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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 12:56:10 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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I would tentatively say yes, because I love him so much, but it's difficult to say for sure since I can't imagine us as a non-D/s couple. My only other serious relationship was vanilla, I wouldn't have done it for her, but there were lots of other relationship issues there: she did NOT have my best interests at heart.

I would seriously consider them at the very least, if it meant that much to him I probably would go through with it. I see cutting my hair etc as a fairly minor thing that I would do for a partner. Again, it comes down to intention and the rest of the relationship. If I was confident they still loved me for me, that's the main thing. And of course, that makes them less likely to ask, so it's a circular argument I suppose.

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 1:29:12 PM

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Ideally, I would want a DOM to be not only OKAY with me, but OKAY with himself. I understand "preferences", but that should be determined up front.

I've been in "pleaser mode" to the extreme, and it was a disaster. I would, however, engage in the conversation, and decide on preferences mutually.

I guess it boils down to respect for eachother...

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 1:55:59 PM

onlyfreelycaged

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If my owner wanted it, I'd up for anything that won't change my lifestyle too much, and won't effect my employment. Mostly the stuff that I don't want is face tattoos and weight control. (I'm finally mostly happy with my weight/what I can eat balance.)

With my play partners... I'm willing to do a bit of catering as far as looks goes. If they have a fondness for high heals, and red lipstick, I'll be more likely to do that around them.

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 3:45:21 PM

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Very interesting thread!

I've shaved pubic hair because he prefers it that way, even though I do not. It's just part of the dynamic, and it does not hurt me at all. He has mentioned getting a tattoo, which is permanent so I am not as blase about that idea. Would I do it, though? Yes. Here is what I would not do, under any circumstances--plastic surgery or drastic weight reduction. The prior has to do with my personal attitude and about bodies and body respect. The latter has to do with personal issues from childhood that I would never, ever want to repeat.

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 3:48:20 PM

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It is really hard for me, and perhaps impossible, to take health concerns out of it because that is a really big part of this.

Either way, it is a hard question to answer. It really depends. My first thought is "anything" but that of course doesn't include things that would harm/damage me--and a big part of that is of course health concerns.

Gaining or losing 40lbs would be unhealthy for me, which to us falls under the category of "harmful/damaging." As long as the weight my Master wanted me to gain or lose was within a healthy range though, I'd do it. I might have a hard time accepting it, and I will admit my thoughts would be in a bad place with feelings of inadequacy that he did not like me as I am, but I would try to understand and I'd be willing to change to suit his preferences.

I already cut my hair the way he likes it, and I shave my body hair how he wants me to. I'd have no issue changing either of those if his preference changed. I'd feel a little reluctant to have my head shaved, but I'd do it for him no problem.

I have sensitive skin so dying my hair might be an issue depending on what chemicals were used in the product, but I would be willing to dye my hair for him if that's what he wanted. Not happy about it, but oh well.

I'd be willing to do piercings, though I wouldn't want to and I'd definitely be squeamish about getting them done. He actually generally hates piercings, so I'd be surprised if his opinion changed on that.

Tattoos, brands, sure. However, something like a forehead tattoo or an image that would somehow damage my ability to find employment or be part of society wouldn't be ok. He has my best interests at heart and would not attempt to have something like that done to me. Currently we're mutually planning a tattoo with great personal meaning that will go on both of our chests.

Plastic surgery is a bit of a complex one. Surgery for health reasons (we've contemplated breast reduction due to strain on my back) would be just fine. Outside of that, though, depending on what it was specifically, I'd be incredibly hurt and conflicted about it. To want to permanently change very concrete things about me, it would be hard for me not to look at that as an indication that he did not like me as I am/did not love me for me. To feel that way strongly in the long term would be very unhealthy for me, psychologically. And if for instance he wanted to completely change my face, which would give me significant loss to who and what I am, the "me" factor...I don't think I'd be able to accept that simply because what that says to me is that he does not love me for me. And his opinion on plastic surgery is similar: he has no respect for it (except in cases where it is necessary--facial reconstruction after injury, etc.) and sees it as disrespectful to yourself and who you are. His intentions matter and impact me greatly, of course, as always. And I know that he would never want to change me--physically or otherwise--in such a way that I would no longer be me.

Basically what it comes down to is this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
If I was confident they still loved me for me, that's the main thing. And of course, that makes them less likely to ask, so it's a circular argument I suppose.

I do have a concept of personal identity as far as my body is concerned, but mostly, above all else, his concept/image of what "attractive" is is what is important to me. I want to be that image. If that means changing, so be it.

And of course, all of this is because this is him, the man I love with all of my heart. I can't really imagine me not having the motivation to submit to and please him, so I can't say whether or not I'd do these things for him if we lacked the authority dynamic; but I am inclined to say yes, because my desire to please him stems from how much I love him.

< Message edited by RaspberryLemon -- 9/25/2012 3:51:31 PM >

(in reply to gungadin09)

RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 4:22:56 PM

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Yer, I like deciding a partners hair color/style ect...
As for "body", I've had girlfriends that were a bit
chubby, I just drag them along to the exercise stuff
I do, I like having the company anyway.

And as for diet well... I eat pretty healthy most the
time so anyone who eats meals with me will be
eating the same stuff in theory.

I don't think D/s changes the fact that if you live in
a healthy active situation with people who are a
positive influence, you are likley to become healthy
and active.

-Aries

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 4:37:52 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

... to change your body, if your Dominant wanted it? For the purposes of this argument, lets ignore any money or health concerns. Would it matter very much if the person's ideal body image were quite different from your own? Would you lose, or gain, 40 pounds if they wanted it? Dye your hair? Shave your hair? Plastic surgery? For dominants, have you ever required your sub to change their body image?

Pam

Not far..

I would grow my long hair longer (I would NOT cut it short or all off tho), and my hair is fine so coloring it has sever limitations, I could only change it a few shades.. I would grow a landing strip (since I like no hair if i am single), maybe plastic surgery if it was also what I wanted done, I would NOT gain weight for anyone, I would lose weight up to a point if the goal was reasonable..

In the past I had a Dom that wanted me to lose weight even tho I my body was atheletic and I worked out twice a day which imo was a difficult or almost unattainable goal to be skinnier, that same Dom wanted me to get piercings which i got two done (even badly fainted with the first one) but no, I would NOT get any more piercings.. Imo, he was the type of Dom that would never be pleased or satisfied, so imo he would have wanted more piercings (painful ones like nips) and too skinny.. So anything a Dom would want would have to both be reasonable/attainable and something I wanted myself anyway (or something I had no opinion on)..

What I might have done in the past is not the way it is or the way I am now.. I have pulled back from the 24/7 sub/slave thing quite a bit..

< Message edited by tj444 -- 9/25/2012 4:39:29 PM >

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 6:23:36 PM

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This another one of these questions I dont understand!!

Why in hells name would you date someone you didn't like ??

If you want certain traits find someone with them.

(in reply to ServosCor)

RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 6:30:19 PM

pyschosubmission

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To answer this seriously though, I'd be willing to do anything that could be categorised as "self-improvement"

[smug]
Thankfully though I have a partner that I not only trust, but know has my best interests at heart, as I have hers

[/smug]

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 6:45:14 PM

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Yeah, not very far. If I didn't already have their ideal body image, etc., I wished them well with their search.

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 8:24:03 PM

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Nope. Mainly because if he needs to change me that much, it shows that he doesn't like me. And I'm not interested in being with someone who isn't ever going to be happy. If he needs something that different than me, then he should go look for someone who really does embody his fantasy. While I should look for someone who finds me his fantasy come to life.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 9/25/2012 8:35:33 PM >

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 8:47:39 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

This another one of these questions I dont understand!!

Why in hells name would you date someone you didn't like ??

If you want certain traits find someone with them.

I think for some Doms its a game of sorts.. like how far can i push her.. isnt that what pushing her limits is about? while some girls accept having their limits pushed.. and pushed.. and pushed, the thought of someone trying to push mine makes me cringe, I dig in my heels and become stubborn like mule..

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 8:59:17 PM

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Even if we were "vanilla" I would still do anything he asked of me. For me dominance is a personality trait, not a bdsm role. It wouldn't matter to me if he knew or didn't know about bdsm. I am a submissive personality to my partner in whatever text you want to take it in.

The way I see it is that my body is not my own. It is Master's to do with as he wishes. Yes, there are things he wants of me that I totally cringe and I'm even scared to death to have happen but I would do it anyway because it makes him happy.

We always say here that why would someone choose someone else they already didn't like? That's true. He already liked me when he met me but over the years one's body and emotions change. I gained weight over the last few years. He's not thrilled with it and neither am I. So, being something I wasn't when he first met me plays a large part in how we are attracted to each other. He likes skinny gals. I'm not so skinny anymore. Why wouldn't I change that for him? It's how I was when he first met me. I could use the excuse that as we reach middle age we gain weight, our emotions change about things, our health goes downhill, but I can't use that excuse because for both of us these things can still be changed. It just may require harder work.

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 9:16:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

... to change your body, if your Dominant wanted it? For the purposes of this argument, lets ignore any money or health concerns. Would it matter very much if the person's ideal body image were quite different from your own? Would you lose, or gain, 40 pounds if they wanted it? Dye your hair? Shave your hair? Plastic surgery? For dominants, have you ever required your sub to change their body image?

Pam

Yeah, sure. Whatever he wants. The outside is just what's holding 'me' all together. I trust the man with my life, health, finances, future.. I'm going to quibble over some hair somewhere or what color it is? A little nip/tuck to tighten up the seams - not a problem.

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 9:41:43 PM

tj444

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so? if thats the case then he isnt pushing your limits.. Like I said in a previous post, if it was something I wanted too and not unreasonable then sure, i would do it.. losing a few pounds if you could stand to lose them isnt a bad thing, it should help most peoples health and reduce the risk of diabetes and other diseases of being overweight.. Yes, people do change over the years.. both sub and Dom would benefit by keeping both their weights a healthy one.. that would go for vanilla couples also, of course..

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 9:57:20 PM

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I feel like somebody that wanted me to gain 40lbs would not have my best interests at heart, health-wise. I'm pushing the health-overweight line on the BMI chart as it is, even with healthy eating and regular exercise. As far as losing the weight - I've been 35lbs lighter than my current weight before, and had to basically starve myself to get there and couldn't maintain it because I like to, you know, have energy. It was not very healthy. I don't think I could really trust a dominant that wanted to do things that harmed my health.

For the other stuff... I stopped dying my hair and grew it out a bit ("long enough to grab", i.e. no pixie-cuts) a long time ago for him, so that's not too big of a deal. I wouldn't have a problem with a tattoo or piercing either, unless they were things that would negatively affect my ability to get a job.

But that's because it's him. I know he loves me for who I am and doesn't want or expect me to change on any fundamental level. I just wouldn't be happy with someone that wanted to change me into someone totally different, and things would never have gotten to the point where things like tattoos were even a question in the first place.

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 10:31:53 PM

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I'd be willing to do a little plastic surgery, some piercings, maybe a tattoo. I'd dye my hair if he really wanted, but I'm a natural blonde, so that looks pretty good on me.

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 11:22:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

... to change your body, if your Dominant wanted it? For the purposes of this argument, lets ignore any money or health concerns. Would it matter very much if the person's ideal body image were quite different from your own? Would you lose, or gain, 40 pounds if they wanted it? Dye your hair? Shave your hair? Plastic surgery? For dominants, have you ever required your sub to change their body image?

Pam

His ideal body image is petite and blonde. I'm not that but hey, he loves me, he chose to own me, and he enjoys this relationship. So if he doesn't like what he chose for himself, well that's on him. He does get his blonde fix from time to time, though, as I'll explain below.

However.....

Weight: I've lost 95. Not just for him, but for me, and for us. I had started losing before we met - had just lost about 20 when we met. I have about 10 to go. He's been nothing but supportive and encouraging along the way, so having me gain half of it back isn't realistic. Plus, not only am I getting closer to his preferred size, which he'll benefit from, he likes the sense of happiness and pride this weight loss has brought to me.

Hair: I just cut it - shorter than I've had it in ages. For him. And I'm going red next month. For him. It's something he wants to see me in, so no biggy. He's been loving me for over 3 years as a long-haired brunette so I'm pretty sure we're over the "love me for who I am" thing. He's mentioned turning me blonde but my hair stylist refuses - ha. He'll have to take that up with her.

Meanwhile, I do sport a cute blonde wig for him for time to time. It's his fantasy girl. He's even named her.

Shaving: Well I wax for him, does that count?

Plastic Surgery: When I reach goal weight I'm having a breast reduction. This is my request, though, because I can't stand carrying around what's on top and my back and neck and shoulders are pretty tired of it, too. He told me he loves me as-is, but will allow me the reduction. I'm pretty sure he's going to like it, too.

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/25/2012 11:42:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

This another one of these questions I dont understand!!

Why in hells name would you date someone you didn't like ??

If you want certain traits find someone with them.

Well, what prompted the question is that I saw someone with "dollification" listed as a kink. (I had to google "dollification", but it turns out that it means, basically, determining an ideal body type and having the sub change their body to match it. Then I started wondering what would happen if the Dominant chose a body type the sub didn't like, etc. Plus, there have been a number of body image threads recently. It got me thinking. I reckon most people are willing to make small changes for their partners, but how far would they be willing to go?

For the record, I shaved my head because it's what my play partner wanted. (I kept it shaved because I took a fancy to it.) Other than that, I have "no permanent marks" as a limit, which would include tattoos and plastic surgery, if it ever came up.

Pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 9/25/2012 11:44:08 PM >

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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 9/26/2012 4:15:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

This another one of these questions I dont understand!!

Why in hells name would you date someone you didn't like ??

If you want certain traits find someone with them.

And I don't understand this very vanilla attitude on a site like this. Wtf, date someone I don't like????

Hair is a trait? Or a deal breaker? If I want a girl with longer hair, I need to find one who already has it? Then there's that other hair I mentioned.... Not having X-ray vision, wellll...., you see the obvious problem that might present, no?

I mentioned this general negative attitude to (minor) change in my second post (2 middle aged subs I knew) and am now seeing it all over this thread.

What does "submissive" even mean to the errrrr...., more mature subs?

Focus.

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