to crawl up inside her. And again, I like the nice little artist touch of drawing his empty, dangling sac there. I just noticed that in the first picture, you can also see one of his testicles sitting in the little tray on the table. lulz

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/7/2012 1:41:07 PM

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Eurgh.

Didn't notice the post-op kidney dish, too busy realising those stirrups/leg supports look just as uncomfortable as in real life.

Edited to add:
But he gets the cushion?
Unrealistic! [pounds gavel, deliberately misses what he doesn't want us to miss].

< Message edited by Tantriqu -- 9/7/2012 1:42:35 PM >

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to DNAHelicase)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/7/2012 2:02:05 PM

Posts: 49
Joined: 7/2/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Edited to add:
But he gets the cushion?
Unrealistic! [pounds gavel, deliberately misses what he doesn't want us to miss].

Give the poor guy a break, he has just had his testicles removed.

(in reply to Tantriqu)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/7/2012 2:27:20 PM

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Wait ages for a doc [or Domme! or Dr. Domme!] with your legs spread in steel stirrups, *then* we'll talk...

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to plesto)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/8/2012 3:18:11 AM

BlackTigerDragon

Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

quote:

ORIGINAL: DNAHelicase

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

Speaking of castration guy, I had one of those recently who presented me with this pic. Yanno, just ONCE I would like to see a castration cartoon where the guy awaits his 'snip' with his penis a shriveled little turtle-head trying to hide up inside his body. Why are the castration pics ALWAYS of some ridiculously giant-sized dick spraying cum while the domme approaches him with scissors when everybody knows they would run screaming in terror if it actually was about to HAPPEN? Would someone PLEASE find me a pic of a terrified dude with shrunken peen? That's what I REALLY want to see...

Ha! The little hearts over his head are a nice touch. And WTF, is she indeed 7 feet tall, or is he a dwarf?

Oh!!! I so rudely forgot to include his SECOND pic...what happens AFTER his balls are snipped. Enjoy?!

This actually looks very awkward. Is that cushion in fact on a stool? The stool looks very far away. He would fall straight onto his face if he were in that position. He wouldn't even be there long enough to look at her lady bits. He would probably ever smash his head open on the floor.
This artists clearly knows nothing about anatomy or even gravity.

Edit: And does the artist know what the word 'perspective' means? It's all over the fucking place!

< Message edited by BlackTigerDragon -- 9/8/2012 3:20:21 AM >

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/8/2012 6:04:18 AM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Dammit! Thanks for encouraging Me to have a closer look to see if a cartoon man still has his junk. My revenge will be coming someday.

Has anybody happened to notice and increase in those silly pics since this thread started? Please tell Me I'm not the only one.

Oh, honey, you are the only one. You are so very very all alone in this kink world, what you do is atrociously sick.....

Your friend,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/8/2012 1:19:43 PM

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

We have a NEW WINNER/LOSER!
If you're trying to pick up a Domme:
a) don't list yourself as a dom and say you're a sub;
b) don't be married; and
C) don't be married to someone she works with!
An oldie but a goodie: 3rd time!, and still not a charm.

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/13/2012 2:45:15 PM

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

C) don't be married to someone she works with!

lol!

"I saw you list as a Domme and I love Asian women, so I was hoping you'd agree to cam me. I would have been happy to pay"

Yea, because money'd make Asian women agree to anything *rolls eyes*

(in reply to Tantriqu)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/13/2012 3:16:28 PM

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

OK, ladies, let's hear 'em. Only rule is that they have to have been directed to you.

I'll start [most recent one]: 'Yeah, married, have two kids -- but we don't like each other and I'll leave anyway.'

Wow!

I always found "fuck you cunt, I never liked you" was a good indicator he wasn't that in to you.

(in reply to Tantriqu)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/13/2012 5:02:41 PM

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

Oh!!! I so rudely forgot to include his SECOND pic...what happens AFTER his balls are snipped. Enjoy?!

Okay........How did you get hold of my holiday photos ?

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/13/2012 7:05:22 PM

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Are you searching for your mug of tea in that second pic, PS?

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to Politesub53)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/14/2012 11:35:43 AM

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Are you searching for your mug of tea in that second pic, PS?

No silly, I`m looking for the milkman.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/14/2012 11:40:45 AM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Further up, hon. Hope that helps.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Politesub53)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/14/2012 4:13:58 PM

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Further up, hon. Hope that helps.

Hey...... Thanks for the help but I like to be thorough.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Worst. Domme. Pickup Line. EVER! - 9/16/2012 8:14:57 AM

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

I love Oglaf!
Absolutely an illustration of an e-mail I received yesterday from a smart-ass bottom; if only the guilty party was a dude!

http://oglaf.com/submission/

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to ARIES83)

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